What did I expect?
My mind screamed as
I fell to my knees beside the bed where they slept peacefully in
one another’s arms after an intimate night together. I couldn’t
have both brothers. I’d had to choose, and I chose Ayden. But the
second my eyes fell on Heath and the woman I’d pushed him to be
with, I instantly regretted my decision. At that moment, I wanted
Heath to be mine. I wanted to be the one sleeping in his strong
arms, lying happy and fulfilled after sharing myself with the man I
was born to love.
As I stared at Heath while he slept, I became
overwhelmed with anger. How quickly he’d forgotten about me, taken
Sarah into his bed, and loved her with passion and fervor I could
only imagine.
I don’t know how long I watched them sleep; I
was in some kind of trance, and it was only when Heath stirred that
panic caused me to jump up and slip out of the room before he
opened his eyes and saw me intruding on his rekindled love
affair.
Heath rapped on my door not long after I
buried myself under a pile of blankets and drowned my sorrows in
sleep.
“Lillian, are you awake? There is no court
today,” he said through the now locked adjoining door.
I didn’t answer him. Instead, I clutched my
pillow against my face to muffle my sobbing.
“Lillian, are you all right? Open the
door.”
“Go away!” I called.
“Are you sick? Please open the door!”
“I’m fine. I need to rest.”
“This is ridiculous. Open the door!” he
ordered.
“Go away!” I yelled. I threw the glass of
water I had sitting on my bed stand. It shattered when it hit the
door.
Heath didn’t pursue me anymore. I pulled the
covers back over my head and cried myself to sleep again. I didn’t
wake to retrieve the trays of food left outside my door. I slept on
through that day and the next as the city dug itself out from the
record-breaking blizzard, just in time for Christmas Eve.
With no word from Ayden and only love lost
between Heath and me, I remained locked away as other people
merrily enjoyed the holiday. The hotel was festive, decorated with
holiday splendor: fresh holly, mistletoe, wreaths made of Christmas
tree trimmings, and a giant Norway spruce that soared fifty-four
feet high in the center of the grand ballroom. This I had to hear
from the young negro maid who insisted on looking after me.
“No one should be alone on Christmas,” she
said, while changing the linens of my bed.
“I’m not alone; I simply choose isolation,” I
mumbled while staring out the tall frosty windows.
“You’re too pretty to be locking yourself
away. There is a Christmas Eve ball tonight. You should go.”
“Please mind your business, Sadie,” I
snapped.
“Sure thing, Mrs. Dalton,” she replied and
finished her duties without another word.
The halls of the hotel were bustling with
comings and goings. Most guests were on their way to the ballroom
by eight that evening. Heath had knocked repeatedly on my door,
begged for me to let him in, but I remained silent, refusing to say
one word to the man who had innocently broken my heart.
“Why are you doing this? I know you’re
listening to me. Sadie tells me you are purposely keeping yourself
locked away. You can’t stay in there forever. The trial resumes in
two days.
“Lillian . . . Lillian! Open the door, talk
to me. It’s Christmas Eve. I have a gift for you,” he said through
the minute crack in the door.
I was on the other side of the door, tears
soaking my face as I struggled to contain my cries. Heath sounded
so desperate.
I held my ground and didn’t cave in. Finally
Heath went away, and I collapsed onto my bed. There, I would spend
the next two days until the morning I had to return to court to
face the demons of my troubled past.
Heath was waiting for me in the lobby to
escort me to the courthouse. It was only a few blocks from our
hotel, but through crowded paths of snow it would take twice as
long to walk there as usual.
When Heath saw me for the first time in
several days, he gasped and took hold of my hand. “Dear God,
Lillian, you look so pale, so frail!”
I felt weak and shaky and leaned into him
only to prevent myself from falling. My bloodshot eyes had dark
blue circles under them; my lips were dry and cracked. I had lost
so much weight from the constant nausea that my dress no longer
clung to my once shapely curves.
“Let’s get this over with,” I said, refusing
to look up at him.
“I’m taking you back to your room. You can’t
sit on the witness stand like this. I knew I should have broken
down the door to get to you!”
