Beyond Repair (8 page)

He was crying.

I felt awful for intruding on such a private moment. I was torn between giving him privacy and seeing if he was okay.

For a second I debated and then decided it wasn’t my place to interrupt him. I wasn’t his girlfriend. We were friends, sure, but part of being a friend was knowing when the other needed to be alone.

Looking at him one last time, I tried to rid myself of the longing to open his door and pull him into me. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and wipe the tears off his face until whatever pain he was feeling was gone.

I wanted to help him so badly. But it wasn’t my place.

I took a step backward, ready to spin around on my heels, when he lifted his head and turned toward me. I froze, and he blinked several times before he quickly wiped his face
. I wanted to do that for you.

He opened the door and stepped out. “Sorry.” His voice was hoarse and full of sadness, empty and nothing like him at all.

“No, don’t be. I’m sorry.” I held up his credit card. “I just found this, but I didn’t want to interrupt …” I didn’t finish the sentence. He just looked at me with watery eyes, and there was nothing else to say about why I was out there. I stood in silence for a few seconds as he stared at me but then I finally spoke again. “Are you okay?”

He started to nod, but slowly shifted to shaking his head.

“Mia’s sleeping. I have to go inside in case she wakes up.” Without thinking, I grabbed his hand. “Come with me.”

He stopped shaking his head and looked at the ground. “I’m fine. I don’t want to bother you—”

“You’re not. You don’t have to talk, but I can’t leave you like this.” Zoey had used that line on me several times in the past.

He nodded, not making eye contact, and allowed me to lead him inside my condo. I steered us through the kitchen and to the couch, grabbing a box of tissues along the way. We sat down, and I held out the box to him. Chris aggressively pulled out a tissue and angrily wiped his eyes. He looked at me for a few seconds before talking.

“My brother died a year ago today.”

“Oh …
God
. I am so sorry.” Just the thought of losing Zoey made me want to cry, so I couldn’t even imagine the pain that he was feeling.

He nodded, his eyes getting watery again. “Yeah. There’s more to it than that, but I don’t want to … yeah.” He looked down, and his shoulders started shaking again, though he wasn’t making any noises.

My heart ached for him. There was obviously more to his brother’s death than he was letting on, and it was destroying him. I slid closer and instinctively reached out, wrapping my arms around his strong, trembling body. His head dropped onto my shoulder. I put my hand on the back of his neck, running my fingers through the bottom of his hair. Guilt washed over me for enjoying what should have been a comforting gesture.

He turned his head so he was facing my neck as his arms hooked around my waist. I could feel his hot breath against me as he shook, not making a sound. After a few minutes, he stilled but kept his head on my shoulder, breathing against me. “I should let go of you, but I don’t want to.”

“Then don’t,” I said quietly. My heart was beating so hard that I knew he could feel it. But it didn’t matter. We had moved on from me comforting him, and I could tell by the husky tone of his voice that he realized it just as much as I did.

“This is what I wanted to do for you yesterday. But I didn’t want to scare you.” His words muffled against my neck.

Pulling me against him when thoughts of Pierce clouded my mind probably
would
have scared me. “You gave me what I needed yesterday. When you were rubbing my back, it calmed me down a lot.” My voice betrayed me because it was full of emotion. And I didn’t care at all.

His arms tightened, and I let out a sigh before I could stop myself. Chris’s breathing was uneven, too fast against my neck. I closed my eyes as I let myself enjoy the moment of him pressed against me, his hot breath sending me into a trance.

But then he brought me back. “Something bad happened to you.”

That was a good way to put it. “Yeah, it did.” I didn’t get angry at his statement, as I usually would. He proved he could be trusted, but we’d had enough crying for one night. I just wanted to focus on him and not tarnish this moment with thoughts of Pierce.

I moved my hand higher, so that I was rubbing the top of his head, and smiled as he drew in a breath. “I’ll tell you about it soon, I promise.” I swallowed as I realized that I actually meant those words.

“Brooke?”

I was still running my fingers mindlessly through his hair. “Yeah?”

