Dark Solace (28 page)

“Of course!” I snapped. “I’m going to feel
ridiculous, especially with Devlin there, and Carol already dying
to meet him—” I snorted, then looked over at Theo and smiled. “I
mean, how is she going to be impartial?”

He gave me a hesitant smile back. “I’m sure
she’ll fall back on her training.” He cleared his throat. “When you
were late to a session last fall, she and I got to talking. It’s
clear she’s very into the Ranking, from the questions she’s asked
me, almost to the point of fixation. But during the sessions she’s
been nothing but professional.” He patted my hand. “It’ll be
fine.”

I wanted to ask him to stop the truck, to ask
him to take me in his arms and kiss me until I was lost in his love
and devotion. Instead, I just nodded and looked away. Devlin
expected me at Hayden, and he’d been more fanatical than usual
lately about my visits to him. If I wasn’t there by dusk, he’d send
Titus to track me down.

Titus had placed a tracking spell on me back
months ago when Theo had had some men after him. No matter where I
was, he could find me and teleport directly to me. It was the same
spell that Lash had used to find us when Ulysses had kidnapped
Devlin and I. It had faded out too soon, allowing Ulysses to almost
kill Devlin with sunlight. Titus hadn’t refreshed it afterwards,
which had allowed him to not know my location when I went to find
Lash, allowing me just enough time to save his life. The moment my
demon kin had found me in the Everglades, he had refreshed the
spell, to make sure there wasn’t a third time.

Last week, I had been running late, and Titus
had accessed the tracing spell, appearing suddenly in the middle of
the road in front of me. I’d swerved, but, it had scared the life
out of me. Titus had then teleported me, my truck, and himself
directly to Hayden, where Devlin was waiting in his robe with his
arms crossed, his normally golden eyes red with annoyance. I’d
asked him what was wrong, but he had only taken me upstairs with
him, and asked me to take off my clothes. Mystified, I’d obeyed.
Once I was naked, Devlin had settled in bed with me and gone to
sleep. When he’d awoken, he had been very easygoing and loving, as
if nothing was wrong.

I didn’t know what had Devlin acting so
weird. I’d have thought that Devlin was worried I’d taken off with
Lash again, crazy as that was, but Lash had been at Hayden with
Devlin the night I’d been late. He’d watched silently from the
kitchen as I was led upstairs by Devlin. But while I wasn’t sure
what was making Devlin act erratically, I planned to confront him
about it that night. Enough was enough. That confrontation was
bound to be another knock down-drag out fight.

“Sar, are you okay?” Theo asked. “You’re
awfully quiet.”

My weary eyes met Theo’s concerned blue ones.
Screw it.
“Would you stop the truck?”

Theo looked confused, but he pulled over to
the side of the road. “What is it?” he said gruffly.

I looked over at him in surprise. “You’re
angry again?”

“What is it?” he repeated angrily. “Are you
going to try to tell me that you don’t want to go to Dev? I know
you do, Sar. I know you want him, just like you want fucking
Lash.”

“Never mind,” I said, looking away from Theo
so he wouldn’t see my tears. “Just drive. That’s what you’re best
at.”

“No, you’re going to tell me why you wanted
me to stop the truck,” Theo growled, dragging me over to him on the
seat. He grabbed my face in his hand and made me look at him. “Spit
it out.”

I blinked my watery eyes, feeling pitiful. “I
just wanted for you to hold me. That was it.”

Theo looked at me with something like shock,
and then with a sigh he crushed me in his arms. I put my arms
around him hesitantly.

Why couldn’t this be easier? Why couldn’t I
have met him back when he was human, some night? We could have
gotten to know one another without all the vampire craziness, and
blood, and tears...

I shook my head slightly. There was no point
going there. I would never have met Theo without knowing Danial
first. And Theo was werecougar. There was no changing that.

I tightened my arms around him, breathing in
his scent of prairie grass and blue skies, and pine trees. He felt
good in my arms. He felt right.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” I said. “I didn’t do
what I did to hurt you.”

Theo said nothing, one of his hands running
up my back, stroking me gently.

“I’ll come back every week. As long as it
takes, Theo.”

