So I finally decided to make an effort, go out and see if I could actually find someone. It was a bet with myself that I, unfortunately, won. It didn’t take long for me to find someone who was willing to sleep with me.
His name was Pete. He was only two years older than me, and worked at a local industrial estate. After a few drinks, I asked, and he looked like he just had the biggest shock of his life. He wanted to go back to my place, but I didn’t want him knowing where I lived, so I asked to go back to his. He brought condoms on the way, took me to his flat, and we had very uncomfortable sex. I didn’t enjoy it. It hurt and I felt embarrassed when I bled a little. It was then that Pete realised I was a virgin, getting the second biggest shock of his evening. He said he really enjoyed it and wanted to see me again. I said sure, but I never did. I just went home and wallowed some more. A month after that, things changed for me.
I shuddered for a moment, remembering the day Uncle found out.
“Livy, tell me it isn’t true!” He banged the door open so loudly, I jumped. He looked so angry and I hated seeing him like that.
“What?” I asked, fear in my eyes.
“Tell me you didn’t sleep with some fucking arsehole who works on a building site.”
I gasped when I realised he knew everything. “How did you–”
“So it’s true?”
In my haste, I said something I instantly regretted. “Well, you wouldn’t give it to me. I had to find it from somewhere.”
His face turned red and my eyes widened as he roared and punched the wall. When he was done, he turned his attention back to me. I was the most frightened I’d ever been.
He stormed forward, grabbed my hair, and yanked me towards him. I yelped, closing my eyes, hoping and praying he wouldn’t hit me.
“Look at me, Livy.” My eyes remained closed. “I won’t fucking ask again.” I opened my eyes and found him glaring at me. “You will learn. One fucking day, you’ll learn. But here is lesson one, Livy. You. Are. Mine. No one else touches you, no one else fucks you. No one else even dares to try. You got that? Even if someone else breathes in your direction, I will kill him. Do you understand?” I nodded, feeling the tears form.
He immediately softened and loosened his hold. “One day, when you have your shit cleaned up, you will repay me. I won’t ever forget this.” He let me go and stormed towards the door. “I’m going to take care of that fucking arsehole now.” After that, he walked out and I didn’t see him again until that fateful morning when I was lying in my own vomit.
Shaking my head, I brought my thoughts back to the here and now. “Are you going to sit down?”
I looked up and saw Kit motioning to my chair. I had been so busy daydreaming about his butt that I failed to notice. How much more was I going to give away to this man?
Quickly walking to the chair, I sat down and smiled. “I’m sorry. I’m a little dazed this evening. I guess I’m tired.”
Kit motioned to the door and stood halfway up. “Maybe I should go.”
“No!” I shouted it so loudly, Kit’s eyes bulged. “I mean, I want you to stay. You’re my guest and we’re both hungry. Please. Sit.” I motioned towards his chair and he sat back down. I watched as he picked up a spoon and started eating.
Grabbing the loaf of bread, I pulled out a slice and handed it to him. Kit smiled, reached out, and grabbed the slice, inadvertently brushing his fingers against mine. Both our smiles vanished. Mine because of the electric charge that zapped through me, and his… Well, I didn’t know why. Maybe because he didn’t like the fact that we touched. I never knew with him.
“Thank you.” He took the bread from my hand and there began the comfortable silence. I wanted to talk. I had so many questions rolling around in my head, but I never knew what to say.
“Can I ask you something?” He looked up at me. “Well, it’s really a request.”
Kit frowned, but nodded. Again, a man of very few words.
“Can you please not disappear like that again? I don’t want to have to worry about whether you’re okay.” I fidgeted with my napkin. Kit’s eyes went down to my hand, then back up to me. Slowly, he nodded.
I smiled at him. “Thank you.” The silence resumed. “How old are you, Kit?” I finally asked.
He stopped his spoon mid-way to his mouth. He stiffened a little, then relaxed. “Thirty-two.”
I was shocked. He seemed a little older than that. He was still twelve years older than me but, with all his hair, I thought he may have been in his late thirties.
“When will you be thirty-three?”
He stiffened again and looked at me. “Why are you asking so many questions?”
He gave me a look that immediately made me think he was suspicious of me. Little did he know, I was just naturally curious.
“Kit, I’ve only asked two. I just want to know you more, I guess.”
“Why?”
I sighed. “I don’t know.” I rolled my eyes and sighed again. This time, I wanted to be honest. “I like you.” I averted my eyes, feeling my embarrassment rise. I wasn’t used to this kind of thing. I had never liked someone like this before, and I wasn’t sure whether I was wrong in putting myself out there. What if I was rejected? It would crush me. It was the last thing I wanted to happen, but I couldn’t help it. Kit seemed to push me.
Wanting to change the subject, I looked up at him. “You ask
why
a lot.”
