Authors: Kimberla Lawson Roby
I
T HAD BEEN FIVE YEARS
since I’d joined Martin, Sable & Wesson, but no matter how many years passed by, I still felt proud each time I walked through those glass double doors. This was one of the top firms in downtown Chicago, and it was an honor just to be employed by them. Let alone be considered for a partnership. Although it was for that very reason that Skyler and I had always been at odds with each other. He’d been hired maybe twelve months before me and had made partner just one year ago, but I deliberately upstaged him during every staff meeting. Which he didn’t like because it made him look bad in front of the other partners and there was nothing he could do about it. That is, except harass me every chance he got.
I strolled through the reception area, speaking to the receptionists, and continued down the long, plush-carpeted hallway to my corner office. About a month ago, I’d won a marital settlement for a woman who’d caught her millionaire husband sleeping with her sister, and the partners had been grateful. As a token of their appreciation, they’d replaced my old furniture, which had still looked untouched, with upscale contemporary pieces. Mahogany was my favorite wood grain, so I was loving my desk, bookcases, and file cabinets. The black leather chairs and sofa finalized the package. It was another sign that I would eventually be promoted.
I read a couple of interoffice memos and then picked up a case file that Jim Sable had left on my desk. There was a note attached asking if I could review it and then outline a possible strategy. The case involved a woman who’d lost two fingers on the job, but as soon as I saw that she worked for the same company as my father, I knew I was going to pass on it. The partners wouldn’t see a problem with it, but for me, it was total conflict of interest. For all I knew, my father might be a witness and I couldn’t take a chance on it. I never mixed business with personal situations, not even remotely.
I was skimming through some other items on my desk that needed attention when Skyler walked into my office. He was wearing a sharp navy blue suit and I could tell he’d paid a pretty penny for it, probably nothing less than seven or eight hundred dollars, and it was worth it. To put it plainly, his attire looked good on him.
“So, how was the conference?”
“Fine.”
“Did you learn anything?”
“Don’t I always?” I knew I’d missed eighty percent of it, but what Skyler didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.
“Did you see the file Jim left for you?”
“Yeah, but I can’t do it.”
“And why not?”
“Because my father works for the company that we’re planning to sue.”
“And?”
“And, I’m not doing it.”
“You know, for someone who hasn’t made partner, you sure do call a lot of shots around here.”
“Well, if I were you, I wouldn’t worry about it. Jim is the person who gave this case to me, and he’s the only person I need to discuss it with.”
“But in case you’ve forgotten, I’m a partner, too, and I have just as much say-so over what happens at this firm.”
“Maybe in your dreams.”
“No, I’m talking reality.”
“Skyler, look. I have a lot of work to catch up on, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to it.”
“You’re just mad because I’m already sitting in the place where you want to be.”
“But what good is it doing you? You might get paid more, but it’s not like you’re more knowledgeable than me. And you certainly don’t receive any more attention than I do from the people who work here.”
“You’re just jealous, Taylor. You’ve always been jealous and I feel sorry for you.”
“Feel whatever you want, but right now I need you to do it outside my office.”
Skyler laughed sarcastically, looked at me, and then left.
Geez. What a jerk. And after all this time, why did I always let him get to me? He was really starting to annoy me, but no matter what happened, I would never let him know it. I would smile and pretend that I looked forward to our daily insults.
After meeting with two of my clients and making an appointment with Dr. Green, I decided to phone Whitney. Today was the day she was starting her new diet and I wanted to see how she was doing.
“This is Whitney, can I help you?”
“So, how’s everything going?”
“Girl, don’t even ask.”
“That bad, huh?”
“You know it always is. Especially the first day.”
“Well, what did you have for breakfast?” I asked, opening a client’s file.
“Some low-carb bar that I read about in a magazine, but it hasn’t done a thing except piss me off.”
I couldn’t help laughing.
“Well, maybe you should eat something else.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. What can you have?”
“Meat, cheese, eggs, and a few other things, but that’s pretty much it.”
“Oh, that’s right, you’re giving up carbs. Well, why don’t you run out and get a steak.”
