Beyond Repair (26 page)

I took a breath, knowing I had to tell her about the blood work, which she was going to hate even more than the upcoming surgery. “You’re going to need to get blood work. It’s a shot that stays in your arm for a little while.”

Mia needed a ridiculous amount of blood work done. They had to test so many things to rule out other diseases and make sure the cancer was only in her thyroid. She also had to get a calcium infusion test, where she had two IVs, one for calcium injections and another for taking blood. Before the surgery, she’d be tested for bleeding disorders and her blood cell count needed to be checked.

And those were only the tests that I remembered the doctor mentioning. I was sure there were more.

But the only thing that mattered to Mia was that shots equaled pain. It didn’t matter what the tests were to her. “No!” She buried her face against me.

I could feel my heart breaking, and Chris looked tormented by her response. “Mia,” I said. “I don’t want you to have to get a shot either.” I rubbed her head as she cried, knowing there was nothing I could say to comfort her about this. In her mind, getting a shot was the worst thing ever.

Chris spoke next. “All of these things at the doctor’s is for you to get better. And when you get better, we have lots of fun stuff to do. I have to teach you more about basketball, and I need you to teach me about all of those princesses I don’t know about.”

“We’ll go to Disney World,” I said, totally not caring that I was bribing her. After Mia got better, we needed to go somewhere and just have fun. She deserved it.

The crying stopped, so I knew I had her attention. “Everyone will go—Aunt Zoey, Uncle Kyle, Grandma and Grandpa, your cousins … and Chris.” I looked at him and he smiled at me. “As soon as the doctor says it’s okay, we’ll leave.”

Mia turned her head away from me. “Maybe I can get a dress like Rapunzel?”

Such a negotiator. But hell, after what she had to go through, I’d buy her every princess dress I could find. “Sure.” I paused as I brushed her hair out of her face. “I have an idea. You can wear it when you meet her.”

“Okay!”

“Great,” I said, wishing that the conversation could be finished. “That’s all you need to do today. We’ll have to go back to the doctor’s every day for a little while.”

“When will I be done?”

I had only planned to tell her what she needed for the day, but since she asked, I figured I might as well tell her about the surgery. “You’ll be done after the doctor takes those bumps off your neck. You’ll be taking a nap while he does it. It’s called surgery.”

“I don’t like naps.”

“This is a good kind of nap because when you wake up the bumps will be gone and you’ll start getting better.”

Mia shrugged. “Okay.”

I decided that was enough. A four-year-old didn’t need to know the details of getting lymph nodes and their thyroid removed. “When you wake up, your throat will be a little sore, but it will feel better in a few days.”

“I can just take medicine to make my throat feel better.”

“Yes. You’re actually going to take medicine every day. Forever and ever.”

“Forever and ever?” She smiled. “Is it yummy medicine?”

I knew she was thinking of her grape cough syrup. “I don’t think it will taste like anything.” I was guessing it would be a pill, but the doctors hadn’t given me that information yet, and I didn’t think to ask yesterday.

“Oh well,” Mia said. “Can I get a toy in Disney World, too?”

I laughed. “Let’s make a deal. If you’re really brave for your blood work, then you can pick out whatever toy you want.”

“Deal,” Mia said.

“Let’s get ready to go, my brave girl.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

I
KNEW I WASN’T GOING
to win any parenting awards for bribing Mia, but it worked. Aside from a very dramatic, “OW!” and asking if they were done four times, Mia was much calmer than usual as her blood was drawn.

When the blood work was done, Mia had the laryngoscopy. I didn’t think anyone ever wanted to see their child have a tube with a mirror on it go down their throat, but Mia took it much better than I was expecting. Of course, that might have to do with a nurse who blew bubbles for her as she was having the procedure done. And that she was given a numbing anesthetic spray beforehand.

I held Mia on my lap as the doctor looked down her throat, and since the nurse entertained her, I watched Chris for a moment. He sat a few feet from us, so focused on Mia his forehead formed lines I had never seen before.

The doctor rolled his stool back, holding the tube he pulled from Mia’s throat. “Great job, Mia.”

She looked up at me, and I hugged her. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I was super brave, right?” Mia’s voice was quiet and sounded scratchy.

