The Complete Groupie Trilogy (34 page)

It was so late, in fact, I could mumble something about being tired and skip our nightly routine so I could lick my wounds in private. While I didn’t want the added complication of Vanni’s attention, I didn’t realize how badly it would devastate my floundering ego that he p
aid me no attention whatsoever.

He truly didn’t need me anymore.

I lay on the bed, my mind racing over what could have possibly been wrong. I reached for my cell phone on the night stand, briefly overcome with the impulse to text him, but left it there untouched.

I didn’t think I could handle his outright rejection any more than I could confuse the situation with Graham. I had to keep my distance. And suddenly that got a lot easier to do. Maybe it really was better this way.

But I tossed and I turned all night as I thought about Vanni with Kat, and wondered if they were as cozy as they seemed at the event at home. Was she truly the only one who could get to him these days?

Kudos to her, I supposed, for finally breaking through.

The next night was the concert, where they played old material (including my songs) as well as new material from the upcoming CD that was due to drop on New Year’s Day. Everyone present for the fan event got a pre-release copy.

I noticed that they had fine-tuned their stage show to be more of a production than a concert. Kat was front and center, from “Wanting Her” when she caught his attention all the way to his declaration of love. Gone were the days of Vanni’s coming down into the audience to sing to each girl, which led to even more rumbling.

Some fans were frankly pissed off that their idol was now saving all of his affection for the girl writhing around on stage.

I kept my eye on Talia, who didn’t show much emotion while she observed these new developments. Tawnie seemed more visibly upset, especially when she tried her level best to get Vanni’s attention and failed.

It was much easier for me to keep an eye on their reaction to these changes than face my own bitter resentment that my songs now told a visual story of his relationship to someone else.

Instead I played defense with some of the fans, who needed a sounding board to vent their growing frustration. This compounded when Vanni blew off the after-party with nothing more than a casual run through before he was gone again.

By the time I headed back to Graham’s I was pretty peeved myself. Not only was he being an enormous dickhead, I was the one having to juggle and manage all his irate fans. It was like I was being punished twice.

Maybe that was the method to his madness.

The next day was the Q&A, and I was really curious how he would blow that off. I showed up early to prepare the room for the event, and much to my surprise spun right into the massive chest of the man I least expected to see.

Was I imagining things or was he aggravated to see me?

“Hello,” I offered.

“Hello,” was all he said before he sidestepped me and stalked away.

I wasn’t imagining things. He was mad at me.

Instead of seeking him out I instead found Kat, who had taken her spot toward the back of the room. “What crawled up Vanni’s ass?” I asked as I sat next to her and waited for the doors to open.

She just shrugged and said nothing.

“If he doesn’t want to refund all these tickets, he’d better get his act together. There’s go
ing to be a mutiny,” I advised.

“I think he’s putting people in their places,” she commented as she ins
pected her newly painted nails.

“I see,” was all I said. “I hope he’s willing to deal with the consequences of that,” I said before I rose and found something else to do. It was about to get real ugly real quick if I determined I was one of those few he was trying to teach a lesson to.

It was nothing that Alana, Kat and I hadn’t talked about previously, I guess I just had hoped I wouldn’t be on this side of the red velvet rope when he finally decided to install one.

The Q&A session was a bit like navigating a mine field. Some of the fans expressed their discontent with how things had been running this weekend as opposed to all the other fan events before. Vanni did most of the talking, and explained that under his new label changes had to be made to the show.

It was a big line of horseshit, but something the ones who were outside of the business might buy.

They wanted to know about Vanni’s personal life, and he would only say that he was in a relationship with Kat, but everything else was off limits.

When asked about groupies he stated implicitly that he did not and had not dated them, and anyone who told them otherwise was feeding them a line. He expressed that the groupie/star relationship was imbalanced and doomed from the start, because it was impossible to live up to feelings and expectations that were put into place before the relationship even began.

By the time the Q&A ended I wasn’t completely sure he hadn’t alienated some of his fans, especially those who believed they had a stronger connection to him than
what he was willing to cop to.

Tawnie left before the Q&A was over, though Talia stayed silent and observed everything from behind an unreadable expression.

I’m not sure which fact scared me more.

I didn’t even bother going into the house when I returned to Graham’s that evening. I went straight out to the ocean to clear my head. Obviously he had made up his mind about relationships with “groupies” – and I already knew that was what he considered me to be.

It really was over.

Maybe I was a fool to think it had ever really begun.

Graham gave me some time to get my thoughts together before he finally came to find me. I was shivering and holding myself as I stared unblinking into the ocean.

In true Graham fashion he s
imply sat beside me and waited.

That gesture of respectful kindness broke the dam that had kept all my emotions at bay for so long. I finally leaned over to him and sobbed softly against his shoulder.

He rubbed my shoulder and kissed the top of my head periodically as he crooned soothing words into my ear. I held onto him as I emptied my soul of the residual pain that had lingered since my relationship with Vanni floundered in February.

I couldn’t even blame the pregnancy scare anymore. I already knew he had hatched his escape plan from before he left Nashville last Christmas.

God, had it only been a year? That was when he told me he loved me, and gave me the romantic holiday of a lifetime. And now, a year later, it was over. There I was, crying in another man’s arms, and over what? It was nothing more than an illusion, like all of his shows and the way he’d perform on stage.

