Choices (New Beginnings #1) (14 page)

"Tell me," he pleaded. Chris continued to sob and Jason felt tears coming to his eyes although he didn't quite know why. "Chris, please."

"There was an accident."

"Is she okay?"

Chris looking up then and started shaking his head. He looked so broken.

"You mean ..." Jason started but Chris interrupted him.

"She's still alive," he said, wiping his eyes. Jason relaxed back into his chair and sighed.

"That's good then, right?"

"She hasn't woken up yet. Neither has my dad."

"Your dad?"

"Yeah, they were together. They left the Walker's house before we even ate Thanksgiving dinner. All I know is that Ethan had a black eye and they were gone. It's all Ethan's fault." It wasn't anger that filled Chris's voice, it was desperation.

Jason didn't say anything to that. All he could think about was the possibility that Michaela would never wake up. He’d never see her smile again or listen to her argue about hockey, knowing she was always right. If she died, he felt like he would too.

"I need to see her." He stood suddenly and Chris followed suit.

"Let me take a quick shower and we'll go. I was with her most of the night and was sent home with the directive to come back cleaner and fed."

"Okay, but hurry."

"Will do."  

###

The hospital was busy by the time Jason and Chris walked through the doors. Nurses in dark blue scrubs manned the desks and went to and from patient rooms. Doctors hurried in and out of those same rooms, their long white lab coats billowing out behind them. There was noise. Constant noise. Jason had managed to avoid hospitals since his parents died when he was a kid, but he remembered the smell. It was the distinct reek of the cleaning chemicals that had been overused to mask the underlying odor of unwashed bodies.

On a normal day, being in a hospital would bring back memories. It was, after all, where he became an orphan before being shuffled off to foster care. But today, he didn't think about that. He barely saw the faces he passed or heard the voices of those around him. He only had one thing on his mind. He had to see Michaela.

"Which way?" he asked Chris when they stepped off the elevator. Chris just pointed down the hall to their right and started walking. He’d barely said anything on the way over. Jason knew he was just trying not to fall apart completely. He understood because he was trying to avoid doing the same.

Chris stopped when they were almost to the end of the hall, and someone was walking out of the second to last room. It wasn't until he turned that Jason recognized him. Ethan. Chris tensed up beside him and Jason saw his hands curl into fists at his side. Jason knew why he hated the guy, but what had happened to make Chris react this way?

Ethan frowned when he saw them and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Hey Chris, man. Look, I'm sorry about Mic." He barely finished what he was saying before Chris lunged. He was bigger than Ethan, so Ethan didn't stand a chance. Chris's fist connected with the side of Ethan's face, and he staggered but didn't fall. Jason knew he should stop it, but he thought Chris needed this and he didn't give a damn about Ethan. Nurses had come running but they didn't try to break up the fight. They only gawked.

Chris pinned Ethan up against the wall and kneed him in the groin. Ethan would have doubled over had Chris not still been holding him upright. Chris lifted him by the collar of his shirt and slammed him back into the concrete wall.

"You ..." he slammed him again. "It's all your fault."

"Chris," Ethan wheezed. "I don't--"

"They left because of you. I don't know what you did, but I will find out."

At that moment, Jason stepped forward and put a hand on Chris's shoulder.

"When Michaela wakes up, she's going to be pretty pissed if you've beaten her boyfriend to a bloody pulp."

Chris gripped Ethan tighter and looked him in the eye. "Michaela broke up with you, didn't she?" Ethan nodded furiously. "And you did something to make her leave, but my dad caught you." Ethan kept nodding, more slowly this time. Chris pulled him from the wall and released him. He shoved him and Ethan went stumbling before finally falling to the ground. "Don't come back here." With that, Chris turned into the room.

Jason stood for a moment longer, watching Ethan hurry away. He’d never seen Chris like that.

Jason couldn't help but hope he had something to do with Michaela finally breaking it off with Ethan. He shook off that thought immediately. All that mattered in that moment was that she was okay.

He stopped abruptly as soon as he entered the room. Michaela looked like she was sleeping. Her beautiful face was bruised and swollen with little cuts, but she wore the most peaceful expression. He hesitated before moving any closer. 

"You can talk to her," a small woman said from the chair next to her bed. She stood and walked over to give Chris a hug. Her eyes were rimmed in red and the tears still clung to her eyelashes. She looked fragile. Much different than the first time he’d met her. Tragedy has a way of making even the strongest people vulnerable.

"Mom, you remember Jason," Chris said.

"Oh, the bar owner." She gave him the tiniest of smiles. "Yes."

"How is she?" Jason asked.

