‘Dan!’ he yelled. ‘You can’t do this.
Please!
’
There was no answer.
‘Where are you?’ he cried. ‘Don’t hide from me. Let’s talk.’
He tore along the road, searching everywhere but without result.
‘I didn’t mean it!’ he shouted. ‘Not the way it came out. I spoke without thinking but I never meant— Don’t do this.’
He ran up and down for a few more minutes before facing facts.
‘Oh, no!’ he groaned. ‘This can’t be happening. But it is, and I’m to blame. It’ll be my fault if— Oh, what have I done?
What have I done?
’
Windows were opening above him. He made a hasty exit, returning to the car and throwing himself into the back seat. ‘Go on to the church,’ he growled.
At last the building came in sight, and he groaned again as he saw the excited crowds and the cameras.
‘Not here,’ he said hastily. ‘Go around the back.’
He slid down low, hoping not to be seen, and didn’t sit up again until they reached the back of the church. He paid the chauffeur, adding a generous tip and putting his finger over his lips. Then he hurried through a rear door as fast as he could.
In seven years of making documentaries Jackson had many times had to screw up his courage. He’d faced lions, swum in dangerously deep water, and talked into cameras from great heights. But none of those things had made his stomach churn as much as the thought of the next few minutes.
He tried to tell himself that Freya would cope well. She was a trained nurse and a strong, efficient, determined young woman, not a wilting violet. But a voice in his mind wouldn’t let him get away with that.
You’re just telling yourself what you want to believe. This is going to devastate her, and it’s your fault, so stop trying to make it easy on yourself.
As he slipped quietly into the main body of the church he saw the family gathered in the front pews. Travis looked up and gestured for him to approach.
‘What’s up?’ he asked as Jackson neared. ‘Where’s the groom?’
‘He’s not coming. He changed his mind at the last minute and dashed out of the car. I tried to follow but I lost sight of him.’
‘What do you mean?’ demanded Janine. ‘He can’t just dump my daughter with the wedding about to start.’
‘I’m afraid that’s what he’s done. It seems he’s always had doubts and suddenly they crushed him.’
Before anyone could say more the organ burst into the melody of ‘Here Comes The Bride.’
‘Oh, no!’ Jackson groaned.
‘There they are,’ said Darius. ‘Oh, heavens. What a disaster!’
Everyone stared to the end of the aisle, where Amos could clearly be seen with Freya on his arm. Jackson cursed himself for his clumsiness. He should have waited outside for the car and told them the truth there. Then Freya could have returned home at once, without having to make the humiliating trip down the aisle.
He thought of hurrying forward, approaching her now before she came any closer, but she was already in the spotlight. Or at least Amos was. People recognised him. Some waved to him. Some slipped into the aisle to greet him. Jackson had no choice but to wait, suffering agonies of impatience, his eyes fixed on Freya.
For a moment he almost believed that this was somebody else. The strong, sensible young woman who lived in his mind had vanished, replaced by a girl in a glamorous white satin dress. Her fair hair, normally straight, had been curled into an exotic creation and covered by a lace veil that trailed down almost to the floor.
There was a glow about her that he’d never seen before. She was smiling as though fate had brought her to a blissful destination. It made her look exactly as a happy bride ought to look, and Jackson closed his eyes, sickened by what was about to happen.
As they neared him and saw that Jackson was alone, Amos began to frown.
‘Where’s the groom?’ he rasped. ‘Why isn’t he with you?’
‘Shh!’ Freya silenced him with a finger over her lips. ‘He must have slipped away to the Gents. He’ll be here in a moment.’ She gave Jackson a teasing smile. ‘I expect he had a bit too much to drink last night, didn’t he?’
Her good nature was almost too much for him to bear. How could Dan not have wanted to marry this sweet creature?
‘I’m afraid there’s been a problem,’ he said in a low voice. ‘Dan isn’t here. He’s—he’s not coming.’
‘What do you mean?’ Freya asked. ‘Is he ill? Oh, heavens, I must go to him.’
‘No, he’s not ill,’ Jackson said. ‘I’m sorry, Freya, but he changed his mind at the last minute. He got out of the car and ran. I don’t even know where he is now.’
‘He ran?’ Freya whispered. ‘To get away from me? Oh, no!’ She withdrew her hand from Amos’s arm and faced Jackson. ‘But why?’
‘He lost his nerve,’ Jackson said uneasily.
The words seemed to swirl in Freya’s head, meaningless yet full of monstrous meaning.
‘What—what do you mean—lost his nerve?’ she stammered. ‘It doesn’t take nerve to—to—’
To marry someone you love
. The words were on the tip of her tongue, yet some power stopped her from saying them.
