Crushed (13 page)

Ryan
called so many times I stopped keeping track. The text messages too.

As
soon as I got back in town I realized that going to Lacey and Jason’s wasn’t a
good idea that would be the first place that Ryan would look. I called Alex and
asked if I could go and stay there.

I
knew it would hurt Ryan if he found out that I was with Alex, but honestly was
that something I should even be worried about?

Alex
came by and helped me move my stuff out from Ryan’s

Jason
called to tell me their flight was leaving at 6 that night so I had until about
10 pm to get all my shit out

He
also made it a point to tell me that Ryan was a mess. Crying and screaming at
Katie to get out. He fired Cindy as well. It wasn’t his idea to have Katie in
the same room. Like that was the biggest issue

Jason
I think wanted me to talk to Ryan, he was worried about his brother, but he didn’t
push it. He also didn’t tell Ryan that I was moving out. I asked him not to. I
knew if he knew he would freak out more. Not that he could get here any faster
they took the last seat on a returning flight that wasn’t leaving until that
night.

Alex
carried everything, I told him I was pregnant. He seemed sad at first, but told
me that he was really happy for me.

I
packed everything up and cleaned up a bit. When I first came in I might have
smashed a few photos. I left the ones of Ryan and I face down in their
respective places throughout the house.

I
couldn’t even go into our bedroom at first. I knew I needed to get my clothes,
but there were so many happy memories in that room that it was almost too much
for me.

When
I finally went in, I noticed the pictures all over the wall. Ryan loved taking
photos. He also insisted on having several of the ones of us nailed onto the
wall.

When
I moved in, he bought a new bed, he bought new everything pretty much. I knew
that he hadn’t been living in that house for long. He moved in about a month
before he and I met, but still I found it sweet how he insisted on starting
over.

Not
that any of that mattered.

I
packed up my clothes and Alex came up to get the box. I sat on our bed for a
while. Just thinking.

Before
I left I grabbed a notebook out of Ryan’s bedside table. Where I knew he kept
one

He
also kept tickets from our dates, and other mementoes that I couldn’t even look
at. I grabbed a pen and wrote him a letter.

Dear
Ryan

It
feels silly writing you a letter while I sit on our bed. We live in a time
where text messaging and email is the preferred means of communication when you
can’t be face to face, but it didn’t seem really appropriate for this kind of
thing.

I
love you, I think I love you almost too much. It’s like soul sucking love. I
want eat breathe and live with you in every moment of every day. I want to be
with you always. When I agreed to marry you, I thought it would be for forever.
Not 2 short months. I have a feeling that marriage to you was never the same
thing that it was to me. In that time you chose your job over me, and cheated
on me. Those are two huge no no’s if you want to make someone happy.

I
gave you everything I had, you made me a promise that night we agreed to try
things out, that you would treat me like I was your everything, you told me
that I was the only thing that mattered to you. That wasn’t true. Today
watching you in that hotel room with her, I realized I was your just for now.
Someone that you used to fill a void in your life. Go be with her Ryan, because
I will never ever be able to be with you again. I could never let you hurt me
again after what you have done today.

I
didn’t know it was possible to feel so much pain. I have so many things I want
to say to you, so many questions I want to ask. Why would you do this to me?
Why did you play me? Why did you even bother marrying me if it meant nothing to
you? I realize I want to know all of these things but I never want to talk to
you again to get the answers. I know I will see you around. You will be at
Jason’s and Lacey’s I get that. But it won’t be like it once was, I won’t be
able to laugh with you, or enjoy watching you play with Mason, I will never
have those happy moments back. Every moment I possibly share with you from here
on out will be tainted with the memory of seeing you have sex with someone
else.

I
wish you luck, if Katie is what you want, clearly she is. I do wish you well. I
only hope that you try and find happiness in your life Ryan and learn to love
yourself.

Please
don’t bother looking for me. You are free to do all the things I held you back
from doing.

