150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (6 page)

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Writing Award goes to …
Steven E. de Souza and Daniel Waters for alluding to (though not, thank God, showing) Sandra Bernhard, Richard Grant, and Leonardo de Vinci naked and eating sushi in the back of a limo. California rolls will never taste the same again.

And the Worst Acting Award goes to …
Bruce Willis. The guy can do comedy — as
Moonlighting
proved — but in this movie he confuses being funny with overacting.

They Really Said It!

Darwin Mayflower:
History, tradition, culture are not concepts. These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights!

Betcha Didn't Know

George Kaplan, the CIA agent played by James Coburn, is also the name of the spy everyone is hunting in Hitchcock's
North By
Northwest
(1959).

The film cost around $65 million to make but barely made $17 million during its theatrical run in the United States.

Trivia Quiz

What was the premise of the television series
Moonlighting
?

A: A police detective works nights as a stand-up comedian.

B: A stand-up comedian works as a private detective on the side.

C: A golf pro hunts werewolves during every full moon.

D: A detective agency is run by a former model and a wisecracking tough guy.

Answer: D. A detective agency run by a former model and a wise-cracking tough guy. (Willis starred as the tough guy, David Addison.)

PRODUCER
Warren Beatty

WRITER
Elaine May

DIRECTOR
Elaine May

STARS
Warren Beatty (
Lyle Rogers
), Dustin Hoffman (
Chuck Clarke
), Charles Grodin (
Jim Harrison
), and Isabelle Ajani (
Shirra Assel
)

A pair of wannabe singer/songwriters (Beatty and Hoffman) is booked by their indifferent agent for a gig in a civil-war torn area of North Africa. They are soon ignorantly bumbling their way through the schemes of vicious dictators, coldhearted CIA operatives, and rebel forces looking for divine signs that their revolution will be successful.

Why It Sucks

Some “comedies” are painful to watch because the main characters are so damn …
dumb
. The idiocy and naiveté on display from Beatty and Hoffman goes beyond comedic knuckleheadedness (remember Abbott and Costello?) and into stupidity so deep viewers can't help but feel embarrassed for them. The financial crater this movie created virtually assured that they'd never appear together in a film again.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Writing Award goes to …
Elaine May, the punchlines for whose jokes can be sighted several miles away.

And the Worst Director Award goes to …
Also Elaine May for constantly disrupting the film's comedic flow with heavy-handed speeches about friendship, hanging onto dreams, and the evils of American imperialism. Really. In a comedy.

They Really Said It!

Lyrics from a song by Rogers & Clarke
: Telling the truth can be dangerous business. / Honest and popular don't go hand in hand. / If you admit that you can play the accordion, / No one'll hire you in a rock 'n' roll band.

Betcha Didn't Know

Elaine May worked obsessively on editing the film and only turned it over to the studio after she was threatened with legal action.

Ishtar
had an estimated budget of $55 million but only made $12.7 million during its American theatrical run.

Trivia Quiz

What was Warren Beatty's only movie during the 1990s that wasn't a financial disaster?

A:
Dick Tracy
(1990)

B:
Bugsy
(1991)

C:
Love Affair
(1994)

D:
Bulworth
(1998)

Answer: A.
Dick Tracy
had a budget of $47 million and earned almost $104 million during its American theatrical run.

PRODUCERS
Gus Gustawes, William J. Immerman, Matthew McConaughey, and Vicky Dee Rock (executive producers), Stephanie Austin, Howard Baldwin, Karen Baldwin, and Mace Neufeld (producers)

WRITERS
Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer, John C. Richards, and James V. Hart (script), Clive Cussler (novel)

DIRECTOR
Breck Eisner

STARS
Matthew McConaughey (
Dirk Pitt
), Steve Zahn (
Al Giordino
), Penélope Cruz (
Eva Rojas
), Lambert Wilson (
Yves Massarde
), and William H. Macy (
Jim Sandecker
)

Professional salvagers and adventurers (McConaughey, Zahn, and Macy) are on the trail of an American Civil War — era ironclad that vanished with millions of dollars worth of Confederate gold coins aboard. Evidence points to its final resting place deep within the wastelands of the Sahara desert.

Why It Sucks

Sahara
could have been a turn-off-your-brain-and-enjoy-the-ride movie in the Indiana Jones mode. After all, that's the kind of novels Clive Cussler writes. Instead, the movie's saddled with a halfhearted political message (why do directors
do
that?). If that weren't bad enough there's the add-water-and-stir romance between McConaughey and Cruz's characters.