Beyond Repair (17 page)

“Got it.” He pulled my trunk open. “Is Mia excited?”

I put down the bags. “Beyond excited. It took her forever to fall asleep last night. She kept calling me into her room and asking if I was sure her cake would have purple frosting, and what kind of presents was she going to get. I finally told her that she’d have to take a nap later today if she didn’t sleep. That seemed to do the trick.”

“Ryder’s excited, too. He called me last night, asking if his mom should wrap Mia’s present in balloon paper or Batman paper. It’s tough when you’re trying to impress the girl you like.”

What a cute kid. Just like his uncle. “That’s right; I forgot you’re his wingman. What did you tell him to go with?”

“There was some purple on the Batman paper, and since purple is her favorite color, we went with that.”

I slammed the trunk shut and glanced up at him. “You remembered that purple is her favorite?”

“Yeah, and yours is blue.” He looked down at me, and I melted as our eyes locked. How could blue not be my favorite color?

“What’s yours?”

His eyes glazed over. “Green.”

“Are you being cheesy and saying green because that’s what color my eyes are?”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing.” His voice was low and turning me on way too much.

Blinking, I looked down to clear my head. I debated telling him about the night we made eye contact for the first time, when the blue seared my brain.

“Wow. You don’t have a smartass comeback for me?”

I sighed as I looked up at him. “I’ve got nothing. Blue is my favorite color for the same reason.”

He started laughing. “Now who’s cheesy?” His body leaned forward, and my eyes sank shut as his warm lips brushed against mine.

Chris was biting his lip as he looked down at me when my eyes opened. “I better get going,” he said in a soft voice. His damn thumb touched my bottom lip, and I took a deep breath. I wondered if he knew the impact that had on me. Did he do it to get me all fired up, or was it a subconscious thing? Whatever it was, I loved it.

I put my hand on his and pulled it off my mouth so I could focus. “Me, too. I’ll see you at eleven?”

“Yeah. Call me if you need anything, okay?”

“Sure.” I squeezed his hand before I dropped it. “Bye.”

“Bye.” He took a couple of steps backward then sighed before he turned around and ran off.

I stayed outside for an extra minute to enjoy the view of his ass.

* * *

Juggling five shopping bags on one arm and the box with the cake in my other, I pushed open the door to the karate studio. Mia followed, cradling her ladybug shaped piñata with as much love as a mother holds her newborn. I was a little worried about how she would react after it got beat to hell with a baseball bat.

“Happy Birthday-Party-Day!” Zoey kissed her cheek and tried to take the piñata.

“This is my ladybug piñata,” Mia told her, not letting go. “Mom got it at the store.”

“Mia,” I said. “You know that the ladybug is going to get broken so all of the candy comes out, right?”

She looked down at the piñata as if she was making the hardest decision of her life. “It has to get broken. That’s what happened at Nicole’s party.” She sighed. “I’ll just hold it for now.”

I smiled at her. “Okay, sweetie. Look, though. Zoey picked up your balloons for us.”

Her face lit up as she looked at the rainbow of balloons in the corner of the room, and I dropped the bags on the floor. Zoey took the cake, and we began setting up. Mia held onto the piñata the entire time, but finally let me hang it up fifteen minutes before the kids would arrive.

Kyle came first with her cousins. “Wow, my dojo has never looked so girly—er, pretty!” he said, hugging Mia.

All of the kids and their parents showed up shortly after that, including Chris with Ryder. I watched Chris and Kyle do one of those guy hand slap/handshake things that turn into a one-armed hug as Ryder dropped his Batman-wrapped present on the floor and ran to Mia. He settled in, playing with her and the kids from her class as if he’d known them forever.

Kids were so lucky. I wished I could talk to people that easily. Socializing with other parents was what I dreaded the most since we’d started planning this party. Aside from the ‘Hi, thanks for coming. Can I get you anything?’ I was at a loss.

Chris was suddenly beside me. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

I faked a smile. “Nothing.”

He tilted his head. “No, you’re nervous. You’re using hand sanitizer.”

I looked down at the bottle. “I’m just looking out for everyone’s health, that’s all.” I sighed. “And I suck at talking to people.”

“You’ll be fine. Here, I’ll help you.” He nodded at one of the moms heading over.

