The Sportin' Life (42 page)

“
A little compassion isn
’
t misplaced.
”

That was the thing about Ted, always so cool, so calm. It was impossible to fight with him, yet left to his own devices he would never make the correct choice. Addie always had to step in and do something to set things to rights.

There she was at the sanatorium, visiting her predecessor. How odd to see Esther as she was then, not too much older than Addie was now. At the time Addie viewed her as an old witch, but in fact she was still relatively youthful. Esther scowled at Addie, and she turned away, but Addie grasped her arm and wouldn
’
t let her escape.

“
No you don
’
t,
”
said Addie,
“
You stay away from Ted. He
’
s not your husband any more. You like it here, don
’
t you? Well, he pays so you can nurse your wounds in comfort. Keep having your doctors call him and I will pull the plug on that.
”

“
Bullshit!
”
said Esther, her eyes flashing with disgust.

“
Just get a grip, will you. We both know what
’
s going on here. Damsel in distress and all that retro nonsense. Wake up, will you
—
these days nobody is interested in that rot. Be an adult, already. This situation is all of your own design anyway, and it
’
s not our fault it backfired on you.
”

“
Bullshit!
”
Esther raised a fist and feebly shook it at Addie, who didn
’
t even cringe.

“
Look
—
just snap out of it. Get out of this place. Go to another city, get back to work. You
’
re a smart woman. You could build a new life. Remarry even. I
’
ll see that Ted gives you a settlement if you want to leave.
”

“
Bullshit!
”
Esther
’
s strength seemed to be increasing and it appeared that she might actually propel herself out of her chair and clobber Addie, but Addie would not back down.

“
We have a life now. A baby coming. Yes, that
’
s right, I
’
m giving him one of the many things you never could
—
the child he
’
s always wanted. And he will finally be happy. That child will complete his life, will fill his heart with love
—
in a way he never felt for you.
”
Addie stopped speaking for a moment, envisioning Ted with the child, bouncing the child on his knee, snuggling her and buying her dresses and toys. Ted would be so in love with the child. Addie saw them in her mind, Ted and the child together, holding hands, herself on the sidelines watching. And then she felt something inside her twinge ever so slightly, but she did not stay with that inner spasm for longer than an instant because there beside her Esther was snarling.

“
Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!
”

Addie stormed out of the sanatorium, Esther
’
s shrieking a constant whine in the background, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Ted was solicitous beyond comprehension, tender beyond any expectation Addie had ever held of how a man might behave. She was not ill after the miscarriage, but he insisted on pampering her, on seeing to her pleasant but mostly unnecessary convalescence. And when sometime later, she again was pregnant, he was wonderful.

“
He was the best,
”
murmured Addie to Cerise.
“
For a psychiatrist, he was very nurturing, wasn
’
t he? If only he hadn
’
t changed,
”
she sighed.

“
How did he change?
”
asked Cerise, but before Addie could answer, the air began to twinkle as though a million diamonds sparkled there and beside her stood Mae West, looking radiant and ageless, wearing a velvet gown encrusted with jewels. Mae unfurled a hand, and a flurry of twinkling lights shimmered out over Addie and Cerise, which Cerise answered with a similar light show.

“
You having love woes, honey?
”
asked Mae.

“
All my life,
”
answered Addie.

“
The key is in knowing who should have your heart. And if you can crawl into theirs. Look at Ted, look at his heart.
”

Addie focused on Uno
’
s heart, and she did see herself there, like a photo floating inside. And next to the photo was Lissa, the two shots intertwined, as though inside a locket. The photos were small, though, but deep in his chest, she saw another image, a shady one, one that completely filled the heart.

“
Yes,
”
said Mae,
“
And who is in your heart?
”

Addie looked down at her chest, but all she saw was a gray blob, a smoky cloud. She shook her head, tears filling her eyes. Mae reached out and wrapped Addie in her arms.
“
Keep at it honey, I
’
m here to help. We
’
ll sort it out.
”

“
Now baby, don
’
t bother Mommy,
”
said Addie to three year-old Lissa.
“
Mommy is doing something important.
”
Addie was scribbling on a yellow pad, The Bullshit Program, a group therapy system. Her pen moved across the page, outlining her ideas, getting it all in order.

“
That was my best idea ever,
”
said Addie to her guides.
“
Just came to me out of the blue.
”

The winds blew, time morphed, and there on the desk where the yellow pad had been, lay copies of magazines, Addie
’
s face smiling serenely from the covers. There were too many to count, headlines like Bullshit? Bullshit!, Addie
’
s least favorite, The Queen of Bullshit, but also Bull$hit, which she rather liked, and The Bullshit Phenomenon, which she loved.

Ted walked into the room, smiled wanly at her, observed the giant pile of magazines on what formerly had been his desk, then walked out again, in search of Lissa.
“
Did you see this article,
”
Addie called after him, but by then he was out of earshot.

