The Mousetrap and Other Plays (39 page)

GUDGEON
. They are waiting for an answer, sir.

JOHN
. It looks as though it's going to be a fine day, Gudgeon.

GUDGEON
. Yes, sir. There was quite a haze over the downs early this morning.

(
JOHN
reads the note and frowns angrily.
)

JOHN
. There's no answer, Gudgeon.

GUDGEON
. (
Turning and crossing to the door Left.
) Very good, sir.

JOHN
. Where is everybody?

GUDGEON
. (
Stopping and turning
) Her ladyship has gone down to the farm, sir. The gentlemen have gone out shooting, and I believe Miss Harvey and Miss Henrietta are in the garden.

JOHN
. Thank you, Gudgeon.

(
GUDGEON
exits Left.
JOHN
moves on to the terrace up Centre, rereads the note, utters an angry ejaculation, crumples the note and puts it in his pocket.
MIDGE
enters Right. She carries an armful of dahlias and loose leaves.
)

MIDGE
. (
Crossing to Left of the coffee table
) Good morning. (
She kneels, takes the vase from the coffee table and starts filling it with the dahlias.
)

JOHN
. Good morning.

MIDGE
. Gerda up yet?

JOHN
. No, she had breakfast in bed. She had a headache. I told her to lie in for once.

MIDGE
. I meant to spend the whole morning in bed, but it was so lovely outside that I couldn't.

JOHN
. Where's Henrietta?

MIDGE
. I don't know. She was with me just now. She may be in the rose garden.

(
JOHN
exits up Centre to Right.
LADY
ANGKATELL
enters Left. She carries a basket of eggs.
)

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Music? (
She moves to the radio.
) Oh no, dear, oh no—no. (
She switches off the radio.
)
Stop
! We can't be swinging so early in the day.

MIDGE
. I wish you'd do these dahlias, Lucy. They defeat me.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Crossing to the drinks table
) Do they, darling? (
She puts the basket on the floor Left of the drinks table.
) What a shame—never mind. (
She moves dreamily to the writing table.
) Now then, what did I want? Ah, I know. (
She lifts the telephone receiver.
) Now let me see—ah yes, this thing. (
She cradles the receiver first in one arm and then in the other.
)

(
MIDGE
stares amazed at
LADY
ANGKATELL
.)

(
With satisfaction
) Ah! I see what it is. (
She replaces the receiver.
)

MIDGE
. What
are
you doing. Lucy?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Doing?

MIDGE
. You seemed to be having a kind of game with the telephone receiver.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Oh, that was Mrs. Bagshaw's baby. (
She looks at
MIDGE
.) You've got the wrong vase, darling.

MIDGE
. (
Rising
) What did you say?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. I said you'd got the wrong vase. It's the white vase for dahlias.

MIDGE
. No, I meant what did you say about somebody's baby?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Oh, that was the telephone receiver, my pet.

MIDGE
. (
Moving to the drinks table
) I don't wonder that Gerda Cristow nearly has a nervous breakdown every time you talk to her. (
She picks up the white vase and jug of water from the drinks table, moves and puts them on the coffee table.
) What has Mrs. Bagshaw's baby got to do with the telephone receiver? (
She pours some water into the vase and fills it with the dahlias, during the ensuing speeches.
)

LADY
ANGKATELL
. She seemed to be holding it—the baby, I mean—upside down. So I was trying this way and that way. And of course I see what it is—she's left-handed. That's why it looked all wrong. Is John Cristow down yet?

MIDGE
. Yes, he went into the garden to look for Henrietta.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Sitting on the sofa at the Right end of it
) Oh! Do you think that was very wise of him?

MIDGE
. What do you mean?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Well, I don't want to say anything . . .

MIDGE
. Come on, Lucy. Give.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Well, you know, darling, that I don't sleep very well. And when I can't sleep I'm inclined to prowl around the house.

MIDGE
. I know, half the guests think it's burglars, the other half think it's ghosts.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Well, I happened to be looking through the passage window. John was just coming back to the house, and it was close on three o'clock.

(
There is a pause.
MIDGE
and
LADY
ANGKATELL
look at each other.
)

MIDGE
. (
Picking up the jug and vase of dahlias and crossing with them to the drinks table
) Even for old friends who have a lot to say to each other, three in the morning is a little excessive. (
She puts the jug and vase on the drinks table.
) One wonders what Gerda thinks about it.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. One wonders if Gerda thinks.

MIDGE
. (
Easing above the sofa
) Even the meekest of wives may turn.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. I don't think Henrietta was sleeping very well either last night. The light was on in her room, and I thought I saw her curtains move.

MIDGE
. Really, John is a
fool.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. He's a man who's always taken risks—and usually got away with them.

MIDGE
. One day he'll go too far. This was a bit blatant, even for him.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. My dear child, he couldn't help himself. That woman just sailed in last night and—grabbed him. I must say I admired her performance. It was so beautifully timed and planned.

