Choices (New Beginnings #1) (16 page)

"This is about your dad?"

"If I just hadn't cried out. If I had let Ethan ..."

"What did Ethan do to you?" His voice hardened and Michaela buried her face in his chest.

"He ..." she paused. "He was hurting me, and my dad found us. That's why we left when we did. That's why we were in that car."

"It isn't your fault." He had to work hard to soften his words with the anger rolling around inside of him. If he ever saw Ethan again, he didn't know what he'd do. Jason smoothed her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"I keep wondering when he's going to remember everything I said to him. I was so awful to him, Jason. All the years of anger towards him came spilling out, and I couldn't stop it. Then ... Then ..."

"Then the car crashed," he finished for her. She nodded against him.

"I keep thinking that it'd be best if those were some of the memories he never gets back. But, what if he doesn't? Do I just live with it?" She finally looked up at him with wide eyes.

"We all have to live with something," he whispered, wiping the tears from her face with his thumbs.

It happened quickly. One second, Michaela was crying into his shirt, and the next, she was kissing him. Jason didn't stop her. He’d been wanting to kiss her ever since that last time. Her lips were salty from her tears, and they felt warm and soft against his.

She broke away and got to her feet quickly. "I'm sorry," she breathed. She tried to turn and walk away, but he stopped her.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I'm a mess." She started crying again and collapsed into his arms. "When I kiss you, Jason, I don't have to think about any of this. I don't have to think at all. I shouldn't use you like that."

"Is that all it is?" he asked. "Using me?"

"I don't know!" she pushed away from him. "I don't know anything anymore."

"Michaela, I can't breathe when I'm around you ,and I can't stand it when I'm not. I hate not being able to kiss you, but if you don't have any feelings for me, I understand. I'd rather be your friend than be nothing to you at all."

"Are you saying that ..."

"I'm in love with you."

Michaela stood perfectly still. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again. This was what she'd been waiting for. That moment of clarity she’d always believed in but never thought she'd experience. The moment when she knew exactly what she wanted. She couldn't believe she hadn't seen it before. It was Jason. 

In the dark, she could tell when Jason's shoulders started to sag in defeat at the lack of a response from her, and she realized she was waiting too long. She had to say something.

"When I told you that I don't have to think when I kiss you," she started slowly, "it's because I can't think about anything but you, but us, when I'm that close to you." She couldn't read his expression to tell if he understood what she was saying. Then a memory popped into her head. "Right after I met you, you told me that sometimes you know right away if you could fall in love with a person."

"That was about you," he said softly.

"You knew," she said. "You knew right away. You knew long before I did."

"Michaela," he said, stepping closer. "I feel like I've always known." Without another word, he smoothed her hair and turned her face up to look him in the eye. His eyes searched hers for an intense moment, and then he kissed her.

Michaela felt her mind clearing until all that was left was her and Jason and that beach.

This kiss was different than before. Gone was the desperation of a friendship that could never be more. It was more now. This kiss was about promises and hope rather than longing and jealousy. Michaela parted her lips and Jason deepened the kiss, but it never went farther than that. Michaela smiled against his lips and laughed.

"What?" Jason breathed.

"When I first moved to New York, my brother told me not to even think about going there with you because I was on the rebound."

"Did you heed his warning?"

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about doing this," she kissed him quickly and broke away, "since the day I met you."

He kissed her long and hard and then sat back.

"Man," she laughed again. "You sure know how to cheer a girl up."

"I'll send you the bill." 

Seventeen

"Do we have to get up?" Michaela whined. She was lying in bed with Jason, although fully clothed. They’d decided to take it slow, and Michaela felt like she was back in high school again. She wasn't complaining, though. It was nice. There were no expectations. She draped her leg over his and bunched his shirt in her hands as he kissed her again. She leaned back, panting. "I mean, I know we have to go, but I want to just lay here like this forever."

"I know what you mean," Jason sighed. He sat up quickly when Michaela's door banged open.

"Are you ready ..." Chris stopped and stood, looking at them, with his jaw practically on the floor. Michaela threw a pillow at him and laughed.

"Hey man," Jason said sheepishly. Yep, definitely back in high school. Getting caught making out in her parents' house. Chris's face broke into a grin.

"Well, at least you guys have your clothes on. I can't tell you how many times I walked in on Michaela and douche bag mid-strip."

"It's called knocking!" Michaela yelled. She wasn't angry though.