“I guess. But it’s amazing how the last thing I want is what I can actually have. And don’t get me started on my sugar cravings.”
“Well, just hang in there, because this will all be worth it in the long run.”
“That’s what I keep telling myself, but I gotta be honest, I don’t know if I can do it.”
“Yes, you can. I know it’s hard, but if you can just make it through tonight, things will be a lot easier tomorrow.”
“Maybe. And hopefully I won’t murder me somebody in the process. I saw one of my coworkers eating some potato chips and all I could think was how I wanted to attack him. Girl, I could actually see myself wrestling him to the ground and grabbing his little snack from him.”
We both laughed. Whitney was hilarious.
“Well, I’m glad you didn’t,” I said.
“I am, too. It would be a shame to get fired over some junk food, wouldn’t it?”
“That it would.”
“So, how’s work?” she asked.
“Busy. I was only gone three days, but it feels like thirty.”
“And what about Skyler? Did he mess with you today?”
“He tried, but I pretty much blew him off.”
“He’s a trip.”
“Don’t I know it,” I said, removing my earring.
“And what about Cameron? I know you saw him Saturday, but what about yesterday?”
“We drove over and went to church with my parents and then to dinner. So, I guess everything is okay. Actually, he seemed fine.”
“Maybe he was just having a bad day on Friday.”
“Maybe. Who knows.”
“And hey, did you make your doctor’s appointment?” she asked.
“I did it right before I called you and I go on Friday.”
“That’s good. Because maybe now you’ll be able to find out what’s going on.”
“I hope so, because it’s really starting to stress me out.”
“I can imagine.”
“You know, this is off the subject, but I still can’t believe what you told me about Charisse,” I said, still pretty shocked.
“Most people wouldn’t. Not with the way she acts.”
“To be honest, I feel sorry for her.”
“I used to, but not anymore. Not with her treating me the way she does.”
“I hear what you’re saying, but Whit, the three of us have been friends for a very long time and nothing is worth losing that.”
“But T, she does the same thing to you, too.”
“I know, but it’s just not that serious. I don’t like a lot of things that Charisse says or does, but I still care about her. And while I know you don’t want to hear this, I still want us to get together on Wednesday, the same as we always do.”
“Unh-unh. I’m not dealing with Charisse right now.”
“Whit?”
“I’m not.”
“Not even if she apologizes?”
“Not even if she apologizes.”
I could tell that Whitney wasn’t going to budge, so it was time I reminded her of a few things.
“Do you remember the time your mother got mad at you and said she wasn’t sending you any more spending money? And how Charisse went to the bank on campus, drew out half of her own money, and put it into your account?”
Whitney didn’t say anything. But I continued anyway.
“Or what about the time she gave you her credit card and let you buy five complete outfits because your mother said she wasn’t buying you anything. It was just before we left home to start our junior year, remember?”
“And you’re telling me all of this because…?”
“Charisse is a real friend to you.”
“I know she
used
to be a real friend, but I wouldn’t say she is now.”
“You’re just being stubborn.”
“No, I’m tired of her self-righteousness. I’m tired of her whole attitude.”
“But you know she’s always been this way.”
“Yeah, but now she’s worse and I can’t take it.”
“Okay, then what about ten years ago when she loaned you the rest of the down payment you needed to buy your house with? If I’m not mistaken, she gave you five thousand dollars.”
“But you loaned me the same amount,” Whitney said.
“Yeah, and why did I do it?”
“Because you love me.”
“And Charisse did it because?”
“She wanted something to hang over my head.”
I tried not to laugh, but I couldn’t help it.
Whitney laughed with me.
“But seriously,” I said, “you know Charisse cares about you and that she’s always been a friend to you. She’s always been a friend to both of us.”
“Do we have to talk about this?” Whitney asked.
“Yeah, we do. And I’m calling Charisse and telling her that we’ll meet her at the restaurant for lunch.”
“Fine. But if she says anything out of the way to me, I’m leaving. And then I’m not speaking to her again.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“You don’t think so?”
“No. I don’t.”
