I grabbed Saidan's hand and we rushed from the building. It was nighttime. Searchlights scanned the city. The sky appeared to be on fire as some of the buildings that made up the city burned, towers of ash and smoke illuminating the night sky like giant candles. A further explosion rocked the ground, and windows above us blew out, scattering broken glass on the concrete around us. I covered Saidan, shielding him from the worst of the fragments as they cut into my forehead and arms.
"What the hell is going on?" I asked, shaking the glass from my hair and touching my head to reveal fresh blood.
"The rebellion has started," One explained, ushering us through the night. The sounds of gunfire echoed in the night. "Our war against Little Sister. It's time to take back Valeria from A.I. control."
We hurried to a bus that One had set aside for our rescue and boarded without hesitation. I could see that the wires underneath the command console had been pulled out in a speedy-but-inelegant hack, but this was not Saidan's work from before. Someone else had clearly learned the skills necessary to take over Little Sister's buses. We took seats at the back of the bus while the synthetics and One sat at the front. Saidan sat quietly, hanging his head. I reached for his hand and squeezed it, but he didn't respond. I was worried, but I knew forcing him to respond would achieve nothing and might even be counter-productive.
The bus started to move and I looked out of the window next to me. The city was in shambles: Valerian fighting against Valerian with weapons I'd never seen before. I wondered where they'd gotten their stash of guns and explosives when Little Sister had everything so tightly locked down. Perhaps, with her attention on us, she had slipped a little and allowed them access to restricted areas. Perhaps our sacrifice hadn't been for nothing after all. I forced myself to hold onto that thought, my broken mind struggling for any shard of hope to hold onto. I thought being free should have helped with that, but strangely, it didn't. After all this time, I was afraid of being outside, even more so now that rebellion had erupted. No matter where we went, there was no safety. I didn't know if I would ever feel safe in my own skin again.
We made it outside the city limits without interruption. The war zone slipped away behind us: a bright fireball in the night sky that became smaller and smaller as the bus took us out into the wastelands. I must have fallen asleep because when I woke, the dawn was a brilliant violet at the edge of the night's darkness. I'd never seen dawn on Valeria and it was magnificent. Tears welled up in my eyes at something I would have normally considered scientifically. Something told me I would never go back to that state of curious dispassion which had been at the center of all my scientific discoveries. I would be emotionally connected to the beauties and the torments of the world, whether I liked it or not. The robot had been broken, my shield destroyed to reveal flesh and bone, a man that bled and cried at the slightest thing.
I looked at Saidan next to me. I thought he was still sleeping, and I was surprised to see his eyes fixed on me.
"Are you okay?" We'd been tortured for so long and that was the best I could come up with. We'd grown so used to non-verbal communication that asking him a question seemed weird and out of place, like something that a stranger would have done.
He nodded, not a word passing his lips. I figured it was fine if he didn't want to sleep. We were both tired and in desperate need of medical care, a square meal, and a good wash. I looked at myself for the first time in a while to see skin and bone, the jumpsuit hanging on me where it had once fitted tightly. I wondered how much weight I'd lost in my weeks of captivity. Not a diet plan I'd ever want to follow again. Saidan seemed smaller, too, though he was skinny to begin with. I'd never seen a fat Valerian, and didn't even know if it was possible. Perhaps the Sisters had altered the genes that caused obesity when they had created the synthetics.
My thoughts seemed to drift away as they did, and I sat in what might have been described as a stupor for the rest of the journey. I wasn't asleep, but I wasn't really aware of my surroundings, either. The bus coming to a stop jolted me back to life. For a second, I thought the cell door had opened and my body started to tremble. Saidan put a hand on my arm to ease me and I realized we were on the bus, no longer in captivity. It was still a hard thing for me to believe right then.
The rebels got off the bus, but One walked back, sitting in the seat opposite us before speaking.
