“So that’s why you pushed me away,” he
muttered almost to himself. Then he snapped his eyes onto me. “I
was feeling sorry for myself; I had too much wine at dinner. I was
a stupid man and took her to bed, all the while convincing myself
it was you I loved that night. When I woke and realized it was
Sarah, I could barely contain my unhappiness. Sarah woke to find me
standing by the door to your rooms, wearing my broken heart on my
sleeve. ‘Be with her’, she shouted. ‘It’s Lillian you love!’ That’s
when it ended for good. The next day I bought you a ring and went
to ask you to leave Ayden for me. You wouldn’t let me in, you
yelled for me to go away. Now I know why,” he said, and he took my
hand, eased my fingers back, and then placed a beautiful diamond
ring in my palm. “No matter what we do, we can’t bring Ayden back.
My only brother is gone, and a part of me won't forgive myself for
loving his wife and wanting him far away from you. I will live with
that forever, but I have no regrets. You have to think like that as
well. You have a baby to think of who will need a father. You need
a husband so you can stay here on the island you call home. It’s
not selfish to be happy. Take me, say yes, and allow me to love
you, Lillian, please! I beg you with all my heart and soul. Please
be mine.”
“I can’t. I can’t allow myself to love you
now. Not with Ayden killing himself because of me.” I handed him
back the ring, but he refused to take it.
“I am going to be keeper, which will allow
you and the baby to stay here. Otto can help me, since I was never
good at working the light.”
“You never wanted to mind the light,” I
muttered, keeping my head bowed in shame.
“I do now,” Heath replied. “I do now, and
that’s all that matters.”
Hazel returned to the station by week’s end
to gather up the rest of the family. I had stayed reclusive,
avoiding the children, James, Otto Moore, and most of all,
Heath.
“You can’t continue to stay locked away,”
Hazel said on the morning they were leaving.
I had been reading Momma’s journal again,
allowing myself to journey back to when Momma and Daddy first fell
in love. Though Momma endured unmentionable hardships, she somehow
found love and happiness in the end through her beloved
Garrett.
“The Daltons are arriving in a few days; you
need to pull yourself together, Lillian.”
“I will deal with it when they get here,” I
sighed and continued reading. Hazel ripped the book from my
hands.
“Heath tells me you’re expecting. Now that
Ayden is gone, who will raise that baby?”
“I will,
alone!
” I snapped.
“Why are you torturing yourself? What’s done
is done. Being miserable isn’t going to bring Ayden back.”
“Maybe not, but it’s what I deserve.”
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get up and
go to Heath. He is up in the tower night after night learning to be
a keeper, doing it all for you. Is this how you show your
appreciation, by shutting him out?”
“I didn’t ask him to do it!” I yelled.
“I guess there’s no use wasting my breath. I
just want you to know something before I go,” she said and handed
back my book. “I tried to prevent what happened, but it all
unfolded when I was sick in bed after I’d lost another baby. Got an
infection, and they went and took out all my woman parts. I saw the
storm coming, but it was too late. The damage had been done. Sylvia
has the devil in her, that’s for certain. So you stop taking the
blame for Ayden’s death, because it was the devil that took Ayden.
He did it to himself by losing himself to the wiles of my
Sylvia.”
I was barely able to look at Edward and Opal
when I stood by Heath and greeted them as they set foot onto the
island. Elizabeth had stayed behind at the school, recovering from
the measles. I was glad in a way, for then I would have less guilt
to deal with. I planned to reveal the truth that evening after
supper. I was going to make my confession and admit blame for their
son’s death, and then welcome their antipathy toward me, yet that
didn’t happen the way I had anticipated. Through their
grief-stricken faces, they smiled and encouraged me to accept
Heath’s proposal. Heath had apparently explained everything
already.
“Your love for one another was created long
before you met. That‘s what true love is. That‘s what your father
and mother were fortunate to have, that‘s what I have with Edward,”
Opal said with such compassion. “Ayden was caught somewhere in the
middle. It is all tragic and I will mourn the loss of my son with
every day and night that passes, but I want most of all for you and
Heath to find what you have been looking for, and that’s each
other,” she implored.
