Heath knew what it meant to me as I cried on
his shoulder. “All is well now,” he assured me, “You can go back to
Jasper Island with the burden of your past lifted off your
shoulders, carrying only what rightfully belongs to you.”
“Can I truly ever be happy? Will I ever find
the meaning to my life?” I sobbed while clinging desperately to
him.
“The baby inside you is the meaning,” he said
in a light, whispery breath. “And you will be happy. You deserve it
more than anyone.”
Just as when we took our journey to New York,
Heath and I didn’t talk much. I wondered what his plans were with
Sarah Van Dorn, yet I chose not to ask. Heath was quiet and forlorn
every time he believed I wasn’t looking his way. However, when my
eyes rested on him, he gave me a genuine smile, which was intended
to make me believe he was happy.
The stagecoach brought us into the harbor
village just as dusk approached. Heath had just lifted me out and
placed me on the ground in front of the general store, when he
spotted James, Jr.
“James, James, Jr.!” Heath called. James, Jr.
waved and headed our way, just as a small man walking out from the
store tripped on his shoelaces and toppled down the stairs, landing
at Heath’s feet. I jumped back. Heath bent down and lifted the
elderly man, who winced in pain.
“That’s Mr. Moore,” James, Jr. cried. “The
third keeper.”
“I think he has broken his leg. I have to get
him over to the doctor’s office. James, take Lillian to the
lighthouse,” Heath ordered. “I will get out there as soon as Mr.
Moore is stabilized.”
James, Jr. took my bag and hurried me along.
“Looks as if we are in for another storm.”
The skies were crystal clear, the air still,
and the sea tranquil. “I don’t think so,” I objected. James, Jr.
shrugged his shoulders and assisted me into the rowboat.
“What are you doing in the village without
your pa?” I asked, but he didn’t answer. “Has everything been all
right on the island? Is Ayden well?”
He nodded stiffly and rowed on, navigating
his way around the small icebergs, avoiding my eyes, ignoring my
questions. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end with a
familiar feeling of foreboding.
As if stepping onto Jasper Island was the cue
to open the gates to a ferocious storm, the wind let loose a giant
gust and the sea turned instantly angry. Enormous swells began to
rise and pound against the island. Waves crashed up over the rocks
as the wind howled through the night air.
James, Jr. practically vanished and I was
left to fend for myself on the way up the embankment and to the
house. I wanted to change out of my wet clothes and put on
something pretty for Ayden. For days on end I had imagined the
moment we would see one another again. I envisioned our reunion,
running into his welcoming arms, and smothering his handsome face
with dozens of kisses. Then I would make him look into my eyes and
see our future.
We’re going to have a baby, Ayden,
I would
sing.
And I hope it’s a boy. I want him to look just like you
and grow to be the wonderful, handsome man you are.
Ayden’s
smile would beam, and then he would lift me and swing me around,
telling me that he was the happiest man alive.
You have made me
so happy, Lillian,
he would whisper breathlessly and place a
long, passionate kiss on my yearning lips. That night, Ayden would
carry me into our bed, love me all night long, and whisper that he
was nothing without me.
You are the light of my life, my eternal
flame. . . I can’t live without you. I have missed you so.
I was inclined to stop at the Coopers’
quarters and announce my return, but was too anxious to see Ayden.
I couldn’t wait to have him hold me again. I knew when I was in his
arms that no longer would my unbridled love for Heath remain. It
would be washed away for good and left at the bottom of the sea
where it belonged.
The house was dark and damp, no fire in the
hearth. I took a few minutes to get a small fire going, then I
headed up to my room. I lit the lamp nearest to the door and was
stunned to see the room in complete disarray. Clothes and linens
were thrown everywhere. Some were mine, some Heath’s. At first I
was bewildered, and then I remembered Otto. He must have moved into
Heath’s quarters and someone had hastily thrown Heath’s belongings
into my room, assuming he would be staying here. It seemed odd that
no one had taken the time to place the clothes in the closet. Hazel
must have been too busy and unaware.
