Crushed (19 page)

         
We brought Josslyn home the next day. It was a little scary at first, she was
so tiny. We had been holding her more and more often while she was still in the
NICU but having her home and without all the nurses and doctors watching over,
it felt a little over whelming.

         
Lacy and Jason brought Mace over, they kept the visit brief because they didn’t
want to crowd our time. But I was really excited to get some time with Mace
while Josslyn was passed back and forth between Lacy and Jason.

         
When they went home, the three of us just laid on the couch. Ryan held Josslyn
the most, until it was time for her to eat and he would pass her to me. I knew
they had a bond, she and I had one as well, but in those 3 weeks when I was
still in my coma, I knew that Ryan had fallen in love with her and her
him.  I didn’t mind.

         
We didn’t go anywhere for the next few weeks. Ryan’s mom and dad came over a
lot, and I appreciated the help with cleaning. Stella was still Ryan’s maid,
but she had been sick for the last 2 weeks and with Joss still being a bit
fragile, she didn’t want to risk it.

         
Ryan and I were doing amazing. After that night when we talked and finally made
love again, we were in a really good place. I was reminded of all the reason I
had fallen in love with him again. He was funny, I had forgotten that over the
few months that we were apart. He would make jokes at the oddest times and
several times I would wake Josslyn up while she was sleeping in his arms
because I laughed so hard.

         
He was always smiling now. I missed that about him too. He was happy. He wasn’t
trying to win me back, he knew that he had me. One day while we were sitting
with Josslyn trying to get her to burp, he reached over and grabbed my left
hand. As soon as I gave it to him, I felt him slide my wedding rings back on. I
smiled as soon as I saw them. I actually forgot about them with everything
going on. Ryan had never taken his off, which I thought was really sweet, I was
so relieved to have mine back. To have the symbol that we were really committed
to one another and to our family on my hand.

         
Alex started coming over again. He didn’t stay for long, usually it was just to
update Ryan on their plans and he would hold the baby. She loved him, which was
only fitting because I still did too. Not that I wanted to leave Ryan, but I
did love Alex. How could I not?

         
Josslyn needed a diaper change, and when I stood to do it, Ryan told me he
would take care of her. Standing and reaching for the baby he made his way to
her nursery talking to her in baby talk about changing her and putting on
another pretty dress. I loved when he would talk on her level. He was this big
muscled man who completely melted when his daughter was in his arms.

         
Alex looked at me and smiled “She looks so much like you Em”

“I
know” I agreed “She’s so amazing, so happy and she hardly wakes up at night. I
couldn’t believe the first night she was here I woke up every two hours worried
about her. I actually called Doctor Bailey’s on call number and asked if I
should wake her up. He laughed and said “don’t you dare.”

We
both laughed

Suddenly
the smile left Alex’s face
“I know you are with him Emmalyn, and I know that Ryan and I are working on our
friendship, I love hanging out with you guys but I just need you to know
something.”

I
opened my mouth to interrupt him but he just held up his hand to stop me

“I
am always going to love you. Ryan and I are both in love with the same woman
that is never going to change. I had a few chances to be with other women the
last few months and I couldn’t do it. Every time I tried it was your face that
I saw. It was you that I wanted. I am not telling you I am going to be single
for the rest of my life because I can’t do that. I need to move on and be happy
too. But it will never been true happiness, I can never love anyone in my life
the way that I love you. I know I messed up a lot, and I jumped in too hard
with you when you were not ready. I prayed to God for weeks that I could go
back in time and be the one to meet you first, I know that you would have been
happy with me, I would have made you so happy.”

His
voice cracked but he continued

“I
just want you to know, I’m always going to love you and I am always going to be
here, and if for some crazy reason Ryan ever fucks it up again. I will be here
for you in a heartbeat. I will always be there.”

“Thank
you Alex, that means a lot.” Tears beginning to fall down my face “I love you
too. I don’t want you to be unhappy, and I am sorry if this is hard, but Ryan
and I have Josslyn, and we made vows, I wish it were easier for you but I do
care about you too.”

         
He didn’t say anything else because Ryan came back in holding the baby. He
handed her to me and he and Alex walked outside to talk about Seth. Alex looked
back over at me and Josslyn on the couch and with a smile and slight wave, he
walked out the door with Ryan behind him

         
Six months. That’s all we had. Six months with our daughter together as
parents.

         
Ryan had quit his job. He didn’t really need to work he had more than we could
ever spend in a bank account. He spent every waking moment with Josslyn and I.

When
he wasn’t with us, he was with Alex and the club and working with the 2
undercover FBI agents who were working to help take Seth down. I was filled in
a bit more.

         
Ryan and his dad had been talking, he was going to bring his dad the money that
he wanted in exchange for Seth agreeing to never bother Ryan or our family
again. In reality that is all Ryan had wanted all along, but Ryan now had
damaging proof on his side.

         
Ryan was able to record his dad saying that he got Holly to run me down. He was
able to get Seth to say that he had been working with a drug cartel and was
behind a number of murders since he had been released from prison.

Now
all the FBI needed was to see an exchange of money and get Seth in an open
place because he had been hiding out for some time.

