Beyond Repair (10 page)

He looked disappointed. “So I guess you already saw
The Pony Princess Party
? Damn, I was hoping to see that.”

“I’m sure we’ll get it when it comes out, so you can borrow it. But I was kind of hoping for a grown-up movie.”

Chris pushed my hair out of my face. “I’ll figure out what’s playing and we’ll decide tomorrow.” He lightly kissed my mouth. “See you later.”

Even that light kiss made my stomach flutter. “Bye.”

I watched Chris drive away and sighed as I went inside to work.

Three hours later, I’d completed my assignments for the day. I’d emailed my boss to see if she had anything else for me to work on and stood up to stretch as I waited for her reply.

Usually, it was not good for me to have free time because it made my mind remember things I didn’t want to. But right now, I was enjoying it. I thought of Chris and how his mouth against mine made me feel like he was a mighty healer, performing miracles and fusing pieces of my broken soul back together. How every touch affected me so much, my skin should have marks on it.

I never felt this way before. Ever. Not even with Jake.

I thought back to my twenty-fourth birthday. My college boyfriend and I had just moved to New York, and I had started my dream job. Life was perfect. So when he had me open a box and an adorable black puppy with a diamond ring tied on his collar jumped out, I didn’t hesitate to say yes. I had such huge plans for myself. Kick ass at my job. Have fun with my friends. Marry my perfect boyfriend. Travel a few years before having babies and moving to the suburbs.

I just didn’t count on him falling in love with someone else.

Jake stood in the center of the room, holding a box. “Sorry. It took me longer than I thought. This is the last of it.” He spoke to me as if he were suggesting something as simple as throwing the box away, when to me it was so much more complicated than that.

I hesitated at the door, but finally walked in, nodding. It wasn’t as if I had anywhere else to go.

He put the box down. “Brooke … are you okay?”

“What the fuck do you care?” My words came out sharp as razors, but they cut me much more than him. Jake was in love with someone else. He was happy. I was just here … in the city I moved to for him. In the apartment we had picked out together. Working in the same office with him. The reason I was here was leaving.

And I just wanted to run far away from this place. I wanted to run until I couldn’t breathe, until my legs burned and ached and were ready to fall off. I’d welcome it as a distraction from the insult I called my life. There was nothing worse than having everything you ever wanted dangled in front of your face, only to be snatched away. I kept my eyes wide open, feeling the threat of the tears burning behind them.

He walked over, holding his hand out but dropped it to his side when he saw me look at it. Maybe he didn’t want to give me false hope. “I’m always going to care about you. Part of me will always love you.”

I couldn’t hold them back anymore. Small streams of salty water slid down my cheeks. I lowered my head—humiliated, sad, and broken.

And yet I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. “Don’t let Jenny hear you say that.”

“You know I didn’t plan this, Brooke. Don’t you? You’ve just been working so late, and when I picked up extra hours and got to know her …” He paused. “Don’t think anything that happened between Jenny and me was intended to hurt you.”

“You asked me to marry you. You fucked another woman a month later, and then decided you wanted to be with her instead.” I finally looked up, my eyes burning from the sight of him. “How could you not think that would hurt me?”

He had nothing to say. I stuck my hand in my pocket and pulled out the ring. We’d been engaged for less than two months. I thought I’d have that ring forever. “Here. I should have given it back to you this morning after you told me, but I-I didn’t think of it then.”

He reached out and took it. “I really am going to miss you. And you’ll be fine. You’re an amazing person.”

Our eyes met for a brief second, but I couldn’t handle it and looked away. “Not amazing enough.”

At some point in life, people started saying that five years was nothing in the grand scheme of things. Maybe they were right. But that day with Jake started a domino effect of drastic changes. I was a completely different person now than I had been then. I’d loved Jake, but he jaded my view on relationships. What kind of guy asked you to marry him, then fell in love with someone else? And took your puppy when he moved out to live with her?

I knew what Pierce did to me was not Jake’s fault, but if Jenny hadn’t walked into that party with a ring on her finger, I wouldn’t have left. Pierce wouldn’t have followed me. Jake had broken my heart, but Pierce broke my spirit. Maybe I would have recovered from Jake in time, but combined with what Pierce did to me, I ended up shutting everything off and building a fortress around myself.