When nothing but hiccupping breaths remained, Graham pulled me up into his arms and walked me back to the house. My teeth chattered from the cold, night air, so I didn’t even bother to speak. Thankfully he didn’t pressure me to talk.

Instead he perched me up on a barstool near the kitchen counter, and started some water for tea. I tried to smile at him when he retrieved a blanket for my shoulders, but when he kissed me on my nose I dissolved back into tears I didn’t know I had left to shed.

He finished my tea and placed it in front of me as I continued to sob into my hands. He touched my hair and rubbed my back. “It’s okay, Andy,” he said softly. “Let it out.”

I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I reached for nearby napkins to try and soak up the deluge.

“Did he say something?” Graham finally asked.

I shook my head. “He didn’t need to,” I wailed. “He just put me in my place by treating me like I was invisible.”

I could see the lines harden in his face. Clearly he was not p
leased to hear it.

“I’m just a groupie like everyone else,” I muttered as I blew my nose.

“If he thinks you’re just like everyone else then that’s his problem,” Graham told me, but I shook my head. “Hey, I’m the guy you ran to so you could help him in Las Vegas, remember? You weren’t doing that to bed some celebrity. You cared about him. And if he can’t appreciate that then he’s a bigger fool than I realized.”

“He thinks I slept with you in Vegas,” I admitted. “He thinks I am climbing the ladder to sleep with people even more famous or powerful. Maybe that’s why he’s mad at me now, knowing that I’m staying with you.”

“People who can’t trust can’t be trusted,” he countered. “I think it’s far more likely he’s just mad that you see him for what he is, rather than the polished image he puts out there for the world. That illusion was shattered in February, when he probably was ready to hit the bricks because of a baby scare. That veneer is cracked and you’ll never see him the same way again.”

“I guess,” I offered as I started to calm down again. “But I loved him anyway. Doesn’t that count for something?”

“Every time you fall in love it counts for something,” he said as he traced my face with his finger. “And one day you’ll be able to love again. I promise.”

I tried to smile at him but my face felt completely swollen from the tear fest. He helped me off the stool and walked me to my room. “Get some sleep,” he advised gently. “It’ll look better in the morning.”

I nodded even though I wasn’t so sure. The next day was the luncheon with Vanni for his birthday. At this point I didn’t even want to be a part of it.

The next morning it took five minutes of rubbing my face with cold wash cloths to undo the damage from the night before. There were dark circles under my eyes, which were puffy and red. Much as I didn’t like to, I had to employ layers of makeup to look somewhat
normal for the challenge ahead.

I was glad Graham wasn’t around when I finally left for the event, I would have hated for him to think I was trying to get Vanni’s attention. I knew by now that was a lost cause.

Since George had been up all the previous night with colic, Alana had to skip the last event on our itinerary. It was up to me to set things up and keep the flow going with all the fans, who already knew me by now as one to approach when they were dissatisfied with how things were going.

I wanted to tell them all to get a grip, that they had no idea what it was like to truly be spurned by Giovanni Carnevale. But then I reminded myself that maybe I didn’t know their whole stories. I had read the fan mail. I knew more than anyone what went on “behind closed doors” with the fans.

Maybe that was why some of them were as dismissive with me as they were with Kat. They felt that they had a solid connection with Vanni that nothing, even his douche bag behavior, could render null and void.

The only one learning her place
in this whole scenario was me.

When Vanni arrived there was no getting around my having to interact with him. If I thought being put in my place as a lowly groupie would lessen the devastating effects of those dark brown eyes when they finally met mine, I was sadly mistaken. My breath caught and I could only pray that a flush didn’t invade my cheeks.

He didn’t say much as I helped organize him for the event. I provided notes for different gifts that had been given, and handed him the stack of cards his fans had prepared for him. Even more disconcerting than his avoidance was the way he was staring into my eyes. I tried not to stumble over myself or stammer like an idiot.

I prayed for the day I could wake up and Vanni would have zero effect on me. At this rate my ego felt like a pinball being battered about a sadistic machine he had a bag full of quarters to keep playing.

“And that’s it,” I concluded before I turned away at last.

“That’
s it?” he asked in a low voice.

I turned back like the pathetic fool I cursed myself for being. “What else could there be?”

He stood and placed himself just inches from me. “You could wish me a happy birthday,” he said. “Or is my card in here?” He referred to the stack of cards in his hand.

“N
o,” I said as I tipped my chin.

“Too good for me now, I guess?” he offered. “Now that you’re staying with the boss.”

So that was it. He was really livid that I had decided to stay with Graham, even though nothing had really happened so far. “I just didn’t think it would be appropriate,” I answered, keeping it deliberately vague. Let him think what he wanted. He was obviously going to do that anyway.

But the minute I turned away he had his hand on my arm in an iron grip. I steeled my spine as I glared up at him. “You’re hurting me,” I gritted between clinched teeth.

He bent down to where his face was inches from mine. “Ditto.”

With that he released me and stalked off to his luncheon.

The air was thick with tension, and I was certain the fans could feel it even though he tried to put on a happy face for everyone. Maybe Kat had talked to him about his distancing himself from his fans, but I doubted it.

More likely he was trying to
get even with me.

He was more like the old Vanni with everyone in the room, but
barely paid me any mind at all.

By the agonizing end of the two hour luncheon my nerves were stretched so tight I thought I was about to burst in two. Vanni didn’t even look my direction as he left, and had someone else tell me he wanted to have his gifts sent over to his house.