         
Two weeks later everything was in place. Warrants were signed and Ryan was
kissing Josslyn and I goodbye to head out and nail his dad so that we could
spend the rest of our lives together and not worrying about Seth.

         
He was supposed to be back at noon.

One
o’clock ticked by

Three

Six

At
seven pm Alex was at the front door

I
opened it, I had been worried, but I figured there must have been a snag and
Seth didn’t show up when he was supposed to.

But
seeing Alex’s face, I knew something was wrong

“Emmalyn,
you need to sit down I have to tell you something.”

I
did as he said. Grabbing the video baby monitor to look in on Josslyn and saw
that she was sound asleep, I had just laid her down for the night

“Ryan
and I reached the park at 10 as agreed with Seth. When we got there Seth was
there. He was talking shit to Ryan, but Ryan was doing a really good job at ignoring
him. Ryan asked him what the money was for after he handed it to his dad. His
dad laughed and said it was to take care of a few people who fucked him over.

         
We didn’t think anything of it when a man came out from behind the trees and
Seth handed him the money. Then Seth looked at me and said “that’s the bastard
whose dad locked me up.”

Alex
paused and looked down

“And
that’s my piece of shit son who let him.”

He
stopped again

“All
of a sudden the guy pulled out a gun and shot Ryan. Before they had a chance to
aim at me, the FBI agents rushed out and shot the gunman dead.”

I...
What?

“He
borrowed money for his own son to kill him Emmalyn.”

I
couldn’t breathe. The air was trying to enter my lungs, but it couldn’t. I was
gasping. I couldn’t even cry. Nothing was working. I felt Alex grab me and pull
me to him. I felt him whisper in my ear but I couldn’t hear him.

The
pain in my chest was worse than anything I had ever felt. Was it the lack of
oxygen?

No,
it was my heart. My heart breaking into a million pieces in my chest at the
realization that my husband, the father of my child, the love of my life was
dead. I was never going to see him again. I was never going to hear one of his
jokes again. I was never going to listen to him crank the radio in his Escalade
and scream sing along with Kings of Leon with the windows down, driving down
the high way. I would never see him hold his daughter again. He would never see
her first steps, hear her first words beat up the boys who tried to take her
out on her first date.

Ryan
was dead.

I
just got him back, and now he was gone. This time for good.

Suddenly...
Everything went black.

Damn
breathing.

“Happy
birthday Josslyn” the party goers yelled.

I
watched the smiling face of my three year old daughter as she blew out her
birthday candles on her larger than necessary giraffe birthday cake.

Her
pre-school friends were surrounding her as she moved in to stick a finger into
the cake

“Baby
you need to wait until we serve everyone” I laughed

She
looked at me and smiled, with the same smile I had seen on a familiar face very
many times.

Josslyn
was amazing. She was growing as she was supposed to, she had no physical delays
and only a slight speech delay with the pronunciation of some of her words. She
was perfect. I thanked God every day for her for the last three years.

I
had decided to donate the five million dollars that my dad had left to me, to
the early intervention services that helped to deal with children below the age
of 5 who dealt with learning and developmental delays. I was lucky enough to be
able to afford the services without help, but I had learned during my days at
the NICU that a lot of the parents struggled to afford the services. The money
went towards improving the services, research and paying for sessions for
select families who were without medical insurance to pay for the help for
their child. It just seemed like the right thing to do. I never wanted to spend
my dad’s death money on myself. I wanted to use it on something that meant
something. Something that would help others and I knew that this was it.  

I
felt her little hands on my belly before I noticed that she had moved, removing
me from my thoughts.

“Do
the babies want some cake momma” she asked

She
giggled as one of the babies kicked at her hand. She loved when they did that

I
was 8 months pregnant with twins. At first it was a shock, I wasn’t sure I
wanted more children after everything that happened with Josslyn, but the
surprise when it finally happened was welcomed.

“They
do want some cake, do you want to go and have Stella cut me out a piece, and I
would love one with a spot on it”

She
smiled and ran to tell Stella what she wanted.

I
was thankful for Stella. She became like a mother to me while I went through
the hardest time of my life. She would come over and take care of Josslyn while
I sorted everything out. She would cook and clean and answer phone calls. And
she would stay late at night to rub my back and tell me that everything was
going to be okay.

When
I was allowed to go to the hospital she stayed with Josslyn

Ryan
didn’t die that day.

Alex
never actually said the words “Ryan is dead” but I had assumed with everything
he had told me, that my husband was gone.

In
actuality Ryan was not fatally wounded, but he was shot. Alex didn’t see that
in front of Seth he was pronounced dead, but brought to the hospital and kept
in a type of witness protection, while the FBI could work on another angle to
grab Seth.

Ryan
was hurt, and he was in the hospital for over 2 weeks before I was told
anything. Alex didn’t even know, until his father told him and he shared the
news with me. I wasn’t allowed to see him until Seth was behind bars. Instead I
was forced to plan a fake funeral so that his father’s little minions would see
what was happening.

