‘Mum told me she had some doubts about him...whether they had a future together.’
Jackson whistled.
‘You mean she might be thinking of leaving him?’
‘That was the hint.’
‘But women don’t leave Dad. He leaves them. Heaven knows he’s left plenty of them over the years.’
‘But not any more,’ Freya observed. ‘Suddenly the positions are reversed and he’s the one who might be left. That’s why he’s seemed so different recently. It must have given him a nasty shock, but only in his pride. I doubt if his feelings were hurt.’
‘I don’t know. I’ve often wondered if he feels things more than he lets on, because he sees emotion as a weakness. Of course that’s why he swore you to silence. He’d die rather than have Janine know he heard her threatening to dump him.’
‘Pride again,’ she mused. ‘I almost feel sorry for him.’
‘And that’s something you must never let him suspect.’
‘I know. He’d regard pity as an insult. Poor Amos. And yet—Jackson, was I wise to promise not to tell Mum? Will I be able to keep that promise?’
‘Well, you know, one of the lessons Dad taught me was that wisdom sometimes lies in knowing when to break your word.’
‘Yes, I can imagine him saying that.’
‘There may come a day when she’s entitled to know. But not just yet. For now there’s something I want to say.’
He hesitated, as if unsure how to go on. She gave him a questioning look and he seemed to make up his mind. ‘Thank you for being so good to him tonight. The way you told him that everything was all right, that you’re not pining for Dan—that was very kind.’
‘I’m fond of Amos,’ she said. ‘Oh, I know I get mad at him sometimes, about his habit of insisting on his own way, but it’s nice that he wants me in the family—even if I can’t say yes.’
‘Was it true? What you told him? That you’re over Dan? That maybe you never really loved him?’
‘Of course it’s true. I’ve told you before, several times.’
‘Yes,’ he murmured, almost to himself. ‘You keep saying it.’
‘I’m not weeping and wailing because a man didn’t want me. I’ve got a life to live, and I’m living it very comfortably on my own. So if Amos ever asks you about me, you tell him that he did no harm and I’m perfectly happy.’
‘Fine, I’ll tell him he did no harm.’
‘And that I’m happy.’
‘Are you sure about that?’
‘Are you doubting me? I said happy and I meant happy—especially with all that money coming my way.’
‘And money equals happiness? You’re beginning to sound like him.’
‘Well, maybe he gets it right sometimes.’
‘Don’t!’ he said fiercely. ‘Don’t talk like that. It isn’t you.’
‘It could be the new me. I told you, I’m exploring new horizons and some of them are great fun. Goodnight, Jackson.’
‘Goodnight,’ he said as she walked away. ‘Goodnight—goodbye? I wonder which...’
* * *
They were close to finishing the project. Near the end of the next day Jackson was glad to slip away for a breather.
As if drawn by magnets he wandered to the statue of Horus and stood looking up at it, recalling the first time he’d seen it. A bird elevated in such a way might have looked ridiculous, but it didn’t. Rearing up to more than twice his own height, its sharp beak impressive against the sky, it suggested only power and danger.
He thought of Amos, a man with white hair and an elderly face, who carried the same aura. The grasping ferocity that had imbued his life and his career was always there, threatening in the background. In that he was undoubtedly Horus.
The light was fading. The others were almost ready to leave and soon he must join them. But first there was something he must do. Leaning back, so that he could confront the creature rearing above him, he spoke.
‘I had to come here,’ he said. ‘You seem to call me. You’re just like my father. He won’t leave a fellow alone either. Even after we all grew up he could never understand that we were independent.
“Come here...” “Do that
...
” “Marry the woman I’ve chosen for you...”
’
Then marry her
, whispered a voice in his head.
You know you’re in love with her.
‘No way!’
Yes, you are. You’ve been trying not to admit it but maybe it’s time to face facts. She touched your heart when she clung to you in despair.
‘That was because I felt guilty.’
Was that the only reason? Maybe you just like being needed.
