Crushed (10 page)

The
next 2 weeks blew by. Ryan and I talked. He was at the hospital the very next
day bright and early. Clearly hung over but he was there. We talked for a
while. He told me about the call from the prison, his dad was being released
and wanted to see him. He told me about Katie, and her flirtations recently. He
thought they were innocent, but lately he had started to realize they were
anything but. Of course her trying to seduce him in our house was just the
final straw. He had to work with her, there was nothing he could do. But he
said he would not invite her over again, which was a given. He was sorry. And
nothing happened. I told him I forgave him, and he seemed to be relieved.

I
went back home that night.

Ryan
had to go back to work, and he understood when I didn’t want to go to work with
him.

The
baby, who Jason and Lacey named Mason Carter Alexander had to spend 2 weeks in
the hospital. After that he was discharged.

Which
was the issue.

Lacey
was diagnosed with Post-Partum the day after the baby was born. She had a
fairly severe case. She wasn’t eating, she wouldn’t hold the baby and we were
all very worried about her.

Jason
tried to talk to her about the baby. I tried, she would scream at us both and
kick us out. When we would come back she would apologize, but if the baby came
up she would lose it again.

The
nurses left her to take a shower one day, when they came to check on her she
had cut her wrist. She was immediately sedated and brought to the psych floor.

Jason
stayed with her as much as he could.

The
doctor declared that she was okay to return home. She was placed on medication,
but for the time being he thought it would be best for Lacey if the baby stay
somewhere else. Jason had a hard time with this. He had to choose on who to
take home with him. He could bring the baby home and send Lacey to stay
elsewhere, but the thought of being away from her was too much.

I
offered to take the baby, until her medication had a chance to take effect and
she was safe to be around her son.

It
was hard to watch. Lacey was the most loving woman I had ever met, my entire
life she tried to take care of me and she was so excited to be a mom. To know
that she was deemed unsafe to be around her own child, meant that something was
very wrong.

Jason
agreed. Lacey did too, I knew they both trusted me, but I was scared.

I
knew I wouldn’t be alone, I had Ryan and that made me feel better.

We
took the baby home the same day it was decided. Ryan had stopped at the baby
story and bought enough diapers to last any baby a year. He bought a bassinet,
a baby monitor, a ton of outfits, bottles, pacifiers and baby carriers.

He
was like a pro taking all the stuff into the house.

He
would help me change him, feed him and even got up a few nights to help me with
the night time feedings.

When
he went back to work, I quickly found my groove for substitute mommying. I
slept when he slept, which I found I was really not all that tired. Mason was a
really good baby. He didn’t cry a whole lot.

I
loved him. Lacey and Jason would call daily to see how he was doing. I could
tell that she was starting to come back to herself. She would laugh a little
and when we would talk about the baby there was a longing in her questions. I
knew she was coming around and her son would soon be in her arms.

I
sent her photos constantly. Every time he spit up, pooped or just sneezed I was
snapping pictures of his little face.

Lacey
appreciated that.

Jason
called me one day while she was napping

“I
don’t think she would have been able to get through this, if she didn’t know
that he was with you Emmalyn, you will never know how thankful we both are.”

I
didn’t mind. After everything they had both done for me, taking care of the
baby was nothing.

Ryan
and I found little moments to be together. Sex was always very quick because we
never knew when the baby would wake up, but it still had just as much passion
as ever before.

He
didn’t talk about work with me. He didn’t need to, I would ask basic questions
like how it was going, when they thought it would be done and so on. He would
answer and always leave Katie out of it.

I
appreciated that, because I still had not talked to her since she tried to
seduce my fiancé, and I had a feeling when and if we had a face to face, it was
not going to be pretty.

Things
remained pretty crazy for a while. Holly came by about a week after the baby
arrived.

She
was thrashing on the front door, when I answered. Ryan and I had just had sex
so all I was wearing was a robe.

“Who
the fuck are you.” She said as soon as I answered the door.

I
knew who she was, I had seen pictures Alex had of her from when they were
younger. He sent me a text the other day to tell me she was back in town, I
figured she would show up sooner or later, Ryan said she was following him
around and I spotted her car a few times when I was out and about watching the
house. Alex didn’t strike up a conversation after he told me about his sister,
even after I asked him how he was doing.

“Ah,
you must be Holly” I said. “I’m Emmalyn, Ryan’s fiancé.”

She
snickered at me. “Yeah right. Ryan and I are a couple, I assume you are just
another whore. You are done here, you can get your shit and get out.”

I
laughed, as soon as I did a baby crying in the background stopped Holly cold

“Is
that your kid? How old are you?” She asked with disgust in her voice. She
started pushing me out of the way trying to get in. I shoved her forcefully
back

“This
is my house now, I live here with Ryan, and you need to get the fuck out of
here right now because I don’t give a shit what your brother wants. I will call
the cops and have you nasty ass hauled off.”

She
looked scared “You can’t do that. Ryan won’t let you.”

I
laughed leaning in. “sweetie, you seem to think you have your claws in a man
who screams out
my
name every night. I don’t have time for your shit,
now get away from my house or you will be sorry because I will go to your
brother, and I have a feeling he will listen to anything I say.”

She
looked scared, but a second later anger flashed before her eyes “So you are the
whore that is breaking my brother’s heart?”

“I
am not breaking anything, Alex knows I am with Ryan.”

“Alex
knows that Ryan and you will never last. Ryan doesn’t do marriage. I am
surprised he asked you to marry him, but trust me, he will do something to make
you go away, and when he does, and I will be there.” She started laughing and
turned to leave.

“Don’t
come back here.” I said

Slamming
the door when I went back inside.

Ryan
told me to ignore her, he said she will move on and find someone else soon
enough.

