Dark Solace (20 page)

The silence stretched between us. The longer
it went on, the more uncomfortable I became.

“Why are you over there?” I said finally.
“Why did you get out of bed?”

Lash cleared his throat. “Because I can’t
sleep next to you anymore. When you rekindled my youth, you also
rekindled my sex drive.”

I bit my lip, searching for an answer that
didn’t sound like a rebuff.

Lash took my silence for disbelief. “You
didn’t know me in my youth,” he said, amused. “I feel like I’m
twenty again. It is all I can do to stay over here.”

“I didn’t notice it had ever lessened,” I
teased.

“I hadn’t been with anyone since you, Sar,”
Lash replied. “Some of that was choice. But some of that was I no
longer felt any desire for it.” He paused. “All that’s changed with
everything else.”

I said nothing, but thought he had to be
lying. He had sure felt like sex the moment he saw me outside his
tent. And now he was making it obvious that he wanted me to tell
him to come back to bed. The truth I had to face was that I did
want him.

Whatever had drawn me to Lash in the first
place had faded when The Lust left me. But there was something
about him now that called to me, and it wasn’t his new, sexy
appearance, either. I was surprised when I admitted it to myself,
though I shouldn’t have been surprised at all, not after what I’d
just gone through to save him. It was that I cared about him.

I hadn’t come here to save him because he’d
been my lover months ago, or because I felt I owed him, or even for
Dev’s sake. I’d come because I liked him, and I wanted there to be
more times we were together, more times we spent laying in the sun,
or laughing over South Park. He was my friend, sure, but he was
more than that, too. Wrong as it was, I felt more for him than a
friend would. And I wanted to show him what I felt for him. I
wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to run my hands over his body. I
wanted to feel him touch me the same way. I hadn’t been able to do
much but lie there with him when I was giving him my blood. Now I
was recovered, I wanted to be with him again, to feel his scales
under my hands at least one more time.

I fought the desire down. What the hell was I
thinking? I had enough to explain when I got home. Titus had
covered this up, sure, but no secret was going to last for long
against the threesome of Danial, Dev, and Theo. They were going to
find out, sooner or later. Theo was going to be furious. Danial was
going to be furious too, probably. Devlin, him I’d leave to Lash,
but he was not going to be happy. He’d not liked me even smelling
like Lash when he knew we hadn’t been doing anything but lying on a
rock together, not touching.

So what was the point of playing the virgin
princess now? We’d already been together several times. Theo would
not be any less angry about it, no one would. What was one more
nail in the coffin now?

I sat there in the darkness, hating my life.
The feeling was intense, and I was surprised how dissatisfied I
was. I hadn’t felt this way last night when I’d come to save Lash.
I’d been happy then; happy to be living with Theo, happy I’d been
on my way to see Danial, happy that Devlin was recovering and would
soon be his old self again. Well, that last one was maybe more
relieved than happy. But I had been happy, hadn’t I?

Now, I was absolutely livid, feeling trapped
again, like I had no choices. I hated that I couldn’t tell Devlin
that I cared for him, but I wanted a life apart from his. How long
would it really be until he was fucking someone else again? His
kind never changed.

I hated that I couldn’t tell Theo that I was
done with his jealousy, and his endless judging of me. I loved him,
that hadn’t changed, but I’d reached my breaking point with his
wanting me to be the woman he had fallen in love with. I wasn’t
that woman anymore, and I was tired of him wanting me to be her,
because I couldn’t be her. She had died the day I’d given Devlin my
Oath last December. It was time Theo faced that she was gone, and
that the woman he called his wife now would never again be only
his.

And I even hated Danial a little, for always
putting his company first, for always acting like he needed me so
much, and yet not being willing to give me his top priority. For a
man who was always telling me not to leave him, where was he most
of the time when I’d been living with him these last few months?
Out traveling on jobs, and working in his office for hours
straight.

In finally admitting all this to myself, I
saw a few things with clarity. I loved them all, in varying
degrees. And if something didn’t change in a few months, we’d be
right back where we’d been in January. They’d be fighting over me,
and I’d be wanting to run; hell, I already did. But I couldn’t
leave Devlin or Danial without dying, and I didn’t want to leave
Theo and little Devon...