‘Even if you’re right—it’s too late now, isn’t it? She’s still snubbing me. She does it with smiles and charm, but a snub is a snub. I’m being kept firmly on the outside. It’s not just because of our quarrel. We’ve kind of made friends again. But more recently she’s backed off since the night I kissed her. I only meant to be kind and free her from Tommy—I did, honestly. I wasn’t thinking of anything more.’
Don’t kid yourself.
‘Well, maybe just a little. All right, more than a little. But she wouldn’t look at me after everything that’s happened.’
Don’t give up so easily. Perhaps your moment has come.
The words were so clear he could almost swear that a real voice had spoken. Stunned, he turned around, wondering if he was going mad. Overhead Horus maintained his lofty dignity.
‘Did you say something?’ Jackson demanded of him. ‘Let’s face it, you’re never short of opinions. And you’re not the only one.’
This time there was only silence, but something about it made the air throb with warning. Horus was as impressive when he said and did nothing as when he exercised his power.
‘All right, I’m going,’ Jackson said. ‘I don’t know if we’ll ever meet again, but I do know that you’ll always be with me; haunting me, advising me, troubling me. Will I be glad of that or not? I wish I knew.’
He hurried out to the coach. Once inside he sat apart, pretending to be asleep. He wanted no contact with anyone now. The thoughts seething in his head needed to be controlled.
But they wouldn’t submit to control. They whirled, endlessly repeating.
Don’t give up so easily. Perhaps your moment has come—perhaps your moment has come—your moment has come—
Shut up!
he told the ghost.
I make my own
decisions.
But this
is
your decision.
What do you think you know about me?
What do you think you know about yourself?
To his relief the coach was slowing. They had arrived at the hotel.
Once inside, his father pounced on him.
‘I’ve had a marvellous idea,’ he said. ‘That interview we did went well, didn’t it? We could do some more.’
‘Dad, we’re leaving in a couple of days.’
‘But you could persuade them to stay a little longer. We must do it now. Later will be too late. This is no time to be giving up.’ He made a theatrical gesture. ‘Seize the moment.’
‘What—what did you say?’ Jackson stammered.
‘I said, seize the moment. That’s the philosophy I’ve lived by all my life and it’s made me a winner. You should know that by now.’
‘But is it that simple?’ Jackson asked. ‘Surely you must first recognise the moment?’
‘Of course. That goes without saying.’
‘But can you always tell that the moment has come?’
‘A strong man creates the moment.’
‘Can you really do that?’ he murmured. ‘And risk getting it wrong?’
‘If a man knows what he’s doing, he doesn’t get it wrong.’
Jackson considered this for a moment.
‘That might work sometimes,’ he mused. ‘In business. But life isn’t all money.’ Almost under his breath he added, ‘Other things matter.’
‘I’ve told you before, the rules that govern business are the same for the rest of life. It doesn’t seem that way but it works out that way. A man has to stand his ground.’
‘And risk getting it wrong? Risk losing the moment?’
‘Then create another moment. Never admit defeat. Make things happen your way.’
Jackson didn’t try to answer this. The conversation had drifted into paths he didn’t want to follow. Amos’s words were so close to what he had seemed to hear in the temple that it gave him an eerie feeling.
He told himself that it meant nothing. Amos often talked this way and his own mind had attributed the words to Horus. That must be the answer.
But still he couldn’t quite dismiss the feeling of unease.
CHAPTER TEN
I
T
WAS
THE
last night. Tomorrow they would start the journey back to Cairo. In the restaurant everyone was celebrating. There were brief speeches of triumph and satisfaction. Somebody proposed a toast to Horus and Hathor, which made them all beam. In reply Amos raised his glass to ‘My loyal subjects!’ Saying it in a humorous way that made everyone laugh and cheer.
Freya looked at Jackson, sitting on the other side of the table, joining in the toasts, enjoying every moment. He was handsome, she had to admit. More handsome than any other man at the table. And others seemed to think so too, because Debra passed him by, touching his shoulder, claiming a friendly kiss before passing on.