“Hello, Brooke,” she said.

Shit, what’s her name?
“Hi.” I tried to hide my panic by smiling, and racked my brain for her name and something to talk about.

Chris stuck out his hand. “Hi, I’m Chris.”

“Sara. You must be Mia’s dad.”

Fuck.

Not missing a beat, Chris shook his head. “Family friend. Is your kid into karate?”

“Well, actually …” She began telling her life story, which ended with her not being able to decide on an extracurricular activity for her daughter. I talked to her a little about Mia’s classes, and Chris excused himself to go help Kyle set up. She did most of the talking, but it was an improvement from me usually standing around and saying nothing.

After Sara left me to go yell at her daughter for trying to suck helium out of a balloon, I was able to talk to Sidney’s mom for a few minutes, which was a little easier because Mia and her daughter were so close. A few other moms joined in, but sadly, the conversation turned to the TV show
Soccer Moms
.

I pulled my hand sanitizer out of my pocket and caught Zoey’s eye from across the room, shooting her a pleading look.

She came over and smiled. “Did I hear someone say
Soccer Moms
?”

Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I said, “I have to get the kids set up with their lesson, so I’m going to leave you all to debate over who has the coolest minivan.”

I left them all chattering away and walked over to Chris and Kyle. Chris grinned at me. “See? You were fine.”

“Yeah, Brooke,” said Kyle. “That’s the most I’ve ever seen you talk to people outside of your family. Before you know it, you’ll be re-opening your Facebook account, you social butterfly.”

I’d closed my account after I decided to have Mia. I didn’t want the risk of Pierce or Frank finding out I was pregnant. “Yeah, I’ll get on that after I watch
Soccer Moms
,” I said. “I’m so excited to see pictures of what an old acquaintance from high school is eating for dinner. Oh, and my co-worker’s dog.”

“Don’t forget the sonogram photos,” Chris mumbled, looking down.

Kyle missed his tone. “Oh, yeah, got to love those. And the bathroom updates everyone gives about their kids. I peed in the toilet today, too; you don’t see me announcing it.”

I squeezed Chris’s hand. “Hey, Kyle. Do you want me to line the kids up for the lesson?”

“Yeah, we should get started. I’ll take care of it, though.”

Chris and I joined Zoey and the other parents, and Kyle switched into sensei mode and started teaching the kids some basics. Mia already knew everything he was doing, and since she was the birthday girl, she had the honor of being his assistant. The biggest smile ever filled her face as she helped show the moves to the kids.

It was surreal to watch my daughter demonstrating punching. I thought back to the tiny baby wrapped in a pink blanket, holding my finger. When I held Mia for the first time, I could only think that she was
my
little girl. It didn’t matter who her father was because I didn’t see him in her. I only saw perfection.

There was no doubt in my mind that keeping Mia was the best decision I ever made. I regret the way she was conceived, but I never regretted a single moment with her.

Pulling my eyes off her, I surveyed the room. The other kids were all smiling and laughing, seeming to enjoy themselves. Some parents were interested in what the kids were doing while others played with their phones. Typical. Zoey was smiling at Mia, and her face had one of those “proud aunt” looks that resembled the “proud mother” look so well.

I rested my eyes on Chris, expecting him to be watching Ryder. Instead, he was looking at Mia with the same expression Zoey was wearing.

Maybe he saw perfection in her, too. I hoped he did.

When the kids were done, everyone sat down for cake. I recorded Mia as the kids sang “Happy Birthday.” She leaned over to blow out the candles.

Zoey stood next to me and leaned over. “Chris is looking at Mia the same way you are,” she muttered. “He’s all-in. You have nothing to worry about.”

Shaking my head, I whispered, “I still have to worry about what he thinks of me.” Ignoring her scowl, I plastered a smile on my face. “Who wants cake?” I started cutting to the chorus of “I do!” and “Me!”

Zoey stayed close as I piled pieces of cake on the plates. “Kyle and I decided we’re going to go to the beach tonight and stay at the one of the hotels there. They had a last-minute booking special.”

I handed two plates to her. “So Mia’s not going?”

“Oh, no. She’s still going. It means you have tonight with Chris. And most of the day tomorrow.” She smirked and walked off to hand out the cake.

