Certified Disaster (Beautiful Mess Book 2) (22 page)

“Oh, Bri,”
he pulled her into his arms.  “I don’t
hate you.  I could never hate you.  This isn’t something you did, it just
happened.  Please don’t think that this is your fault.  I know how much you
love Cole, how much you’ve always loved him.  It’s just my own stupid luck that
he met you first.”
 
He
gave a humorless laugh, and Bri pulled back to look at him.  He looked so sad
and so vulnerable, her heart hurt for him.  She wanted more than anything to
reassure him, to erase the pain from his eyes.

“Seb, I…”
 
She didn’t even know what she wanted
to say.  She just knew she couldn’t stand the fact that she’d hurt him.  He’d
been there for her when she needed someone the most.  He made her feel like she
was important, that she mattered.  He didn’t deserve to have his heart broken,
especially by her.

“It’s okay,”
he gave her half a smile.  “I finally
got the chance to tell you.”
 
He reached up slowly and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.  His
fingers trailed softly along her jaw, and he gazed deep into her eyes.  “That
’
s something at least,”
he whispered.

Bri stood motionless, captured by
the intensity in his eyes.  She couldn’t have made herself step away from him
even if she’d wanted to.  And in that moment, she wasn’t sure she did.  His
pain and anguish called to her, mirroring the turmoil in her own soul.  She
wanted nothing more than to sooth away both of their pain.  She desperately
needed a small moment of reprieve from her heartache, even if it was only
temporary.  She wanted to feel that she mattered to someone again.  She wanted
to feel loved.

And so, when Seb leaned down to kiss
her, she didn’t pull away.

His lips brushed hers softly, seeking
permission.  When she didn’t stop him, they became more insistent, and she
found herself kissing him back.  All of the emotions that had been swirling
around inside of her for the past week came pouring out, and she was caught up
in the whirlwind.  Her arms wrapped up around his neck and he pulled her
tighter against him.  Their kissing intensified, and for a moment, she forgot
about everything else.

Then her brain woke up, and started
screaming at her that this was wrong.  She didn’t feel this way about Seb, and
she was only hurting him more by making him think that she did.  And what about
Cole?  Reality came crashing down as she realized what she was doing.  She
couldn't betray him like this.  Even though he might not want her anymore, she
still wanted him, and she couldn’t jeopardize that.

“Seb, wait.”
 
She finally managed to push back from
him, and stepped out of his arms.  “We can’t, this is wrong.  I’m sorry, I
shouldn’t have done that.”
 
She chanced a glance at him, and the confusion and disappointment on his
face broke her heart, again.  But he quickly recovered, shaking it off.

“No, it’s my fault.  I know you don’t
feel that way about me, but I had to take a chance.  Just once.”
 
He gave her a sad
smile.

“I care about you, Seb.  I really
do.  You’re my best…”

“Don’t say it,”
he interrupted
her.  “I don’t think I can handle the “F”
word right now.”

“But you are,”
she pressed.  “And
more importantly, you’re Cole’s best friend.  I would never want to compromise
that.  You two are like brothers, and I can’t come between you.  I won’t.  I
don’t know how I’d live with myself if I caused a falling out between the two
of you.  So, even if Cole and I are no more, I can’t offer you anything more
than my friendship.”
 
Her eyes begged him to understand.

Finally Seb let out a sigh, and the
tension in his shoulders released.

“I know,”
he relented.  “And I promise, I won’t
ask for anything more than that.  So,”
he looked away uncomfortably, “can we just pretend this never happened?”

“No,”
she reached out and took his hand.  “I don’t want to pretend it never
happened.  It would just make things really awkward between us, and right now I
can’t handle that.”
 
She
couldn’t.  She needed him right now, needed his support, and concern, and
comfort.  She didn’t think she’d be able to survive this uncertainty with Cole
without Seb’s help.  She couldn’t lose both of them.  “We can agree to move
past it, though; acknowledge it and move on.  Do you think you could do that?”

“I think so,”
he nodded.  “It’s not like I have a whole
lot of options, anyway.”
 
He stepped back, pulling his hand from hers.  “So, you look tired.”

“Yeah,”
she gave a humorless laugh.  “I’m
exhausted.”