"It's called locking your door," Chris laughed. "Anyways, it's about time you guys happened. I'm over your pining," he pointed to Jason, "and your moping." That was directed at Michaela.

"I don't mope!" she yelled at the same time Jason said, "I don't pine." They looked at each other, and all three of them were laughing now.

"So, as much as I'm sure we'd all like to throw a parade to celebrate what everyone with eyes knew was inevitable, Mom is waiting for us."

"Right," Michaela said, untangling herself from Jason and getting to her feet. "Let's go see Dad." Chris left them to finish getting ready.

"I should stay here and let your family be together." Jason grabbed Michaela's hand and she turned to look at him.

"No," she pleaded. "I need you with me. I don't know if I'm strong enough on my own."

"Of course you are." He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. "And you won't be on your own. Your mom and brother will be there." He really had to call Maggie and Aaron to check on things. He knew he'd have to get back to the city soon.

"Please, Jason." She looked up at him and it was then that he realized he didn't think he'd ever be able to say no to her. At least not when she looked at him like that.

"Okay." He kissed the top of her head. "Okay."  

###

"You head in," Michaela told Chris. "I'm going to talk to the nurse for a minute."

"Sure," Chris said, turning into the room.

Jason grabbed Michaela's hand and squeezed. "I'll let you guys have your time with your dad. I'm going to get a coffee."

Michaela nodded and parted ways with him to head to the nurse's station. Her father's nurse met her halfway and smiled. "Your father’s been in a very happy mood today," she said. "He'll be glad to see you."

"What, did you give him a lobotomy?" The words slipped out of Michaela's mouth before she could stop them. "Happy" was not a term she’d heard used to describe her dad before. Maybe the accident changed him. They had a way of doing that. Maybe he was so drugged up that it had made him delirious. Or maybe, with all his memory loss, he’d yet to remember that he was a controlling ass.

Michaela shook that last thought from her mind. She knew she had to start thinking of him differently. Almost losing him made her realize how much she wanted her father in her life. This was her time to be there for him.

"Now, he still doesn't remember the accident but, in his state, we're thinking that's a good thing for the time being," the nurse said, ignoring Michaela's joke. "There are some things that are coming back to him, but it's slow going. He's probably never going to get a lot of it back. His life as he knew it is over. So tread carefully with him. Steer clear of anything that might upset him."

"Will do," Michaela said softly as the nurse left her outside her father's room. She waited in the hall for a few minutes, not wanting to interrupt Chris' time with their dad. Their voices drifted out towards her. She knew she probably shouldn't eavesdrop, but she couldn't help herself.

"It should’ve been your spot all along," her father was saying. "But I was stubborn. Stubborn and scared."

"Dad ..." Chris started to say.

"Let me get this out, son," their dad cut him off. "Being here in this town isn't easy for people that are ... different."

Michaela grimaced at that. Her father still couldn't say “gay.”

"But things have changed," he continued. "I can't go back to the firm any time soon."

"Dad," Chris said urgently. "I'm sure there are a few of your partners who are dying to take over."

"It's Matthews and Matthews, damn you!" That's the father Michaela recognized. The one who yelled at his children during the brief periods he wasn't ignoring them all together.

"It's the family's firm," he said, more calmly this time. "And, when I do come back, it'll be nice to have two Matthews’ there once again."

Michaela had heard enough. Her father wanted Chris to stay. Maybe that was the right thing to do under the circumstances. She just couldn't imagine her brother getting sucked back into this world.

"Hi, Dad." Michaela entered the room and walked quickly to the side of the bed. She looked down at him and wiped her face when she felt the dampness on her cheeks. No matter how much anger she’d harbored towards this man, seeing him like this was hard. Her father had always been this pillar of strength in her life. He was hard and cold, but strong.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Oh, I'm okay," her father responded nonchalantly. She’d never known him to be nonchalant. "They say I might be able to get out of here in the next week."

"Really?" Chris was surprised.

"Yeah, I'll have to have an in-home nurse and I'll have to come to the hospital for therapy. It's going to be a lot of work. Your mother, believe it or not, has cleared all the events from her calendar to focus on my treatments. Never thought I'd see anything get in the way of her social life."

"That's great," Michaela said, equally surprised. "I assumed she'd hire some extra help."

"Me too." Her father scratched the side of his face and glanced away. "She said it's a family affair. Whatever that means. We're going to be spending more time together than we ever have, because I don't know when or if I'll be able to go back to the firm."