“Well, come Wednesday, just watch me. If Charisse criticizes me in the smallest way, I’m going off.”
“I’m sure you won’t have to do that.”
“Then, you’d better warn her up front…especially with me not being able to eat like I want to. Shoot, I’m just dying to tear someone’s head off.”
“You’re too much.”
“I’m serious, T, so if I were you, I’d tell her to watch how she treats me.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to her. But in all fairness, I don’t want you scrutinizing every single thing she says and trying to make something out of it. Because you know how you do.”
“Yeah, I can be a trip when I want to, can’t I?”
“Oh, let me count the ways,” I teased her.
“I’m only like that because I’ve taken so much crap from so many people and I’m not doing that anymore. From now on, I’m not trying to satisfy anyone except myself.”
“You know I’ve always told you to do that anyway. I’ve always told you to stop worrying about what other people think or what they have to say. It’s the only way you’ll ever be happy.”
“Well, I’m finally taking your advice.”
“I’m glad. Because you should have done it a long time ago.”
“Better late than never, though.”
“This is true. Well, I hate to cut this short, but I’d better get back to work. I have court all day tomorrow and I need to make sure I’m ready.”
“I need to get going myself, but call me later tonight so I can tell you how my visit to the health club went.”
“I will.”
After hanging up the phone, I worked straight through lunch, stopping only to grab a sandwich from the vending machine. Thankfully, I felt back to normal, because it was now five o’clock and I still felt strong enough to work a few more hours. Cameron and I had made plans to go out for dinner, but it was obvious that I wouldn’t be able to make it.
I dialed his office to inform him.
“This is Cameron.”
“Hey, you.”
“Hey, yourself. You getting ready to leave?”
“Actually, no, and that’s why I’m calling. It looks like I’m going to be here for most of the evening.”
“Oh, okay. Do you want me to bring you something?”
“No, I’m fine, but thanks.”
I wanted to ask him why he didn’t sound all that disappointed. But maybe I was just being paranoid because of the way he’d acted on Friday.
“Maybe we can do dinner tomorrow instead,” he offered.
“Yeah, that should be good. I have court, but chances are I won’t be coming back to the office when I leave there.”
“Then let’s plan on it.”
“I’ll give you a call later.”
“Don’t work too hard and, hey, I love you.”
“I love you, too, Cameron.”
I hung up the phone and wondered why I couldn’t shake the eerie feeling I was having about us. Cameron hadn’t said anything suspicious but it just seemed to me that our not getting together wasn’t a major concern to him. It was almost as if he was fine one way or the other.
But the thing is, I didn’t have time to focus on whatever was going on with him. My clients expected top-notch work from me and I couldn’t allow my personal matters to interfere with that. I couldn’t allow distractions of any kind to hinder my reputation.
All I could hope was that Cameron wasn’t seeing another woman.
I
WALKED INSIDE
the health club, swiped my ID card, and proceeded toward the locker room. My original plan was to work out at home until my weight loss package arrived, but since Telecom paid for all management staff to have their own membership, I decided to make use of it. And it wasn’t like I hadn’t been here before, because I’d come here three weeks straight when I’d first become a member, but then I’d given it up for no apparent reason. Although I hadn’t been all that comfortable with working out in front of people I didn’t know—specifically in front of men. But I’d also been ashamed to undress in front of some of the women, who’d looked like Halle Berry. Women who’d had tiny waists, flat stomachs, and curves in all the right places.
Inside the humid locker room, I found an empty locker and opened up my duffel bag. I pulled out a pair of double X sweatpants and a T-shirt that had my company’s logo on it. Then I waited for some of the other members to clear out. When there were only two of us left, I quickly removed my street clothing and put on my athletic ensemble. The woman down the row from me was actually bigger than I was and I couldn’t deny that I was happy about it. It was a relief to know that I wouldn’t be the fattest person out there huffing and puffing on a treadmill, praying that I wouldn’t pass out.
I forced all of my belongings into the locker, shut the door, and locked it. Then I went out to the equipment area. There were easily fifty people riding bicycles, stair-stepping, walking, rowing, using the elliptical machine, and lifting weights. All of the treadmills were being used, and now I wondered if coming here straight from work had been a good idea. I wasn’t thrilled about the option of showing up at the crack of dawn, though, either, because it was bad enough having to be at work by eight.