“Why don’t you take the bed, then,
and I’ll go crash downstairs on the couch.”

Suddenly, the thought of being left
all alone with her thoughts and emotions had her panicking. 

“Seb, wait,”
she stopped him at the door.  “I know
I don’t have any right to ask this, and if I’m overstepping my bounds, I’m
sorry, but…”
 
She
took a deep breath.  “Would you stay with me tonight?  I really don’t want to
be alone right now.”

She held her breath and waited for
him to answer.

“You want me to stay?”
 
He gave her a half
smile.

“If you want to,”
she shrugged
timidly.  “And if you don’t mind sleeping on the floor.”
 
Then she thought about what she was
asking, and realized how selfish she sounded.  “You know what, never mind.  Why
would you want to sleep on the floor when there are a lot more comfortable
places to sleep.  I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Bri,”
he stopped her.  “It’s okay.  I want to stay.”

“Really?”
she asked with a hopeful smile.

“Really.”
 

Bri threw Seb a couple of pillows
and blankets from the bed, before she climbed under the sheets.  After they had
each settled in, Bri rolled over to look at him.

“Thank you, for everything,”
she said softy.

“You’re welcome,”
he smiled back at
her.  “Bri?”

“Hmm?”

“I know how much Cole loves you, and
I know how much you love him.  You two will work this out.”

“Thanks, Seb.  I’m really glad you're
here.  Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Bri rolled over, putting her back to
Seb, and her mind rolled over his words as she drifted off to sleep.  She just
hoped he was right.

The next morning Bri woke early, the
sun trying to peek its way through the curtains.  Her eyes were puffy from
crying and her lack of sleep, and she felt stiff all over.  What she really
needed was a long, hot shower. 

She slipped out of bed as quietly as
she could, not wanting to wake Seb, who was breathing gently on the floor.  She
tiptoed out the door, closing it behind her as softly as possible.  She stood
for a moment, her hand still on the nob, trying to summon the courage and
energy to face another day.  She turned away from Seb’s door, just as Claire
stepped out of the room they were sharing down the hall.  Claire froze as she
saw Bri, her eyes darting between her and Seb’s door.

Stunned, Bri’s mind went blank.  She
stood there frozen, not knowing how to explain to Claire what had happened last
night.  Then, she heard the door open, and Seb stepped into the hall, sleep
ruffled and very, very shirtless.

“Bri, I found these on the floor.  I
thought you might need them.”
 
He smiled as he held out her shoes and cardigan.

Bri’s heart began pounding in
earnest, and panic gripped her.  Her eyes shot to Claire, who was watching the
two of them with wide, round eyes.  Bri could only just stand there, feeling
very much like a deer caught in headlights.

Seb followed Bri’s gaze and he took
a startled step back as he saw Claire.

“Claire, hey,”
he tried to smile
at her.  Claire’s eyes narrowed angrily.  “Wait,”
he held up his free hand.  “I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t
what it looks like.  Tell her, Bri.”
 
He turned imploring eyes on her.

“Um…”
 
That was all Bri’s shock ridden, paralyzed mind could come up with.  She
could only look helplessly back and forth between Claire and Seb.

“Right,”
Claire scoffed angrily, holding up her
phone and snapping a quick picture of Bri and Seb.  “It’s not what it looks
like.  Except that Bri was gone all night, and I find her in the morning
stumbling out of your room, where she obviously spent the night.  If it’s not
what it looks like, what exactly is it?”
 
Claire crossed her arms challengingly.

Seb looked at Bri.

“Uh…”
 
Damn her stupid brain.  It was going to ruin everything.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
 
Claire stormed
past them and stomped down the stairs.  Far too late, Bri finally recovered her
ability to speak.

“Claire, wait!”
she called, and
chased her down the stairs.  She caught Claire just before she’d made it to the
kitchen.  “Stop, I can explain.”
 
Claire spun on her, fury burning in her eyes.

“Explain what?  How you cheated on
Cole and slept with my brother; who also happens the be the closest thing to a
brother Cole has?  Yes, please Bri, explain that to me.”
 
The disgust and anger in Claire’s
eyes had Bri backing up a step.  She’d never seen Claire even get mad, let
alone this furious.

“Claire, I promise, this is just a
big misunderstanding.  I didn’t…
sleep with Seb.”
 