"We have a medical team standing by. They're not much, and our equipment is worth even less, but let them look at you. We can also provide you each with a hot bath and some rations." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "You don't have to join our war, but I hope that you'll at least give it some thought." She stood up and swooped away with the same air of confident grace she'd always exhibited, and I wondered if perhaps the changes I was seeing in her were all due to changes in myself.
Saidan stood up and made his way wordlessly to the front of the bus. I watched him go with growing concern. He hadn't acknowledged One at all and seemed to be walking like an automaton, going through the motions. I followed him, rushing to catch up. I jumped from the step onto the dead ground, kicking up dust as I landed. That's when freedom finally hit me. I was out of the room. I was alive.
But Saidan was still in there. Saidan's mind was still imprisoned, even if his body was free. I felt it in the way he grasped my hand as I hurried up beside him, as if it might be his last opportunity to do so.
We followed One into what might have once been a forest. Dead trees loomed around us, grey and lifeless monoliths that appealed to the sky. Their leaves and branches were long gone and they stood there, stumps that served no purpose but to break up the deserted landscape. A half-ruined building stood amidst them, and it was there that One led us. I wondered how any kind of army could fit into the small building, but my question was answered when we were led down a flight of stone steps. I kept hold of Saidan's hand as we descended underground, the steps leading further and further down. It was like the underground portion of one of the Buildings, only outside the city, and I wondered where it had come from. We passed rooms where synthetics were engaged in combat training, others where they were tuning and servicing weapons, until we finally reached the hospital level.
"I'll leave you now," One said. "I have other matters to attend to. Please feel free to rest for as long as you need."
"Thanks," I said. Saidan stood silently next to me.
We stripped and were led to separate showers. I was glad to feel the warm water on my skin. The liquid soap was basic, but it felt like a blessing after so much filth. I lathered it on in copious amounts, working on the layers of dirt and dried blood on my body. I washed the thick grease from my hair and let the soap run down my face. It stung as it hit the fresh cut on my forehead, but I paid it no mind. It was a good pain, a small pinprick to tell me I was still alive. I had survived Little Sister's ordeal. I left the water running and slid down the wall, grateful to let the water rain on me. My skin was wrinkled, and I knew I should get out, but I was scared that the stench had permeated every cell in my body, so I stood up and soaped myself up again. Satisfied, I shut off the faucet and wrapped myself in the brown towel provided. It was no luxury item, but the clean cotton against my skin felt like heaven after weeks of the filthy jumpsuit. I left the suit on the floor, not even wanting to touch it again. I was glad to dress in a hospital robe, its looseness the exact opposite of the clingy suit.
I realized that Saidan seemed to be taking longer than I was. Suddenly scared for him, I opened the next stall to find him crouched up against the wall, shaking as the warm water ran over him. I disrobed and stepped into the shower beside him, resting gentle hands on his shoulders.
"Saidan, we're safe now," I said in a soft voice. "You're going to be okay. Help me get this dirt off you and you'll feel a lot better." I helped him to his feet, supporting him until his legs were steady enough to take his weight. "Do you want me to do it?"
He nodded. I filled my hand with the liquid soap and lathered up his back. I gently turned him around so his injured chest was facing me. The dirty bandages lay on the floor outside the shower stall and the wound looked red and angry. I washed it with as much care as I could, wincing as Saidan pulled away from me with every touch.
"I think it's infected. Let's finish cleaning you up and get you to the doctor." My hands slipped down to his crotch but the touch wasn't sexual, not with the way things were. I cleaned him thoroughly and escorted him from the shower, drying him down and dressing him in the hospital garment before I dried myself and redressed.
A figure clad in white walked in without announcing his presence. He was tall, like the other Valerians, but had dark eyes and black hair. He looked a lot less like the other synthetics and a lot more like One, and it dawned on me that perhaps every leader of each individual building was one of the anomalies that the Sisters had created. After all, the other synthetics had no leadership qualities. I relaxed a little, realizing that perhaps we would receive decent care after all.
I didn't waste any time. "You should take a look at Sai— I mean, Twenty-One's wound." I hated using his number after everything we'd been through, but I knew it would be frowned upon to use his real name in public. I lifted his hospital gown and the doctor inspected the red, angry burn.