Jackson understood and struggled for an answer.
‘It’s a big occasion,’ he managed. ‘Some men can’t cope.’
But Dan was used to big occasions, and they both knew it. Freya’s look of disbelief told Jackson he’d have to do better than that.
‘Why?’ she said fiercely. ‘What really happened?’
‘He just—couldn’t cope suddenly.’
Freya swung away from him, trying to cope with the feelings that stormed through her. Pain, disbelief, disillusion, humiliation all fought for supremacy. Humiliation won.
Dan had charmed her, filled her grey world with light and made her feel special—the kind of woman that other women envied. Now he was knocking her down in the eyes of the world. She clenched her hands into fists, holding them up against her eyes and emitting a soft groan.
Behind her Jackson said, ‘Freya—’ reaching out to touch her, but she pulled away.
‘I’m all right,’ she said, dropping her hands.
He didn’t believe it for a moment, but he respected her determination to appear strong.
Amos was in a stew, growling, ‘Just let me get my hands on him.’
It was on the tip of Jackson’s tongue to hurl a bitter accusation at his father, telling him how his actions had been the trigger. With a huge effort at control he fought back the words for Freya’s sake.
A murmur was rising from the congregation as they sensed trouble. The vicar drew close and spoke quietly.
‘Perhaps you’d like to come into the back and talk privately?’
Amos reached out to take Freya’s hand but Jackson was there first, slipping his arm around her and leading her away to where there were no curious eyes. The family followed them.
When they were safely in the back room Jackson repeated the story, keeping hold of Freya’s hand, feeling the terrible stillness that had settled over her.
‘Why did he do it?’ she whispered. ‘What did he say?’
‘Only that when he came to the point—he just couldn’t,’ Jackson prevaricated, wishing the earth would swallow him up.
‘I’ll kill him,’ Amos muttered.
‘Join the queue,’ Travis said. ‘We’ll all enjoy doing that.’
‘No,’ Freya said. ‘This is for me to take care of. I must speak to him. I need a phone.’
‘Not now,’ Jackson said quickly.
‘Yes, now,’ she said.
Darius produced a cell phone. Freya reached for it but Jackson got there first, seizing her wrist and shaking his head to make his brother back off.
‘Let go of me,’ she said. ‘Darius—’
But Darius had read the dark message in Jackson’s eyes.
‘He’s right, Freya,’ he admitted. ‘Not just now. Give yourself a moment first.’
She turned furious eyes on Jackson.
‘You’ve got a nerve. Who are you to tell me what to do?’
‘I’m your stepbrother who’s concerned about you,’ he said firmly.
‘And who thinks he can dictate to me. Give me that phone. I must talk to Dan.’
‘Wait. Let me try.’
He didn’t know what he was trying to achieve by speaking to Dan first. The situation was already a car wreck. But he took out his own cell phone and dialled the number. There was only silence.
Freya lost patience, seizing the phone from him and dialling again. Still there was no response. She closed her eyes, feeling as though she was surrounded by an infinity in which there was neither light nor sound. Only nothingness. At last she gave up. Her shoulders sagged.
‘He’s turned his phone off,’ she said bleakly. ‘He really is running away from me. I’ve got to get out of here. How can I find a way out through the back? I can’t go back down the aisle with everyone watching.’
‘Come on,’ Jackson said, taking her arm before anyone else in the family could do so and leading her out.
To his relief an exit soon appeared. But his relief was short-lived. His arrival without Dan had been seen and the word had already gone round, both in the congregation and the waiting press. People were gathering at the back of the church, alive with curiosity. When Freya appeared a cry went up.
‘There she is! What happened? Where’s the groom?’
‘Get away!’ Jackson yelled. ‘Leave her alone.’
He got in front of her, waving his hands to force them back.
‘It’s all right,’ he said, turning back to her. ‘Freya—Freya?’
She had gone, running away down the street in a way that ironically echoed Dan’s escape. For the second time that day Jackson gave chase, this time catching up easily.
‘Go away,’ she cried. ‘Leave me alone.’
She turned and would have run again but he seized her shoulders.
‘Let me go.’
‘Freya, I can’t do that. Heaven knows what would happen to you. I’m not taking that risk.’
‘It’s my risk, nobody else’s,’ she cried. ‘Do you think I care?’
‘No, but I care.’
‘Let me go!’
‘
No!
I’ve said no and I mean no, so stop arguing.
Taxi!
’
By great good luck one had appeared. He hustled her inside, gave the driver the address of the hotel where the family was staying, then got into the back and took her into his arms.
