Beyond Repair (18 page)

My eyes burned as he started running his fingers through my hair. “Don’t tell me anything if it’s going to upset you.”

I blinked quickly and spoke into his shoulder. “No, I have to tell you. Um, before I do, I want you to know that …”
I love you
. “… you really mean a lot to me. I always thought it was just going to be Mia and me. I was okay with that, until I met you.” His arms tightened around me as I finished. “You made me trust again. So no matter what happens, I want you to know that.”

Chris spoke in my ear. “Before you, I had given up on everything. You made me feel again and made me hope. I didn’t realize how much I missed that, or how much I needed it.” I thought he was done, but after a moment, he said, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I hope not,” I whispered. I realized I wasn’t shaking anymore and sighed with regret as I pulled away to sit up and look at him. This was a long story, and I couldn’t tell it to Chris’s shoulder. I had to tell it to
him
.

I looked at Chris, who gave me an encouraging smile even though concern clouded his eyes. I took a deep breath and focused on him. “I’m going to tell you about Mia’s father.”

Chapter Seventeen

Four years and ten months earlier

L
EANING OVER THE BATHROOM SINK,
I carefully wiped under my eyes with a wet paper towel. There was no way I could go to this stupid party looking like I’d been crying. I was
not
going to be the girl who cried at work.

I dug around in my purse until I found my eyeliner, grateful that I always carried it with me. Focusing on the mirror, I tried not to notice the faint line on my left ring finger.

Once I was satisfied that my eyes didn’t resemble a raccoon anymore, I put the eyeliner away and smoothed my hair, studying my reflection. Perfect hair. Carefully applied makeup. A killer black dress with buttons going down the entire front—a seamless combination of professional and stylish. I was a mess inside, but at least I looked the part that everyone was expecting from me.

“Young talent the company can expect big things from … The one to watch … Extreme promise.”

Frank, the owner and president of the company, had said all of these things to me last week when he had invited me to this party. What twenty-four-year-old with the ink barely dry on her Master of Graphic Design degree wouldn’t want to hear that?

The compliments didn’t do anything to change my terrible mood. I already knew I was lucky. This was the most respected agency in the field, and landing a job as a designer right out of college was unheard of.

But I didn’t come to New York for a job. I came here to be with Jake. Now Jake had left me, and my contract wasn’t up for eight more months.

Stupid contracts. Stupid Jake and Jenny with their names starting with the same letter. Of course, we all worked for the same company. It was just the icing on the fucking cake.

I really hoped that they weren’t going to be at this party.

Rubbing my ring finger, I sighed. There would be plenty of time to mope about this later. I was not going to be the sad girl who brought her stupid love life problems to a work function.

I left the bathroom, plastering a smile on my face as I entered the banquet hall used for work gatherings and for schmoozing clients. Once Frank spotted me, he started introducing me to my co-workers in the different departments. Meeting people, politely accepting compliments for my ad campaign, and making small talk fused together in an endless blur. I could not remember a single name if my life had depended on it.

Frank finally let me go after we made the rounds in the room, and I grabbed a bottle of water off the bar, breathing a sigh of relief that I could finally stop my fake act of being happy and professional.

Because at that moment, I was just an emotional disaster, and hiding it was exhausting.

I unscrewed the cap of the water and raised it toward my mouth, but my eyes glanced across the room and I stopped mid-motion.

Jake and Jenny were in the corner. She was holding out her left hand for a woman they were talking to. The woman clapped her hands and hugged Jenny. She laughed, hugging her back. Jake smiled, looking at Jenny the way he used to look at
me
.

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry … in here
. I spun on my heels and made a beeline for the door, which luckily did not require me to go past them. I escaped the party unnoticed.

At least, that was what I thought.

“Hey, are you all right?” The voice behind me was filled with concern, but I couldn’t place it. I blinked back my tears, forced a calm expression on my face, and slowly turned around.