Bri almost choked on the words, they were so wrong.

“I’m not stupid, Bri.  I know what I
saw.  How could you?”
 
Tears glistened in Claire’s eyes.  “How could you do that to Cole?  I
didn’t think you were the kind of person who would do something like this. 
Obviously, I was wrong”
 
She shook her head, glaring disgustedly at Bri.

“Claire, wait, you’ve got it all
wrong,”
she
started desperately.  “Cole and I…
we…”

“Save it, Bri,”
Claire
interjected.  “I’m not the one you owe an explanation to.”
 

Claire turned on her heel and
stormed away, leaving Bri gaping after her.

Bri was a nervous wreck, unable to
enjoy the rest of her week with her family.  Claire had refused to talk to her
or Seb, even though they both had tried numerous times to explain what had
really happened.  Claire was having none of it.  And what was worse, Bri was
practically certain that Claire had told Cole what she’d walked in on that
morning.  Even though she knew she was innocent, fear of Cole’s reaction was
drilling a hole into her stomach.  Her dad had tried to find out what was
bothering her, but she couldn’t bear to talk about it, and her emotional
turmoil tainted the rest of her time with her family. 

As her plane got closer to Durham, a
vice began tightening around her heart.  Her mind kept spinning through the
different reactions Cole could have, and most didn’t end well.  Stacie picked
her up from the airport, and drove her home.  Bri didn’t trust herself to
speak, and Stacie seemed to be in a pensive mood too, so the drive back to Duke
was mostly silent. 

It wasn’t very late when she got
home, and she was fairly sure Cole would still be up.  Unable to bear the
uncertainty any more, she dropped off her bags and immediately headed over to
Cole’s.  She hadn’t talked to him for over two weeks, and she was scared to
death to knock on his door, not knowing what would happen when he answered.  A
huge part of her really hoped he wouldn’t be home.  But she knew she had to
talk to him, no matter how much she dreaded it.  She needed to know if he’d
heard from Claire.  And if he had, she needed to set things straight, get him
to listen to her before he got too upset. 

Plus, she was still angry at him for
brushing her off and ignoring her for two weeks.  She needed to vent all of her
hurt feelings, and he needed to know that it wasn’t okay for him to treat her
that way. 

They both had a lot to answer for. 
She just hoped that they could get it all worked out tonight.  She didn’t know
how much longer she could keep living like this.

Her heart was pounding by the time
she reached his door.  She knocked lightly, her hand shaking.  When no one
answered she tried again, pounding more insistently this time.  A moment later
the door opened, and Cole glowered at her from the doorway.  She had expected
him to be upset, but she wasn’t prepared for the animosity in his glare as he
looked her over.  Yep, he was well beyond angry.  This wasn’t a good sign.  But
she was too desperate to explain things to him to let that deter her. 

“Hi,”
she said hesitantly.  “I need to talk to you.  Can I come in?”

He turned without a word and sat on
the couch.  Taking that as permission, she closed the door behind her.  She
went to sit on the couch next to him, but the look on his face told her that
would be a very bad idea.  Instead, she stayed standing where she was, unsure
how to proceed.

“So, talk,”
Cole said curtly.

“Um,”
she laughed nervously.  “Now that I’m here, I don’t know where to start.”

“Why don’t I start things off,
then.  I got a very interesting call from Claire the other day.”
 
He eyed her
pointedly.

“You talked to Claire?”
 
She felt all color
drain from her face. 

“Yes, and she preceded to tell me a
very interesting story about how she caught you sneaking out of Seb’s room one
morning.  Why don’t you start there.”
 
He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes cold and
hard.

“Okay, you have to listen to me…”

“Oh, I’m all ears over here,”
he broke in.

“No, I mean you have to really
listen
. 
What I’m going to tell you is the absolute truth, I swear it.”

“Oh, this should be good.”
 
He made himself
more comfortable, then gave her a sarcastic wave.  “Please, go on.”

“Nothing happened between me and Seb
that night,”
she
began desperately.  “We didn’t do anything.”

“So you’re telling me you didn’t
spend the night with him?”
 
He arched an eyebrow.

“Well, no…”

“So you admit it.  You
did
spend the night with him.”

“No!  I mean, yes, but not in the
way you’re thinking.”
 