Goodbye,
- Emmalyn.

I
stood up, removing my wedding rings from my hand and setting them on top of the
letter on the bedside table. I knew he would see them when he walked in. I just
hoped he was alone when he read the letter.

Alex
and I left, I left my house key on the table by the front door. I took one last
look inside what I believed would be the home where I would spend the rest of
my life, and said goodbye to the memories I shared with a guy who 7 hours ago
was the love of my life. Now he was feeling more like my biggest regret.

 I
was sitting down calling the florist to deliver Emmy another batch of flowers.

Being
away from her was fucking brutal, and I couldn’t stand another night away from
her. I wish she had come with me, but this shit with Katie and Cindy’s plan was
too much for her.

It
was too much for me too. I couldn’t quit though, I needed to keep going, to
make a ton of money and deal with the fame. Showing my piece of shit Seth that
he was wrong about me.

As
soon as I thought of him, I remembered the prison phone call a few months ago,
he was getting out. I knew he had been out for a few weeks, I knew he wanted to
see me, but so far I hadn’t seen him.

And
then, there he was.

He
looked as skinny and disgusting as I remembered from when I was a kid. I hadn’t
seen him since I was 13.

He
crossed the bar and came to sit by me

“Ryan,
my boy how are ya?” His voice still sounded fake, I use to have nightmares
until I was 18 and started working out. I was always afraid he would come and
find me and make me feel bad like he used to.

I
started fucking girls when I was 13. Most of them were not my age. Some were
18, 25. Whoever my dad could find. I knew I was a good looking kid. I always
had girls chasing me when I was in school. But dad would tell me that this
would be the only time in my life that girls would chase me. He told me that I
was going to get older and I would get uglier. That I was a loser and no good
girl would ever want me.

I
always thought that fucking was all I deserved. As I grew older and I started
working out, women would throw themselves at me, but at that point I never
wanted any of them. Until I met Emmalyn. I fell in love with her the moment I
met her, and who could blame me. She’s honestly the most beautiful girl I have
ever met and she has a heart to match.

Seth
being here scared me, it made me feel gross. Just sitting across from him. His
intentions were not pure. I never sent him money. When I hit it big, he would
have his connections on the outside, what little of those he had left, contact
me and ask me for money. I always refused. I wrote him once and told him that
he made me sick and to find his own money.

I
hadn’t heard from him until then. I assumed he was sitting before me now
because he wanted money

“What
do you need Seth?” I asked

“Is
that anyway to talk to your dad?” He sneered

“You
are not my dad, you are the one night mistake my mom made 23 years ago, now I
will ask you again. What do you need?”

He
looked annoyed “I want you to loan me some money. I need to start up a new
business.”

“No.”
is all I say. Looking around the bar hoping no one is listening

“He
leans in, I was hoping it wouldn’t have to go this way, but apparently you are
going to make it hard on me. See I have been following you. Before I got out I
had a few friends following you too. I know you are making a ton of money every
year for all the shit you have been in. I know that you have a huge house, and
a nice car and a smoking hot
wife.
He pronounced the word like it was
dirty or foreign in his mouth.  You are going to end it with her. You are
going to keep doing this little movie star lie pretending to date that nasty
chick I have seen you posing with. You are going to find some way to end shit
with your real girl, and give me the money that I need.”

I
lean in “What the fuck does my wife have to do with you wanting money.”

“Nothing.”
He grins “But you see, you don’t deserve someone like that, you are my son. I
know you.  You are nothing. Sure you have a bunch of girls screaming your
name and buying shit with your face on it, but you have no talent. You have a
pretty face that will only carry you so far. You don’t deserve a fucking thing
you have. You are worthless Ryan, always have been. You are what men call
mistakes. I should have worn a condom that night I fucked your mom, because you
are the only regret I have in my life Ryan. I don’t care that you don’t like
me. She knows you are nothing, she’s blind to it right now or maybe she knows
and is using you, but I will tell you that if you do not listen to what I am
telling you to do. Something will happen to her, and you will be sorry.”

