Arrest-Proof Yourself (36 page)

The second and most important reason for avoiding cops is that they will immediately wonder what
you
are doing, and why
you
are interested in what’s going on. The police have good reason. Arsonists, murderers, and other violent criminals frequently return to the scenes of the crimes they have committed for the thrill of watching the police and wondering if they have outwitted the authorities. In such a scene, cops may question onlookers, ask for IDs, or take photographs or videos of everyone in the vicinity. Even if you’re merely curious, it makes no sense to have cops questioning you, filing field interrogation (FI) reports into police computers and in general inspecting your person and asking you questions. If you obstruct an investigation or lie to a police officer,
you have just committed a crime and are subject to arrest.

Third, if you’re driving a car, you’re likely to get into an accident as more and more police cruisers zoom around corners and rush to the scene. Worse, if you obstruct an investigation with your vehicle, the cops may inspect it to see if the tag is current, if the tires are good, or if there is a light out. They then will give you not only a ticket, but also an opportunity to act out and get arrested. How delightful.

There’s a fourth reason to avoid crime scenes. If the cops are arresting serious criminals—say, drug dealers, armed robbers, or murderers—do you want such people to associate you with their arrests? They may decide that you ratted them out or that you are a police informant. These guys hurt and kill people. You do not want to get involved in any way with their arrests.

The absolute worst thing you can do is hang around a crime scene, get excited by a mob of onlookers, and start to heckle the police. When you yell things like “Why don’t you leave this guy alone and go arrest some real crooks,” you’re saying something cops have heard hundreds of times. If you start with yelling profanities,
you might actually succeed in annoying cops
. This is not wise. Cops are jerk-processing specialists. All day, all night, all year cops deal with disagreeable, annoying people. Handling you will be no problem at all.

Please note, and this is important: The way I advise you to act around an active crime scene is
exactly opposite
of how you should act when the cops are merely cruising by, which was discussed in the preceding chapter. When the cops are patrolling in your area and approach
you
, you want to keep a steady state and make no sudden changes. When
you
approach the
cops
, however, as they’re working a crime scene or auto accident, you should change direction, turn around, cross the street, or do whatever it takes to get out of there. Cops
expect
you to clear the area. So when you approach a crime scene or accident investigation, here’s what you
don’t
do.

Ask cops questions.

Touch a police officer, his equipment, his dog, or his vehicle.

Start talking loudly with other onlookers.

Start yelling insults or hollering about police brutality.

Jump in front of a television camera, wave, and shout, “Hi, Mom!”

Touch crime-scene caution tape or enter the crime scene.

Spit on the pavement to show your contempt of authority.

Do wheelies on your bicycle to impress the police.

Here’s what you
should
do.

Stop, change direction, turn around, and get out of there.

Walk away slowly. Do not suddenly start running. Do not hide or dart into an alley or backyard.

Stop your car, make a turn, and get out of there.