She was getting frustrated.  This was not going well.

“Oh?  And what am I thinking?”
 
He raised a daring
brow at her.

“I didn’t sleep with him,”
she stated
emphatically.  “I stayed in his room, but we didn’t…”

Cole barked out a laugh.  “You
expect me to believe that you two shared a room, but nothing at all happened?”
 
He looked at her
incredulously.

She knew she needed to tell him
everything, but dang it, this was not going to help her case at all.

“Okay, something did happen.”
 
She swallowed
nervously.  “We kissed, but that’s all, I swear.”

“You
kissed
him?”
Cole roared. 

“But I didn’t sleep with him!”
she defended.  “I
know what Claire thought she saw, but that wasn’t what happened.”

Cole didn’t seem to have heard her.

“You kissed Seb?  While we were
still together?”
 
Pain
broke through his voice for a moment, but he covered it quickly.  “I know he’s
had a thing for you for a while now.  I just never knew you were so generous
with your affections,”
he finished harshly.

“Wait a minute,”
Bri’s anger flared,
putting her on the defensive.  “You broke up with me.  We weren’t together
anymore.  Technically, I didn’t do anything wrong.”

That was
so
the wrong thing
to say.  Cole’s eyes widened with disbelief, and fury colored his cheeks.

“You didn’t do anything
wrong
?”
he fumed.  “And I
did
not
break up with you.  I said we needed to take a break, and that
we would talk when you got back.”

“How was I supposed to know what
that meant?  You wouldn’t talk to me.  You didn’t call or text.  For over two
weeks you refused to even acknowledge my existence.”

“I needed some space to think
through some things.  That’s not breaking up with you.”

“Well, it sure as hell felt like it
to me!  You have no idea what you’ve put me through these past two weeks.”
 
Her eyes glistened
with tears, but she angrily refused to let them fall.  “You broke my heart,
Cole.”

“So you felt justified in sleeping
with my best friend,”
he growled.

“I told you, I didn’t sleep with
him!”
 
She was
on the verge of losing control.  She just wasn’t sure which emotion, anger or
grief, would take over when she did.

“Claire sent me a picture, Bri.”
 
He held up his
phone.  Sure enough, the picture Claire had taken was on his screen.  “You two
look guilty as sin.  You’ve already been lying to me about your latent feelings
for him.  Why would I be stupid enough to believe you about this?”

“I don’t have latent feelings for
Seb,”
she
protested.

“
You kissed him
!  You have to
have some pretty strong feelings to kiss another guy when you are with someone
you claim to love.”
 
His
chest rose and fell with his quickening breath.

Things were spiraling out of
control.  Bri pleaded with her eyes for him to believe her, but she was shocked
and saddened to find that the love that she was so used to seeing in those
beautiful gray eyes was nowhere to be found.  She saw only anger and betrayal,
and what was left of her heart shattered.

“Please, Cole, you have to believe
me,”
she
whispered desperately, a tear slipping down her cheek.

“I can’t,”
he replied, and his mask of anger
cracked.  Beneath it, she saw his grief and pain.  She moved towards him,
desperate to sooth and reassure him, but he held up a hand, stopping her in
place.  “I’m done, Bri.  It’s over.”

“What?  No!”
 
She rushed over to him.  “No, Cole,
we can work through this.  I know we can.  Once we both calm down…”

“Bri, you slept with another man!”
he yelled,
silencing her.  “And not just any other man, but
Seb
.  My best friend. 
This isn’t something you come back from.  I can’t…
I can’t ever forgive you for this.”

“This is just a big
misunderstanding,”
she
pleaded desperately.  “You’ll see that when you can think clearly.  Please, don’t
do something we’ll both regret.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t even look at
you anymore.  It’s time for you to go.”
 
He stood and walked over to the door.

“So, that’s it?”
she half laughed,
half sobbed.  “You’re giving up?  You’re just done?”
 
She refused to believe it.

“You gave up on us first,”
he replied wearily,
opening the door. 

Having no other options, she stood
and walked to the door.  She stopped on the threshold and turned to him, tears
streaming down her face.  Fierce determination was the only thing holding her
together.   