It was too much. It was all too fucking much.
I wanted something for myself, something for myself that was just
for me, that was for no other reason than I wanted it.

I swallowed hard. “Lash, come back to bed. I
want you to.”

My words echoed in the darkness, and the
silence stretched.

Finally, he spoke, each word agonized. “No, I
can’t.”

I hadn’t seen that one coming. It took me a
while to formulate a reply. “Do you not want me, now that you’re so
much younger than I am? Or are you worried Dev won’t understand?”
Those both seemed wrong, but I was at a loss.

“Neither,” he hissed curtly, his fangs
obviously back. “I need to shift forms. When you renewed my body,
you renewed both forms of it. The snake side is calling me to
change and shed my skin. But I can’t leave you alone for the hours
that would take, and I don’t dare fall asleep with you next to me,
because if I shift form in my sleep, forget where I am and can’t
see, I might bite you. My poison is back to what it once was:
lethal.”

There was something else going on here,
besides what he’d said. But whatever it was, he needed my help
again. “Shift, and I’ll help you get it off. Once it’s over your
eyes, you should be okay to see me.”

There was a long silence.

“Turn on the light,” Lash said finally. “And
grab the piece of rock I brought in with us tonight.”

I reached for the light switch, and turned it
on. The rock was on the nightstand, and I picked it up in my hands.
I’d wondered why he’d brought this in tonight.

Something moved the covers at the bottom of
the bed. Then a flat wedge shaped head slid up and over the bottom
of the bed. Lash put out his tongue, and flicked it at me quickly.
Then he was sliding up the bed to me, weaving back and forth.

All the weres I’d seen until now had been
normal in size. Cia, Aran, and Ivan were regular foxes. Theo, Elle,
and Nineva were normal-sized lions. The various grizzly bears might
have been more powerful than normal bears, but they were also no
larger than ordinary bears. Lash was not, unless most water
moccasins were fifteen feet long and over ten inches at least in
diameter.

He was dull black to my eyes at first, but as
he got closer, I saw he did have a pattern on his scales: the
background a tan color, with darker blotches and bands of brown and
black all down his body. He had a stripe across each eye, and there
was a ridge over each, too, making him look angry and dangerous.
Covering all of him was a heavy filminess. His eyesight had to be
impaired if not completely obstructed. He was most likely coming to
me by scent alone.

As I watched him slide closer, I felt a
little shiver of fear. I’d handled smaller snakes, saved them from
being hurt by cars and tractors. But those snakes had been two feet
long at most. None of them had ever been poisonous.

He coiled himself up on the bed, and I held
out the rock to him. He flicked his tongue out at me, and then
began to rub himself on it. As he rubbed, I saw the skin on his
head detach here and there, then split. With a little more rubbing,
he had loosened it enough that the edges of the silvery grey skin
began folding back, the new skin of his snout showing through. But
the thick skin was still covering his eyes.

He moved closer to me, nudging my hand.
Carefully, I reached out and grabbed the skin, holding the edges in
both hands. Lash strained forward. Slowly the skin peeled off him,
uncovering his eyes. He turned to me and waited, flicking his
tongue at me, his eyes cold and flat.

“Do you want me to hold it, so we can try to
get it all off, or do you want me to let it go?” I asked. It was
bad to pull a partly shed skin off of a snake before it was ready
to come off. I didn’t want to hurt him, in case the skin wasn’t
loose enough. I might rip loose a few scales, or even wound
him.

He just looked at me, and flicked his tongue.
I took that as a sign I should let go. I released my hands, letting
go of the skin.

He shook his head, flicking his tongue at
me.

Apparently, I’d been wrong. I reached out
again, grabbing the edges of his skin. Again he moved forward,
slowly slithering out of the skin inch by inch, his new scales
lifting free one by one.

It was close to two hours before the last bit
came free of his tail as he dropped off the bed to the floor. I
gathered it up and put it on the table, as I wasn’t sure what to do
with it. Putting it in the garbage seemed wrong somehow.