I walked carefully through the mess and found
a pretty blue dress - one of Momma’s favorite dresses - and
excitedly brought it into Ayden’s room, which was now our room as a
married couple. I lit the lamp and undressed, thinking of how Ayden
and I were going to sleep in each other’s arms after the storm
passed. He was up there in the tower waiting for me, perhaps pacing
the floor in eager anticipation.
The storm grew violent as time went by.
Thunder and lightning accompanied the wind and rain, and nearly
shook the house off its foundation. The boom startled me, giving me
chills, but it wasn’t from the thunder. It was Ayden, who stormed
through the door.
I had an immediate, frightening flashback to
when Norman Griffin burst through the courtroom doors with a gun
pointed straight at me. I clutched my nearly stopped heart and
slowly released my breath, and said in a tight, trembling voice,
“Ayden, you frightened me.”
Ayden stepped in and I ran to him with open
arms, expecting him to sweep me up and shower me with love and
affection, to welcome me home and beg me to never leave him again.
However, as I came near, he held out his arm to keep me at a
distance. I caught a strong whiff of alcohol from his breath, and
that’s when I peered closely at him. His right eye was black and
blue, his lip cut, swollen, and covered in dried blood. My heart
skipped a beat as pure anger bolted through his eyes and onto me as
hot and threatening as lightning.
“Ayden, darling, what happened? Why do you
look at me with such hatred? I’m sorry I was gone so long. I wrote
you letters explaining the trial delays. I wanted to return to you
as soon as I could. I thought about you day and night, Ayden. And
while I was gone, I learned some wonderful news,” I said and
reached for his hand. “Ayden, you and I
are . . .”
Ayden snatched his hand away and without
warning, swung it back across my face with all his might, sending
me hurling down to the floor. “It was supposed to be
me
that
you loved!” Ayden flared.
I lifted myself up to my knees and reached
out to him. “What are you talking about? You know I love you!”
“I don’t want to hear it anymore!” he shouted
covering his ears and shaking his head violently.
Panic began to grip me as my mind scrambled
to understand what he was talking about, and why he was so angry
with me.
“What have I done? I have been truthful and
faithful to you and only you!”
“You belong to me, you belong to me,” he
mumbled repeatedly through his tears.
I stood slowly and approached him
apprehensively, fearing another attack. Ayden was distraught as I’d
never seen him before. And it only clicked in my mind when he
mumbled under his drunken breath, “Heath . . . you always loved
Heath. I was so stupid to believe otherwise.”
His fiery eyes rapidly widened and he
snatched my arm, squeezing so tight I cried out in pain.
“You know what you have done?
DO
YOU?”
“Ayden, please stop. Won’t you believe me? I
married you, I want to spend my life with you,” I sobbed.
“Everything is a mess, and it’s all your
fault!”
He abruptly released me, and I fearfully
backed away. There was pure hatred in Ayden’s eyes for me. No
longer did his gaze shower me with love and affection. He was no
one I recognized. And what had caused this rage I didn’t
understand. After all, I had been faithful to him! There was no way
he could have known about my secret love for Heath. Only Heath
knew, or so I foolishly thought.
Before Ayden ran out into the deadly storm,
he turned to me one last time and, to my horror, agonizingly
revealed what I had unintentionally done to destroy him.
“I read your letter. Your love letter to
Heath.”
* * *
All throughout the morning and into the day,
pieces of Ayden’s broken rowboat washed up with the tide and
scattered along the rocky shore like common driftwood. I’d shouted
over the thunder, pleading for him to come back, but he had ignored
my frantic cries and rowed liked a madman over giant, perilous sea
swells, through the pounding surf and the blinding rain. In
everything that nightmares are made of, I helplessly watched in
terror as Ayden’s boat was quickly swallowed by a wave. He was
drowning, not even attempting to fight for his life. He wasn’t
trying to swim or keep his head above the whitecaps. I desperately
ran through the freezing, icy water to try and save him, but the
surf held me at bay, violently throwing me back to the shore,
signifying it was Ayden the sea wanted to take down to his watery
grave and not me.
Heath found me sitting alone on a rock,
emotionally stunned and numb from the bitter cold day, staring
blankly out at the unforgiving sea that had claimed Ayden‘s life.