MIDGE
. Do you think it was planned?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Rising
) Well, darling, come, come. (
She smiles, picks up the
Daily Mirror
and crosses to the fireplace.
)

MIDGE
. You may say, in your detached way, she gave a beautiful performance—but it remains to be seen whether Gerda and Henrietta agree with you.

(
SIR
HENRY
enters Left. He carries two revolvers.
)

SIR
HENRY
. (
Crossing to Right
) Just going to have a little practice down at the targets. Like to come along and try your hand, Midge?

MIDGE
. I've never shot with a pistol or a revolver in my life. I shall probably drill a hole in you, Cousin Henry.

SIR
HENRY
. I'll take jolly good care that you don't.

MIDGE
. Well, it would be nice to think that I might some day be able to turn the tables on a burglar.

SIR
HENRY
. Every woman ought to learn to shoot with a revolver.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Moving and sitting in the armchair Left Centre.
) Now you're on Henry's hobby. He has a whole collection of pistols and revolvers, including a lovely pair of French duelling pistols. (
She starts to read the paper.
)

MIDGE
. Don't you have to have licences for them?

SIR
HENRY
. Of course.

MIDGE
. Have you ever had a burglar?

SIR
HENRY
. Not yet, but we live in hopes. If he does come, Lucy will probably shoot him dead.

MIDGE
. (
Surprised
) Lucy?

SIR
HENRY
. Lucy's a far better shot than I am. Lucy always gets her man.

MIDGE
. I shall be simply terrified.

(
She exits Right.
SIR
HENRY
follows her off.
HENRIETTA
enters up Centre from Left.
)

HENRIETTA
. (
Easing above the sofa
) Hullo, are the Angkatells going to exterminate each other?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. They've gone down to the targets. Why don't you join them, Henrietta?

HENRIETTA
. Yes, I will. I was rather good last spring. Are you going, Lucy?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Yes. No. I must do something about my eggs first. (
She looks around.
)

HENRIETTA
. Eggs?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Yes, they are over there in the basket, darling.

(
HENRIETTA
moves to the drinks table, picks up the basket of eggs and takes it to
LADY
ANGKATELL
.)

Oh! Thank you, my pet. (
She puts the basket on the floor Right of her chair, then resumes reading.
)

HENRIETTA
. (
Moving down Centre
) Where's Edward?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. I think he took his gun and went up to the woods. Henry was going with him—but someone came to see him about something.

HENRIETTA
. I see. (
She stands lost in thought.
)

(
Two revolver SHOTS are heard off Right.
)

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Doing any work this morning?

HENRIETTA
. (
Sitting on the sofa
) No. It's gone stale on me.

(
A revolver SHOT is heard off Right.
)

LADY
ANGKATELL
. I think it's so clever of you, darling—doing all these odd abstract things.

HENRIETTA
. I thought you didn't like them, Lucy.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. No, I've always thought them rather silly. But I think it's so clever of you to know they're not.

(
GERDA
enters hurriedly Left. She looks alarmed.
)

GERDA
. I heard shots—quite near the house.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Nothing, darling—Henry—target practice—they've got targets in what used to be the bowling alley.

HENRIETTA
. (
Rising
) Come and have a try, Gerda.

GERDA
. Is it difficult? (
She crosses to
HENRIETTA
.)

HENRIETTA
. No, of course not. You just close your eyes and press the trigger and the bullet goes somewhere.

(
Two SHOTS are heard off Right.
HENRIETTA
and
GERDA
exit Right. A SHOT is heard off Right.
LADY
ANGKATELL
rises, crosses to the coffee table, puts the newspaper on it, and picks up the vase and odd leaves. Two SHOTS are heard off Right.
LADY
ANGKATELL
crosses to the wastepaper basket, drops the leaves in it, then moves to the drinks table and puts the vase on it. Two SHOTS are heard off Right.
JOHN
enters up Centre from Right. He is smoking a cigarette.
)

JOHN
. Has the war started?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Yes, dear—no, dear. Henry. Target practice.

JOHN
. He's very keen. I remember.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Why don't you join them?

JOHN
. (
Crossing to the fireplace
) I ought to write some letters. (
He stubs out his cigarette in the ashtray on the mantelpiece.
) I wonder if you'd mind if I wrote them in here?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Easing above the sofa
) Of course. You'll find stamps in the little drawer. If you put the letters on the hall table, Gudgeon will see that they go.

JOHN
. This is the best run house in England.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Bless you, darling. Now let me see—(
She looks around
) where did I lay my eggs? Ah, there, by the chair. (
She picks up the basket of eggs and moves to the door Left.
)

JOHN
. I didn't quite understand what you meant.

(
LADY
ANGKATELL
exits Left.
JOHN
crosses to the writing table, and takes a note from his pocket. He reads it, then crumples it and throws it into the wastepaper basket. He sits, sighs heavily and starts to write.
VERONICA
enters up Centre from Left. She carries a large, very flamboyant, red suède handbag.
)