Authors: Kimberla Lawson Roby
When I finally pulled myself together, I left the restroom. But as soon as I did, something dawned on me. I don’t know why exactly, but suddenly I realized that I’d been blessed with just about everything. Great parents, a man who loved me, a satisfying career. To put it plainly, I just didn’t have a whole lot to complain about. Of course, I wanted to be married and I wanted to have children, but overall, my life was pretty happy.
So happy that I guess something was bound to go wrong eventually.
C
HARISSE STIRRED
the home-style grits one last time, removed them from the stove, and poured them into a ceramic bowl. It wasn’t very often that she found time to prepare a full-course breakfast for her family, but she always tried to do so every Wednesday, her day off. As a matter of fact, Wednesday was also the day she had lunch with her two best friends and the day she attended Bible study in the evening. Although with Taylor being out of town on business, Charisse and Whitney had agreed to postpone their get-together until next week. Which actually was a good thing since for some time now Charisse had wanted to accompany some of the older women of the church when they visited members who were in nursing homes. Charisse worked hard at being a faithful and obedient Christian but she’d never felt that Sunday school, Sunday worship, or various evening services was enough. She wanted to be more involved with outside ministries. She wanted to share God’s Word with people who weren’t able to spend as much time at church as she did.
Just as Charisse lined the round glass table with scrambled eggs, grits, sausage links, wheat toast, and a pitcher of orange juice, the children walked into the kitchen and took their seats.
“Good morning, Mom,” Brandon said.
“Good morning,” Brianna repeated.
“Good morning,” Charisse said, sitting down at the table with them. “Where’s your dad?”
“Right here,” Marvin said, strolling into the room,
Chicago Tribune
in hand.
“Do you wanna say the blessing?” Charisse asked him.
“No, you go ahead,” he said, and flipped open the sports section.
Charisse wanted to strangle him. It was almost as if he rebelled against church and anything to do with God just so he could piss her off. Damn him.
“Dear heavenly Father,” she started. “Thank you for all the many blessings you have bestowed upon us and for the food we are about to receive. In your son Jesus’ name, Amen.”
“Amen,” Brandon and Brianna said, and reached toward the center of the table, helping themselves to what their mother had prepared for them.
Marvin took a sip of orange juice, never looking up from his paper.
“Hey, B,” Brandon said to his sister. “I wonder if your girl Nina is coming to school today. Especially, since she got that booty whipped so badly.”
Brianna frowned. “She’s not
my
girl. I can’t stand Nina with her ugly self.”
“Awww. You’re just mad because she took your little boyfriend from you.”
“Whatever.”
“What boyfriend?” Charisse asked.
“Nobody,” Brianna hurried to say.
“Liar,” Brandon teased. “You know you like Halston.”
“I don’t! And I wish you would stop saying that.”
“Yes, you do. You’ve been liking Halston ever since we were in elementary school. Admit it, girl.”
“Whatever,” she said, rolling her eyes at him.
“Okay, that’s enough,” Charisse interrupted.
Brandon laughed in a taunting way and Brianna made a face at her brother.
“You are so childish to be in the eighth grade,” Brianna continued.
“And you’re too silly to be in the seventh,” he shot back.
“You make me so sick, Brandon.”
“You’re just mad because I busted you out about that boy in front of Mom and Dad.”
“You didn’t bust me out about anything. So, now.”
“I
said,
that’s enough,” Charisse added.
“Sorry, Mom,” Brandon apologized.
Brianna didn’t say anything one way or the other.
“Did the two of you finish your homework?” Charisse asked.
“Yes,” Brandon answered.
Charisse waited for her daughter to respond but she didn’t.
“Brianna, did you hear me?”
“I finished my homework right after school the same as I always do.”
“Are you getting smart with me?”
“No. I just answered your question.”
Her tone was curt, and Charisse had to stop herself from grabbing her out of that chair. Ever since Brianna had turned twelve, their relationship had become a fiasco. Of course, by no means had they ever been close, not even when Brianna was a small child, but now things were much worse.