“Something bad happened to me, too. I don’t get panic attacks, but don’t think that you have problems you have to work through alone.” He held me a little tighter, but after a few seconds, he let out a breath. My arms fell off him as he released my waist and moved away, sitting up straight. I stared at him in shock both from what he’d said and from the suddenness of him letting go of me.
Come back.

He looked down. “I really didn’t want you to see me like this, but you made me feel a lot better. Thanks.” I nodded, staring at his hand as he clenched it into a fist. “I guess I better go.”

He was done crying, so there was really no reason for him to be with me anymore. “Okay,” I mumbled. My fingers twitched at the thought of touching him more, but I didn’t act on it. There was no point … right?

Instead, Chris reached out and put his hand under my chin, tilting it up to him. My heart pounded as his eyes moved back and forth across my face. After a few tortured seconds, his tongue slipped out of his mouth and across his lips.

My stomach dropped as his head tilted, and he slowly leaned toward me. An emotion I couldn’t place blanketed his red-rimmed eyes as he watched my reaction.

I couldn’t move. I just sat there, taking him in as he leaned closer and closer to me.

His eyes closed, and I let mine sink shut as well.
Finally—

“Mom! Mom! MOM!”

My eyes flew open to see Chris barely an inch in front of my face as Mia screamed from upstairs. His hand dropped off me, and he quickly sat back.

I jumped to my feet. “I have to go. She never wakes up in the middle of the night.”

“Of course,” he said, standing up as well. “I’ll lock your door behind me. Hope she’s okay.”

I nodded and charged up the steps.

Chapter Seven

“H
EY, WHAT’S WRONG?” I ASKED
, rushing into Mia’s room.

Mia was sitting up in her bed, her hair sweaty and the purple sheets twisted around her. She gazed around the room with her eyes wide open, stopping when they focused on me. “Mom?”

“I’m here, my girl.” I plopped down on the bed and pushed her wild hair out of her face. “Did you have a bad dream?”

She nodded and said in one rushed sentence, “There was a big snake that could talk and everyone was friends with him, but he told me that he was tricking everyone and then he tried to bite me.” She took a deep breath.

“That does sound scary.” I kept my voice light to relax her. “What did you do when the snake tried to bite you?”

“I yelled for you. And now I’m awake.”

I put my arm around her. Unfortunately, I couldn’t protect my daughter from bad dreams. But I could teach her how to kick ass in them. “Mia, I’m surprised at you. You take karate. You should have given that snake a roundhouse kick and knocked him right over.”

Her mouth dropped open. “You and Uncle Kyle said I can only do roundhouse kicks in karate.”

“Well, I give you permission to use roundhouse kicks in your bad dreams. If anyone or anything bothers you, then you use all of your karate moves on them. And since I know some too, you can have me help you. Sound like a plan?”

“Sounds like a plan.” She looked way too happy for a kid who’d just had a nightmare. “I hope that snake comes back. I’m going to get him.”

“That’s my girl.” I moved away so she could lie down, and then I arranged the covers over her. “Remember though, only in dreams. You are not allowed to use karate at school.”

Mia hugged her stuffed giraffe. “Mom?”

“Yes?”

“There is a bubble in my throat.”

A bubble? I tried not to laugh as I picked up a bottle of water on her nightstand. “Have a drink. That should help.”

Mia sat up and took long sips of the water. “Better?” I asked, taking it from her.

“Yup.”

“Great.” I leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Love you.”

She smiled at me. “I know. I love you, too.”

“I know. Good night, sweetie.”

“Mmmhmm …” Her eyes were already drifting shut.

I left the room, softly closing the door behind me.

Downstairs, my phone had a text:

Chris:
Is Mia okay?

Brooke:
She’s fine, thanks. Back asleep already.

After replying, I debated asking him how
he
was doing. But before I could decide, my phone buzzed again.

Chris:
It’s me.

I stared at my phone in confusion as the sound of a knock broke the silence in the room. Still holding my phone, I stood up.

Not sure what to expect from Chris when I opened the door, I walked into the kitchen and paused with my hand on the doorknob, hesitating for a minute. I hadn’t imagined what happened before. He’d almost kissed me. I didn’t know if he was coming back to talk about that or …
his credit card. Of course.
I had put it in my pocket as we walked in, forgetting to give it back to him.