They were in a hotel room, on a vacation in
San Francisco
, when the phone rang and Ted answered it.
“
No,
”
he said,
“
This is Dr. Schlumberger. No, no, ok, one second, here she is,
”
handing the phone to Addie, who gestured to him to keep Lissa quiet.

Later, the three of them were outside the hotel when a group of reporters bird dogged them.
“
How about a quote, Doctor?
”
asked one journalist. Ted reached for the microphone, but the journalist spoke up,
“
No, no, I was speaking to Dr. Schlumberger. I took the Bullshit Program
—
it was great.
”

Addie smiled at the reporter and began talking about the new cities where the program was going to be offered, the workbook coming out, the board game. By the time the interview was finished, Ted and Lissa had disappeared, so Addie returned to the hotel room to continue working.

“
You saw that, didn
’
t you?
”
she said to the guides,
“
He changed. He wasn
’
t there for me at all. He stopped being supportive. Didn
’
t give a crap. And I knew what it was all about. He
’
d done it before, no doubt was doing it again.
”

Addie watched herself driving a car discreetly behind her husband
’
s auto. It only took a few minutes before it was quite clear where he was going. She sat tensely in her vehicle, waiting for him to enter the sanatorium, entering after him, creeping along the corridor, him far ahead, never turning back.

Ted sat facing Esther, her hand in his. His face was filled with remorse, the pain clearly shadowing his handsome features.
“
Life with Electra not so hot?
”
asked Esther tauntingly, but the look in her eyes was kind.

“
I
’
m sorry I hurt you, hon, so sorry. She just needed me so much. She was like this little lost child, and something in me couldn
’
t resist.
”

Esther laughed.
“
You
’
re just a sucker for that retro damsel in distress stuff.
”

“
I didn
’
t realize it would go so far.
”

“
Far as your dick could reach, big boy.
”
Esther smiled at Ted, and squeezed his hand in hers. Ted
’
s other hand covered hers and they sat silently for a moment, the absolute intimacy between them undeniable.

Addie held her hand over her mouth to keep from crying out. They were talking about her
—
as though she were a mistake, a regret. What a betrayal!

“
Saw her on TV, here in the sun room. On the news. Being interviewed. Quite the little star, our Electra.
”

“
Yes,
”
said Ted,
“
She
’
s her own person now. Doesn
’
t need me at all. Grown up.
”

“
Kids grow up,
”
muttered Esther, her eyes glazing over.

“
Go inside now,
”
said Mae gently.
“
Feel what just happened in your heart. Float back into yourself in the corridor if necessary. Be in that moment, and feel your heart.
”

Addie could not articulate what she felt, the twisting, cold sensation within her, the shadow that closed down over her, the wall that rose up.
“
He betrayed me,
”
she said violently,
“
He was supposed to put me first, be on my side, be there, loving me, be there forever. He changed.
”

Time flashed forward like pages in a flip book and Addie saw the individual images that made up the movie of her life. She went from being a twenty-one year old bride to a twenty-eight year old millionaire with a stock portfolio, an income of her own, success that was phenomenal, yet still on the rise. It all flashed before her almost as rapidly as it had felt while she lived those years. Ted went from the sexy middle-aged doctor to a man in early retirement, involved only in the day to day events raising his child. Lissa went from a baby in Ted
’
s arms to a toddler by his side, to a small child looking up at him.

Uno
’
s early retirement and insistence in spending so much time in the company of a small child bewildered Addie, yet she recognized how much her work benefited from the freedom allotted her by Ted
’
s devotion to their daughter. It was only by chance that she arrived early one afternoon and when both father and daughter were absent from the house, Addie instantly knew where they had gone. Her heart froze and once again she found herself peering around the door in the sanatorium.

There sat her husband and child, laughing with the woman she despised. Lissa stood comfortably between Uno and his ex, and when Esther reached out her arms, the child happily allowed herself to be enveloped.
“
You
’
re my favorite little girl,
”
cooed Esther.

Lissa
’
s smile was broad and happy, and she crawled into her father
’
s lap and replied,
“
No, I
’
m Daddy
’
s favorite little girl.
”
All three laughed and in his merriment, Ted rocked back and forth, Lissa on his lap.

Addie
’
s face blanched, watching the scene.
“
Did you see that?
”
she asked Cerise.
“
Did you see that?
”
The scene continued to play in the background but Addie was too distracted to watch or participate. She paced, there in the ether, occasionally raising both hands to her head, pressing against the sides, as though her brain might explode.
“
I can
’
t watch this, you know I can
’
t watch this,
”
she shouted and walked off, away from the guides who remained next to her no matter how far she attempted to wander. And no matter what distraction she tried to generate, the scenes of her marriage to Ted kept playing.