For a second he sat there, just staring at me. But then, for the third time in a manner of days, Kit smiled.
I returned his smile and watched as he carried on eating. Once I knew he was getting his fill, I turned my attention back to my soup.
“January fifteenth.”
I looked up. “What?”
Kit blew on his soup and placed it in his mouth. “My birthday… It’s January fifteenth.” He placed the spoon back in the bowl and ripped off a piece of bread.
“How old are
you
?” His question shocked me a little. It was quite unexpected.
“Twenty.” Kit’s eyes widened a little. “Is there something wrong?”
He looked me in the eyes for a moment, then shook his head. “When will you be twenty-one?”
“July seventeenth.” I wasn’t going to sway from his questions. If he wanted to know, I was going to tell him. However, the next question shocked me.
“Why are you on your own?”
I looked up, meeting his piercing eyes. “What?”
“You’re only twenty, but you’re always on your own. I never see you with friends or family. You just live here by yourself. Shouldn’t you be out enjoying life? Going to bars, meeting people?”
“Shouldn’t
you
?” I quipped. I felt like I had snapped a little, but he’d hit a nerve.
He stared at me for a moment, but remained silent. He then carried on eating for a while. “You don’t have any photographs.”
It seemed I asked all the questions, but Kit was making all the observations. I just didn’t like where they were heading.
“What do you mean?”
He pointed around my living room. “You don’t have one single photograph of yourself or anyone else.”
My posture straightened. “So?”
“So it’s just a little strange. Every house has photographs, memories.”
I felt my heart rate pick up. The pain in my chest was almost unbearable.
“Well, maybe I haven’t gotten any memories to display on my walls. Did you ever think about that?”
Kit gave me a pained expression. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.” He sneezed again.
“Bless you.”
“Thank you.”
I saw him sniffle. “Are you coming down with a cold?” I went to reach out to touch his forehead, but he shied away from me.
I fell back a little and he looked over to see my pained expression. “I’m sorry. I have to go.” He shot out of his chair. “Thank you for the soup.” He quickly grabbed his coat and was out the door.
I was left completely dumbfounded. One minute, he was angry; the next, compassionate; the next, he would get cold and run off. I couldn’t understand him.
With a sigh, I grabbed all our dishes and went to the kitchen. I washed everything, put it all away, then got ready for bed. It was close to two in the morning, but close to four before I fell asleep. I was so busy tossing and turning all night, I slept right through my alarm.
Chapter 6
It had been two days, but I hadn’t seen Kit. He agreed he would never go days without turning up, so I got angry with him again. However, once the anger subsided, the worry kicked in. Kit didn’t seem like the type to go back on his word, so I remained anxious throughout the whole of Sunday and today. I went to work last night and tonight, and I was just on my way home. I took the long route, disappointed when I looked back and never saw Kit. I was starting to get really worried.
When I got back home, I had just put my coat on the hook and started up my kettle when I heard a knock at the door. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end at the thought it might be Uncle coming for another visit. It had been a few days since I saw him last and I doubted he would let many more go before he came for me again.
When I looked outside, though, I saw nothing.
Frowning, I put the latch on the door and carefully opened it. What I saw killed me. Quickly closing the door to unlatch the chain, I swung the door open and knelt down. Kit was huddled in the corner, shivering and clutching himself. He looked like he was barely keeping himself upright.
“Kit!” I screeched, feeling the panic rise. I felt his forehead. He was burning up. “Kit, can you get up? You need to come inside.” He mumbled something that sounded like sorry, but I was too busy trying to get him to stand up. With a couple tugs, I managed to get him up as he swayed a little. “Come on, Kit. We need to get your temperature down.”
Shutting the door, I pulled him up the stairs and into my bathroom, sitting him on the toilet, running over to start a bath. I had to make it warm, but not hot. It was one sure way of getting his temperature down quickly.
As the bath was running, I went back to Kit and started trying to take his coat off. When I looked at him, he was just staring at me like he was transfixed. After I got his coat off, I felt his finger brush a strand of hair away from my face.
At that moment, everything stopped. I could hardly breathe. It was only the slightest of touches, but it warmed my heart so much, it almost burned. Right now, my insides were on fire.
Looking up, I met his eyes. Those cool blue-grey eyes that looked so lost and afraid. What was he afraid of?
Who
could he be afraid of? Surely not me. By the size of Kit, he could crush me if he wanted to. I just couldn’t understand him.
“I didn’t know where else to go.”
I could barely hear him, but I felt my eyes glisten a little at his confession. I wanted so much to know more, but he needed to get well first. I needed him to get better.
I tried taking his top off, but he stopped me. “Kit, always know you have a place here. Please. Let me help you.”
