The Mousetrap and Other Plays (35 page)

GERDA
. (
Easing to Right of the armchair Left Centre; flatly
) Yes, it's very nice.

JOHN
. God, I hate being penned up in London. Sitting in that blasted consulting room, listening to whining women. How I hate sick people!

GERDA
. Oh, John, you don't mean that.

JOHN
. I loathe illness.

GERDA
. If you hated sick people, you wouldn't be a doctor, would you, dear?

JOHN
. (
Moving above the sofa
) A man doesn't become a doctor because he has a partiality for sick people. It's the disease that's interesting, not the patient. (
He crosses to Right, and studies the piece of sculpture on the pedestal.
) You have odd ideas, Gerda.

GERDA
. But you do like curing people.

JOHN
. (
Turning
) I don't cure them. (
He moves and sits on the sofa at the Right end.
) Just hand out faith, hope and probably a laxative. Oh, good Lord, I'm tired.

GERDA
. (
Moving below the sofa
) John, you work too hard. You're so unselfish. (
She sits on the sofa at the Left end of it.
) I'm always telling the children how a doctor's life is almost a dedication. I'm so proud of the way you give all your time and all your energy and never spare yourself.

JOHN
. Oh, for heaven's sake, Gerda. You don't know in the least what you're talking about. Don't you realize I enjoy my profession? It's damned interesting and I make a lot of money.

GERDA
. It's not the money you do it for, dear. Look how interested you are in your hospital work. It's to relieve pain and suffering.

JOHN
. Pain is a biological necessity and suffering will always be with us. It's the techniques of medicine that interest me.

GERDA
. And—people suffering.

JOHN
. (
Rising and moving above the sofa
) Oh, for God's sake . . . (
He breaks off, suddenly ashamed.
) I'm sorry, Gerda. I didn't mean to shout at you. (
He takes a cigarette case from his pocket.
) I'm afraid I've been terribly nervy and bad-tempered lately. I'm—I'm sorry.

GERDA
. It's quite all right, dear. I understand.

(
There is a pause as
JOHN
moves below the armchair Left Centre and takes a cigarette out of his case.
)

JOHN
. You know, Gerda, if you weren't so patient, so long-suffering, it would be better. Why don't you turn on me sometimes, swear at me, give as good as you get? Oh, don't look so shocked. It would be better if you did. No man likes being drowned in treacle. (
He shuts his cigarette case with a snap and replaces it in his pocket.
)

GERDA
. You're tired, John.

JOHN
. (
Sitting in the armchair Left Centre; sombrely
) Yes, I'm tired. (
He leans back and closes his eyes.
)

GERDA
. You need a holiday.

JOHN
. (
Dreamily
) I'd like to go to the South of France—the Mediterranean—the sun, the mimosa in flower . . .

GERDA
. (
Rising and crossing to Right of
JOHN
) Why shouldn't we go, then? (
Doubtfully
) Oh, I don't quite know how we should manage about the children; of course, Terence is at school all day, but he's so rude to Mademoiselle. She really has very little authority even over Zena. No, I don't think I should be very happy. Of course, they could go to Elsie at Bexhill. Or perhaps Mary Foley would take them . . .

JOHN
. (
Opening his eyes; vaguely
) 'M, what were you saying?

GERDA
. The children.

JOHN
. What about them?

GERDA
. I was wondering how we could manage about them if we went to the South of France.

JOHN
. (
Taking his lighter from his pocket
) Why should we go to the South of France, what are you talking about? (
He lights his cigarette.
)

GERDA
. Because you said—you—would—like to.

JOHN
. Oh that! I was daydreaming.

GERDA
. (
Crossing above the armchair Left Centre to Left of it
) I don't see why we couldn't manage it—only it's a little worrying if one feels that the person left in charge isn't really reliable, and I do sometimes feel . . .

JOHN
. (
Rising and crossing below the sofa to Right
) You never stop worrying about something or other. For heaven's sake let's relax and enjoy this weekend. At least you have a respite from domestic bothers.

GERDA
. Yes, I know.

JOHN
. (
Moving above the sofa
) Wonderful people—the Angkatells. I always find them an absolute tonic.

GERDA
. Yes.

JOHN
. (
Moving on the terrace up Centre
) I wonder where they all are? (
He glances off Left
).

GERDA
. (
Sitting in the archair Left Centre
) Will Henrietta be here?

JOHN
. (
Turning
) Yes, she's here.

GERDA
. Oh, I'm so glad. I do like Henrietta.

JOHN
. (
Rather shortly
) Henrietta's all right.

GERDA
. I wonder if she's finished that statuette she was doing of me?

JOHN
. (
Moving above the Left end of the sofa; sharply
) I don't know why she asked you to sit for her. Most extraordinary.

(
GERDA
flinches at his tone and look.
)

(
He crosses to Right.
) I always think it's rather a good thing if people are around to meet their guests.

(
He exits Right.
GERDA
rises, crosses below the sofa to Right, looks off, turns, looks Left, hesitates, fidgets with her handbag, then gives a nervous cough and crosses to Left Centre.
)

EDWARD
. (
Off up Centre.
) And this winter I'm going to cut down that avenue of trees so that we can have a better view of the lake.