As of late, Brianna rarely smiled, she seemed almost irritated whenever Charisse said anything to her, and she was, for the most part, cocky. Although since she was Daddy’s little girl, she never treated her father that way, but acted as if Charisse was her enemy. To be honest, Charisse felt the exact same way about her daughter. She wasn’t proud of it, but she wished with everything she had that Brianna had never been born.
The Richardson family quietly ate their food until Marvin broke the silence.
“One of my coworkers is leaving the company and we’re giving him a send-off celebration after work.”
“Really?” Charisse said. “And where is this
send-off
?”
“At Tommy’s.”
“The sports bar?”
“Yep.”
“And you think that’s the right kind of place for a Christian man to be hanging out at?”
“I don’t know whether it is or not, but I’m going.”
“Oh, is that right? But you can’t go to Bible study on Wednesday nights, though?”
Marvin drank more of his juice and picked up another section of the newspaper, openly ignoring her.
Charisse wished he was dead. He was so different now that he’d been promoted to area manager at the gas company and was now making noticeably more money—even more than she made as a surgical nurse. It was almost as if that little job of his had gone straight to his head and that he thought he could say or do whatever he wanted. He didn’t even go to church on Sundays anymore. Not to mention he acted as though he despised her, and he barely said more than a few words to her on any given day. Which was why it was hard to believe there had been a time when he had done any and everything she’d told him to do, no matter what that any and everything had been. For fifteen years she’d been able to control him completely, but now that control was nonexistent. It was almost as if she was married to a total stranger who didn’t care about her in the least.
The children glanced at each other and Charisse got up from the table and went over to the sink.
“You guys had better finish up,” Marvin said. “Your bus will be here in fifteen minutes.”
“Okay, Daddy,” Brianna said, smiling.
Charisse hated both of them—her husband and her daughter.
“Dad, are you coming to my game tomorrow?” Brandon asked.
“Of course. You know I don’t miss any of your games.”
“And we’re still going to the high school game on Friday, right?”
“Yep.”
“I wanna go, too,” Brianna said.
“Girl, football games are for men,” Brandon bragged.
“Then why are you going?” she spat.
“Just shut up, Brianna.”
“Didn’t I say that was enough?!” Charisse yelled. “All you two ever do is argue, and I’m sick of it.”
Brianna stood up and kissed her father on the cheek. “Bye, Daddy.
“See you, Pops.” Brandon balled his hand into a fist and bumped it against his dad’s.
“You guys have a good day in school.”
Brandon pecked Charisse on the cheek. “Bye, Mom.”
“See you when you get home,” Charisse said, but her heart wasn’t in it. She loved her children—well at least she loved Brandon, but right now she was more concerned about Marvin and his decision to go out partying.
“Well, I guess I’m out of here, too,” he said, standing.
“You know, Marvin, you and I really need to talk. Things are very different between us and I’m not the least bit happy about it.”
“The only difference is that I’m not letting you treat me like a child anymore.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Charisse, don’t even get me started.”
“No. I want you to tell me what you mean.”
“I’d really rather not.”
“Look, Marvin. I want to know why you’re acting like this and I want to know now.”
“Okay, fine. You wanna know why? Well, for one, you’ve always told me where I could go, where I couldn’t go, and pretty much how I should feel about everything. You even hated Ronnie and Charles even though you knew they were like brothers to me. You were so short with them every time they called that they finally just stopped calling altogether. And of course, whenever I wanted to go visit ether of them, you always went into a rage. So, even though I didn’t want to lose their friendship, I decided that our marriage and your happiness were more important. But even worse was the way you ruined the close relationship I had with my parents. You never liked them from day one and you did everything you could to keep me away from them. But in all fairness to you, I take the blame for that because it was I who allowed you to treat them so terribly. I will never forgive myself for letting you schedule that trip to Jamaica when you knew it was the same weekend as their fortieth wedding anniversary. And to think I was stupid enough to go along with what you wanted just so you wouldn’t be upset with me.”