I picked up a few more plates and followed her. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier? Before everyone was here?” I kept my voice cheerful because we were around kids, but I wasn’t thrilled that she sprung something so huge on me in the middle of a crowded room with Chris nearby.

“Because. You need to tell him everything, and you’ve been putting it off. Now you have no excuses, and you know it,” she said, keeping her voice low. “If I told you without all of these people here, then you would have tried to talk me out of taking Mia. Now you can’t because—” She nodded toward Kyle and Chris talking across the room. “Kyle is telling Chris that he has tonight with you.”

I watched Kyle nod, and Chris rub the top of his head. His eyes darted across the room and landed on me. I pretended not to notice.

“And I told Justin to tell Mia after everyone got cake.”

“You little bitch. You totally planned this so I couldn’t back out.” I smiled and talked through my teeth.

“Mom! I’m having a sleepover tonight at the
beach
!” Mia called from across the table, grinning at me as she waved her fork in the air.

“I know, sweetie. You’ll have lots of fun.” I glared at Zoey and walked away from everyone, pretending to fuss with the piñata.

Zoey followed me. “You’ll have time to have lots of fun, too.”

“Yeah, Zoey. Nothing like saying, ‘Hey, I was raped a few years ago. I kept my mouth shut about it because I got a shitload of money. Let’s go have sex now.’” I pulled my hand sanitizer out of my pocket.

Zoey snatched it from me. “Look at him.”

I glanced across the room. Chris was crouched down between Mia and Ryder, laughing. He saw me watching them and smiled. The uneven one that I loved. My heart swelled as I smiled back at him.

“That’s more than two people casually dating, and you know it.” She handed me the hand sanitizer. “Now put this back in your pocket and enjoy your daughter’s party.”

* * *

Three hours later, I hugged Mia at the end of my driveway, next to Zoey’s minivan. “Have fun and be a good listener, okay?”

“Okay!”

I kissed the top of her head. “Love you, sweetie.”

She grinned. “I know. I love you, too.”

“I know.”

Her smile faded. “Mom? I miss my piñata.”

Mia was the first kid to hit the piñata at the party, but she only tapped it gently. She didn’t say anything as the other kids beat the crap out of it, but the sadness on her face was heartbreaking. I pushed the memory out of my head and made a mental note to buy her a new one.

“I know you do. It was fun though, wasn’t it?”

She nodded, and I hugged her again before helping her into the car. After strapping her in, I glanced toward the front seat. Zoey was looking over her shoulder at me. “Go. Tell him.”

Kyle decided to contribute. “He really cares about you, Brooke. He deserves to know.”

I would have flipped them off, but there were kids watching. I stuck my tongue out instead. “Thanks for taking Mia. Call me tonight.”

“You call me. You might be too busy—”

“Zoey.” I cut her off before she could say more and stepped away from the car, waving. “Have fun, you guys!”

Kyle honked the horn as he backed their minivan out of the driveway, and the kids stuck their hands out the windows to wave. I blew a kiss to Mia, and once the van was down the street, I sucked in a big breath.

I headed over to Chris’s and stabbed the doorbell with my finger before I lost my nerve. He opened the door a few moments later and smiled at me. “Hi.”

My heart dropped into my stomach and a combination of fear, dread, and nerves rolled over me like fog. I dug into my pocket and pulled out the hand sanitizer.

His smile faded. “What’s wrong?” He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight, and I dropped the bottle on the floor as I leaned against his chest. As I looked down, Chris let go of me to pick it up. “Go ahead.”

I rubbed my hands together, and he led me to the couch. We sat down and he looked at me with a pained expression. “I’m so sorry that this is making you so upset. We don’t have to talk about it today. We can wait as long as you need to. I know that having tonight was a surprise for both of us—”

“No, we do need to talk about … um, having sex. If you still want to be with me.” I looked at my hands, which I was still rubbing together.

He touched my shoulder. “Of course, I do.”

“No, I mean after I tell you.”

“Brooke?” Chris’s voice was low and quiet, like he was calming down a wounded animal. “You’re shaking, baby.”

He pulled me against him, and I buried my head against his hard shoulder, trying with everything I had in me not to cry. This could be our last time together.

I took a deep breath and focused on the scent of Chris, trying to commit it to memory in case he ended everything today.