Get over yourselves. One's words hurt like a fresh wound, but it was a cut that had removed the infection in my soul, the torture that had overwritten my good sense and judgment. I hurt, but it was a pain I knew I could overcome with Saidan.
I eased Saidan down until his head was resting on my pillow. I claimed his lips, my body starting to ache for him as I felt his cock rise to meet mine. I gasped as we rubbed together with sweet friction. I saw my desire reflected in Saidan's eyes and heard the sharp intake of breath as it passed his lips.
I contemplated a dozen ways we could fulfill our mutual desire, but I knew what I wanted. I sat up and parted Saidan's legs before reaching over to the nightstand. I pushed aside a dozen ointments and gels I'd been using for my injuries before settling on a jar of lubricant jelly. I unscrewed the top and almost smiled at the quizzical look I received from Saidan as I scooped some up on my finger.
I realized with uncertainty that there was a lot I didn't know about Saidan's body. I had no way of knowing if anal sex would even be pleasurable for him. The doubt must have shown in my eyes, because he grabbed my wrist and nodded eagerly, urging me to go on.
I lowered my lubricated finger to his ass and slowly slipped it inside. He gasped and his cock twitched, which I took as a good sign. I moved my finger in and out, studying his reactions for any hint of discomfort, but there was none. More confident, I added another finger to the mix and was rewarded with a low keening sound. It was the first time I'd heard a hint of his voice since our captivity, and I was reassured to know he could still use his vocal cords. My own cock was stiff against my stomach, incredibly turned on by the sounds Saidan was making. Bold and aroused, I added a third finger. Saidan gripped the sheets and his keening grew louder.
I was reluctant to interrupt his pleasure to ask questions, but there was a nervousness inside me that feared he didn't know what I was going to do. He had lived a sheltered life, after all.
"Saidan..." I scratched my neck, unsure of how to word the question. My mental faculties were a long way away, lost in a haze of need.
Apparently, I needn't have worried. Saidan grabbed the jelly and took a small handful. He slicked it on my cock with a look of pure need. I realized I shouldn't have underestimated him, voiceless or not. His hands worked my cock with comfortable ease, and I realized I was the awkward, uncomfortable one. I was the one acting like a virginal sixteen-year-old. Saidan wanted this, and was asking for it in the only way he could.
My last fears slipped away and I guided my cock to his ass, slowly pushing inside with as much restraint as I could muster. Saidan gripped the sheets so tightly I thought he might tear them, but a voice inside me told me to trust him. He would make it known if he wanted me to stop. We didn't need spoken words to communicate. We were far beyond that.
I realized I was all the way inside with a gasp. I leaned down and kissed Saidan deeply, relishing in the feeling of being one with him. I slowly pulled back and moved inside again, building up a rhythm. Saidan was keening again and I loved the sound of him losing all control, his calm intellect swept away by pure desire. The look on his face spoke a thousand words as I kissed his neck, his shoulder, any part of him that I could reach.
A tightness was building up inside me, and I knew I couldn't hold it any longer. I came with an unintelligible cry, calling for gods I didn't believe in and of course Saidan, my lover, the other half of me. I pulled out and took his cock in my mouth. I was rewarded with a mouthful of his seed as he came, his head hitting the pillow as he lost all control.
I swallowed and let his cock slip from my mouth. I might have been grinning like an idiot; I don't really remember. All I recall is the look on Saidan's face, peaceful and satisfied. I leaned over him, and he reached up and kissed me deeply. He must have tasted himself on my lips, but he didn't seem to care. We parted and he settled back on the pillow, looking up at me with a look that spoke of reverence and love.
I have seen many scientific wonders in my time. I have seen stars born and watched them die. I have watched the miracle of new life being created and born into the world. I have witnessed death being held at bay by the most simple of techniques. But I have never been so awed by anything in my life as I was by his expression in that moment. Perhaps it was just the afterglow of our lovemaking, but I finally understood what it was that all the poets spoke of back on Earth. I finally knew what it was that mankind was striving for, what we sought in love and relationships. To love someone as deeply as I knew I loved Saidan in that instant. As if our souls were joined together, never to be separated, the result of some force much greater than our tiny lives.
