150 Movies You Should See Before You Die (5 page)

When a wealthy and powerful rancher's association hires killers to wipe out settlers in Johnson County, Wyoming, the Harvard-educated and privileged-by-birth county sheriff (Kristofferson) stands against his own class to protect them.

Why It Sucks

Infamous as the film that destroyed United Artists, this movie is the definition of bloated. Filled with irrelevant scenes and characters, the film is torture to sit through (the original cut shown to the studio was five and a half hours long). During production, Cimino built and rebuilt sets and took retakes of retakes of retakes. The final budget of $40 million, followed by the film's collapse at the box office, crushed the studio founded by Charlie Chaplin and D. W. Griffith, contributing to its sale to MGM.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Worst Auteur Award goes to …
Michael Cimino for forcing the audience to sit through scene after scene that goes on endlessly while adding nothing to the story. Special mention also goes to Cimino for managing to shoot
fifty
takes of Kris Kristofferson brandishing a bullwhip.

And the Special Bailout Award for Worst Business Sense goes to …
The producers of
Heaven's Gate
and United Artist executives for not putting on the brakes sooner.

They Really Said It!

John Bridges
: It's getting dangerous to be poor in this country.

Betcha Didn't Know

The original budget Cimino presented to executives was just over $2 million. The film cost a total of $42 million and took in less than $3 million at the box office.

French actress Isabelle Huppert was hired for the role of Ella Watson, a Wyoming madam, despite her poor English. Cimino said her accent “would add to the richness of the soundtrack.”

Trivia Quiz

Who said of
Heaven's Gate
: “I enjoy the film each time I see it more and more.”

A: Michael Cimino

B: Jeff Bridges

C: Sam Waterston

D: Isabelle Huppert

Answer: B. Jeff Bridges, as quoted in Mark Cousin's 2002 book
Scene By Scene: Film Actors and Directors Discuss Their Work.

PRODUCERS
George Lucas (executive producer) and Gloria Katz (producer)

WRITERS
William Huyck and Gloria Katz (script), Steve Gerber (characters)

DIRECTOR
William Huyck

STARS
Lea Thompson (
Beverly Switzler
), Chip Zien (
voice of Howard T.

Duck
), Jeffrey Jones (
Dr. Walter Jenning
), Tim Robbins (
Phil Blumburtt
), and Ed Gale (
Howard T. Duck
)

When Howard T. Duck (Gale/Zien) is teleported to Earth from his home planet, this human-sized, talking bird must find out how to live in a new world. And while he's adjusting, he must also thwart an alien invasion.

Why It Sucks

It could have been so damn good! This is one of many tragic examples of Hollywood paying lots of money for a creative property and then completely missing the point.
Howard the Duck
, the comic book created by the great Steve Gerber for Marvel Comics, was full of great satire and dark humor.
None
of that made it into the film adaptation. Nor did any of the series' ongoing subtext of isolation and alienation. Instead we get shallow comedy and an even shallower plot.

Thumbs Down Rating:

The Crappies

The Award for Worst Production Management goes to …
Gloria Katz and George Lucas, for spending time and money on an animatronic duck suit, as if that were the answer to the film's script problems.

And the Award for Worst Animation goes to …
The animators of the alien overlords, who did stop motion so badly that we feel like we're watching an outtake of a Ray Harryhausen film (though even Harryhausen's rejected bits were undoubtedly better animation than what we see here).

They Really Said It!

Howard T. Duck
: “If God had wanted us to fly, he wouldn't have taken away our wings.”

Betcha Didn't Know

The film cost over $30 million dollars (some sources estimate as high as $37 million) but only grossed some $5.1 million during its theatrical run.

Howard the Duck creator Steve Gerber engaged Marvel in a bitter legal battle over the rights to the character.

Trivia Quiz

What television talk show host was considered for the part that ultimately went to Tim Robbins?

A: Jay Leno

B: David Letterman

C: Conan O'Brien

D: Stephen Colbert

Answer: A. Jay Leno, who at the time was an established stand-up comedian and an up-and-coming bit-player in movies.

PRODUCERS
Robert Kraft (executive producer), Joel Silver (producer)

WRITERS
Steven E. de Souza and Daniel Waters (script), Bruce Willis and Robert Kraft (story)

DIRECTOR
Michael Lehmann

STARS
Bruce Willis (
Hudson Hawk
), Danny Aiello (
Tommy “Five-Tone”
Messina
), Andie MacDowell (
Anna Baragli
), Richard E. Grant (
Darwin
Mayflower
), Sandra Bernhard (
Minerva Mayflower
), and James Coburn (
George Kaplan
)

On the day once-renowned cat-burglar Hudson Hawk (Willis) is released from prison, he is forced to help a pair of crazed billionaires (Bernhard and Grant) and a renegade CIA operative (Coburn) retrieve the hidden pieces of Leonardo Da Vinci's greatest invention: a device that will turn any metal into gold. All Hudson wants to do is go straight … or at least get a good cup of cappuccino.

Why It Sucks

The actors reportedly had a good time making this movie, but the audience sure doesn't have a good time watching it. The jokes often turn on obscure film buff references — which probably struck the writers as hilarious but to us sound lame. The film's pacing and tone swing from frenetic slapstick to slow-moving black comedy, to a simple-minded action movie spoof. Bruce Willis spends so much time mugging at the camera that you expect to hear rim shots.