I pulled the plastic out of my pocket and opened the door. Chris stood on my doorstep, his eyes restless as clutched his phone.

“Hey,” I said, holding up the credit card. “Did you come back for—”

I didn’t finish my question. As I spoke, Chris took two big steps inside. He cupped my face in his hands, still holding his phone. “No,” he muttered and crashed his lips against mine.

Holy shit.
I stood frozen, gripping my phone in one hand and his credit card in the other. But then the reality of what was happening sunk in. Chris’s warm mouth was against mine, his tongue brushing against my closed lips, and
I was standing still like a dumbass and not kissing him back.

Before my brain could tell my mouth to start working, he broke away. “Brooke,” he whispered. His lips brushed against mine as he spoke, sending electric shocks throughout my body.

He backed up, hands still cradling my chin, his phone smashed against my face as his eyes locked with mine, waiting for my reaction. Not breaking eye contact, I placed my phone and his credit card on a small table next to the door. Reaching up, I pried his phone out from between his hand and my chin, and laid it on the table as well.

Then I sprang up on my tiptoes, grasped his shoulders for leverage, and pulled him back to me.

Our lips met aggressively, but he eased back after a moment, slowly moving his mouth against mine. His calloused fingers moved back and forth in featherlight motions against my jaw, and I trembled. It had been so long, and this was
way
better than anything I ever remembered.

My lips parted, and I softened my mouth to kiss him back, my eyes sinking shut as our tongues slid against each other. My hands found their way to the back of his neck as I pulled him closer, not wanting him to leave me ever again. He groaned into my mouth and kicked the door shut as he deepened the kiss.

I didn’t realize I was pulling on him so hard that we were moving until the back of my legs hit the kitchen cabinets. He panted as he pulled away, his eyes traveling from me to the counter for a split second. In the next instant, his hands were on my hips, and I gasped in surprise as I found myself seated on the counter, with my legs dangling over the edge. Now that our height difference wasn’t as extreme, he leaned in and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly against him as he branded my mouth with his hot tongue. I gripped his upper arms, savoring the feel of him against me as I glided my tongue against his.

Chris felt so
good
, everything about him. His hard chest, his tight arms, those big hands pressing into my back, pinning me against him. But my favorite thing was his mouth exploring mine, needy and giving at the same time.

I seriously have no frigging idea how long I sat on my kitchen counter, holding onto Chris as if I were lost in the dark and he was the one sliver of light I could hang onto. My senses were in overdrive. He kept letting out groans so soft I could barely hear them, he tasted like cinnamon Altoids, and I could smell his soap and the sawdust. One of his hands had moved up and was rubbing the back of my head, adding shockwaves to my body with each stroke.

Finally, we broke apart, panting for breath as we stared at each other. His eyes were clouded over, dazed and content.

“Finally …” He let out with a shaking breath. “I’ve wanted to do that every time I was with you and …” He stopped, lips turning down as he finished his thought. “And I needed something good to happen today.”

My heart ached for him. He was upset about his brother, and I couldn’t say anything to make him feel better. I reached over and put my fingers in his hair, gently massaging the back of his head. The vulnerable look I knew he was trying so hard to control made its way to his face. He finally shook his head. “How can I be sad after what just happened?”

“You miss your brother; of course you’re sad.” I pulled him toward me and kissed him lightly. “You don’t have to pretend with me.”

His arm tightened around me, and he used his other hand to push my hair out of my face. “Can we go out sometime soon?” He brushed my bottom lip with his thumb. “This is me asking you in advance, not showing up at your door and catching you off guard.” He winced. “For what would be the third time in less than two weeks.”

“You can catch me off guard anytime.” My voice was hoarse and totally exposing my feelings, but I didn’t give a shit at all.

Pink crept up to his face as he gave me his uneven smile. I gazed at him, not caring that I probably looked like a lovesick idiot. He moved his thumb against my lip again and I sighed. “I would love to go out with you.”

* * *