All of my dreams were far below the dark murky waters, along with
the man who suffered and died because he was the victim of my
selfishness. However, Heath didn’t see it that way, and was
determined to make me believe it wasn’t my fault that Ayden was
dead.
Heath caringly covered me with his coat and
brought me close, then with a soft handkerchief wiped away the
endless tears that cascaded down my cold face.
“They have called off the search. Ayden is
gone,” Heath began in a somber voice. “I spoke with James this
morning. Lillian, look at me,” Heath insisted. When I didn’t, he
leaned his face into mine, blocking my view. “Yesterday, when we
met James, Jr. in the village, he was returning from the train
station. Strange how we didn’t see them when we arrived. He had
just left Hazel and Sylvia.”
I didn’t understand where he was going with
this. Heath noticed my confused frown and then smiled, kissed the
top of my hair, and hugged me tight. “Hazel was taking Sylvia to
Richmond. That’s where Hazel’s mother lives.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” I
sobbed onto his chest.
“Listen carefully to what I’m saying, for I
don’t ever want to think about it again. James and Ayden got into a
huge brawl a day before we returned. From what he said, Sylvia
revealed to him that she was pregnant.”
My head jolted up and I stared at Heath. This
was obviously painful for him. His blue eyes were dark and
disturbed, his jaw tight from the burden of the account. “She told
her father she was pregnant with Ayden’s child, and when James
confronted Ayden, he didn’t deny it. Out of shame for the family,
they decided to send Sylvia away to have the baby. Don’t you see?
Ayden did this to himself; none of it is your fault! Ayden gave
into temptation. James told me he started drinking. I don’t
understand why he made such a terrible mistake, but he did. And now
he has paid the ultimate price.”
I was crying uncontrollably. Not from what
Heath revealed, but because it truly was my fault, just as Ayden
said. “I am completely to blame,” I moaned, and flew off the rock.
Heath chased after me as I ran along the shore - running from him,
from Ayden’s haunting memory, and from myself.
“Lillian!” Heath called until he caught up
and forcefully made me stop. “Why are you taking the blame?”
“Ayden went to her because he knew how I felt
about you. It was his way to get back at me for loving you!”
“How could he know? We were in New York, far
away.”
“There was a letter. I wrote a letter I never
intended anyone to read. Somehow, Ayden found it. It was a love
confession to you,” I admitted looking up at him, intensely
studying his expression, waiting to see it turn from bewilderment
to revulsion. But Heath’s eyes softened, and he went to console me,
but I pushed him away. “So you see it
is
my fault Ayden
rowed himself out into the storm. He couldn’t live with my heart
belonging to you, or face the reality of fathering a child with a
girl I know he didn’t love. He went to her no doubt in a drunken
stupor, just like my Daddy did with the prostitute.”
“Listen to me,” Heath fired. “It was not your
fault. I’m sure Ayden was hurt after reading such a letter, but he
was a grown man. He knew what he was doing. He slept with Sylvia as
revenge, to hurt you, to cause you the same kind of pain you
unknowingly inflicted upon him. Ayden was bitter and jealous, and
his death was his own fault, not yours. You have to believe
that!”
“Go away, Heath, just go away,” I sniffled.
“You have your own life now. You should return to Sarah. Get away
from this place and me. Marry her; devote yourself to her.”
Heath started to speak, but I wouldn’t
listen. Instead, I shouted, picked up a pile of snow-covered sand,
and hurled it at him. “Go away! Leave me alone!”
“You stop pushing me away! I am not leaving
this island. I am not leaving you. The Coopers are being
transferred. They are leaving Jasper Island. I will take over as
primary keeper and you and I will live here. I want you to marry
me. I will be the baby’s father,” he cried.
“No. It’s too late for you and me. You’re
engaged to Sarah.”
“I ended the relationship with her for good.
Sarah is out of my life, and to be honest, I never really let her
back in.”
I snickered cynically and again lashed out at
him. “So why did you sleep with her? I saw you two in bed together.
Don’t lie to me. I know you love her!”