I curled up next to him and wrapped my arm around him. The world could have ended in that moment and I wouldn't have cared to be anywhere else but close to Saidan.
"I love you," I whispered. Three tiny words that were often used, words I had used myself and meant them, but never so much as in that moment. I would have moved the world to keep him safe. I felt like I could, if I wanted to.
"I love you, too." The words were rusty, coming from a voice that hadn't been used in far too long, but the sound of his song brought tears to my eyes.
"Saidan! You spoke."
"I know. I think... I think it was just... some kind of mental block." He curled up into me and I wrapped myself around him. There was nothing else we needed to say. We were safe. We were together. We fell into a deep, dreamless sleep in the safety of each other's arms, the entire world of Valeria and its problems a million miles away.
I woke some hours later, needing to piss. I extricated myself from Saidan's arms and made my way to the toilet, where I relieved myself. I thought about going back to bed, but realized I wasn't tired. I grabbed my clothes off the floor and proceeded to dress, watching Saidan sleep as I did so. I crept out without a sound, making my way to the elevator. It stopped at the top floor.
Guards nodded to me as I passed by, climbing the steps that led outside. I was grateful to see the night sky and feel the cool air on my skin. I looked up at the alien stars, thinking about Earth. Perhaps I would never go home, but I would always have a place where I belonged, so long as I had Saidan. For the first time in a long time, I realized the absence of fear in my heart. I had finally found peace with myself and my future on Valeria.
A shooting star blazed across the sky and I watched the trail of the comet as it burned up in the atmosphere. Who knew that the act of destruction could bring with it such beauty?
As I watched the last remains burn away, the block in my mind lifted and an idea struck me like a bolt of lightning. I raced through the possibilities, realizing it was an idea that could actually work, as long as we could get access to Little Sister. It would mean I would never go home, but Valeria would be safe. Little Sister would be destroyed.
I broke into a run, kicking up dust in the rocky ground beneath me as I raced back to the base. The guards watched with alarm as I ran by, and turned to see if something was chasing me. I had no time to explain to them. I tapped my feet in the elevator, eager to wake Saidan and share my idea with him. The doors opened and I rushed to our room, slamming the door back against the wall with my haste. Saidan jerked awake.
"What's wrong, Julian?"
"I've got the answer, Saidan. We're going to detonate Little Sister's nuclear missiles in the atmosphere to generate an electromagnetic pulse." I stood in the doorway, hands on my lips, watching his expression of shock unfold before me. Saidan's lips curled into a smile as he processed my hasty words and turned them into tangible thoughts.
"It might work," Saidan said. "I think we should wake the others."
I drummed my fingers on the table as an eerie silence descended on the conference room. I'd outlined my plan to a captive audience and they sat absorbing it in complete silence.
"There are some drawbacks," Saidan said. "Such a pulse will destroy all technology in a range of about three-thousand miles. Since most of this planet is dead, all of our technological capability will be gone forever. We will revert to a pre-technological culture, where farming and hard labor will be necessary to survive. We may starve without the ability to create protein bars."
"But we will survive." The doctor twiddled a pen between his long fingers. "Little Sister and her facilities beneath ground will be destroyed."
"Yes."
"Will we be harmed by this pulse?" The Children's Building's leader spoke up.
"No. An E.M.P. poses no risk to biological life," I explained.
"What about the nuclear fallout?" One looked me in the eye with her sharp gaze, and I stared her down.
"Since the weapon will be detonated in the atmosphere, any fallout will be directed over a wide area. I've calculated the risks—" I pushed my notepad into the middle of the table. "Everyone will have to remain underground for a few months to avoid the worst gamma radiation, but after that, the risks will be slightly elevated and yet still negligible."
"We don't even know what kind of nuclear weapons Little Sister has down there," One said. "What if she has thermonuclear weapons? The pre-ionization could weaken the E.M.P."