He
hands me a business card “Call this number when you are ready for my accounting
information.”

I
look up at him. I want to kill him. I want to cause him pain like he has been
causing me my whole life.

He
walks away before I can do anything. Whistling a song as he goes.

I
clench my hands on the table, trying hard not to flip it over and knock out the
person nearest to me.

I
order a bottle of whiskey from the bartender who looks at me like I have lost
my mind.

Over
the next 4 hours I drink the whole thing.

Jason
comes in half way through and tries to get me to go upstairs. I just push him
away. I think I tell him what happened with Seth, but after a while I can’t
really remember what I have and have not done.

Hours
or minutes pass by, I have no fucking idea. I should be calling someone...
Emmalyn I should be calling Emmalyn my beautiful wife. God she’s so fucking
perfect. I don’t know how I was ever lucky enough to end up with someone like
her, but I fucking love it. I love her

Seth’s
words ring back in my ear “
you don’t deserve her, leave her or she’s going
to get hurt. Maybe she’s using you…
I knew Emmy wouldn’t use me, but maybe
Seth was right, she is so fucking perfect there is no way someone like me could
ever really land a chick like that. God every time I looked down at my finger
and saw my wedding band I had to pinch myself.

She
put that there, my last name was her last name. She was fucking mine, and
somehow I was being forced to throw that all away. I couldn’t do that.

I
knew I had to though. Dad didn’t have a built up business, but he did have the
means to make something happened if he really wanted it to, and I couldn’t risk
Emmalyn being hurt. I couldn’t live if something happened to her.

Jason
called Lacey, I heard him talking to her, while I was ordering another shot.
Cindy and Katie came downstairs and tried to talk to me, but I screamed at them
both.

The
last few days had been shit, not only was I away from my wife and pretending to
date someone who I only considered a friend, but I was also being forced to
share a hotel suit with this girl. I knew Emmalyn wouldn’t approve of that.

Hell
when she told me that she was watching freaking movies with Alex in our house I
almost lost my shit, I couldn’t imagine how he would feel knowing that I was
sleeping in the same room as a woman who made advances on me several times.

I
heard Jason asking Emmalyn to come. Fuck. I didn’t want her to see me like
this.

I
knew I was going to have to walk away from her until I could figure out what to
do with my dad. I knew that it would hurt her, but I had no choice.

Katie
and Jason got me back to the suite, a few hours later I told Jason telling her
he would be right back. She offered me a drink, I took it.

I
felt sick shortly after. I was getting really hot. I’ve been wasted before, but
this felt like something else. I couldn’t sit still. I suddenly felt like I
really needed to work out.

The
next thing I knew, Katie was coming into my room, half naked wearing some see
through bull shit night gown and started undressing me. I wanted to stop her,
but I couldn’t seem to talk. I tried. I kept thinking about Emmalyn and I knew
I couldn’t do this to her.

I
fell asleep, when I woke up she had a condom on my cock and was sucking it. I
tried to sit up but when a chick is sucking on your dick no matter what it’s
kind of hard to stop.

I
couldn’t think of what I was trying to remember. I knew something was supposed
to be happening, and the thoughts just weren’t coming, I felt heavy. She
climbed on top of me and started riding my dick.

She
sucked. I don’t mean a little, the chick had no idea what she was doing.
Emmalyn was a fucking virgin when I first got my hands on her, and she could
fucking ride like nothing I had ever felt before.

I
flipped Katie over and she started talking to me I told her to shut up. My head
was pounding, my mouth felt like I had cotton inside, but my dick was hard as a
rock. But I couldn’t make it feel good. Not even slightly.

The
next thing I remember was hearing a gasp at the door. I turned to see who it
was and noticed it was another chick.