‘Let it out,’ he said. ‘Cry if you want to.’
‘I’m not going to cry,’ she declared.
‘I’m all right.’
But as he held her he knew she was far from all right, perhaps not weeping but shaking violently. He drew her close to him, patting her shoulder but saying nothing. Words would not help now. He could only offer friendship, knowing that even that was feeble against the blow that had struck her.
At last she looked up and he saw her face, pale and devastated.
‘I’m here,’ he said. ‘Hold onto me.’
Even as he said it he felt foolish. Yes, he was there, the person whose clumsiness had helped to bring about this disaster. But there was nothing else to say.
At last the hotel came in sight, and at once he knew he had another calamity on his hands. The front was crowded with people watching the street for interesting arrivals.
‘Oh, no!’ he groaned. ‘The word’s got out already.’
‘And they’re waiting for me to come crawling back,’ she said. ‘Look, someone’s got a camera.’
‘Then they’re going to be disappointed,’ Jackson said grimly. ‘Driver, there’s been a change of plan.’ He gave his own address and the car swerved away.
‘They’ll never find us at my place,’ he said. ‘You can stay until you’re safe.’
‘Thank you,’ she whispered. ‘But will I ever be safe again?’
‘You will be. I’ll see to it. Just hold me. Everything’s going to be all right.’
If only he could believe it.
CHAPTER TWO
A
T
LAST
THEY
reached the apartment block where Jackson lived, and managed to slip inside unseen. It took a few moments to go up in the elevator, and there was his front door.
‘Now we’re safe,’ he said, closing it behind them. ‘Forget them. They can’t get at you here.’
Freya looked around her as though confused, but suddenly she stopped, staring at a mirror on the wall. She was still wearing her veil and the pearl tiara that held it in place. With a gasp of fury she seized them, ripping them off and hurling them to the floor. Then she seized at her hair, tearing down the elaborate coiffure until it hung untidily about her face.
‘I’ve got to get out of this dress,’ she cried.
‘Come in here,’ Jackson said, leading her into his bedroom and opening the wardrobe. ‘Put something of mine on. My clothes will be too big for you, but they’ll do for a while. I’ll leave you.’
‘Wait.’ She turned so that her back was towards him. ‘I can’t undo it alone.’
There seemed to be a thousand tiny buttons to be released, and Jackson went to work. It wasn’t the first time he’d helped a woman undress, but those experiences were no use to him now. Inch by inch her figure came into view, and inwardly he cursed Dan again for abandoning such delicate beauty.
‘Thank you,’ she said at last. ‘I can manage the rest for myself.’
‘I’ll be outside if you want me,’ he said, and hurried away.
Left alone, Freya freed herself from the dress and the slip beneath. In the wardrobe she found a pair of jeans and a shirt, which she slipped on, and then she looked at herself in the full-length mirror.
It was only a short time ago that she’d stared at herself in the glamorous dress, hardly daring to believe that the beauty gazing back was actually herself.
‘And I shouldn’t have believed it,’ she murmured. ‘This is the real me—the one I always knew I was. Dull, ordinary. Not too bad on a good day, but pretty dreary on a bad one. I guess all the days are going to be bad from now on, and if I’m wise I’ll stick to working clothes.’
For several minutes she stood there, trying to get used to this other self, stranded in a bleak world.
* * *
In his office Jackson made a hurried phone call to Janine at the hotel.
‘Just to let you know that Freya’s all right,’ he told her. ‘I’ve brought her home with me.’
‘Oh, Jackson, thank you!’ she exclaimed. ‘There are such rows going on. Amos is fit to do murder. So are your brothers.’
‘I thought so. Freya needs to be well away from that. Don’t worry, I’ll keep her safe.’
‘How kind you are. She’s so lucky to have you!’
He gave a silent groan. If Janine knew the full story she’d be saying something very different. It was no use telling himself that he was essentially innocent. Dan had been seeking something that would trigger him into action and Jackson’s thoughtless words had done the trick. Now the beautiful bride was alone and humiliated, staring into an empty future.
‘Ask her to call me when she can,’ Janine said. ‘But as long as she’s with you I know she’s all right.’
He made a polite reply and hung up. For a moment he stayed tense and still, wishing he was anywhere in the universe but here. The click of the door made him look behind him to see Freya, clad in jeans and shirt, bearing no resemblance to the dazzling creature who’d come down the aisle in expectation of bliss.
‘Come on,’ he said. ‘Let’s have something to eat. There’s a Chinese restaurant nearby that delivers. You like king prawns with black pepper, don’t you?’
‘Yes, but how did you know?’