"The doctors think she'll wake up soon," she responded before turning to her son and taking his hand in her own. "Chris, your father woke about two hours ago. He's been in an out of sleep since then. Come with me to see him." She wasn't ordering her son, it was more like a plea.

Before he left, Chris pointed to the now vacant chair. "Sit and talk to her. She'll want to hear your voice."

Jason swallowed hard and nodded. Chris shut the door behind him, and Jason was left alone with Michaela. He sat and reached out to hold her hand but then pulled his own back sharply. He was scared to touch her. She looked so frail. He let out a choked sob.

"Michaela," he cried. "Mic. I don't know if you can hear any of this, but I have so much to tell you. I've been so stupid. I should have told you a long time ago how in love with you I am. That's what I came to Connecticut for. I expected to find you in a turkey coma, not an actual one." He took her hand, without hesitation this time, and squeezed it. He’d half-expected to feel the pressure of her hand holding on but it was limp. There was no movement. He rested his forehead on the bed next to her leg and cried. He’d have given anything to feel her stroke his hair and tell him it was going to be okay. But it wasn't okay.

Jason's next words were strangled coming out but he knew that if she could hear him, she'd understand.

"Come back to me."

###

Michaela sat on her blanket, looking out at the ocean. It was a calm day. The water was dark and glassy and it shone where the sun permeated its surface. For some reason, she couldn't tell if the air was warm or cold.
That's weird,
she thought. She shrugged it off and leaned back.

This was her beach. The only place she felt at peace. It was perfect - a perfect place, a perfect day. She reached down to smooth her favorite white skirt and didn't look up until she saw her brother walking by the shore line. He met her gaze and smiled, lighting up his handsome face. Chris was her best friend. They'd been close since they were little. He protected her from the harsher realities of their family.

"Love you, little sister." His words came as a whisper on the breeze that blew the hair from her face. He didn't stop walking until he finally disappeared from view.

"Chris!" Michaela tried to call him back, but her voice wouldn't come. She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them, her parents were standing nearby, arguing. She couldn't help but think her father didn't look so good. He was pale and wobbled on unstable legs. Michaela's mother frowned when she looked at her. Her father grimaced and then mouthed the words
‘I'm Sorry’.

He was gone, but her mother still stood staring her way. Her arms were crossed and her feet planted, but her face softened. She relaxed her shoulders and reached her arms towards her daughter. "It's going to be okay," she said before she, too, was gone.

Michaela didn't know what was going on as the people in her life were paraded in front of her. She didn't know what had happened. Every time she tried to ask, the words stuck in her throat.

Ethan was next. Michaela wanted to pull her knees up to her chest and wrap her arms around them to protect herself, but she couldn't. Ethan came closer and she tried to shrink back. She knew who he was now. She used to think he was better than Jason because he didn't keep anything from her. Now, she wondered how she could've been so stupid.

Ethan was close enough to touch now, but Michaela shut her eyes and refused to look at him. "You were never worth it," he growled. He spit and Michaela expected to feel the wet grossness hit her, but she didn't.

When she opened her eyes, it was Katie that stood in front of her. Tears were rolling down Michaela's face, but she couldn't feel them on her cheeks.

Katie didn't say anything. She smirked and then just walked away.

Michaela sat, breathing heavily, waiting for the next person to come.
Am I dead?
She wondered.
Is this my parade of failures?

All Michaela could do was stare into the depths of the water. She thought about wading in and disappearing, but she sat motionless. None of her limbs would work. She tried to reach up to touch her tears to see if they were real but she couldn't get her arm to move. She felt paralyzed as a panic built in her chest.

Michaela heard someone walk up behind her, but she couldn't turn her head to see who it was. After a few excruciatingly long moments, Jason stood in front of her. He reached out to touch her, but then dropped his hand. Her heart froze.

The left side of Jason's mouth turned up into a cockeyed smile. "I've known since the day that I met you," he said.

Known what?
She wanted to yell
. What do you mean?
Still, her voice betrayed her. She looked down in surprise when she felt a pressure on her hand.

"Come back to me." He turned without waiting for the response that wouldn't come and walked the length of the beach. His image grew dimmer and dimmer until Michaela could no longer see anything at all.    

Fifteen

"Anything?" Chris asked, handing Jason a coffee.

"No." Jason took a sip of coffee, burning the roof of his mouth in the process. He didn't care, though. He was just happy he could feel anything at all.

They’d been at the hospital for a few hours, and Jason hadn't left Michaela's side. Her mother had been in and out, but was mostly giving them space.

"My dad's awake," Chris said, relief evident in his voice.

"How is he?"

"They're running tests."

"Oh ... good." Jason knew he should be happy that Michaela still had a father, but all he could think about was her. He watched as Chris walked around to the other side of the bed and stroked his sister's hair. Jason drained the rest of his coffee and stood. "I'm going to need more caffeine than this."