Heath stepped into the parlor then stood at
full attention. He’d been waiting to enter while I carefully
weighed my decision. They all looked to me for the answers, yet I
didn’t know how to give them what they wanted, and what I wanted as
well, without being permeated with unrelenting guilt. My mind was
trapped in a thick fog as I reached into my pocket and pulled out
the ring Heath presented to me as a lifelong promise to love and
cherish me, to be my husband, and to give me all that Ayden
ultimately had failed to do.
I stared at the beautiful oval-shaped diamond
ring in a trance-like state, until Heath knelt before me. I slowly
lifted my woeful, tired, cried-out eyes to him, and began the
arduous process of letting go. All the heavy burdens and guilt
started to unravel in the depths of his blue, blue eyes,
effortlessly swept away by Heath’s genuine, unconditional, endless
love.
On the eve of Ayden’s memorial service, I was
finally resigned without question to what destiny had to offer. No
longer did I challenge the unexplainable, or curse the relentless
misfortunes that chased after me like a cold, winter wind. I
agreed, with all the love I held in my heart for any one man, to
marry Heath.
While I was eager to put the past behind me,
end my mourning, and become Heath’s wife, Heath insisted on
courting me.
“That is silly,” I told him. “I don’t want to
stand before you as a bride who is bigger than a house. I am just
starting to show now and still slim enough to fit into a beautiful
bridal gown.”
Heath finished polishing the lens, then put
down the cloth. “First of all, I imagine you as a beautiful bride,
no matter how large your belly grows,” he said and placed his hand
on the small bump protruding from under my blouse. “You and I will
have a lifetime to be husband and wife. I am just as anxious and
excited as you are. Please allow me the time to properly earn your
love.”
I threw my arms around him and placed my lips
upon his, then drew back and smiled. “I can wait as long as you
wish, but only if you promise to be mine forever.”
Heath hugged me close, pressing his racing
heart against mine, then whispered, “Forever isn’t long enough. I
shall love you beyond forever. Beyond the stars and the moon and
past the galaxy and until the universe ceases to exist. And if that
is forever, then I will be yours until forever.”
It was like living a real fairytale, the kind
I dreamt of as a little girl, almost like the fairytale Momma and
Daddy had shared. Though Heath was dedicated to his new role as
primary keeper under the guidance and supervision of Otto, it was
simply a duty for him, while his true passion remained me. As soon
as the flame was extinguished, Heath came to me in my room as I
woke to the dawn of a new day, and read the beautiful poetry he
wrote for me while he worked the light all night long. When he
finished reading his eloquent words, Heath crawled beside me and
showered me with dozens of gentle kisses before we fell back asleep
in each other’s arms.
During long, dark winter nights, when I was
well into my second trimester and much of my lethargy had ended, I
stayed with Heath and watched as he mastered the light nearly as
perfectly as Ayden had. And I knew Heath was only doing it for me,
so I could remain on the island I called home. When there were
rescues - three that winter - it pained me to watch Heath row out
onto the dangerous waters, not only because I feared him capsizing
and being swallowed up by a giant wave just the way Ayden had, but
because he wasn’t meant to have anything to do with the sea. Heath
would always be a doctor, and even though he never showed any
interest in returning to the medical field, I continually looked to
see if he was hiding even an ounce of regret. Yet as hard and often
as I tried, I never saw any.
Otto Moore was a quiet, solitary, elderly
man, whose presence was only made known while fulfilling his
keeper’s duties, teaching Heath what he needed to learn, and doing
simple chores around the island. He never joined us for supper;
instead, he took a plate I prepared for him back to his
quarters.
One late afternoon, while Heath and I sat
cuddled before the cozy fire, I asked him if he knew anything
personal about Otto.
“He doesn’t talk much. The only thing I know
is long ago he had a wife and child who drowned while returning to
their station off the coast of Rhode Island. He didn’t mention any
other family.”
