The Mousetrap and Other Plays (33 page)

(
LADY
ANGKATELL
enters Right. She carries a large empty flowerpot.
)

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
As she enters
) Would you believe it, (
She crosses above the sofa to Right of
SIR
HENRY
) they've been at it again. They've pushed up a whole row of lovely little lobelias. Ah well, as long as the weather keeps fine . . .

SIR
HENRY
. Here's Midge.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Where? (
She crosses to
MIDGE
and kisses her.
) Oh, darling Midge, I didn't see you, dear. (
To
SIR
HENRY
.
Confidentially
) That would help, wouldn't it? What were you both doing when I came in?

SIR
HENRY
. Talking Ainswick.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Sitting in the armchair Left Centre; with a sudden change of manner
) Ainswick!

SIR
HENRY
. (
Patting
LADY
ANGKATELL
's shoulder
) There, there, Lucy.

(
A little disturbed, he crosses and exits Left.
)

MIDGE
. (
Indicating the flowerpot; surprised
) Now why did you bring that in here, darling?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. I can't begin to think. Take it away.

(
MIDGE
takes the flowerpot from
LADY
ANGKATELL
,
crosses, goes on to the terrace up Centre and puts the flowerpot on the ground out of sight.
)

Thank you, darling. As I was saying, at any rate the weather's all right. That's
something.
Because if a lot of discordant personalities are boxed up indoors . . . (
She looks around.
) Where are you?

(
MIDGE
moves to Right of the armchair Left Centre.
)

Ah, there you are. It makes things ten times worse. Don't you agree?

MIDGE
. Makes what worse?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. One can play games, of course—but that would be like last year when I shall never forgive myself about poor Gerda—and the worst of it is that she really is so nice. It's odd that anyone as nice as Gerda should be so devoid of any kind of intelligence. If that is what they mean by the law of compensation I don't think it's at all fair.

MIDGE
. What are you talking about, Lucy?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. This weekend, darling. (
She takes hold of
MIDGE
's left hand.
) It's such a relief to talk it over with you, Midge dear, you're so practical.

MIDGE
. Yes, but what
are
we talking over?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. John, of course, is delightful, with that dynamic personality that all really successful doctors seem to have. But as for Gerda, ah well, we must all be very, very kind.

MIDGE
. (
Crossing to the fireplace
) Come now, Gerda Cristow isn't as bad as all that.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Darling. Those eyes. Like a puzzled cow. And she never seems to understand a word one says to her.

MIDGE
. I don't suppose she understands a word
you
say—and I don't know that I blame her. Your mind goes so fast, Lucy, that to keep pace with it, your conversation has to take the most astonishing leaps—with all the connecting links left out. (
She sits on the pouffe.
)

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Like monkeys. Fortunately Henrietta is here. She was wonderful last spring when we played limericks or anagrams—one of those things—we had all finished when we suddenly discovered that poor Gerda hadn't even started. She didn't even know what the game
was.
It was dreadful wasn't it, Midge?

MIDGE
. Why anyone ever comes to stay with the Angkatells, I don't know. What with the brainwork and the round games and your peculiar style of conversation, Lucy.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. I suppose we must be rather trying. (
She rises, moves to the coffee table and picks up the tobacco jar.
) The poor dear looked so bewildered; and John looked so impatient. (
She crosses to the fireplace.
) It was then that I was grateful to Henrietta. (
She puts the jar on the mantelpiece, turns and moves Centre.
) She turned to Gerda and asked for the pattern of the knitted pullover she was wearing—a dreadful affair in pea green—with little bobbles and pom-poms and things—oh, sordid—but Gerda brightened up at once and looked so pleased. The worst of it is Henrietta had to buy some wool and knit one.

MIDGE
. And was it very terrible?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Oh, it was ghastly. No—on Henrietta it looked quite charming—which is what I mean when I say that the world is so very very sad. One simply doesn't know
why
. . .

MIDGE
. Whoa! Don't start rambling again, darling. Let's stick to the weekend.

(
LADY
ANGKATELL
sits on the sofa.
)

I don't see where the worry is. If you manage to keep off round games, and try to be coherent when you're talking to Gerda, and put Henrietta on duty to tide over the awkward moments, where's the difficulty?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. It would all be perfectly all right if only Edward weren't coming.

MIDGE
. (
Reacting at the name
) Edward? (
She rises and turns to the fireplace.
) Yes, of course. What on earth made you ask Edward for the weekend, Lucy?

LADY
ANGKATELL
. I didn't ask him. He wired to know if we could have him. You know how sensitive Edward is. If I'd wired back “No,” he would never have asked himself again. Edward's like that.

MIDGE
. Yes.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Dear Edward. If only Henrietta would make up her mind to marry him.

(
MIDGE
turns and faces
LADY
ANGKATELL
.)

She really is quite fond of him. If only they could have been alone this weekend without the Cristows. As it is, John has the most unfortunate effect on Edward. John becomes so much
more
so, and Edward so much
less
so. If you know what I mean.