(
HENRIETTA
and
EDWARD
enter up Centre from Left.
GERDA
turns.
EDWARD
eases to Left of the sofa.
)

HENRIETTA
. (
As she enters
) I think it's a very good idea, Edward. Hullo, Gerda, how are you? You know Edward Angkatell, don't you? (
She eases above the Right end of the sofa.
)

EDWARD
. How d'you do, Mrs. Cristow?

GERDA
. How do you do? (
She drops one glove and picks it up.
)

(
EDWARD
bends to pick up the glove, but
GERDA
forestalls him.
)

HENRIETTA
. Where's John?

(
EDWARD
turns and looks at
HENRIETTA
.)

GERDA
. He just went out into the garden to see if he could find Lady Angkatell.

HENRIETTA
. (
Moving to the French window Right and glancing off
) It's an impossible garden to find anyone in, all woods and shrubs.

GERDA
. But soon there'll be such lovely autumn tints.

HENRIETTA
. (
Turning
) Yes. (
She turns and gazes out of the window.
)

EDWARD
. (
Crossing to the door Left
) You'll forgive me if I go and change.

(
He exits Left.
GERDA
starts to follow him but stops as
HENRIETTA
speaks.
)

HENRIETTA
. Autumn takes one back—one keeps saying, “Don't you remember?”

(
GERDA
,
strung up and obviously miserable, moves to the armchair Left Centre.
)

(
She turns suddenly, looks at
GERDA
,
and her face softens.
) Shall we go and look for the others, too?

GERDA
. (
About to sit in the armchair
) No, please—I mean—(
She rises
) yes, that would be very nice.

HENRIETTA
. (
Moving below the sofa; vigorously
) Gerda! Why do you come down here when you hate it so much?

GERDA
. But I don't.

HENRIETTA
. (
Kneeling with one knee on the sofa
) Yes you do.

GERDA
. I don't really. It's delightful to get down here into the country and Lady Angkatell is always so kind.

HENRIETTA
. Lucy? (
She sits on the sofa at the Right end of it.
) Lucy's not a bit kind. She has good manners and she knows how to be gracious. But I always think she's rather a cruel person, perhaps because she isn't quite human. She doesn't know what it is to feel and think like ordinary people. And you
are
hating it here, Gerda, you know you are.

GERDA
. (
Easing to Left of the sofa
) Well, you see, John likes it.

HENRIETTA
. Oh, John likes it all right. But you could let him come by himself.

GERDA
. He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't enjoy himself here without me. He is so unselfish. He thinks it does me good to get down into the country. (
She moves below the Left end of the sofa.
) But I'm glad you're here, though—it makes it so much better.

HENRIETTA
. Does it? I'm glad.

GERDA
. (
Sitting on the sofa at the Left end of it; in a burst of confidence
) You see, I don't really like being away from home. There is so much to do before I leave, and John is so impatient. Even now I'm not sure I turned the bathroom taps off properly, and there was a note I meant to leave for the laundry. And you know, Henrietta, I don't really trust the children's French governess—when I'm not there they never do anything she tells them. Oh, well, it's only for two days.

HENRIETTA
. Two days of hell—cheerfully endured for John's sake.

GERDA
. You must think I'm very ungrateful—when everybody is so kind. My breakfast brought up to my room and the housemaids so beautifully trained—but I do sometimes feel . . .

HENRIETTA
. I know. They snatch away one's clothes and put them where you can't find them, and always lay out the dress and shoes you don't want to wear. One has to be strong-minded.

GERDA
. Oh, I'm afraid I'm never strong-minded.

HENRIETTA
. How's the knitting?

GERDA
. I've taken up leathercraft. (
She holds up her handbag.
) I made this handbag.

HENRIETTA
. Did you? (
She rises, crosses to the alcove and opens the curtains.
) That reminds me, I've something for you.

(
She switches on the light and exits. She reenters immediately, carrying a small plaster statuette. She switches off the alcove light, closes the curtain and moves to the armchair Left Centre.
)

GERDA
. (
Rising and crossing to
HENRIETTA
) Henrietta! The statuette you were doing of me?

(
HENRIETTA
gives
GERDA
the statuette.
)

Oh, it's lovely.

HENRIETTA
. I'm glad you like it.

GERDA
. (
Moving below the Left end of the sofa
) I do, I like it very much.

JOHN
. (
Off Right
) I say, Sir Henry, your gardener has really made a wonderful job of those roses.

(
LADY
ANGKATELL
,
JOHN
,
MIDGE
and
SIR
HENRY
enter Right.
)

SIR
HENRY
. (
As he enters
) The soil here is pretty good for roses.

JOHN
. (
Crossing above the sofa to Left of it
) Hullo, Henrietta.

HENRIETTA
. Hullo, John.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Moving below the sofa
) How very nice to see you, Gerda.

SIR
HENRY
. (
Moving above the sofa
) How are you, Mrs. Cristow?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
To
GERDA
) You haven't been here for so long. You know my cousin, Midge Harvey? (
She sits on the sofa.
)

MIDGE
. (
Moving to the writing table
) Yes, we met last year. (
She puts her bag on the writing table.
)

(
HENRIETTA
moves to the fireplace, takes a cigarette from the box on the mantelpiece and lights it with the table lighter.
)

GERDA
. (
Turning and moving to Right of
JOHN
) John, look what Henrietta's just given me. (
She hands the statuette to him.
)