The man standing just past the closed door was about my age, maybe a couple of years older. He was the same height as me, and though he wasn’t anything special to look at, he obviously put in the effort. His hair was styled just a little too perfectly, and he wore an expensive suit.

He was Frank’s son, whose name I couldn’t remember. Great.

No way did I want this guy to see me cry. “Oh, yeah! I’m fine. Contacts.” I waved at my eyes and laughed a little. “I just got them, and they’re kind of bothering me.”

Frank’s son smiled and nodded knowingly. “I wear contacts, too; you’ll get used to it.”

I wasn’t worried about it because I didn’t wear contacts. I also didn’t know a damn thing about them, so I hoped he wouldn’t figure out I was lying.

“So,” he said. “The presentation I mentioned to you earlier? If you have time, do you mind if we go over it now? That way, neither one of us has to change our schedule tomorrow. I have the files on my computer. I just want to ask you a few questions in case the client wants to tweak anything.”

I vaguely remembered him mentioning this in my dream-like state as I was meeting everyone earlier. He worked in sales, the same department Jake and Jenny did. Definitely better to get this out of the way now, so I didn’t risk running into them tomorrow.

“Sounds good,” I replied, my cheerful tone so fake I was sure he noticed. “Lead the way.”

I followed … Pierce. Yeah, that was his name. We took the elevator to the first floor, walked down a long hall, and turned so many corners that I felt like I was in a maze.

“Wow, you’re going to have to lead me out of here.”

Pierce laughed. “Yeah, I got lost the first few days trying to find it. Most of the department is closer to the elevator, but I got placed over here temporarily while they are doing some remodeling … here we are.” We paused outside of a door that had blinds shut over its glass window.

His own office. It must be one of the perks of being the owner’s son.

Pierce smiled at me and opened the door.

“After you.”

I stepped inside as he turned the light on. Pierce’s office was sparsely furnished compared to the offices I was used to seeing with management. There was a desk with a computer on it and a chair. Nothing else was in the room except for a small refrigerator plugged into the corner and another chair against the wall.

“Wow, no papers or anything on your desk? You should see what a mess mine is, and I’ve only been here for three months.”

“Oh, I just moved down here a couple of days ago. Trust me; it will be much messier once I get around to moving all of my stuff down here.” He opened the refrigerator and said over his shoulder, “Water?”

I remembered the bottle of water that I had placed on the bar before leaving the party. “Yeah, that sounds great, thanks.”

Pierce took a bottle out of the fridge, screwed the lid off, and handed it to me. I took a long swig of it as he watched me, smiling. I smiled back. “What?”

“Oh, nothing!” he said, as he took another bottle out and started to drink it himself. “I’m just really excited about this pitch that I’m going to do.” He sipped his water, still looking at me.

I automatically sipped mine as well.

“Let me tell you about it. Even though you’re a designer, it’s good for you to know …”

Pierce went on and on about sales pitches and research. It was so fucking boring. I kept drinking my water as he talked, hoping the action would keep me from falling asleep where I stood. He was grinning like an idiot.

Wrap it up, Smiley. I’m getting tired.
“Let’s see what you have.”

“Sure.” Pierce put his water on the desk and pulled the other chair up. “Have a seat.”

I sat next to Pierce as flicked his computer on. “Sorry, this is going to take a few minutes to boot up.”

The computers always took forever to start up because there were so many programs on them. I nodded, noticing that Pierce was looking at me again. There was an awkward silence between us. I took another drink of water to have something to do. Why was the computer taking so long?

I was getting kind of dizzy. All of the emotions that I had been trying to hold in must have been getting to me. I rubbed my forehead.

“Everything okay?” Pierce asked.

“Yeah …” I yawned. “Sorry. Just got really tired all of a sudden.”

Pierce said something, but I couldn’t make it out.

“Huh?” My head weighed a million pounds. I tried to focus on Pierce, but my vision was swimming.

Why do I feel like I’m drunk?