Again Freya felt the tremor she’d known when his lips had fleetingly brushed hers. She’d banished that memory, but it refused to be dismissed, slipping back at odd moments, warning her that nothing was finally settled. Nor did she want to dismiss it. She felt herself smiling and didn’t even try not to.
He glanced up, saw her watching him and answered her smile with one of his own. Did he know what she was thinking? she wondered. Was he remembering the same? Was that the meaning behind his smile?
At last it was time to say goodnight. They began to drift out into the hall and up the stairs. But Freya, overcome by a sudden impulse, slipped out of the front door. She wanted to be alone, to walk by the river, to give herself up to memories that she must defy yet could enjoy one last time.
There along the bank was the place where Jackson had kissed her, tenderly brushing his lips against hers as an act of kindness and friendship. How many times had she reminded herself of that? How often had she warned herself not to hope for anything else? How often had she called herself a coward for being determined to avoid love for the rest of her life, or resist it if it couldn’t be avoided?
Here was the place. Here, if nowhere else in the world, she could allow herself to remember the forbidden feelings and revel in them.
‘
This is to get rid of Tommy
,’ he’d said. ‘
Only that. Do you understand
?’
He’d tried to protect her from responding to him. And he’d failed.
Closing her eyes, she leaned against the rail, raising her face to the glowing moon, and allowed the tremors to run through her again.
For the last time, she promised herself. The very last time.
At last she opened her eyes.
He was there.
At first she thought he was a delusion, but then she realised that Jackson was standing there, just a few feet away, watching her.
‘I guess we both had the same idea,’ he said, coming towards her.
‘We both—?’ Her heart was beating with either hope or disbelief. Or perhaps the two of them.
‘Coming out here,’ Jackson said. ‘I had to take a walk along the river. I’ve loved this place and I’ll be sorry to leave. I’m glad you feel the same. It’s a pity you didn’t summon me to come with you. If you say you don’t want me I’ll go away.’
‘No, don’t do that,’ she said quickly. Pulling herself together, she assumed a nonchalant demeanour. ‘I just thought you were tired and wanted to get to bed.’
‘Meaning I’m a wimp? Thank you, ma’am. No, I wouldn’t want to miss a last look here. It’s a lovely place.’
Freya had command of herself now and managed to say lightly, ‘It’s affected us all in so many ways. Amos, my mother.... Things seem so different between them now.’
‘Yes, ever since he learned that she had her doubts about him. Perhaps it explains that dramatic gift to “Hathor”. She’s got him worried. He won’t admit it, but he’s trying to bind her to him.’
‘But Mum didn’t marry him for his money and she isn’t a woman to be impressed by grand gestures. If he’s trying to win her heart again he’s going the wrong way about it.’
‘Yes, and he thinks he’s being so clever,’ Jackson mused. ‘That’s the trouble. It’s easy to think you’re being clever when you’re actually making a woman despise you.’
She regarded him with her head on one side and a teasing smile on her face.
‘Despise you? I shouldn’t think you have much to worry about in that direction. Your fan base doubles every day, so I hear. I expect Travis is getting quite jealous.’
‘Ha-ha!’ he said ironically. ‘Yes, I have my female fans—women who don’t know me, who wouldn’t give tuppence for me if they did know me. I’m talking about real relationships. I’ve never been brilliant at those.’ He hesitated before saying, ‘There was this girl—it took me too long to realise what we might be to each other, and by the time I did—well, I’d messed up.’
She too paused before speaking, wondering if she’d divined his true meaning.
‘So what happened? Has she married someone else?’
‘No, but I expect she will.’
‘Maybe not,’ she said carefully. ‘She might have gone off the whole idea.’
‘Blaming all men because of one useless dope? That’s a bit hard, isn’t it?’
‘Perhaps she thinks
all
men are useless dopes,’ Freya said, elaborately casual.
‘She might be right. But some are less dopey than others.’