After waiting five minutes or so, I hopped onto one of the bicycles, but what a grave mistake that was. The seat couldn’t have been more than three inches wide and my butt quickly swallowed it whole. The woman next to me looked on in horror and I was so humiliated. Still, I decided to show her just how brave I was. I gripped the handlebars, set the digital timer, and starting pumping like a mad woman. I rode the machine for so long that I broke into a thick sweat. Then I started panting like the dog in my neighborhood. I did this after riding for all of two minutes and the woman next to me looked worried. I’m sure she thought I was threatening cardiac arrest, but once again, I showed
her
.
I got off and walked away while I was still able.
But now what was I going to do? I still wanted to tackle the treadmill, so I guess I would just have to wait. And wait. And wait. Until someone finally got off of one of them. It was amazing how some of the patrons were walking at least three to four miles per hour, yet they were watching television or reading a book. Some of them were even chatting and, get this, laughing with their workout partners. They actually looked like they were having a good time. Oh, how I wished I could be in their shoes. How I wish I could do any exercise for more than a half hour and leave this place feeling good.
After more waiting, I turned and went over to the water fountain, but when I arrived some guy blocked my path and smiled at me.
“Want a drink?” he said.
“Well, that was the plan,” I responded. I spoke in a salty manner, but it was only because I was self-conscious and didn’t want him seeing me this way. The man was breathtaking and I wanted him to see me
after
I lost my weight.
“Oh,” he said, moving out of the way. “I’m sorry.”
I leaned over and drank at least a gallon of water, hoping he would be gone when I raised up. But no such luck.
“You must be new,” he said.
“Not really. I used to come here a long time ago.”
“Well, I’m glad you decided to come back.”
Wait a minute. Was this Negro making a fat joke? If he was, being tall, chocolate, and beautiful wasn’t going to help him.
“What are you trying to say?” I finally said.
“That I’m glad you came back so I could have this chance to meet you.”
It was obvious that I’d jumped the gun. Either that or he’d seen the perturbed look on my face and was trying to fix what he’d insinuated.
“What did you
think
I was saying?” he continued.
“I wasn’t sure.”
“Well, I’m sure.”
“About what?”
“How beautiful you are and how I’d like to take you out if you’re not seeing anyone.”
He couldn’t have been serious. Not with me standing here looking like a big blimp. I mean, was his vision impaired or was he simply trying to be funny? And just in case, I looked around for hidden cameras. For all I knew, this random meeting might have been intentional. Worse, he might have been recruiting for some fat girl reality show.
“You don’t even know me,” I said.
“But I can get to know you, right?”
I looked away from him because he was sounding too serious.
“Does that bother you?” he asked.
“What?”
“The fact that I’m attracted to you and that I’m so straightforward?”
“No. Not really.”
“Good. Because this is the way I am. I say what I mean and mean what I say.”
I was starting to feel awkward and I wasn’t sure how to respond to him.
“What’s your name?” he asked.
I paused until I remembered what it was.
“Whitney.”
He reached out his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Whitney. I’m Rico.”
“It’s nice meeting you, too.”
“So, are you waiting for one of the machines?”
“The treadmill, if it ever becomes available. What about you?”
“Nah. I’ve been here for almost two hours and I’m all worked out.”
“Oh.”
“So, when can we get together?”
I tried to control myself, but I could feel myself blushing.
“I don’t know.”
“What about tonight?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Why, because you don’t know me?”
“Yeah, that’s part of it. But it’s also because it’ll be late when I leave here.”
“What if I just wait on you and then we can grab a bite to eat when you finish?”
“Maybe another time,” I said.
“Okay, Whitney, look. I think it’s time for me to explain my intentions. I’m really attracted to you and I don’t care that you’re heavier than you want to be. You’re a beautiful woman and I can tell you have a beautiful personality.”
I was speechless. I had had this happen many times before, men claiming that they didn’t care about the weight and then eventually realizing they couldn’t handle it.