"Twenty-Fifty-One, in here, please." A female synthetic walked in and stood at the doctor's side, inspecting Saidan's injury.
"Get me some antibiotics, some alcohol, and fresh dressings." The doctor gave his orders and the synthetic hurried away to fulfill them. "Anything else I should know about?"
"Twenty-One hasn't spoken since... since our ordeal." I didn't know what to call it. Since we were tortured? Since Little Sister made us more afraid than I knew it was even possible to be? Before she chewed up our souls and spat them out?
"All right. We'll be running a full psychiatric evaluation on you both as soon as the physical is over. Anything else?"
I shook my head. Of course there was my memory loss, my drifting away, my cuts and scratches, but I honestly wasn't worried about myself. I feared for Saidan, not me. I knew that as long as I could keep hold of who I was, most of the other scars would heal with time.
Saidan's condition worried me deeply, however. The infected wound could easily kill him. His silence had the potential to be signs of a deep psychological disturbance. I was scared that I would never get him back. I feared I had sacrificed him to save myself by depending on him so much at a time when I should have been there for him as well. He was broken, and I couldn't shake the feeling that it was partially my fault.
I drifted during the rest of the physical. I was struggling to concentrate and I just let myself go for a while, going through the motions as the doctor checked my reflexes and stitched up the cut on my forehead. He sent me to the next room for my psychiatric evaluation. I did the best I could, trying to see patterns in the cards that the counselor held up. I don't remember my answers, but I knew that I saw Saidan in every one of them.
I was beyond exhausted by the time I was escorted to my new quarters. The assistant apologized for their simple nature, but she had no idea that the clean bed was the most comfortable-looking thing I had seen since I had set foot on Valeria. I almost cried as she left and I sank into the clean sheets, the cotton rough against my skin. I pulled the covers up around my neck, as if they could hold me safe in a warm embrace while I slept. My head hit the soft pillows and I was out almost at once.
I had expected the nightmares after such a traumatic experience, but the intensity of them surprised me. I woke with a scream on my lips to see Saidan standing over me.
"Oh my God, Saidan." I gasped for air and he sat down on the edge of the bed, wrapping his arms around me and burying himself in my shoulder. We clung to each other for dear life as I relived the dream, the fear of the torture machine pulsing through my veins as if I had just had another session. I was shaking and so was Saidan, and I couldn't help but wonder if he'd suffered through a similar nightmare.
We calmed ourselves and I looked into Saidan's eyes. I had to look away from the pain reflected in those blue orbs, knowing I had caused it. Wordlessly, Saidan raised his hand and gently turned my face back to him. Saidan shook his head, as if to say no, it wasn't my fault. He ran his gentle fingers down the side of my face and I realized that no matter what else the torturers had stolen from him, Saidan's love for me hadn't broken. I almost wept to know that even after everything I'd done, everything I'd taken from him, he still wanted to be by my side.
He was the only one who could ever understand what I'd been through, and I was the only one who knew what he'd endured. We were bound together even tighter by those cruel actions, bound by need and necessity, as well as common attraction and mental compatibility.
Saidan stood up and let his robe fall to the floor, revealing his naked beauty. It was as if all my doubts were washed away with that one simple motion. I thought about going to him, but he stepped over to me, where I sat on the edge of the bed. He leaned down and kissed me, his kiss needy and unrestrained.
I broke the kiss and whispered his name. "Saidan."
His hand strayed down to where my cock was hardening, making the hospital robe tent in my lap. I let out a gasp as his hand stroked me through the fabric, the cotton providing sweet friction.
"We shouldn't." It took all of my strength to say those words and pull his hand away, but in our state, I knew it had to be said. Saidan couldn't speak, couldn't tell me why he was here. It seemed so wrong to take advantage of him while he was voiceless and broken. I wanted him more than anything, but I needed the Saidan that was whole, that was my intellectual equal. The Saidan who could let me know that this was what he truly wanted.