Theo still said nothing, but he pulled me
more into his lap. With a sigh, he brought my chin up from his
chest and kissed me softly. I kissed him back at once hungrily.
Theo groaned, one of his hands going down my back to pull my body
close to his as the other slid up to tangle in my hair. His mouth
opened on mine, and I kissed him back, sensations flooding me.

It had been weeks since we had touched like
this. I had thought Theo hadn’t wanted me anymore. But I’d been
wrong. Very wrong.

Theo’s tongue darted into my mouth, even as
his hand reached down to unbutton my jeans. Startled, I pulled back
from him, giving him surprised eyes.

Theo gave me a look of confusion, then
suspicion. “What?”

“I know how you feel about being with me,” I
said, biting my lip. “I don’t want—”

“Saving yourself for Lash?” Theo said
sarcastically, his eyes narrowing.

I pushed myself off his lap, and got back on
the other side of the truck seat. “Drive.”

We didn’t speak the rest of the way home.

* * * *

I arrived at Hayden at dusk. I’d driven
instead of teleporting, because I needed the time to think. I’d
also been delayed when I’d stopped to rescue a stunned bird. A
female cardinal had been hit by the car in front of me, and I’d run
back just in time to avoid her being flattened by a passing truck.
I’d thought she was dead, but then I’d felt her heartbeat. I’d laid
her on the side of the road, near some trees. Her mate was in the
tree above, watching me, and screeching at me, trying to protect
her. I waited a few moments, and before long, she was staggering to
her clawed feet, and then with a flap of her wings, she flew up
into the trees.

I smiled, seeing her back beside her mate. If
only things were so easy with me.

The rest of the trip passed quickly. Nick
buzzed me through Hayden’s gate about five p.m. Within a few
minutes, I pulled into the garage, and shut the overhead door with
the garage door control. I didn’t get out though; I just sat there,
thinking.

Part of me was seriously considering leaving
Theo, no matter how the counseling turned out. It wasn’t because I
no longer loved him, though I knew he believed that. And it wasn’t
that I didn’t want a life with him, because I did. It was that I
could never be his alone. Theo needed that from the woman he was
with. He was the only one who was jealous. Danial and Devlin seemed
more than content to share me between them; it was Theo who had
always made problems. He was the one I’d tried the most to please
in the years we’d been together. But no matter what I did, it
wasn’t ever enough. This stalemate with the guys wouldn’t last
forever. I had to do something, before my life became unlivable
again...

“Are you going to get out of the truck, Sar?”
a curious voice asked.

I looked up to see Lash, leaning in the open
door frame, the light from the kitchen behind him casting a shadow
on his face. He looked his usual menacing self today, with his whip
and survival knife strapped to his belt. As always, his shaggy
jet-black hair was wild, and he was dressed all in black: black,
tight-fitting jeans, black shirt, black turtleneck, his tanned skin
only showing on his face and hands. But I was guessing that was
because he was feeling a chill from his cold-blooded animal
side.

He’d startled me a little, but my only fear
was of myself, because of how much I wanted him to touch me. Worse,
I was going to have to tell him that it didn’t matter if Devlin
ever gave us permission to be together. I was married, and Theo was
my first priority. That meant no more touching Lash in any way—not
even kisses—except as a friend. The trouble was, could I actually
get out the words?

I got out of the truck, and gave him a smile,
shutting the door behind me. “I’m out,” I said pointedly.

“Devlin’s not back yet from seeing Danial,”
Lash said overly casually, still leaning on the door. “He’s still
trying to get him to reconsider about giving me his blood, if I
began...if I need it. Titus is with him.”

I said nothing, because I knew what he meant,
and why he was uncomfortable.

“Do you need to search me?” I asked, giving
him a smile.

“Up against the wall, and spread ‘em,” Lash
said, giving me a leer.

I gave him a roll of my eyes, but complied.
Lash expertly patted me down, and then pronounced me safe. I turned
to him, and he stepped into me, backing me against the wall.

Swiftly, his arms snaked around me, and then
he was holding me close to him. I breathed in his scent of autumn
leaves, musk, earth, and leather. I’d often wondered if that last
was only from his whip, or really part of his scent. It seemed to
be part of him, and I thought that curious, even as I luxuriated in
the fragrance.