I snatched my arm from his grip and briskly
walked ahead.
“What is the matter?” Heath bellowed and
grabbed hold of me.
“Let me go. I don’t need you anymore. I can
take care of myself!”
“No, you can’t. Have you seen what you look
like?”
“Leave me alone,” I hissed.
“That’s all you want, isn’t it? For me to
leave you alone, to turn away, and forget all about you. Well, I
refuse to do that!”
“Oh, really,” I sneered. “Is that so?”
Heath appeared confused and stunned by my
angry outburst. I left him standing there, looking bewildered; I
simply refused to have him take me to the courthouse.
Each step I took through the inches of snow
that remained on the city sidewalks was exhausting. The narrow
paths were filled with inconsiderate people continually pushing
into me as they hastily made their way to wherever they were going,
causing me to fall into a huge mound of snow. A kind gentleman
lifted me out and helped me up. “Are you all right, miss?” he
asked, before he hurried on his way.
“Yes, I’m perfectly fine.”
I brushed off the snow from my coat with my
gloved hands, but found myself disoriented. The glare off the snow
was blinding, and I couldn’t focus on what direction I needed to
go. I found myself instinctively traveling along with the flow of
foot traffic and luckily found my way to the courthouse. With what
strength I had left, I entered and wearily scanned the room for
Felix or Seymour. Neither was there, yet the courtroom was nearly
filled. I spotted Judith, who threw me her customary bitter scowl,
and Rachael standing with Sterling over in a far corner. I slowly
made my way to the front row and got to my seat just as we all had
to rise for the judge. Felix and Seymour hurried in, along with the
defense team. Richard was a step in front and glanced over my way
before he sat. Instantly, I shifted my line of vision to Felix. He
appeared as calm and assured as ever, unlike myself. I was a bundle
of nerves.
This was it, the day I had been dreading. It
came so fast, I felt suddenly overwhelmed and alarmed with the task
ahead of me. Now I regretted telling Heath to stay away. I needed
his support, his strength, and his comfort.
“The prosecution calls Lillian Dalton to the
stand,” the bailiff called out.
With momentous effort, I stood and slowly,
slowly made my way to the stand. Time seemed to be moving in slow
motion, voices around me were garbled, faces blurred. I slumped
against the wooden box and painstakingly raised my right hand and
placed my left hand on the Bible, taking my oath.
As I dropped into the chair, I gazed out into
the audience, looking for Heath. But to my dismay, he wasn’t there.
I gulped hard, but there was no moisture in my arid mouth to
swallow.
Felix stood, greeted the jury, and was about
to begin the long day of questioning, when all of the sudden the
courtroom doors burst open.
* * *
Everyone instinctively turned around and
gasped with fright. Norman Griffin rushed in like a crazed
psychopath with a face twisted with rage and gun in hand, heading
straight for me.
“She is the devil! She is the devil that
killed my boy! I might have taken his life, but she’s the one who
drove him to hell!” he shrieked. And in the midst of gunshots,
pandemonium, madness, and terror, the room began to spin out of
control and I felt myself slowly sinking away into a dark, silent
abyss.
My heavy lids lifted, revealing a strange,
unfamiliar room, but one recognizable face. Heath stood smiling at
me over my bedside, holding my hand as I came out of my deep
sleep.
“Hello there, sleepy girl,” he said softly,
and squeezed my hands.
“What happened? Did I get shot?” I
murmured.
“No, you just passed out. You’re fine. You
were very dehydrated, though.” Heath pulled up a chair and sat
down. He looked relieved in one sense, but retained a serious,
concerned expression on his handsome face. “It’s all over now,” he
sighed. “As soon as you’re better, I will take you home to Jasper
Island.”
“But the trial . . .”
“It’s over. Norman Griffin, in a religious
frenzy, murdered his own son. He was ranting and raving about sin
and the devil and unholy acts just before the gun went off. I was
there in the back of the room where you couldn’t see me. The
attorneys all rushed him, just as you fainted, but it was Richard
who tackled Norman to the ground. That’s when the gun went off for
the last time. Norman was shot in the gut by his own bullet and
died moments later.”