He stared at me a moment, then nodded his head slightly. I took that as his permission, so I pulled the sweater over his head. Catching my breath, I stared at his chest. So toned, so defined, so muscular. But the thing that struck me the most were his tattoos. He had several of them. Some of them decipherable, others not. He had some Japanese scripture wrapped around both arms. His chest had two birds holding onto a big heart, their wings spread wide, the heart shining as if it were the sun. Underneath, there was more Japanese scripture. I was sure it meant something, but I didn’t think he would tell me if I asked. The one that was the most confusing was one on his upper arm. It had a skull with two keys crossing on either side. On the skull was the number twenty-four.
I had so many questions, but I knew I would never get the answers. Not if I pressured him. I bet he must have been desperate if he admitted defeat and came here.
Once I removed his boots and socks, all that was left were his trousers. I stood up and bit my lip. “Umm…”
Do I help take them off
? I didn’t know what to do. Kit was still sitting there, shivering. At times, it seemed he just zoned out for a moment. I was worried he was becoming delirious.
“Kit, we need to take your jeans off.” He didn’t move or say anything, so I walked to the bath and turned it off. I walked back to Kit and pulled on his arm. Eventually, I got him to stand, then I slowly started undoing the buttons of his pants.
Kit suddenly threw his arms around me. I thought he would smell from living on the streets, but all that met my nose was a sexy, musky smell. I didn’t know what it was, but it hit my nostrils, then it hit something else. Something it shouldn’t be hitting.
Trying to ignore my arousal, I carried on undoing his jeans. They fell to the floor, but I was afraid to look down. What if he was going commando?
I couldn’t stand there all day, though…no matter how good having Kit’s arms wrapped around me felt. I may have been turned on, but I could still feel how hot he was. It was like having a furnace pressed against me.
Knowing I couldn’t put it off any longer, I looked down and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw a pair of boxer shorts.
“Kit.” I nudged him a little, but he didn’t move. “Kit.” I nudged him again and his head slipped to my neck. I felt his hot breath against my skin and my knees nearly turned to jelly.
“Olivia,” he whispered against my neck.
I moaned. I couldn’t help it. This man. This…insubordinate, moody, frustrating man was reducing me to a withering mess. All he did was say my name, but it was enough to have my eyes rolling around to the back of my head.
Snapping myself out of it, I nudged him again. “Kit. Listen, we have to get you into the bath, but you’ve still got your boxer shorts on.”
“So cold.” He shivered up against me and tried to pull me closer.
I walked us both towards the bath. “I know, Kit, but I have to get your temperature down.”
I got him to the bath and he clutched me tightly. “Don’t make me do it. I won’t do it. Please.”
Shit, he is delirious
. I needed to get him in the bath, fast. “Kit, no one is making you do anything. Please. I need to get you in the bath.”
He wrapped his arms a little tighter around me, pulling me into his solid chest. “Olivia, don’t let them take me.”
I pulled his arms away from me. It was hard, considering he had them wrapped tightly, but I somehow managed. I think he was too weak to put up much of a fight.
I placed my hands on his face and stared into his glassy eyes. His face felt unnaturally hot, and his eyes were a little unfocused. “Kit, I won’t let anything happen to you, okay? I want to take care of you. Please, let me take care of you.” I offered him a gentle smile and he nodded.
“You need to take those off…” I pointed to his boxer shorts and he followed my finger. “Then get into the bath.” I pointed to the bath, and he followed my finger again. It would have been quite funny if it wasn’t for the fact I was worried sick about him.
Kit nodded and took his boxer shorts off, revealing his perfect butt.
Oh, my god
. I had died and gone to heaven. I barely had time to take this in when he was turning to get into the water. I snapped my eyes shut and placed my arms around him so he wouldn’t fall. No matter how much I wanted to look, I couldn’t. Kit was ill. Under normal circumstances, I doubted he would have even let me take his top off, let alone see him naked.
He accepted my help, but winced when he felt the water hit him. It probably felt colder than he wanted, but it was important in bringing down his fever.
“So c…cold.”
I nodded. “I know, Kit. I know, but it will make you better. If your temperature gets too high, I’ll have to call a doctor.”
He gripped my arms and looked at me, fear in his eyes. “No doctor. Please. No doctor.”
I stroked his arms. “Okay, Kit. It’s okay. No doctor, but you have to get cooler and this is the only way.”
He nodded again, reluctantly sitting down in the bath. Once I knew he was settled, I walked towards the bathroom cabinet.
“Don’t leave me.”
His voice was almost a whimper and it made my heart heavy. I bent down and got out a clean sponge. I turned and showed it to him. “I’m not going to leave you, Kit. I just went to get a sponge so I can clean you.”
He visibly relaxed and I walked over to him, wondering how on earth I could do this without my hands wandering. I had to, though. I had to get him cool enough to start being human again.