"That's true." Saidan said, impressed by One's knowledge. "However, I believe it will still be powerful enough to destroy Little Sister. Pre-ionization will only weaken the final stage. Little Sister should already be destroyed by then."
"There are three problems that I can see," the doctor said. "One, the Valerians in the tanks. Once Little Sister stops operating, the tanks will fail, birthing all remaining people whether they are complete or not."
"We can send a team to help birth the ones that have finished developing. Since the facility is below ground, the team and the newborn Valerians can remain there until it's safe to return. The others..." One closed her eyes. "The incomplete ones will have to be considered collateral damage." The room erupted into debate.
"Two—" the doctor continued, cutting off the other voices, "what if we destroy the last remaining life on Valeria? Radioactive food will not be fit to eat. We could kill Little Sister, only to end up starving ourselves."
"A detonation in the atmosphere should release less fallout than one on the ground, but I can't guarantee the food will be fit to eat. If not, I get the feeling that Little Sister may have a lot of protein bars in stock." I tried not to think back to Little Sister's suggestion that they were created from deceased Valerians. The thought surfaced anyway, and I felt sick to my stomach.
"Thirdly, how do you plan to break into Little Sister's systems? She's not going to let you launch a nuclear missile without a fight. She may even catch onto what we're doing and launch a pre-emptive strike," One said.
"No. Despite what the Sisters have done in depleting the world's energy, they and Little Sister believe they are keeping this world going in the absence of the original Valerians. I don't believe that Little Sister would kill us all, no matter what happens. I think the prime directive of she and the Sisters was to keep this world alive."
"That didn't stop the Sisters from leaving," One pointed out.
"No, it didn't. I have a theory that they separated that part of themselves, along with other directives that they considered inconvenient, and left them all behind in Little Sister."
"That's a lot of theorizing. All of this is. This is a long shot." The doctor shook his head.
"It's our only shot." Saidan stood up.
"You want me to risk our entire race on this? On your theories? What if you're wrong?"
"Then we'll be the first to die. I'm going to be the one to implement the hack on Little Sister." The room fell silent, and all eyes were on Saidan, including mine. His bombshell was news to me as well, but something told me he wasn't going to be talked out of it. Perhaps he was the only one who could do it.
"I'm going too." I banged my fist down on the table for silence as the room erupted into bickering once again. "I know we may not come back. I know we're staking a lot on theories and guesswork. But I'm willing to risk my life for this. For Valeria's future, free of A.I. corruption and control." My words presented a silent challenge:
Aren't you?
"I'll lead the team to free the Valerians still in the tanks," One said. "We can take a team and get the job done before you leave for the city."
"No. We need to do this simultaneously. If Little Sister finds out what we're doing, we're dead in the water."
"That's a lot of people to birth at once. They'll need medical care and attention—"
"Then work fast." Saidan's voice cut through the voices in the room like a knife. "Julian's right. If Little Sister discovers our plan, we're all dead. The ones in the vats are expendable. Save as many as you can, but we can't risk the mission for them."
I'd never seen this side of Saidan before. He was confident, strong, in charge. One wilted before his stone-cold stare, looking down at the table. Even I shuddered at his cold words, suddenly reminded of the cruel experiments carried out on human synthetics back when they were considered expendable. I knew Saidan didn't see them as lesser beings, though, regardless of his genetic status. He was simply doing what was necessary, cutting off his emotions and concentrating on the facts. The consummate scientist.
"Better make it so," One said to the others. "Assemble your men at once. Julian, Twenty-One, when can you be ready to leave?"
"In one hour," Saidan said, before I could get a word in. He walked towards the door with a confident stride. "And my name is Saidan."
*~*~*
The room erupted after he left. A smile erupted across my face at Saidan's lack of protocol. He was rewriting the rules of Valerian society. It was a skill Valeria would need after the fall of technology. Saidan would be their leader, because he was coming back. I would make sure of it, even if it cost my life.