Chris laughed and the sound was unsettling in Michaela's quiet hospital room. "You drink too much coffee, dude."

"Yeah, whatever."

"I guess it's a habit you’re going to need to keep in order to be with my sister." He laughed again. "Cafeteria is down one floor."

Jason took one more long look at Michaela. He was about to turn away when it happened.

"Did you see that?" he asked Chris as he bent down over the bed.

"What?" Chris came up beside him.

"Her hand, it moved. There it is again!" Michaela's hand twitched a third time, sending Chris out into the hall, yelling for a nurse. He came back in, followed by a plump woman in light blue hospital scrubs.

"Give her some space," the nurse ordered. Jason reluctantly stepped back. His heart pounded as Michaela's eyelids twitched and eventually started to open. She squinted as the light hit her eyes and then was seized by alarm. Her eyes started darting around, not staying on anything long enough to take it in. The sounds from her machines grew louder and more urgent.

"Calm down, sweetie," the nurse said calmly. "You were in an accident. You're going to be just fine." Michaela's chest rose and fell rapidly as the nurse's words did nothing to quell her panic.

Jason moved forward and took her hand in his. After a few seconds, her gaze fell on him and her eyes widened slightly.

"Everything is okay now," he whispered. 

###

Michaela opened her mouth to try to speak, but her throat was too dry and scratchy. Her breathing had calmed and her heart rate slowed as she looked at Jason. She formed words with her mouth and then started coughing. It hurt. Everything hurt, but it wasn't the screaming agony one would expect after a car crash. It was more of a dull throb
. I must be on drugs,
she thought.

A nurse was holding a cup to her mouth so she parted her lips to take a drink. Water dribbled down her chin and also into the back of her throat. She felt like she could've drank the whole thing, but the nurse pulled the cup away and started checking the machines and writing things down.

Michaela looked at her brother. Chris smiled down at her. "I'll be back. I'm going to get Mom." He cupped her cheek and then left. The nurse went to fetch the doctor, leaving Michaela alone with Jason. Her head was still fuzzy as she looked at him. She felt like she was forgetting something.

Jason sat in the chair beside her, still holding her hand. His thumb made circles on her palm. "You're here," Michaela rasped.

"I'm here." The tears that had been pooling in his eyes spilled over his cheeks. "I was so scared." He leaned forward. She took her hand from his and used all her strength to lift her arm and run her fingers through his hair. He sighed under her touch. She stilled her hand and he turned his cheek into her palm.

"It's going to be okay now, right?" There was so much meaning in that question that she regretted asking it instantly. Jason nodded his head against her hand and then she lowered it back to the bed.

The doctor hurried in, followed by Chris and his mom. He was young for a doctor, but he carried himself with the confidence of age. 

"Hello, Michaela," the doctor said. "It's good to have you back with us. I am Doctor Johanson. I've been overseeing your care."

"Hi, “Michaela said weakly.

"Good." The doctor wrote something on his clipboard. "You're already speaking. That's a good sign."

"My head." Michaela grabbed her head for emphasis. It had been killing her since she woke up.

"You most likely have a concussion. We'll be doing tests for that. But first, I need you to wiggle your toes for me." He pulled the sheet from her feet and removed her socks. Michaela put all of her energy into moving her toes.

"How'd I do?" she asked nervously.

"You did wonderfully." Dr. Johanson grinned at her as he wrote something else down. He asked her to do a few more things, all of which she could. He asked her questions such as "what year is it?" and "who is the President?" She passed. He then told her a nurse would be down to do some more tests and take her up for another scan and left.

It was only then that Michaela noticed her mom was bawling. Chris looked sad as well. Only Jason smiled at her.

"See," he said. "Everything will be fine." He bent down and kissed her forehead, but she didn't take her eyes from her mother's face. From the desperation she saw there, she knew right then that everything was not going to be okay. 

###

Cerebral edema. It's when the brain swells, due to trauma or other things, causing excess fluid buildup in the tissues themselves. They say it happens with traumatic brain injuries. Memory loss, short and long, loss of balance, headaches, altered state of consciousness. These can all be long term problems.

When they told Michaela that her dad was suffering from this, she started to cry and couldn't stop. They were in the same accident, sitting side by side. How could this happen to him? All of her tests had come back good. Michaela had a concussion and a number of cuts and bruises but nothing that would have long term effects.

"It was the same damn accident!" she yelled at her mother when she told her.

"Michaela, you need to calm down," Chris stepped protectively in front of their mom and Michaela sank back into the bed.