“I can’t believe you’re saying all this.” Charisse tried explaining, but she knew he was telling the truth about everything. She truly hadn’t liked his parents, his friends, or anyone else who had tried to interfere in their lives. She’d wanted their lives to be only about the two of them, and if it hadn’t been for her belief that God wanted women and men to procreate, she never would have considered having children either. It was also the reason she’d only wanted one child and not the two she’d ended up with.
“I’m saying it because it needs to be said. I allowed you to control my every move for all these years, and for some reason I was crazy enough to believe you when you said that I could never make it without you financially. Every time we had an argument, you kept reminding me of the fact that you worked ten-and twelve-hour days, that you had a master’s degree in nursing, that I only had an associate degree, and that you made almost six figures. Remember the time you told me that we could never have the lifestyle we have if it wasn’t for you and all the money you earn? Remember? Well, what you don’t know is that your criticizing me was the reason I decided to go back to school. The whole time I was working toward my bachelor’s, you never knew that you were my inspiration to keep going. All the horrible things you said, trying to diminish me as a man, trying to keep me under your thumb, and trying to convince me that I should forget about going to school, was all the motivation I needed.”
“Oh, so now that you have your little degree and that little management position, you think you can treat me any way you want to?”
“First of all, that little degree and my twenty years of experience is the reason I now have that
little
management position. It is the reason I was promoted three times in the last six years. It’s the reason I now make more money than you
ever
will.”
Charisse felt like a pot boiling over. It was a slightly cool day toward the end of September, but her body felt like it was on fire. If it wasn’t for all the Jesus she had in her, she would take the long, sleek-looking butcher knife from the dish rack and stab Marvin multiple times with it. She would pay him dearly for the way he was speaking to her. She would kill him and then laugh about it later.
“You are so full of Satan, till it’s not even funny,” she said.
“No, I’m not full of anything. But what you need to know is that you’re not running the show with this marriage any longer. You’re not going to control my every move the way you always have. Those days are over.”
“Dear Lord, I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Well, believe it, Charisse, because I mean every word I’m saying.”
“Hmmph. I guess the next thing you’ll be wanting is a divorce.”
“If you try to stand in my way when it comes to anything—anything at all—that’s exactly what we’ll be getting.”
“And I’ll take you for everything you’ve got, too. I’ll get everything that’s coming to me. Child support and alimony.”
“And I won’t have one problem paying you so long as I don’t have to live with you anymore.”
“You asshole. You are so full of shit.”
“Listen at you. Calling me an asshole and screaming the word
shit,
but always claiming to be such a Christian. You’re incredible.”
“I
am
a Christian. And if you were, too, we wouldn’t be having this sinful discussion.”
“Please. You treat Brianna like she’s some stepchild you can’t stand, you scream out curse words whenever you don’t get your way with something, and I won’t even go into some of the dirty stuff you’ve done to people at work.”
“Brianna walks around here like she can’t stand the ground I walk on, so I treat her the same way back.”
“Can you blame her? I mean, if I had a mother who acted like she despised me all the time, I wouldn’t have anything to say to her either.”
“Well, regardless of what you say, I
am
a Christian.”
“Why? Because you run to church 24/7? Because you run around quoting scriptures to people who don’t do things the way you want them to?”
“No, it’s because I turned my life over to Christ a very long time ago and because I’m saved for all eternity.”
“You know what? It’s time for me to go to work,” he said, picking up his briefcase.
“Not until we finish this conversation,” she said.
Marvin headed toward the doorway.
“Did you hear me?” She spoke loudly.
“I can’t talk to you when you get like this, Charisse, so I’m through with it.”
“I’m warning you,” she said, moving toward him.
“Warning me about what?”
“You’d better not walk away from me, Marvin.”
“Please,” he said, heading out of the kitchen.
Charisse jumped in front of him and struck him across his face as hard as she could. Marvin immediately grabbed the side of his cheekbone. The blow was even harder than the time she’d slapped him right after he’d told her that he didn’t want to go to her hospital’s Christmas party. It was almost as hard as the time she’d slapped him silly because he’d told her that he liked her hair better when it was longer.