Katie
must have had a friend come in. I looked at the girl for a few more minutes,
trying to get my eyes to adjust when I realized that I KNEW that girl. It was
Emmalyn

I
suddenly realized where I was and what I was doing. I sobered up but before I
could move Emmy was smashing Katie in the face with a serving platter.

I
stumbled across the room. I was trying to steady myself so I could talk to her,
but before I could she was leaving. Why was she leaving?

I
looked down and remembered that I was naked still wearing the condom, Oh shit I
was having sex with Katie, why the fuck would I do that.

I
tried to grab her to make her stop so she could listen to me, but she wouldn’t.
I couldn’t walk straight, I was trying but I couldn’t make my legs work right.
She just looked at me, and then grabbed the waste basket and threw up.

Shit
she’s sick.

I
walk towards her to try and hold her, she holds her hands up to stop me, and so
I do.

“You
promised” she says, her voice sounds sweet, god I loved listening to her talk,
but the heartbreak is evident.

She
turns and heads into the elevator, I run into my room and try to grab a pair of
sweatpants to toss on so that I can chase her.

Katie
has blood pouring down her face, she’s on the phone “Cindy, she just attacked
me, Ryan chose me and she couldn’t handle it, she’s fucking crazy.” I rip the
phone out of her hand and smash it against the wall, it splinters into a
million pieces

“You
need to pack your shit and get the fuck out of here now, and don’t you ever
EVER talk about my wife like that again. I don’t know what happened here
tonight, but it was a mistake. A big fucking mistake.” I say over my shoulder
running towards the door to catch up to my wife. She’s gone before I get down
into the lobby. All I see is Jason and he is looking out through the lobby
doors. I look to where he is looking and see Emmalyn getting into a cab.

I
race past Jason yelling her name. Jason is trying to get me to stop, but I
ignore him. I run out as the cab is driving away. Still screaming her name. She
needs to know I have no idea what happened. I would never do that to her.

I
fall onto my knees on the ground, crying into my hands watching her looking at
me through the back window. Jason comes running out and tugs me to the ground.

“Come
on Ry, let’s get back inside.”

I
stumble and let him help me in
“Did you take anything else Ryan?” he asks me

“Of
course not, I just drank.”

“Drinking
doesn’t do this to a person, come on I’ll get you a shirt and then you and I
are going to the hospital.”

I
don’t really hear him. I black out for a while, and when I wake up I am in a
hospital bed.

Jason
is sitting beside me, texting on his phone

“Hey.”
I say, feeling stiff and sore. I have IV’s hanging out of my arm

“Hey.”
He says. He doesn’t seem happy

“What’s
wrong?” I ask him

“I
don’t even know where to start Ryan, but I will start with the fact that you
were drugged. They found ecstasy in your system. Katie must have given it to
you. You told me about the drinks in the hotel room.

They
are giving you liquids, the police are on their way to take your statement. If
you ever want to get your wife back, not that you ever can at this point, Lacey
says she’s fucking living. You are going to have to press charges for this one.
Before you tell me about her being your co-star and being important to your
job, let me remind you that you had sex with her this morning, and your wife,
who I fucking adore like she was my own sister, found you, when she came to
help you ass after finding out about your dad’s little meeting.”

He
doesn’t give me a chance to talk

“We
are getting you hydrated and then you and I are on the first plane back to L.A.
and you are going to find a way to make all this shit go away, because if you
broke her or she…” he stops

I
tell him about my conversation with my dad.

When
I am done he looks even angrier than before “So he’s going to come after Em if
you don’t give him money?”

“No,
he’s going to come after her if I don’t listen to him and end things with her.”
I explain

“He
needs to go Ryan.” He says narrowing his eyes

I
know what he means. I will need to reach out to Alex and see if the club can
help with this. They hate my dad. Alex’s dad called in the favors that helped
get my dad locked up in the first place. My friendship with Alex is when my dad
started hating me, I would hang out at the club as a boy and my dad wanted in
and the club wanted nothing to do with him.