"You may not be going back?" Michaela asked, trying to act like she hadn't heard everything he’d said to Chris.

"I can't remember things, dammit!" Their dad's sudden outburst made both Chris and Michaela step back. When he calmed down, he spoke again. "So, no, I won't be going back anytime soon."

"Everything alright in here?" Jason poked his head in. He looked directly at Michaela. "I heard yelling."

"Young man ..." her father stopped and narrowed his eyes. "I know you," he accused. Then his eyes grew wide. "You're that bartender! What are you doing here, son? As I'm sure Michaela has told you, she is to marry Ethan Walker."

"Dad, stop!" Michaela knew he was in there somewhere. This was the father she’d known all her life, not the happy, nice one. And, of course, he didn't remember what Ethan had done. Could she tell him that without saying that she was the reason they were in the car? With Jason standing there, she didn't have much of a choice. "Ethan and I broke up."

"I'm sure that whatever you did, you can fix it."

"No! You don't understand. You walked in on Ethan ..." she paused and swallowed hard. "You saw him hit me."

"I don't believe you. He’d never do such a thing."

"He did!"

"Well," her father sneered. "That's no reason to lower yourself to ..."

"You don't get it do you?" Michaela cut him off. "I don't care what you think!"

Her dad's machines started getting louder and his breaths came out in short gasps. The nurse came running into the room. "I told you not to upset him!" she said harshly. "Go wait in the hall."

Outside the room, Michaela leaned against the wall. She couldn't believe she’d just said that to her dad while he was lying in a hospital bed. He was only there because of her. He just made her so angry. She’d let herself hope that the accident had changed him. That hope came crashing down so quickly that it had made her act without thinking.

Jason tried to put an arm around her and tell her it was okay, but the glare she sent him made him back off. Chris wasn't even looking at her, and she didn't blame him.

"Please be okay," she whispered to no one in particular. She squeezed her eyes shut and didn't open them until the nurse was standing in front of her.

"He's fine," she said. "He had an elevated heart rate and difficulty breathing, most likely cause by stress." She scowled at the three of them, blocking Chris when he tried to reenter the room. "I can't let you back in there."

"Fine." Chris stormed down the hall, with Michaela and Jason trailing behind.

###

The car ride from the hospital was silent. Michaela wanted to bring up everything she’d overheard in the hospital, but Chris wasn't looking at her. They reached the house and Chris hurried inside, but she just stood there, looking up at the front door.

"Mic," Jason said, placing his hands on her shoulders. At the sound of her name on his lips, she lost it. She started to cry and he pulled her into his arms.

"Shhh," he said. "Your dad's going to be alright."

"I was terrible to him because of his memory loss," she sobbed. "What kind of person does that make me?"

He didn't give her an answer because there really wasn't one. He held her until she stopped crying, and then wiped the tears from her face.

"Feel better?" he asked.

"A little," she admitted.

They went inside and Jason tried to follow Michaela up the stairs, but she waved him off. By the time she got to her brother's room the tears had stopped, but the heartache had not. She knocked on Chris's door, and it swung open moments later.

Chris didn't say a word as he let her in and sat down on his bed.

"Look," Michaela began nervously. "I'm sorry about what happened in Dad's room. It was my fault. I shouldn't have angered him."

"Sis, if you could control when that man gets mad, we'd be much better off. But, you can't." He shrugged. "It wasn't your fault. Dad just ..." He sighed and ran a shaking hand through his hair. He leaned back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

"I know." Michaela lay next to him as a heavy silence filled the air.

"I need to tell you something," Chris finally said. Michaela leaned up on her elbow and looked down at him.

"You're staying here."

"How did you ..."

"I heard you and Dad talking."

Chris sat up and met her gaze. "I know you and Jason just finally got together, but I want you to consider staying too. Mom and Dad need us."

"No," Michaela stated quickly. "I'm starting law school soon. I have Jason now. I'm finally living my life the way I want to. What about you? You have a job."

"I already resigned," he scratched the back of his head and looked away. "I need to do this, Mic."

"Don't you see, Chris? This is how we get sucked back in. You already fought to get out once. Do you really think they'll let you do that again? Do you think Dad would give up everything for us?"

"No," Chris said plainly. "But I'm not him. Sometimes what makes a family has nothing to do with how they feel about you. It's how you feel about them that counts. They need us. I know you've seen what all of this is doing to Mom. Don't tell me that you don't care."

"Of course I care." Michaela stood. "I just don't know what to do."