‘It was the first thing I learned about you when we met six years ago. My father and your mother were just beginning to talk about marriage and the four of us had an evening out in a restaurant. But then some of Dad’s business contacts turned up and he simply forgot about the rest of us.’
‘We made a run for it,’ she remembered. ‘There was a Chinese place a few yards away.’
‘And we had a good time there,’ he said. ‘Lots of laughs. Right—prawns it is.’
He made the call and the food arrived a few minutes later. Briefly they were both absorbed in serving it and getting settled at the table, but then she uttered the words he’d been dreading.
‘Jackson, I want you to tell me what really happened.’
‘But I’ve told you—’
‘I mean the bits you’ve left out. Oh, please don’t pretend you didn’t. What you said in the church was the polite version. It had to be, with all those people listening, but I really need to know. Dan got this far and then he suddenly backed off. There has to be a reason, and I think I know what it is, but I need to hear you say it.’
‘You—know what it is?’ he said cautiously.
‘Are you afraid I won’t be able to cope? Don’t worry. I’m not going to burst into tears and weep all over you. But, however painful the truth is, knowing it is better than wondering. Was it something I did wrong?’
‘No, nothing like that.’
‘Then I guess I know the answer, and I can see why you don’t want to tell me.’
‘Can you?’ he said with growing alarm.
‘Well it’s obvious, isn’t it? Something happened to make him realise that he couldn’t go through with it.’
‘Don’t—jump to conclusions,’ he said uneasily while his mind whirled. Surely she couldn’t have guessed what had really happened?
‘There’s only one thing it can be.’ She took a deep breath. ‘When you were on the way to the church you and he got talking and—and—’
‘And what?’ he forced himself to say, inwardly cowering.
‘He told you he’s in love with someone else, didn’t he?’
Jackson’s relief was so great that he nearly dropped his spoon. Perhaps he was going to get off more lightly than he deserved.
‘I think she must have called him before he left,’ Freya went on. ‘And on the journey he realised that he loved her too much to marry me.’
‘No, he didn’t say anything like that. He just lost his nerve.’
‘Oh, please, I know you’re being kind, but this isn’t the moment for kindness. It’s the moment for truth, however brutal. There’s another woman, isn’t there?’
‘Not that I know about,’ he said firmly. ‘But if that were the answer isn’t it better for you to escape him now? If you’d found out after you were married it would have been a bigger disaster.’
‘Would it? Perhaps I might have seen her off. If he’d chosen me over her—’
‘Freya, listen to me. If a man can act like this on the way to his wedding then he’s only interested in himself and you’re better off without him.’
‘Maybe I’ll feel like that one day.’ She sighed. ‘But it’s hard to imagine now. I’ll always remember how it felt to walk down the aisle, looking for Dan, sure that he’d be watching for me. I was so happy—and such a fool. When you came towards us I was delighted to see you. But then—there was nothing but emptiness. I was going to build my life around Dan, and suddenly there’s no life to build. Oh, I’m sorry. I promised I wouldn’t embarrass you.’
‘I’m not embarrassed. Say anything you want to. But listen to me. One life may have vanished, but there’ll be another one—and it will be better.’
She gave a slightly hysterical laugh. ‘You think I should be glad this happened?’
‘Not right now, but in years to come you’ll see that it was for the best that you got rid of him.’
‘But I didn’t. He got rid of me. He threw me aside like a piece of unwanted waste.’
‘You mustn’t think like that. You’re worth a thousand of Dan. How could you ever have thought yourself in love with him?’
‘Because right from the first moment I knew he was going to be special to me. My whole life changed just because he existed. It was as though the world had suddenly opened up. And everything was different—more exciting, more wonderful. When he proposed to me I was sure I’d never be unhappy again.’
Jackson drew a long, hard breath. It would be so simple now to tell her that Dan’s proposal had just been a defiance of Amos. But her heart had already been broken once, and he flinched from the thought of breaking it again.
‘He let you down,’ he growled. ‘He’s not the man you thought him.’
‘And I’m not the woman he really wanted. I can’t hide from that. But I’ll survive—with your help. Thanks for everything today.’ She made a wry face. ‘Even the bits that made me mad at you.’
‘Sorry I had to come on so strong. I didn’t want to pull you around, but—’
‘I didn’t give you any choice, did I? If you’d let me run off down the road—well, where would I be now? I’ll swear you’re the best brother I’ve ever had.’
‘Since you don’t have
any
brothers I’m not sure how to take that.’
They laughed together, both sounding shaky.
‘And just think of the price you’re going to pay.’ She sighed again. ‘This is going to give Amos ideas again.’