I knelt beside the bath and dipped the sponge in. I got the soap out because I thought he might appreciate a wash, too. I rubbed the soap on the sponge and squeezed it over Kit’s back. Seeing droplets of the soap land on his skin, I began rubbing it in a little. I dipped the sponge in the water a few times and washed his back, Kit remaining silent the whole time. I didn’t question if what I was doing was okay because I knew enough about Kit to know he would tell me if he didn’t like something.
Rubbing more soap on the sponge, I lifted his arm and gently swiped underneath. Kit recoiled and when I looked up, I realised it was because I had tickled him.
“Sorry.”
Kit smiled slightly, so I took that as my cue to keep going. Once I got to his front, it was more awkward than ever. His chest was magnificent. Instead of trailing the sponge across him, I wanted to use my tongue. Despite the urge, I dipped the sponge in again and started massaging the soap into his chest. Kit was stoic, but I also noticed his hands were gripping the sides of the bath with such brute force, I thought he was going to rip it apart.
“Are you okay?” He grit his teeth so hard, it made me pull back a bit. “I’m sorry. I’m making you uncomfortable.” He looked at me and, for the first time, I saw that his eyes were a little more focused. That was good because it meant his temperature was going down. The bad side to this was he was more conscious of what was going on.
Not wanting to embarrass myself, or him, any further, I placed the sponge and the soap down by the side of the tub and got up.
“I’ll be outside if you need me. Towels are in that cupboard there.” I pointed to the cupboard, dried my hands, and made a hasty exit.
Once I shut the door, I leaned against it and closed my eyes. I couldn’t seem to get the image of him out of my head. I had to, though. I couldn’t be dealing with this right now. Kit was still unwell and needed my help.
Sighing, I pushed myself from the door and went in search of something for him to wear. I didn’t have much, but there were some old clothes of my dad’s. Thankfully, I still had a brand new pair of pyjamas that was still in its wrapping. I’d actually been meaning to take the clothes to a charity shop, but I just never got around to it.
Placing them on my bed, I knocked on the door of the bathroom. “Kit, I have a pair of pyjamas for you on my bed. You can put them on once you get out of the bath. I’m going to make you a hot drink.”
I didn’t hear anything, but I didn’t expect to. I was getting so used to his silence by now.
I walked down the stairs and put the kettle on. I fetched two mugs, some biscuits, and put four slices of toast on. Once everything was ready, I picked up the tray and made my way back upstairs.
When I walked into my room, the pyjamas were missing, but there was no Kit. I was about to call out for him when he emerged wearing just the bottoms, making me nearly drop my tray. He was like a walking wet dream…if I could ever have one.
Kit looked at me, then the tray. “I brought you some food and drink. You must eat to help burn off the fever quicker.”
Kit nodded. “Have you studied first aid or something?”
I laughed. “No, but my nanny used to nurse me a lot when I got sick. She was kind of an expert at these things.”
I motioned towards the bed. “Please. Sit. You can sleep in here until you get better.”
Kit’s eyes widened. “Where will you sleep?”
My heart hammered in my chest. “I’ll think of something in a bit. For now, I just want you to get better.” Kit started to say something, but I held my hand up. “Don’t. Just sit and eat. I’ve made you some tea and toast.”
Reluctantly, Kit sat on the edge of the bed and I walked over to him. He flinched when I reached out my hand.
I looked down at him. “I just want to check and make sure you’re temperature is down.”
He stared at me for a moment, then nodded. I placed my hand on his forehead. “You’re still very warm, but not as hot as you were. I’ve brought you up some paracetamol for the fever.” I pointed to the tray and took my hand away from his head. Kit was still staring at me and it was then I realised I was snuggled between his legs in a very intimate way.
“I want you to eat.” I swept a piece of his hair out of his face and was about to move when Kit caught my hand. I looked back at him.
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
He wasn’t asking in his usual gruff, menacing voice. It sounded as though he was genuinely intrigued.
“I told you… It’s because I care about you.” We fell silent for a moment and Kit just stared at me. It was almost as if he was a lie detector machine and I was the one being tested. He obviously had a big issue with trust.
When he obviously saw what he needed, he let go of my hand and started eating the toast and drinking the tea. He even took the tablets, which I thought was a little odd considering he was so wary of me.
Once all was eaten, I took the plates downstairs and cleaned up. It was close to two by the time I came back up. I walked into my room to find Kit sound asleep. I smiled, placing the covers over him, then switched off the lamp. I walked into the bathroom to grab his clothes and took them downstairs for a wash. When I went through the pockets of his jeans before putting them in the machine, I pulled out a five pound note and some loose change from one, a small key from another. I stared at the key and saw it had the number twenty-four written on it. The same number which was on his shoulder. I stood there for a moment, wondering if it meant anything, wondering what on earth it unlocked. It looked like the type that opened a locker.