It
was revealed earlier that Seth only had 5 men willing to work for him. After
news of the FBI tailing him again 3 of them cut ties and walked away. The other
two were brought in on attempted murder for what happened with Ryan and Alex.

         
When I was finally able to see Ryan, it was very emotional for both of us.
There was lots of tears, lots of hugs and kisses and “I am so sorry” from Ryan.

He
tried to call. Of course there wasn’t much he could get past the guards he had.
He wasn’t in trouble but it was all about our safety so after a while he
realized that he just had to wait it out.

A
week after Seth was arrested, the hospital released Ryan and he came home to
Josslyn and I. He couldn’t hold her because of where he had been shot, but he
sure tired. He mostly leaned in on the couch when I had her, and would nuzzle
his lips against her little head. She was almost 8 months old now, and learning
to crawl and she was sitting up. But she loved to lay on the couch in her dads
lap while they watched cartoons. The nearly 2 months away made their bond that
much stronger.

         
The trial for Seth was quick. He had no one willing to speak on his behalf, so
he ended up pleading guilty to a number of charges. He was put in a high
security prison for 65 years. He was already 50 so he would never see the light
of day again.

         
After that our lives got back to normal. Ryan and I would argue over letting
Josslyn stay up late, over where she would go to college, over having more
babies. It was never anything serious. I think we both had enough drama for one
life time.

Alex
was still coming around. Ryan and I agreed to make him Joss’s Godfather. He
still hadn’t met a girl, and I wasn’t really shocked, I think he was destined
to be a bachelor for the rest of his life and the idea certainly didn’t bother
him.

         
Lacy and Jason finally got married. After being together for years Jason
finally told Lacy that if she didn’t marry him he wasn’t going to clean the
pool again. She loved swimming too much to not agree. Not that it was a hard
bargain. However, his methods for making her cave have become one of our
favorite ways to tease her.

         
When I found out I was pregnant, Lacy freaked out, she was so excited. When we
found out that we were having both a boy and a girl, she freaked out even more.
I was so happy to finally have my sister back. I never lost her, but we didn’t
really get to spend a lot of time together for that first year that Josslyn
before Josslyn was born and before she came home. I needed her. She was my best
friend.

         
Katie Williams was a washed out star now. She did a little jail time for what
she did to Ryan, and when she came out no one wanted anything to do with her.

Ryan
decided to try his hand at producing. He was amazing at what he did. He didn’t
have to work as much as he was when he was in front of the camera and I think
he was even happier than he had been when he was acting. This time he had
nothing to prove to anyone. No evil father who thought he was nothing, just a
wife and daughter who loved him no matter what he chose to do.

Ryan
came over and wrapped his arms around my waist, leaning in and laying kissing
on my neck, “You are the sexiest pregnant woman alive, have I told you that?”

“Yes,
but it’s always nice to hear it.” I replied leaning back against him

“I
cannot wait to get all these people out of here and take you up to bed I have
wanted you all day long.”

I
laughed. “Ryan we had sex 2 hours ago before all her friends got her.”

“Yeah.”
He exclaimed, but that was 2 whole hours ago. I have needs woman.”

I
laughed. Looking out at our daughter who was playing with the new race car that
her dad got her

“Ryan.”
I said

“Yeah?”
he replied looking at Josslyn playing

“I
think we need to go.” I whispered

“I
was kidding babe.” He leaned in kissing me again “I can wait another hour, but
that’s the most I can promise you.”

“No
Ryan, seriously. My water just broke.”

He
looked down at me, fear in his eyes and then a devilish smirk took over his
face “Yes”! “Let’s go have some babies”

Ryan
told Lacy and Jason it was time, they were going to stay behind and help Stella
with the party. Stella was going to keep Josslyn while we were in the hospital
so that she could sleep in her own bed and come and visit during the day

Ryan
was holding my hand as he helped me into the car, throwing my hospital bag into
the back seat. The smile never leaving his face

When
we got into the car, he turned down the music “Do you think Joss will care if
her brother and sister are born on her birthday?” he asked

“I
don’t think so, but I have a feeling that she might not really have a choice.”
A contraction hitting me.

“Shit
I am kind of glad I didn’t have to feel all of this the first time, it fucking
hurts” I gripped his hand hard

“It’s
okay baby, we are almost there just hold on.”

We
arrived at the hospital around 6pm. In the delivery room we waited around. The
contractions were every 4 minutes, and I was dilating but the babies were not
coming as fast as it felt like they were going to.

Finally
at 11:59 pm baby one made her way into the world wanting to share a birthday
with her big sister. Her little brother was born 4 minutes later clearly not
happy about leaving his warm home of the last 8 months.

We
named our 2
^nd
daughter Sophia Grace and our little boy was named
Maxon Alexander after his uncle.

Josslyn
loved the babies. Once we got home she would help to get diapers and put their
laundry in the baskets. After a few weeks she seemed to get bored with them
which Ryan and I kind of expected.

We
were happy. We had a beautiful and perfect little family. We were safe. Our
babies were happy and healthy all 3 of them.

Life
was exactly as it should be.

And
we truly lived happily ever after. Just like in so many of my favorite books.

The
End.