The hoarseness in Mia’s voice had been coming and going over the past couple of days, but this was more extreme. I looked at the doctor, and he nodded at me. “Her voice will be scratchy for a couple of hours. It’s completely normal after this procedure.”

I rubbed the top of her head. “The bravest girl I know.”

Once again, Chris and I headed to the doctor’s office while a nurse stayed with Mia. He went over the results of the tests done that day. “There are more tests to be done, but so far everything looks good in relation to her blood work. The laryngoscopy confirmed that the cancer has not reached her vocal cords, which is excellent.”

“Good,” I said, realizing that this was one of the first times since this started that I wasn’t replying to everything the doctors said like a robot. I still felt guilty, and probably always would, but I had to be thankful, too. We lived close to a hospital that treated this rare cancer, and everything was pointing to a high survival rate.

Dr. Lynch nodded. “Yes. Tomorrow we will continue with the CT scan and more blood work. I’d also like for you and your immediate family to come in tomorrow for testing, Brooke.”

I nodded. Last night, I’d called my parents and Zoey to tell them about Mia’s diagnosis, and that they would have to come in to be tested. I hope I never had to go through conversations like that again. The calls didn’t last long but hearing both of my parents cry was devastating. My sister was also upset, and I knew she was worried for her kids.

Like Zoey, my parents asked if I wanted them to come to the hospital for Mia’s tests, but I told them no. It was draining enough without the extra emotions from different people, and the exam rooms were so small that not everyone would have fit anyway. Instead, we were all going to meet for dinner at Zoey’s house tomorrow night. I was both looking forward to it and dreading it.

Since my parents thought I had drank too much one night and didn’t remember the name of Mia’s father, I wasn’t sure what I was going to tell them if their tests came back negative.

Hell, I wasn’t sure what
I
was even going to do.

After verifying that we understood the plan for tomorrow, Chris and I left the office. We stopped in the waiting room where Mia played on the floor with the nurse, oblivious to us. The nurse looked up at us and smiled. “Mia, Mom and Dad are here.”

She laughed. “That’s Chris. I don’t have a dad. Mom doesn’t know yet if Chris will be my dad or not. I asked her.”

The nurse turned red. Normally, I would have been embarrassed too, but once again, things that would have seemed huge a few days ago were now insignificant. I shook my head at the nurse. “Don’t worry about it. Thanks so much for helping her and keeping her entertained.”

“You’re welcome. Good luck with everything.” She waved to Mia and we headed out of the office.

I grabbed Mia’s hand, wanting to keep her close to me, and said to Chris. “Sorry about that.”

“Because the nurse thought I was Mia’s dad?” He opened the door for us, and we headed toward the parking lot.

“Yeah.”

He gave me a little smile. “Don’t be sorry,” he said, taking her other hand. “I’m not.”

* * *

We had a fun night at home, playing with Play-Doh and coloring. Mia and I played Connect Four while Chris went through the pile of mail that he remembered to get out of his mailbox. Mia found “helping” him open up the envelopes of his junk mail much more interesting than the game, and it wasn’t long before she forgot our Connect Four game. I started to go through my own pile of mail, which had accumulated like crazy over the last few days, but Mia looked up and rubbed her eyes. “I’m sleepy.”

The long days at the hospital were really wearing her out. “Go use the bathroom and I’ll take you to bed.”

“Can Chris read to me?”

He looked at me. “Is that okay?”

“Of course it is. Sure, Mia.”

“Yay!” She danced out of the room. “Chris can read a book with boy voices. He is really good at them.”

I helped Mia change into her pajamas and brush her teeth then left to get some laundry together while Chris read to her. As I made my way back to the room, I paused outside of the door and I heard her talk to Chris.

“Do you know yet if you can be my dad or not? Mom didn’t know yet when I asked her.”

“That’s something I need to talk to your mom about.” There was a pause. “When did you ask her?”

“I don’t know.”

“Was it after your birthday party?”

“Nope.”

I thought the conversation was over, but then Chris’s low voice floated into my ears again. “Do you want me to be?”

“Yes!”

I could hear him laugh. “I’d be lucky to have a kid as cool as you, Mia.”