“He seems like a lost soul.” I sighed heavily
and leaned back into Heath while seriously considering revealing to
Heath another lost soul - Victor. I felt his presence back on
Jasper Island, even though I had yet to see his apparition. Often
there were shadows that lurked in the darkness, noises, and bumps
in the night that I only remember happening when Victor was near. I
decided not to say anything, fearing Heath’s ridicule. Heath was
too practical and realistic to believe in a haunting.
“The baby is doing tumbles tonight.” He
chuckled as he laid his warm hands on my large belly he could no
longer wrap his arms around. “I think it’s going to be a boy.”
“If so, I hope he has your eyes.”
“And I hope he has your exquisite smile,”
Heath added.
I tilted my head back and gazed up at him.
The glow from the fire lit up his face as the flames danced in the
gleam of his loving eyes. Heath lowered his lips and kissed me,
sparking a fire that was difficult for both of us to contain. Heath
showed the same yearning and desire each time I was near him. I saw
how hard he tried to be a gentleman and wait until we were married
before taking me to bed with him. We had both been dreaming of that
moment, and stubbornly holding off until our wedding night.
“You are so beautiful,” Heath murmured
between hot kisses along my neck. “I want you; I need you.”
“Take me, Heath, and make me yours, I have
waited so long,” I whispered into his ear, then trailed my hand
down to the buttons of his shirt, unbuttoning one at a time,
running my hands through the fine hairs on his chest.
Our union was as passionate and magical as I
could have ever wanted. Heath was tender and affectionate. Not one
place on my body was left without a hot kiss or gentle caress.
Heath calmed my fears of our lovemaking becoming awkward when he
guided me on top of him and softly said, “I want to gaze up at you
and remember how beautiful you are.”
When it was over, we lay together, laughed,
and cried, while happily staring at one another, practically in
disbelief. “You are so wonderful,” Heath said, catching his breath.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No, it was perfect,” I whispered. I snuggled
up against his chest and fell asleep, believing that if you wait
long enough, wishes really do come true.
Nearly a week after Heath and I were married
by a captain on the bluff of Jasper Island, in front of Edward,
Opal, and Elizabeth, on the warmest spring day I could remember,
Thomas Ayden Dalton was born. Opal stayed by my side as Heath
brought my son into the world. All my fears of childbirth were
valid, yet the moment Heath placed the precious newborn baby in my
arms, I forgot all about it.
“He has your cleft,” I said to Heath, while
he gazed with tear-filled eyes down at us. “And Ayden’s jet black
hair.”
“He is perfect,” Heath, said choking back his
emotions.
“Congratulations, Lillian. You did a fine
job,” Edward said. He kissed me on the cheek.
“Here’s your grandson.”
Opal and Edward stood at the edge of my bed
and cradled Thomas, while crying tears of both joy and sadness. I
understood their loss, but saw how they looked to Thomas as close
to a replacement for Ayden as they could ever have.
Otto came by later that night to see the
baby. Heath sent him in after checking to see if I was awake and if
it was all right.
“That’s one pretty baby,” Otto said. He
handed me a bundle of wild flowers he must have picked near to
where Heath and I married.
“Thank you, Otto,” I said wistfully.
Becoming a mother was so profound. It filled
me with a pure, overpowering love I never knew existed. This love
was different from what I had for Heath, yet just as deep and
special.
Otto hovered over the cradle where my baby
slept peacefully, studied him for a moment, then walked over to me
and handed me a tiny necklace attached to a golden crucifix. “You
hang this over the cradle. It will keep him safe from the spirit
that roams the island.”
“You’ve seen it!” I gasped.
“On many a night. He’s a good spirit. Don’t
mean any harm. Just lost between two worlds. I tell him to go to
the light. If you see him, do the same. That’s what I done for my
beloved wife Rose. Told her to go to the light and wait for me in
heaven. That very evening she vanished for good. I know she’s up
there waiting with my baby girl until it’s my time.”
Heath came in with my bowl of soup just as
Otto left. He noticed the necklace dangling in my hand.
“What’s that?”
“Otto gave it to me for Thomas.”
“That was a kind gesture,” he said, staring
down at it.