“This is water, right?” I felt stupid after asking. A bottle of water that tasted like water. What else could it be?

He didn’t answer, only smiled. Maybe I didn’t say it out loud. That could make sense. I was so damn tired.

The bottle slipped out of my hand. Everything was so
heavy
, even the air was a thick blanket pushing against me. I just wanted to go home and sleep. Or maybe not even go home. I could sleep on this desk.

Pierce leaned close, his mouth opening and closing.
I can’t hear you.
Can you hear me?

Why does he keep smiling?

My head is on the desk, but I am not in my head. I am floating. I am floating, and I am spinning. I am spinning the way I used to when I was little, when I would spin and spin and spin until I fell and I would look up at the sky and see everything move in circles and that is happening now except I am floating and I just can’t keep my eyes open and why is he standing over me and I just want to sleep but I’m so dizzy is he touching me am I drunk is he putting me on the floor I’m so tired I’ll just close my eyes is he talking I can’t hear him I don’t care what he says because I’m tired everything is something else everything is moving together blending like paint making a new color and this color is …

Black.

* * *

My body was lead, and I could not move. I did not want to move, I wanted to sleep. I wanted to sleep but people were talking. Shut up. Shut the fuck up.

The voice was far away. It was distorted, but I could hear him.

“Security cameras … So stupid … Can’t believe this.”

Someone was playing a bass drum in my head, smacking along with the beat of my pulse. Thump, thump, thump …

My eyes were closed, and I squeezed them tighter. I wanted to dull the pain in my head.

It didn’t work.

I’ll just rest my eyes. Maybe I can go back to sleep. I have never been so tired.

“Still in there? God.”

Footsteps. “What the fuck!”

So much louder. Shut up.

“Look Dad, it’s not a big deal.”

“Listen to yourself! What did you take? What did you give her?”

I just had water.

My eyes opened, but I didn’t know how. They were so heavy, and now I had these horrible lights in them. Everything was so bright and spots are dancing. The spots still moved behind my eyelids when I closed them again.

I was going to throw up. I had the worst hangover ever.

But I did not drink anything last night. Just water.

I heard Frank above me. “Is that fucking cocaine, Pierce?”

“No, it’s oxy. I haven’t done coke in weeks. I just did a few lines off her.”

“You really screwed up. We have to get her out of here.”

Hands were on me. “Is there a zipper on this thing?”

“No, it’s buttons. Some of them came off. I don’t know where her panties went.”

No.

No.

No.

This did not happen to me.

I just had water.

My eyes opened, but the lights were too bright again.

“Brooke?”

I gagged and vomited. The foul odor filled my nose and I vomited again. My stomach heaved as bile filled my throat. I vomited until I had nothing left, but I still heaved because my body wouldn’t accept that it was finished. Frank’s voice was swimming, drifting into my ears, but my eyes were too heavy. They sank shut, and I could only smell vomit as everything went black again.

* * *

The silence around me buzzed so loudly it woke me from my deep sleep
.

I opened my eyes and blinked several times, trying to get used to the light in the room. The blankets around me were so soft, but I didn’t feel right being in here.

I needed to leave. Too bad I didn’t have any energy. My eyes darted around the room, trying to process everything. Expensive looking wooden furniture. Red and gold everywhere. With tassels. Really ugly.

I was in someone’s house. A rich someone’s house.

“Brooke?”

I jumped, the sound of the voice shattering the silence. Frank was in the room, sitting in a ridiculously uncomfortable looking chair next to the bed and wringing his hands.

It was strange to see such a powerhouse doing such a … worried gesture. I stared at his hands, fascinated. This guy had a shitload of power and money, and here he was, worried.

And then I realized. He was worried because of me. Not about me, but because of me. If word got out that his son had drugged and raped a girl, then he would get some major shit for it.

For the first time since the … incident, something was clear.

His hands stopped moving, and he put them on his legs. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.” I was lying, but I wanted to get out of his house as soon as possible. “I should probably go home now.”