“And as brave as me.”

“You are very brave.”

“And you’re very tall.”

“I’m really good at playing Pretty, Pretty Princess, too.”

“Yeah, but I’m better at hunting for pirate treasure.”

I figured it was safe to come in the room. “How’s it going? Ready for bed?”

Mia smiled at me. “Yup. Good night.”

I tucked the blankets around her and kissed her forehead. “Good night, my brave girl.”

“Good night, Mia,” Chris said as we left the room and headed back downstairs.

I decided not to say anything about what I overheard, even though my heart had melted. “We should really finish going through all of that mail.”

“You’re right,” Chris said, and we headed toward the kitchen, working in a comfortable silence. It was the first time since Mia’s initial doctor visit that I didn’t cry after Mia went to bed. The mindless task of paying bills and sorting the mail with Chris was oddly soothing.

I finished before him. “Need help? I like having something to do.”

“Not really, I’m almost done.”

I picked up a catalog of house fixtures and flipped the pages, not really paying attention, but Chris’s eyes lit up. “You want to circle stuff that you think looks good? Remember we talked about this last week?”

“Oh, yeah. You’re too masculine. So you want girly stuff?”

“Not necessarily girly. Just pick a few things you like and it will help me when I have to order stuff for my next house.”

I picked up a pen and circled some light fixtures I liked. “Do you have another house to work on yet?”

“There is one that I’ve had my eye on that’s supposed to go on the market soon. My agent is going to handle making the offer for me. We talked about it the other morning.”

I nodded and flipped the page. “Door knobs?” I shook my head as I circled one and flipped the page to sinks. “God, there is a lot of stuff to pick.”

Chris picked up a catalog from the lingerie store I went to last week. They must update their mailing lists at lightning speed. “Tell you what. You pick out stuff for me from that catalog, and I’ll pick out stuff for you from this one.”

I started laughing as he opened it up. “This one is pretty cool,” he said, circling a light blue and black lacy bra. After tossing the catalog back in my recycling pile, he moved his chair closer to me. “Let’s look at the kitchen stuff,” he said as he flipped the pages. “Do you like black granite or white granite?”

I knew Chris was trying to distract me from worrying about Mia, and though it didn’t work completely, it was relaxing to talk about something that wasn’t medical. We went to bed early, both of us exhausted from our lack of sleep the night before. Instead of nightmares, I had dreams of Mia, happy and healthy, meeting Rapunzel in Disney World.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, Chris wasn’t in bed. I rolled over and looked at the clock. 6:45 a.m. He must have gone running.

I sighed as I sat up. Time to get ready for another fun day at the hospital.

But a high-pitched wail from downstairs pierced the quiet.
Smoke detector
.

I jumped out of the bed and bolted from my room. In the hallway, I was hit with a gust of air that smelled like metallic, burned … something. My heart hammered in my chest as I sucked in my breath and ran down the stairs.

Chris stood under the smoke detector, waving a magazine. The beeping stopped as I made my way over to him. “Hi,” he said sheepishly. “Sorry I woke you.” His hand stilled under the smoke detector, but it immediately went off again. “Shit! I’m just going to take the battery out for now.”

“Good plan. Something burned?”

He pulled the battery out and rubbed the top of his head. “I cooked. Kind of. I tried to.”

I smiled. “What did you make?”

“Pancakes. Mia mentioned she liked them last night.” He gestured to the stove. “Well, one pancake so far. It didn’t go so well.”

I walked over to the stove. A charred black circle sat on a plate. Out of curiosity, I sliced it in half with a knife that was on the counter. Batter oozed out of the middle.

Chris looked down. “Cooking isn’t really my thing.”

I hugged him, feeling his body relax as his arms hooked around me. “It was a good try. Maybe you should stick to spaghetti and the grill, though.”

“I just wanted to do something.”

Standing on my tiptoes, I pressed my lips against his. “You being here really helps me. I can’t even begin to tell you.”

He shook his head. “I’m not doing anything.”

“Trust me, you are. But you know what you can do now? Help me open a few windows. It smells really bad in here.”

He smiled the uneven smile for the first time in days, and after we had the windows open, he watched me make the rest of the pancakes.