‘And some are more dopey than others.’ She laughed softly. ‘And some are so hopelessly dopey that it’s a waste of time trying to improve them.’
He considered this. ‘She shouldn’t judge too soon. It might be time well spent.’
‘Maybe—maybe not. We might never know.’
‘Oh, yes,’ he said softly. ‘We’ll know. Perhaps we already know. But things get in the way. If we let them.’
‘If we let them it’s because there’s no choice,’ she said gently.
‘Then we’ll have to wait and find out.’
She nodded, meeting his eyes directly. It felt good to be here, talking in a mysterious way that might mean something or might not. That would be decided in another world.
Neither of them realised that they were being watched from a window on the second floor of the hotel. Absorbed in each other, they didn’t glance up, but began to walk along the river, hand in hand, until they were out of sight.
‘Oh, that’s lovely,’ Janine said, drawing back from the window. ‘They look so right together.’
‘Of course they’re right together,’ Amos said. ‘I’ve always said so, but nobody would listen to me.’ He gave a deep, self-satisfied sigh. ‘I knew it would work.’
‘Knew what would work?’
‘Getting Freya out here.’
‘She came out to look after you because you were unwell.’
‘That’s what I wanted everyone to think, but there was nothing really wrong with me. I was sure that once she was here they’d get together at last.’
‘Nothing wrong with you?’ Janine repeated slowly. ‘All those breathless attacks—’
‘They weren’t difficult to stage. I did it to make you both come out here. I knew they’d have to spend a lot of time together.’ He gave a rich chuckle. ‘And it worked. Oh, come on, don’t look at me like that. You know I occasionally bend the facts a little.’
‘A
little
?’ she breathed. ‘This wasn’t a little. It was a massive deceit.’
‘But it was for a good cause. Wouldn’t you like to see them married?’
‘Yes—if it’s what they both want. But not just because they were manipulated.’
‘All I did was give them the chance to be together. Was that wrong?’
‘No,’ Janine said. ‘But you could have confided in me. If you’d told me that your illness was only a pretence—let me be part of it—if only you’d trusted me enough to do that. But you shut me out. Do you know how I’ve felt since I thought you were ill again? I’ve lain awake at night, worrying about you. It never once crossed my mind that the whole thing was an act to get your own way.’
She seemed to pull herself up short, and a new, harder note came into her voice.
‘But perhaps it should have done. As you say, I know what you’re like. I know you don’t have a conscience about how you make everyone jump to do your bidding. I even know about how you tried to order Dan to stay away from Freya.’
Amos raised his head to gaze at her with a mixture of astonishment and dismay. For once in his life words did not come easily.
‘Yes,’ he mumbled. ‘Well—’
Janine regarded him curiously. ‘Is that all you’ve got to say? Did you hear what I just told you? I know about what you did with Dan—how you tried to break him up with Freya.’
‘Let’s leave that,’ he said hastily.
‘You don’t seem surprised. Don’t you wonder how I knew?’
‘I know Freya told you,’ he growled.
‘How?’
‘I—I happened to be passing the door when she was talking.’
‘I see. You “happened” to be passing the door, and then you “happened” to stay there and spy on us. And you heard—?’
‘Yes,’ he snapped. ‘I heard everything.’
Everything. The word seemed to echo in the air. ‘Everything’ meant he’d heard her remarks about him.
‘He likes to see himself as powerful. The trouble is, that’s the side of him I find hardest to live with.’
He knew she’d said that. And he’d heard Freya ask why she stayed with him, heard her reply.
‘He needs me. He’s vulnerable in ways he doesn’t realise.’
How he would resent her for daring to suggest that he was vulnerable!
‘I heard everything,’ Amos repeated now in a harsh voice. ‘So I’ve known all this time that you know about me and Dan. But you never said anything to me about it.’
‘What could I say?’ she flung at him. ‘For a while I tried not to believe it. I didn’t want to think that even you would go that far. But in my heart I knew it was true, and I know it even more now that you’ve told me about the trick you pulled to get Freya out here.’