As I sat back on the bed, Lash reared up on
the floor, and looked up at me. Then he slithered fast up the side
of the bed and over to me. Before I could react, he was twined up
my waist and over my breasts, his long muscular body wrapped around
mine, his head in front of mine, looking me in the eyes. He opened
his mouth slowly, revealing his deadly looking hooked fangs, the
white lining of his mouth shining. Seeing that, I remembered the
other name for his species of snake: Cottonmouth.

I shivered, thinking how dead I’d be if he
bit me just once.

Lash retracted his fangs, and then opened his
mouth to close it softly on my hand. I felt his tongue tickling me,
then wrapping around my little finger.

“You’re beautiful,” I said, stroking him with
one hand. “But I need to lay back. You’d better move.”

Lash again moved like lightning, leaving my
body and coiling himself up on the bed beside me, his glossy new
skin shining brightly in the light of the lamp. His scales had an
intricate pattern of brown, black and tan. It made sense now why he
had wanted to see me in those colors.

“Hold still,” I said.

He moved his head under my hand, rubbing
against me softly. I picked what I could of him up, and lay back
with him on the bed, settling his body down on my lap. He was
surprisingly heavy, so much dense muscle just beneath the warm
scaly skin. He seemed content to lie there, not moving except for
flicking his tongue every minute or so. I held him for a while,
running my hands over him affectionately

I couldn’t coil with him as he had wanted me
to. This would have to do.

All at once, I felt him convulse under my
hands and he began to shift back to human form. He shortened and
thickened, and then his tail split, becoming legs, as his arms
appeared to grow from his sides. Then his scales faded, to be
replaced by his tan skin and black hair. I held him more and more
loosely as he shifted, but soon I had a very human-looking Lash in
my arms, lying on his side next to me.

“Thank you,” he said, relieved. “I hate when
I have to shed, and can’t see. Devlin usually helps me with
it.”

“It’s okay,” I said softly, kissing him
gently on the forehead. “It was neat, to see you as a snake. I’d
always wondered how you looked, what pattern your scales would
have—”

He gripped my arm hard with his hand, and
whispered softly. “Is your invitation still open?”

I knew I shouldn’t. That was a given. But he
wanted me, I wanted him, and I didn’t care about anything else.

“You know it won’t be the same with me now,”
I said gently, touching his shoulder. “I’m a lot more reserved
usually, when I’m not under the control of The Lust.”

“You are still who you are,” he said gently,
running his hand down my arm. “I would want you just as much if you
were covered with mud and sweat as you were that day at
Hayden.”

“I’m saying you may find me not as
exciting—”

He looked up at me, rolling his eyes a
little. “If I was any more excited, I’d be vibrating. You’ve seen
my body ready for yours for the last twenty-four hours, Sar. And
it’s more than ready for you right now.”

“So is mine,” I said softly, bringing his
hand to my thigh.

Lash slid his hand up my leg, then touched
below my thatch, feeling my skin wet with desire. Instantly he
shivered, his body contracting against mine. But instead of kissing
me or making a move, he stayed where he was, his head raising to
look up at me.

“Sar, tell me you want me,” he said huskily,
his eyes black with lust. “That it’s okay, if I do this, that you
want this to happen. Say the words.”

“Why? Isn’t it obvious—?”

“Because I know what Dev did to you last
fall,” Lash said reluctantly. “I know it wasn’t your choice, at
least at first.” He clasped my hand in his. “The other times
between you and me...they weren’t either, not really, though you
were nice about it. I know you don’t have a lot of choices in your
life now. I’m giving you this one. Don’t say yes unless you really
want to.”

By the time he finished, I’d made my
decision. My words were heavy with emotion as I whispered them, my
eyes a little blurry with unshed tears. “Yes, I want to—”

Lash pulled me beneath him with a swift tug,
and looked into my eyes. “Stop me, when it gets to be too much,” he
said seriously. He kissed me passionately, shoving my nightgown up
and easing my legs apart, moving himself into position. With a loud
cry he was in, and then he was thrusting rapidly, letting out
guttural moans as I wrapped my legs around him, trying to pull him
deeper into me. He buried his head in my neck, his arms winding
around me to hold my body tight to his. Within seconds he came
screaming my name, shoving himself deep as he let go. “Sar! Oh God,
Sar!”