“So, what do you say?” he said.
“I don’t know. And to be honest, I don’t think you know either. I mean have you ever dated a heavy woman before?”
“No, but does that matter?”
“Yeah, sort of. Because at least if you’d dated someone like me before, you would know what to expect.”
“I disagree, because size doesn’t have anything to do with who you are internally.”
I glanced across the room and saw two treadmills opening up.
“Like I said, maybe another time. Maybe I’ll see you again and we can exchange phone numbers or something.”
Rico didn’t say anything but he stared at me in the sweetest way. He leaned his body against the wall and folded his arms, watching me walk away.
I straddled the treadmill, set the speed and time, and began the workout I’d come here for. I tried not to look in Rico’s direction, but I couldn’t help myself and gazed over there. To my disappointment, he was gone.
Now, I wondered if I’d made a huge mistake. I wondered if maybe he might have been the man of my dreams and not at all like the rest.
I strode for ten minutes without any real difficulty, but only because I’d set the speed fairly low. I took one determined step after another, occasionally looking toward the water fountain, but there was no Rico. I could have kicked myself for not taking him up on his offer. I’d been worried about being hurt again, but now I wished I’d given him a chance.
Although now it was too late and it was best just to forget about him.
Back in the locker room, I didn’t have the courage to remove every stitch of clothing and jump into the shower. Not in front of so many women. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even have the nerve to change back into the outfit I’d worn here. So, I gathered everything together, stuffed it inside my bag, and headed out to the parking lot.
The night air whipped a sharp chill right through me and now I hurried to my car. But then I heard someone yelling my name.
I turned around and saw Rico standing near the building. Apparently I’d walked right past him without paying any attention, but I was glad that he’d stopped me.
“I thought you’d left,” I said.
“Not without saying good-bye to you.”
His smile was making me crazy.
“So, are you still not interested?” he asked.
“Actually, I never said that.”
“No, but you don’t wanna go out with me.”
“I never said that either.”
“Maybe not in those exact words, but that’s what you meant.”
“You’re right. I did. But now I’ve had some time to think.”
“About?”
“Going out with you.”
“Then my offer still stands.”
“And I would gladly take you up on it except I didn’t take a shower.”
“Oh,” he said, and we both laughed.
“It’s not that I’m a filthy person or anything like that, but I knew I was going straight home to do it there.”
“That’s understandable.”
“But what about tomorrow or the next day?”
“That would work, too, but I guess I was still hoping to see you tonight.”
“Well, the only thing is, I live in Covington Park, and it’ll take me twenty minutes just to get home.”
“And I live in Chicago Heights, so that’s only one suburb over.”
“But by the time I get cleaned up, it’ll be almost nine-thirty.”
“This is true. So, I’ll tell you what, why don’t I just follow you home?”
Uh-oh. I’d been hoping he wouldn’t ask me that. Partly because I wasn’t in the habit of bringing men home the first night I met them, and partly because I didn’t trust myself being around Rico—not when there would be a bed in close proximity. As it was, it was nine weeks and counting since the last time I’d been with a man.
“I don’t know,” I said for lack of a better response.
“I won’t stay long. I promise.”
“Right.”
“I’m serious. I won’t stay any longer than you want me to.”
I repositioned my duffel bag and grabbed both of my arms. The cold air was causing me to shiver.
“I know I’m going to regret this,” I said, “but fine. You can come by. Only for a short while, though.”
“Lead the way,” he said, and walked over to his Range Rover.
I couldn’t believe I was doing this. Allowing a complete stranger to come home with me, knowing that he might be Rico the Ripper. Knowing that I might wind up raped, stabbed to death, and plastered across the front page of the
Tribune
. But for some reason I wasn’t afraid. It was true that I didn’t know anything about this man, but there was a certain pleasantness that I sensed about him. He was straightforward the way he had explained, and I could tell he was a gentleman.
And I was glad to have someone to spend time with. Someone other than Taylor, Charisse, and my coworkers.
What I hoped was that Rico would still be coming around, at least until my class reunion was over.