“I like to hold you, breathe in the scent of
you,” Lash hissed, his face pressed to my throat, longing in his
tone. “I miss being with you, but it’s enough—”

“About that...” I began.

Lash pulled back from me, looking at me
carefully. “What about it?” Lash hissed.

He was upset already. But I had to tell him
we couldn’t touch like this anymore. And the more I felt him touch
me, the harder it was going to be for me to want to tell him
no.

“Being like this doesn’t seem fair to you. I
can’t give you anything more. I feel a little as if I’m teasing
you, and I don’t want...I don’t want you to...to not...um...”

I faltered, but Lash was already nodding in
understanding. “Sar, I’m an adult. I can handle this. And if it
gets too much, I’ll find someone to take care of my needs. Now that
I can hide my were nature, I can be with someone who isn’t snake
without them suspecting or caring—”

The thought of him making love with anyone
else brought jealousy in a drowning flood. “Okay!” I interrupted
quickly. “I just wanted to make sure. That’s enough info—”

Lash grabbed my hair roughly, and made me
look at him, his lips inches from mine. “You asked me weeks ago if
it was enough for me that you wanted me to kiss you. It is.” He
leaned in a little closer, so our lips almost touched as his dark
eyes looked into mine. “Is it enough for you that you’re the only
one I want to kiss?”

He only wanted me. Relief crashed down. I
nodded once.

“It’s a moot point anyway, now,” Lash hissed
sadly, pressing his cheek to mine.

“Why?” I whispered. “I—”

He drew back from me. “Because Devlin forbade
me today from kissing you anymore,” Lash hissed. “He said you were
his, not mine, and the only way I was getting inside you again was
if you gave him another Oath. And until you did, I wasn’t to touch
you at all.”

I was at a loss for words. He was touching me
plenty right now.

“I’m going on a job tonight,” Lash added in
explanation. “I’ll be changing my clothes after, so he won’t smell
you on me. Make sure you change your clothes and shower—”

I pushed him back from me. “Why are you doing
this, Lash, if he said not to?”

“Because I wanted to feel your mouth against
mine one more time, to feel your ripe body under my hands,” Lash
hissed, aroused. “I haven’t seen you alone since that night we came
back, since you defended me to Danial, telling him you had wanted
to be with me, that I hadn’t forced you to be. And I am going to
have this time with you before I give you up.” He embraced me again
with a sigh.

Neither of us said anything for a few
minutes. It was enough that we were here together, holding each
other. Besides, it was just a hug...

He suddenly pulled back from me. “Do you want
me to kiss you, Sar?” Lash said softly, giving me a smoky look.

“Yes, please,” I breathed.

He covered my lips with his own, sliding his
tongue into my mouth, and I gave myself up to him completely,
losing myself in the warmth of his touch.

There were footsteps suddenly outside the
garage door, and then the door to the garage began to open.

Chapter
Ten

Nick came strolling through the widening
opening to go to one of the Hummers. Lash broke the kiss, and
hissed at him, his fangs elongating as his eyes went flat.

“Sorry—” Nick stammered, his widening eyes
taking us in as he backed up quickly.

“Get the fuck out now!” Lash hissed, baring
his fangs. “And shut the door behind you!”

Nick hurried to comply. The door slammed
shut, leaving us in semidarkness.

“Must you be so disagreeable to everyone?” I
said teasingly, giving his neck a gentle kiss.

“He’s lucky I didn’t bite him,” Lash said
irritably, nuzzling my neck in return. “I won’t get another moment
with you again, Sar, not like this. I want to make it last.”

I looked up into Lash’s dark eyes, and then I
reached up and held his face in my hand, gently stroking. He went
still under my hand, sighing softly, his dark eyes fastened on
mine.

I hadn’t understood why he’d first touched my
face that day on the trail at Hayden or even a month later, when we
were dancing that night in the Everglades. There had been so much
else going on that I hadn’t given it much thought. There hadn’t
been any thought in my mind when I reached out and caressed his
face with my hand as we’d danced, either. I had just been moved by
instinct and affection to want to put my hands on him. But in the
past weeks I’d come to understand what the small gesture meant to
him.