“It’s all over,” I sobbed. “Really over?”
Heath smiled, and cleared his throat,
appearing uncomfortable. Then added, “There is more good news.
You’re with child. You are carrying Ayden’s baby.”
Through his artificial smile, I saw the pain
the announcement caused him.
“A baby . . . A baby?” I repeated
disbelievingly.
“That’s why you were sick all these weeks. It
all makes sense now.”
I closed my eyes and thought of Ayden. He was
going to be a father; his baby was growing inside me. I just
couldn’t believe it. And I readily welcomed the thought of giving
Ayden a child, embraced my unexpected pregnancy with elation,
although I had naïvely sworn in the past never to bear a child for
any man.
“The doctor says you should be well enough to
travel in a day or two,” Heath said. “You get all the rest you can.
You have a baby to think about now, yours and Ayden‘s baby.”
I wanted to call for Heath to stay, but
couldn’t find courage. Instead, I allowed him walk away without
telling him how sorry I was, and no matter what happened in life, I
would always love him.
The morning that Heath and I were to return
to the lighthouse station it was sunny, clear, and unusually mild.
I’d packed my things the night before, anxious to leave New York
City and never return.
I was feeling much better. I was hydrated and
nourished, my energy and strength had returned. I hadn’t heard a
word from Ayden, and that concerned me. I worried that something
had happened during the blizzard that barreled through the East
Coast. The sooner I got back to him, the happier I was going to be,
and hopefully our lives would quickly fall back into place - just
where we left off.
Heath kept a fair distance from me after he
brought me back to the hotel. I hadn’t seen any sign of Sarah and
didn’t care to know where she was. Felix came by to thank me and
wish me all the best. “I hear you are expecting. Congratulations,”
He placed a sweet kiss on my cheek, and then went next door to say
goodbye to Heath.
Next, an unexpected and most unwelcome
visitor came by. Heath spotted Richard coming down the corridor of
our floor and blocked him from trying to reach me. “Lillian doesn’t
want to see you,” Heath informed him. I heard the scuffle and
hurried out to stop it.
“It’s all right. I will see him. For only a
moment,” I said, I threw Richard a look of stern warning. Heath
reluctantly let go of Richard’s collar and backed away.
“I will be standing here with the door open,”
Heath informed Richard, glaring at him.
Richard straightened his hat and picked up a
package that had fallen to the floor, and then followed me into my
suite.
“Make this brief, Richard,” I ordered, and
then sat down with my arms folded across my chest.
Richard took off his hat and held it in his
trembling hands. He was unusually nervous, and that made me laugh
to myself.
“If you are here to receive a word of
gratitude, you can forget it,” I snapped.
“I am not here for a thank you. I am here to
apologize to you,” he began. He fell to one knee before me. “I
don’t expect you to ever forgive me. I have done terrible things to
you, of which I am deeply ashamed. You were an innocent girl. I
know that. If I could go back in time and change it all, I would. I
would have never taken advantage of you the way I did. Please
believe me when I tell you that I did love you . . . and still
do.”
Heath barged in and yanked Richard to his
feet. “That’s enough!”
“Heath, stop! Wait in your rooms,” I
shouted.
“He’s a snake. Don’t listen to anything he
says!”
“I came to bring you this.” He quickly handed
me the small package. “And to say I am sorry. I’m not the man you
think I am. I’ve changed, Lillian. My world hasn’t been the same
since you left. There has been no light in my life since you’ve
been gone. I am deeply in love with you; I have been since the
moment I laid eyes on you. Please don’t frown like that, don’t shun
me. Remember all we shared, what we meant to one another, how
beautiful it was . . . Can we start over? I will make it up to you,
I swear I will,” he begged. Heath had heard enough. He rushed over
and forcefully lifted Richard off his knees by the back of his
collar and tossed him out without wasting another moment.
“He won’t bother you anymore,” Heath promised
me and slammed the door shut. I sat quietly crying with the package
in my hands, knowing what was inside. “It’s Momma’s journal.” I
choked through my tears. “It wasn’t burnt after all. Richard must
have found it in Judith’s possession.”