‘I was trying to save her from pain, and I was right. Dan behaved as badly as I knew he would.’
‘
You
were the cause of her pain. Dan would never have proposed in the first place if you hadn’t made him angry. Don’t try to play the saint, Amos. You thought of what you wanted and nothing else, and that’s why Freya got hurt. And now she’ll get hurt again, because you have to twist everything.’
‘Why should she be hurt again? Jackson’s a good man. He’ll make her a fine husband.’
‘Who says she’ll marry him? Who says she’ll marry any man? Don’t you understand that now she sees your sex in a completely new light and it isn’t a favourable one? And I can understand that. But you just can’t see anyone else’s point of view. This latest deception—’
‘My dear—’
‘Don’t call me that. I’m not your dear. I wonder if I ever was.’
‘I was only going to say that “deception” is pitching it too strong. I played a little trick, that’s all.’
‘One trick too many. You really are as unpleasant as people say.’
‘Don’t make a drama out of this. Perhaps I should have told you that I was pretending, but what would you have done? Helped me? I don’t think so.’
‘So anyone who dares to disagree with you is banished out into the cold?’ She gave a great sigh. ‘And that includes me.’
Amos waved his hands helplessly. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. Look, I’m sorry. But we can put it behind us.’
‘Perhaps you can. I’m not sure that I can.’
‘But I’ve tried to show you how much you mean to me. Look at those lovely jewels I gave you.’
‘Oh, Amos, you’re as blind to the truth about yourself as you’re blind to other people. That wasn’t a gift to me. That was a parade in the spotlight for you.’
‘You were in the spotlight too. Everyone said how marvellous you looked.’
‘I didn’t want the spotlight. It would have been nicer to be alone with you. But when we got back to our room you couldn’t wait to take the jewels off me and lock them away safely.’
He gave a grumpy sigh. ‘I don’t know what to say to you.’
‘You never did,’ she told him softly. ‘Let’s not talk about it any more now. I need to do some thinking about the future.’
‘What are you saying?’ he demanded. ‘We’re married. That’s the future.’
‘Perhaps. Let me think about it first.’
‘You’d do better getting some sleep. You’re tired. That’s what this is all about. Tomorrow none of it will matter.’
But he didn’t risk looking at her as he said it. She might have seen the fear in his eyes.
* * *
‘Perhaps it’s time we went back,’ Jackson said.
He hailed a horse-drawn carriage and helped her aboard. For a few minutes they sat enjoying the clip-clopping rhythm. He took her hand in his.
‘Freya,’ he said softly, ‘there’s something— I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to— Please understand and don’t hate me again.’
‘Hate you for what?’
‘This,’ he said, taking her into his arms.
At once she knew that she’d wanted this ever since that night. One part of her mind told her she should be cautious and resist him, but everything else in her knew that she would never have forgiven him if he hadn’t placed his lips on hers, tenderly but insistently.
Her response was beyond her own control, making her slip her hands up around his neck, then his head, drawing him closer so that her mouth could explore his more thoroughly. He made a soft, sighing sound and increased his fervour.
‘Freya?’ he whispered.
‘Yes— Yes—’
Somewhere at the back of her mind a warning voice tried to say no, but she ignored it. She would be sensible another time, but for now she could only allow her feelings to take over, driving her towards him, ever closer, ever more desirous.
‘I’ve wanted this ever since last time,’ he murmured.
‘But you said—friendship—’
‘I know. But I was wrong. I can’t help it. It’s there between us and I can’t make it go away.
Freya—
’
Whatever answer she might have made was silenced in the renewed pressure of his lips, moving fiercely over hers. Helplessly she abandoned all efforts at self-control and gave herself up to the pleasure that was coursing through her.
It was a kiss of discovery for both of them.
Jackson had followed her out in the hope of making this very thing happen, yet even he was caught off-guard by sensations and emotions. He’d imagined himself prepared for those feelings, but nothing could have prepared him for what was happening deep in his heart and his body.