And now Chris was here, except he wasn’t taking his sledgehammer and knocking walls down. He somehow knew I needed them and worked his way in secret passages. I just hadn’t realized how many feelings I’d shoved away until he started opening the doors, spilling everything out.

I never thought there was enough of me left that was worth saving. Hell, even if there was, I didn’t want some guy to come in and play hero. But Chris wasn’t playing or pushing. He was letting me stay where I was, not trying to change me or get anything out of me I wasn’t ready for. I had no idea what was going to happen with him and couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t rip my heart out like Jake had. But he seemed to understand me, and I did trust him.

And I liked him. A lot.

Shaking myself from my thoughts, I walked back over to the computer and refreshed my email. My boss had replied, telling me to take the rest of the day off and I’d have new assignments on Monday.

Hell, I wasn’t going to argue with that. I found the vaporizer in the bathroom closet for Mia and stood up, seeing my reflection in the mirror.

I looked like crap.

Walking closer, I realized that I hadn’t gotten my hair cut in over a year, and the ends were disgusting. My shirt had a picture of a beaver saying, “Dam!” I wasn’t wearing any makeup, and I didn’t even own any that wasn’t expired. Looking down, my jeans were so worn the knees had holes in them. Not to mention they were a size too big.

I looked like some grungy high school kid, except I was twenty-nine.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and debated what I was about to do but finally sighed. Chris deserved better than me looking like a total slob on our date.

“Hell-o.”

“Hey, Zoey. Are you busy?”

“Not really. Why?”

“Want to come shopping with me? I need some new clothes.” I stared at myself in the mirror as I spoke. “And my eyebrows waxed. And a haircut.”

There was a silence on her end of the line before she spoke. “You really like him, don’t you?”

“Yeah. I really do.”

“Meet me at the mall in twenty.”

Chapter Nine

“I
AM
NOT
PICKING MIA
up from school looking like this.”

“It looks … nice.”

I raised my eyebrows at Zoey. My hair had several inches of dead ends taken off and some layers added in. It looked much better than my old hair did. The problem was the stylist put a bunch of curls in and some half-up ponytail thing that actually made a bow on the top of my head out of my own frigging hair. I’d never seen anything like it. Not having the heart to tell her how stupid it looked, I smiled politely and tipped her extra.

“Well, I feel like an ass. Your house is closer than mine, so I’m going to stop at home with you to take this—” I waved my hands around my head, “out and wet it down. I don’t do curly hair and bows.”

“Yes, we don’t want
Mia’s class
to see you like that
.
” She rolled her eyes. “I’ll meet you at my place.”

I said bye to Zoey and headed to my car with my head down. Aside from the hot mess in my hair, our trip to the mall was successful. I bought a pair of jeans that was actually my size and several fitted shirts. I even got a pair of flats to wear instead of my Converse.

When I arrived at her house a few moments later, my heart sank and flipped at the same time. Chris’s truck was outside. I parked behind Zoey and got out of the car. “What’s he doing here?” I asked. “I don’t want him seeing me with this stupid hair.”

Zoey rolled her eyes. “God, Brooke. Get over yourself. There’s a bathroom like ten feet from the door; I’m sure you won’t see him before that.”

We headed inside, and because it was my lucky afternoon, Chris was right at the entryway on a ladder. “It’s really easy, you just connect the—” He looked down at me and smiled. “Hi.”

I melted when he smiled at me and couldn’t stop myself from doing it back. “Hey.”

“I like your hair.”

I could feel my face turn red. Stupid hair. “Oh, I um … I …” I stopped talking as I looked at Kyle, whose mouth was hanging open, eyes darting back and forth between the two of us as we spoke. I reached out and pushed underneath his chin so his mouth closed. “We’re not a TV.”

Kyle shook his head. “What the hell happened to your hair?”

“I got it cut and the lady did it … never mind. I’m here to take it out. It looks stupid.”

Chris’s low voice coming from the ladder made me all tingly again. “I think you look nice.”

I shifted my weight. “Thanks, it’s just not very me so …” I pointed at the bathroom and tried to walk with as much dignity one could when they had the world's most stupid hairstyle.