‘About pairing us off, you mean? I guess so, but don’t worry. You have nothing to fear from me.’ He took her hand and assumed a theatrical tone. ‘Freya, I give you my word, nothing will ever make me marry you. Let thunderbolts and lightning descend, I will still declare:
Not her. Anyone but her.
’
‘Just be sure you say it to Amos and make it convincing.’
‘You too. We’ll have to persuade him that we can’t stand the sight of each other.’
‘I’ll try, but it’ll be hard. Right this minute you look like the nicest man in the world.’
‘That’s a delusion,’ he said self-consciously.
‘If you say so.’
‘I do say so. If you knew what a swine I really am you’d sock me in the jaw.’
‘Another time. Right now I have something else to ask of you.’ She slipped a hand into the jeans pocket and brought out the luscious engagement ring that she had worn until a few hours ago. ‘Will you give that back to Dan, please?’
‘Oh, heavens, now I remember. I’ve still got the other ring.’
He reached into his jacket pocket and took out the wedding ring, laying the two of them side by side on the table.
‘I’ll give these to him as soon as I see him.’
She didn’t reply. She was gazing at the rings as though transfixed. After a moment she brushed a hand over her eyes, but not soon enough to hide the tears.
‘I’m sorry, I just—’
‘You’ve endured enough,’ he said sympathetically. ‘Why don’t you go and lie down? I won’t disturb you. The bedroom’s yours. I’ll sleep out here on the sofa.’
‘Why are you so kind to me?’ she choked.
Because I feel guilty for what I accidentally did to you.
The words thrummed through his head, almost forcing their way out. But he controlled them and escorted her into the bedroom.
‘You’ll find some clean pyjamas in that drawer,’ he said, and hurried out before his conscience overwhelmed him.
Left alone, she sat down on the bed, staring into space, unable to find the strength for anything else. In Jackson’s company, feeling his kindly care, she’d managed to cope. But now she felt as though she was drifting through infinity, in a world in which nothing was real.
She had tried to describe how Dan had made her feel, but there were no words for the sensation of being newly alive that he had given her. For the first time in her life she’d felt valuable to someone. Her relationship with her mother was cordial, but she knew she’d never come first. Janine and her late father had adored each other with an intensity that had made Freya feel like an outsider.
She’d made a life for herself, training as a nurse and passing her exams with honours. She’d had the pleasure of knowing that her parents were proud of her—especially her father, a learned man, who had been delighted that his brains had passed to his daughter. That had to be her consolation for the feeling of having been outside the enchanted circle.
Her loneliness had been intensified when her father died. Mother and daughter had grieved, but not together. Janine had suffered mostly alone, in a place Freya had not been able to touch.
But she was a successful nurse, and life had seemed settled on a conventional path until, two years after her father’s death, her mother had become engaged to the notorious Amos Falcon and she had begun to meet his five sons.
Jackson had been the first, on that evening in the restaurant that he’d mentioned earlier. Their escape to the nearby Chinese restaurant had been merry, but there had been another feeling beneath her laughter. He was handsome, charming, and she wouldn’t have minded if he’d asked her out on a date.
He hadn’t. She had sighed, shrugged, and returned to the young man she’d been dating, but who had suddenly seemed less interesting. They’d drifted apart.
At last there had been the wedding of Janine and Amos in London, and a gathering of the whole family in a hotel the night before. Jackson had greeted her with a cry of, ‘There’s my little sister!’ and enfolded her in a huge hug.
They’d moved away from the others to chat about how their lives were going. That had been before his television career, when he’d still been a newspaper journalist, with a thousand fascinating tales to tell. Freya had listened, promising herself that this time she would attract his interest. She’d already discovered how much he liked to laugh.
‘Go on—tell me more,’ she’d teased. ‘I’m hanging on every word.’
‘Hey, I really like talking to you.’ He had chuckled. ‘You know how to flatter a guy’s vanity. Why don’t we—?’ He’d stopped, riveted by something he’d seen over her shoulder. ‘Hey, look who’s—
Karen!
’
Then he’d been gone, racing across the room to the girl who’d just appeared, seizing her in his arms, kissing her again and again.
‘So she turned up after all,’ a voice had said in Freya’s ear. ‘We all wondered if she would.’
It had been Darius, regarding his brother with good-humoured cynicism.
‘Who is she?’ Freya had asked casually.
‘His latest light o’ love.’
‘Latest?’
‘They come and they go. Jackson likes variety in his life, which is partly why they broke up. Now they’ve got back together we’ll have to wait and see what happens.’
‘No prizes for guessing what’s about to happen now,’ Freya had observed, watching the pair slip out of the room.