She
scared me.

Lacey
was able to have Mason return to her, 2 months after he moved in with us.

It
was a tearful goodbye, but I was excited to have my time be my own again.

I
started doing Ryan’s errands again. For a while when the baby was here, all I
could do was schedule his interviews and photo shoots. Everything else, he
hired someone else to do until I was back up and running.

I
started going back to the set. I didn’t talk to Katie, and when they were not
shooting she avoided Ryan and I like crazy.

Ryan
seemed happier to have me around. He was really big on showing everyone that we
were together. Kissing and hugging. He even pulled me into his trailer for sex
countless times.

I
missed having him like that, with nothing getting into the way.

We
started hanging out at Lacey and Jason’s again. I couldn’t get enough for Mason
or Mace as Ryan started calling him, and Ryan seemed to be equally hooked on
the cubby boy.

Lacey
and I started talking again. For a while I felt like I couldn’t talk to her, I
was afraid that if something were wrong with me, she could tell and she would
take on my stress as her own, as she always had.

She
and Jason were exhausted. Mace had started teething, and was keeping them up
more often than not. I could tell that they were totally content with their
lives as parents, but I felt bad for them.

Ryan
started talking about having a baby of our own after a while. I told him after
we were married and he said we should start planning our wedding.

He
was excited for us to get married. When we were with Jason and Lacey he would
talk about it more and more.

Part
of me thought it was because of the baby. He saw how close Lacey and Jason had
become and he wanted that. The other part of me knew that he wanted to have a
baby and I wasn’t sure I was ready just yet but I wanted to be with him, I
wanted it to be official, I felt like I needed that. Between Holly and Katie, I
needed Ryan to be legally mine and not feel this doubt in the pit of my
stomach, like he would leave me at the drop of a hat.

We
planned for a while. But it didn’t feel right. I told him that I didn’t care
about flowers or music.

I
didn’t want to deal with the press. That was one thing we were really good
about avoiding, but the paparazzi would find out that he was getting married,
and we both knew that it meant they would want to get photos.

 I
just wanted to be married to him. So Ryan made a suggestion. He said we could
go down to city hall. That won me over. We invited Jason, Lacey and Mason as
witnesses and in less than an hour we were husband and wife.

We
couldn’t take a honeymoon. Ryan still had to work, and Cindy, his agent was a
raging bitch. Who wouldn’t give him any wiggle room to take time off? He
promised that we would take one as soon as the show wrapped next month, he
didn’t care if Cindy wanted him to jump into the next project, he wanted to be
with me, and I could tell he was hurting not being able to do so.

I
never understood Cindy’s issue. More times than I can count Ryan had considered
firing her, but she helped him a lot when he was first starting out.

She
didn’t like me, and she made that known on many occasions. When I would walk in
with Ryan to meet with her, she would also look at me in an appraising manner,
like she was sizing me up. Screwing up her face in disgust many times, like I
didn’t fit the ideal girl for Ryan or something.

One
day I stepped out to answer a phone call from Lacey to tell me that Mason had
rolled over. We both squealed in excitement, and she sent me a few pictures and
a video. I headed back in to join Ryan when I heard their conversation before I
entered the room.

“You
need to keep your marriage quiet Ryan, half of your fan base is young women and
teenagers, if you are off the market you lose your sex appeal and your fan base
goes down. You need them, they buy the merchandise, and they pay to see you at
press events. You don’t want to let all of this go over a piece of ass.”

“That’s
not what she is to me Cindy, you have been my agent for years, and I respect
your views on most things, but not this. I married her because she is who I
want. I won’t change for my fans. I won’t leave her because a few want to see
me screwing my way through the phone book as opposed to be in an actual relationship
and happy. I won’t do it, don’t ask me again.”

I
heard a forceful whisper, I couldn’t make out what Cindy was saying, but she
was not happy.”

Ryan
sighed and said “I do.”

“Then
you need to keep this quiet until I tell you otherwise, tell her to keep her
mouth shut as well, and we will act like it never happened until you get the
next few roles. When you are put on the top of the map, which you will be soon
enough, then you can tell the whole world about your dirty little secret.”

I
didn’t want to hear any more. Or listen to Ryan’s response. I walked outside
and climbed into the car.

45
minutes later, and 14 levels completed of Candy Crush completed, Ryan came back
out. He didn’t look at me when he climbed in. He started the car and headed for
Starbucks. It was out thing, we also got coffee when we were done doing his
errands.

I
didn’t bother looking at him either. I knew he didn’t know that I had overheard
his conversation with Cindy, but he almost seemed mad at me. Which confused me.

I
got out of the car before he had a chance.

I
headed into the store, placed my order and noticed that Ryan was still in the
car. He was on the phone with someone and he didn’t seem happy. He was yelling
at whoever was on the other side. His driver window was cracked slightly open.
I heard him yelling.

“I
don’t give a shit what they want, I am not doing it. I will lose everything I
have, I can’t lose this. I didn’t realize it would be considered a mistake, or
I never would have done it I will take care of it just let me talk to Emmalyn,
she’s going to freak out.”

All
I could think about was his conversation with Cindy, about marrying me being a
mistake. I knew then that he would need to get out of our marriage.

My
stomach dropped. My hands started to shake and before I knew it tears were
running down my face.

He
would leave me over his job. I wouldn’t expect him to have made any other
choice a few months back, but now... Now we were married, that had to mean something.
It did to me. It was clearly however, that I might be the only one who thought
it mattered most.

I
turned left on the sidewalk. I was going to walk to Lacey and Jason’s, there
was no point in getting into the car with him. I knew what was coming and I
wasn’t quite ready to have my heart smashed in.