Zoey walked in after me. “What was
that
?”

I shot her a dirty look and shut the door, then turned toward the mirror and took out the ponytail holder. “Saying hi, dumbass.”

“You were totally making lovey-dovey eyes at him. You looked at him the same way you look at those cupcakes from that bakery we used to go to—”

“Shut up. I wasn’t.”

Kyle’s voice came from the other side of the door. “Yes, you were. And Chris was looking at you like you’re reclaimed wood.”

Oh, my God.

Before I could rid myself of the embarrassment, Chris’s faraway voice sounded through. “Shut up, Kyle.”

I turned the cold water on and splashed some on my face, trying to relieve the flushed feeling. “Are you two determined to make this more awkward than it needs to be?”

“Oh, we’re just fooling around. You guys are cute.” She raised her voice. “We’ll stop, right Kyle?”

“As soon as Chris stops staring at the bathroom door so he can install the light, sure … Hey, now Chris is looking at me like I’m builder-grade cabinets.”

I couldn’t help the jolt of excitement that rushed through me. It was kind of nice to know he was waiting for me to come back out. Smoothing my hair with my wet hands, I turned to Zoey. “I have to go get Mia. Please don’t embarrass me when I say bye to him.”

She made a motion of locking her lips, and we left the bathroom as Chris was climbing off the ladder.

Zoey turned to Kyle. “Come with me.” She led him out of the room.

Chris walked over to me. “I like it this way better.” He touched the bottom of my hair but then shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Thanks,” I whispered. Those damn eyes of his were blazing into mine, but I really couldn’t get lost in them right now. “I have to get Mia. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Actually, do you care if I put your new door in tonight? I’m heading over to my sister’s from here, but I could swing by around seven? It won’t take me that long.”

Chris three times in one day. I could get used to this. “Sure, thanks.”

He leaned down, placing his warm lips against my forehead. “See you later.”

I mouthed, “Bye,” back to him and practically floated to my car.

* * *

“How’s your throat feeling?”

“Fine.”

Mia’s voice was back to normal after I picked her up from school, and her teacher told me she had been fine all day. She ate dinner and now we were playing in the living room. I was just being paranoid about the laryngitis.

I wrapped a stuffed cat in a blanket and handed it to her, and she stuck a baby bottle in its mouth. “Hey, Mia. Guess what?”

“Your baby is the bunny. What?”

I started wrapping the bunny. “Tomorrow you’re going to go to Aunt Zoey’s for a sleepover.”

She grinned. “Yeah! Can I wear my Ariel pajamas?

“Sure.”

“Can I bring my giraffe? And my Jasmine doll?”

“Yes.”

“Are you coming, Mom?”

I paused, unsure of how to handle this. Thanks to Zoey’s set-ups, I’d gone on a few dates before, but this was a much bigger deal. Also, Mia knew Chris. “No, it’s a special sleepover just for you. I’m going to go to a restaurant with Chris.”

Her eyes opened wide. “Is Ryder going?’

“Nope, just grown-ups.”

“Oh.” She looked back down at her baby cat. “That sounds boring.”

I laughed. “Yeah, you’ll have much more fun at Aunt Zoey’s.”

The doorbell rang, and Mia stood up. “Is that Chris to fix our new door?”

“Should be, let’s go.”

We started walking into the kitchen. “Is our new door purple?”

“No, it’s white.” I could see Chris’s silhouette through the glass on the door and resisted the urge to run the last few steps and fling it open.

Mia did it instead. “Hi, Chris!”

“Hi, Mia.” Chris squatted down in front of her and held up a picture. “Ryder drew this for you.”

“Thank you!” she said, taking the colorful paper. “This is beautiful. I’ll have to hang it on the refrigerator.”

I stifled my laugh as she used the same words I did whenever she drew me something. “Go hang it up, sweetie.”

Chris switched out the doors pretty quickly, but the locks took him longer. Mia acted as his assistant by holding the tools he wasn’t using and asking embarrassing questions.

“Why are you and my mom going to a restaurant tomorrow?”

His eyes flashed to me for a second before turning back to her. “Because I like spending time with your mom.”