(
MIDGE
nods.
)

But I do feel that it's all going to be terribly difficult. (
She picks up the “Daily Graphic”)

(
GUDGEON
,
the butler, enters Left. He is in all respects the perfect butler.
)

GUDGEON
. (
Announcing
) Mr. Edward.

(
EDWARD
ANGKATELL
enters left. He is a tall, slightly stooping man, between thirty-five and forty-five, with a pleasant smile and a diffident manner. He is a bookish man and wears well-cut but rather shabby tweeds.
GUDGEON
exits Left.
)

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Rising and crossing to
EDWARD
) Edward. (
She kisses him.
) We were just saying how nice it was of you to come.

EDWARD
. Lucy, Lucy. How nice of you to
let
me come. (
He turns to
MIDGE
.
Pleased and surprised.
) Why—it's little Midge. (
He talks throughout to
MIDGE
with indulgent affection, as to a child.
) You look very grown up.

MIDGE
. (
With slight acidity
) I've been grown up for quite a few years now.

EDWARD
. I suppose you have. I haven't noticed it.

MIDGE
. I know.

EDWARD
. At Ainswick, you see, time stands still.

(
LADY
ANGKATELL
turns with a brusque movement, puts the newspaper on the coffee table, then moves to the drinks table, picks up the book from it and puts it in the bookshelves over the drinks table.
)

I always remember you as you used to be in the holidays when Uncle Hugh was alive. (
He turns to
LADY
ANGKATELL
.) I wish you'd come more often to Ainswick, Lucy. It's looking so beautiful just now.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Is it, darling?

(
GUDGEON
enters Left.
)

GUDGEON
. Excuse me, m'lady, but Mrs. Medway would like to see you a moment. It's about the savoury for dinner.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. Chicken livers. (
She crosses to Right of
GUDGEON
.) Butchers have no conscience about chicken livers. Don't tell me they haven't arrived.

GUDGEON
. They have arrived, m'lady, but Mrs. Medway is a little dubious . . .

(
LADY
ANGKATELL
crosses and exits Left.
GUDGEON
follows her off, closing the door behind him.
)

EDWARD
. (
Taking his cigarette case from his pocket
) I sometimes wonder whether Lucy minds very much about Ainswick.

MIDGE
. In what way?

EDWARD
. Well, it was her home. (
He takes a cigarette from his case.
)

MIDGE
. May I?

EDWARD
. (
Offering the case to her
) Yes, of course.

(
MIDGE
takes a cigarette.
)

If she'd been born a boy it would have gone to her instead of to me. I wonder if she resents it? (
He replaces the case in his pocket and takes out his lighter.
)

MIDGE
. Not in the sense you mean. After all, you're an Angkatell and that's all that matters. The Angkatells stick together. They even marry their cousins.

EDWARD
. Yes, but she does care very much about Ainswick.

MIDGE
. Oh yes. Lucy cares more about Ainswick than anything in the world. (
She looks up at the picture over the mantelpiece.
) That picture up there is the dominating note of this house. (
She turns to
EDWARD
.) But if you think Lucy resents
you
, you're wrong, Edward.

EDWARD
. (
Lighting
MIDGE
's cigarette
) I never quite understand Lucy. (
He turns, moves to Left of the sofa and lights his own cigarette.
) She's got the most extraordinary charm.

MIDGE
. Lucy is the most adorable creature I know—and the most maddening.

(
HENRIETTA
enters Left and closes the door behind her. She has tidied herself.
)

HENRIETTA
. Hullo, Edward.

EDWARD
. Henrietta, lovely to see you.

HENRIETTA
. (
Crossing to Left of
EDWARD
) How's Ainswick?

EDWARD
. It's looking beautiful just now.

HENRIETTA
. (
Turning to
MIDGE
). Hullo, Midge darling. How are you?

EDWARD
. (
Offering
HENRIETTA
a cigarette
) You ought to come, Henrietta.

HENRIETTA
. (
Taking a cigarette
) Yes, I know I ought—what fun we all had there as children.

(
LADY
ANGKATELL
enters Left. She carries a large lobster on a short length of string.
)

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Crossing to Right of the coffee table
) Tradespeople are just like gardeners. They take advantage of your not knowing. Don't you agree, Edward? When you want them to mass in big clumps—they start fiddling about with . . . (
She suddenly becomes conscious of the lobster.
) Now what is that?

EDWARD
. It looks to me like a lobster.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. It is a lobster. Where did I get it? How did I come by it?

HENRIETTA
. I should think you got it off the kitchen table.

LADY
ANGKATELL
. (
Holding the lobster against the back of the sofa
) Oh! I remember. I thought a cushion this colour would look nice here. What do you feel about it?

HENRIETTA
. No!

LADY
ANGKATELL
. No. Well, it was just a little thought.

(
GUDGEON
enters Left and crosses to
LADY
ANGKATELL
.
He carries a salver.
)

GUDGEON
. (
Impassively
) Excuse me, m'lady, Mrs. Medway says, may she have the lobster.

(
LADY
ANGKATELL
puts the lobster on the salver.
)

Thank you, m'lady.

(
He turns, crosses and exits Left. They all laugh.
)