She felt bad for yelling, but she was having trouble controlling any of her emotions. She took a closer look at her mother as Chris led her to the chair. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. Michaela couldn't remember the last time she saw her without perfect makeup and painstakingly pressed clothes. Yet, here she was, disheveled and distressed. Michaela thought she looked broken. This was not the same woman who tried to control everything and everyone around her. This was a woman who had lost control completely and was trying to keep it together. When it came to health and illness, there was no such thing as control.

"Michaela, the swelling isn't the only problem Dad has." Chris sat on the corner of her bed and held her hand. "A bone fragment lodged itself in his spinal cord."

"They can do surgery right?" Michaela looked from her brother to her mother and back again. "He's going to be alright?"

"They think he might be paralyzed from the waist down." Chris squeezed her hand tighter and she tried to shake him off.

Why him? She was there too. Everything she said to her father right before the crash started rolling through her mind. She had told him she didn't want anything to do with him. She said that everything was his fault. Suddenly, none of the reasons for those words mattered. She hated herself for saying them.

"I need ..." her chest heaved with sobs and she wiped the tears from her eyes angrily. "I need to get out of here." At the recommendation of the nurse, she’d been walking the halls on her own for a day now to regain some strength. They hadn't let her off the floor, though, so she hadn't seen her father yet. She hadn't been able to tell him how sorry she was. She knew it could've been worse. Their driver died in the crash. That only made her feel more terrible. It was her fault they were even out on those roads.

Chris let her go and she rushed out into the hall as fast as her still-unsteady legs would take her. She needed to see him. She’d barely been able to make it the entire way around the floor before her legs gave out last time, but she was determined to make it. A nurse smiled at her, but she kept her eyes on the ground to watch for her next step. She didn't want anyone seeing the tears that were still streaming down her face.

She hurried past the main desk and headed towards the elevator alcove, hoping they wouldn't see her. She knew she'd be stopped if they did.

Michaela's legs shook beneath her and she held onto the wall for support. She stopped and leaned against a closed door, panting. She wiped an arm across her eyes and tried to catch her breath. A shock of pain seared through her leg, and she gnashed her teeth together to keep from crying out. This was the farthest she had walked yet, but she couldn't stop now. She had to get to her dad.

Michaela stood there for a moment longer, watching for all hospital staff to be out of sight before she ducked around the corner. She hit the elevator button and waited, trying to ignore the tingling in her limbs that she knew preceded further weakness. It had happened once yesterday when she went too far. She could no longer move her legs and had to be helped back to her room.

She didn't stop. When the elevator came, she stumbled in. She hit the button for her dad's floor. As soon as the doors shut, Michaela's legs gave out and she collapsed into a heap on the floor. She cried violently as she tried to push herself up.

She was still in the same position when the doors opened again.

"Michaela?"

"Jason!" She looked up, relieved it was him.

"What are you doing?" He crouched down. "Are you okay?" He brushed away the strands of hair that had been sticking to her tears. He furrowed his brow in worry and pursed his lips.

"I need to see my dad."

He considered her for a moment. “They told you." When she nodded, he said, "Okay, then." He slid an arm under her legs and supported her back with the other.

"What are you doing?"

"Just hold on." He lifted her with a grunt and she wrapped an arm around his neck. She ran her thumb over the point on his neck where his pulse beat steady and laid her head on his shoulder.

It didn't take long to find the room. Jason set Michaela on her feet and wrapped an arm around her waist to keep her steady as they walked into her father's room.

Michaela's father still had a number of machines hooked up, and she could see some sort of brace poking out from beneath the covers of his bed. Her dad looked up as they entered, and recognition lit in his face. Michaela had fresh tears now as she watched him struggle to find a name.

"Dad, it's me, Michaela."

"Yes, yes ... Michaela. I would have gotten there eventually. Come in."

Michaela sat next to his bed but Jason stayed by the door, not wanting to intrude.

"Dad, I'm so sorry."

"For what M ..." he stopped, trying to remember again, "my dear."

"I said some awful things."

"Sweetheart, I told you once and I'll tell you again. You cannot just decide to spend the night at your boyfriend’s house. I don't care who his family is. You are in high school."

"Dad ..." she buried her face in her hands. "Dad, that was like six years ago. Don't you remember riding in the car with me right before the accident?"

"I don't know why you would have been with me when you're supposed to be away at college."

"Oh, there you are!" A nurse pushed passed Jason at the door. "They're looking for you upstairs." Michaela looked up at her desperately. "My dear, he's going to be just fine."

"Will he get his memories back?" Michaela asked.

"Many of them, but not all." She patted Michaela on the back. "He could have died in that accident, and he didn't. Be glad of that and patient with the rest." She looked at Jason. "Now, get her back to her room. Do you want a wheelchair?"

"No," he said. "I've got her."