“No.  We both know that
you
are the one who gave up on us first.  But I’m not giving in that easily.  One
of these days you are going to see that I am telling the truth, and you’ll
realize what a huge mistake you’ve made.  You’d better pray that day comes
soon, because I can wait for you, but I won’t wait forever.”
 
She turned away
and walked out the door.  She refused to let him watch her crumble as he tore
her world apart.

Two weeks had passed since he’d
broken up with her, but the intensity of Cole’s anger and betrayal hadn’t
faded. 

He tried his best not to run into
Bri on campus, but he couldn’t avoid her entirely.  And every time he saw her,
the combination of sadness and hope on her face was like a punch to the gut. 
She hadn’t tried to talk to him again, but she would watch him, her eyes
begging him to come back to her.  

He couldn’t though.  He couldn’t
forgive her for sleeping with Seb.  He would never forgive her for it.  Nor
would he forgive Seb for stabbing him in the back like that.  He refused to
talk to Seb, even though Seb had been phone stalking him for the past two
weeks.  He hadn’t responded, and had deleted every message Seb left.  He had no
desire to listen to Seb lie and try to deny what happened, or worse, justify
it.  Bri and Seb could continue to plead innocence until they were blue in the
face, but Cole wasn’t buying it for a minute.

So he let his anger fuel him. 
Letting his rage run free kept the other, less desirable emotions at bay.  If
he was angry, he didn’t have to feel devastated, or uncertain, or worst of all,
guilty.  He didn’t have to deal with the small but vocal part of himself that
believed that Bri would never betray him like that, that she was in fact
telling the truth, and that he had made the biggest mistake of his life and he
needed to rush over and beg her to take him back.  He didn’t have to deal with
the fact that he was completely miserable, and he felt like half of his soul
was missing, and the better half at that.  He didn’t have to admit that she was
still constantly in his thoughts, and in his dreams every night.

And he didn’t have to deal with the
piece of him that believed that he was partly responsible for what had
happened, that believed he had pushed Bri away. 

No, being angry was much easier than
having to deal with all of that. 

And even if he did bear part of the
blame, he didn’t know if he’d be able to repair the damage he’d already
caused.  So it was easier to keep believing that Bri was a cheater and a liar,
and Seb was a grade-A douche bag.

But his anger and betrayal could
only carry him so far.  He needed distractions to keep those other unsavory
emotions from rearing their ugly heads.  Luckily, Jordan was an expert at
providing distractions, and thanks to his ADD, he always had something planned
and was more than happy to include Cole.  So between parties, bars, and clubs,
Cole had managed to relegate Bri to the periphery of his thoughts at least.  He
hadn’t been able to banish her completely.

There was only one place where he
had no choice but to face her.  She was there, front and center, cheering at
each of his home games.  She usually cheered under the basket next to his team,
but she’d managed to move to the opposite side of the court, which helped…
a little. 
Unfortunately, she was still impossible to ignore.  When she wasn’t taunting
him with her body in those tight, sexy outfits, she was following him with her
eyes, which he could feel from across the court.  It was torture.  It got so
bad, he began praying for more away games; they were his only reprieve. 

Despite his personal life going to
hell, he somehow managed to remain focused enough on the basketball court to
keep the team winning.  If anyone had noticed a slip in his performance, they
hadn’t said anything.  Everyone was preoccupied with the season, which was
shaping up to be one of Duke’s best.

One cold Sunday morning, Cole was up
early.  He hadn’t been able to sleep and was feeling restless.  Deciding a good
long run would help sort himself out, he bundled up against the brisk North
Carolina air, and stepped out into the first rays of morning sunshine.

Before he could close the door, he
heard a noise that made him pause.  Two doors down, Matt’s door opened and Bri
stepped out.  Cole’s heart stopped as Matt followed her.  They were both
disheveled and sleep rumpled.  Bri smiled up at Matt, wrapped her arms around
him, and Cole’s stomach bottomed out.  She pulled back and said something that
Cole couldn’t hear, then went up on her tiptoes to give Matt a kiss on the
cheek. 

Having seen enough, and not wanting
to be seen, Cole forced himself out of his paralysis, and slipped soundlessly
back inside his room.  He stood, rooted to his spot inside the door, until he
saw Bri walk past his window.  She paused and looked his way, before she
tightened her coat and continued by.