The Complete Groupie Trilogy (30 page)

I stood next to the bar as I nursed a sparkling juice drink – no alcohol – and tried to watch Kat and Vanni unobserved. They were cuddly, he was attentive, and if either of them were worried about my being there neither demonstrated it outwardly. In fact, they were happily lost within each other.

They were almost impossible not to watch as they flittered from guest to guest, meeting familiar faces in unison like the couple they had become. From how close they stood and how he kept her on his arm it almost felt as though they were now some crazy combination of a person, rather than two individuals. “Katanni” they would likely be called in the press.

Hell, I may even dub them that myself.

I knew from their intimate body language he had won his latest conquest and I was effectively forgotten. He had eyes only for Kat. A vice closed around my heart as I placed my drink on the bar. “Andy?”

I turned to find Graham standing behind me. He was in a nice shirt and slacks, in the same casual style as everyone else. He wore a big smile for me as he touched both my arms and leaned in to kiss my cheek. “You look lovely. It’s so good to see you again.”

I kissed his cheek also. “You as well, Graham,” I said, and I meant it.

“Who knew we’d be standing here when we first met in Vegas a year ago?” he commented.  “I guess everything works out for the best eventually.”

I glanced over to where Vanni sat on a barstool with the pixie Kat perched on his lap. “I guess so,” I murmured. They laughed and he played with her long locks. “
I love long hair
,” he had whispered to me once upon a time. “
Gives me something to hold onto
.”

His eyes followed my gaze. He squeezed my arm, which he hadn’t yet released. “I’m glad you could come,” Graham said, dancing delicately around t
he reason why I might not have.

“Why wouldn’t I?” I asked, trying my best to be flippant. “It’s all business. And most of these guys are my friends.”

“It just takes one bad apple, you know.”

I shrugged. “I can take it. I’m tough.”

He smiled. “I have no doubt.” We got quiet for a second and I could tell he was weighing his words. “If you’re not busy I’d love to spend some time with you while you are in town. Brunch, maybe?”

I hesitated only a moment. Graham was a nice guy, and harmless enough. Plus I liked him, and I was free to pursue that now. What else could I be waiting for? “That’d be lovely,” I said with a semi-forced smile. It would be lovely to spend time with someone who wanted to spend time with me. It just broke my heart it wasn’t the person I really wanted.

“Then it’s a date,” Graham declared softly. He reached in for another kiss and then moved back into the crowd. I watched him go before I turned my eyes back toward where Vanni and Kat had been sitting, but only Kat remained.

“Hello, Andy.”

My stomach fell when I heard the familiar voice coming somewhere behind my ear. With a deep breath of courage I turned to face him. “Hello, Vanni.”

We stood apart for a moment before he took me into a hug. “I’m glad you could come. I was worried you wouldn’t.”

“Alana’s one of my best friends,” I stated unnecessarily. “I want to share in her big day.”

He nodded as he glanced over at his bassist. Iain stood with Alana wrapped in his arms, his hands gently resting on her stomach as they chatted with the well-wishers that surrounded them. “They’re very happy,” he said. “I guess we have you to thank for that.”

I turned back to the bar.

“Andy, I think we need to talk.”

I shook my head. “I think we’ve said all there is to be said.” My eyes met his. “And then some.”

“That’s not how I want to leave it,” he said. “Do you?”

I said nothing. I didn’t even look at him.

“This is a business. And I’d like us to be friends. Just say I can come see you so we can talk things out.”

I shook my head again. “It’s just not a good idea,” I said. “I’ve got a lot of work to do this weekend, and besides. This isn’t about us. It’s about them.” I motioned to Iain and Alana.

The truth was I was petrified to be alone with him. Just his hug had branded his body back onto my memory, and I knew I would never be satisfied with any “talk” that didn’t end in his arms.

“I hope you reconsider,” he murmured softly, and his voice ran across my frayed nerves like velvet.

“I won’t,” I said without looking him in the eye, then darting far away from those brown eyes that could see every single lying breath I took.

I still loved him, but I knew I could never let him see that again.

So I did the only thing I could do. I stayed away from him. I plastered myself to Alana, making sure her every need was met and every desire fulfilled. But the longer the night lingered the more painful it became, especially since it didn’t seem as though Vanni and Kat
were leaving anytime too soon.

I determined that I would outlast them
no matter how long they stayed.

Graham must have sensed my discomfort because he came back around to chat me up. He was so sweet and so endearing I promised him I’d save him a dance at the wedding, and we could have lunch the day before I went back to Nashville.

Vanni didn’t seem all that thrilled I was spending time with Graham, but I already knew that was because he suspected I had slept with him while we were together. I never bothered to correct that assessment simply because there was no point in proving how faithful I had been to him when he had never seen fit to make that a priority for himself. Let him think what he wanted.

It didn’t matter anyway.

Finally, when I couldn’t keep my eyes open another moment, I bid my goodbyes to Alana and Iain, and spared a hug for Yael and Felix. For Vanni I simply nodded my head. I didn’t even bother saying hello or goodbye to Kat. We didn’t know each other and there was really no point now.

Graham reappeared at my side and offered me a ride back to my hotel in his car, so I agreed with a tired yawn. We didn’t say much of anything on the way back to the hotel, which I really could have walked if I wanted. But L.A. wasn’t a walking kind of town.

As I turned to thank Graham I caught him staring at me the way he had in Vegas. He wanted to kiss me, I knew. Maybe more. Maybe he wanted to come up to my room; he just didn’t know how to ask.

He just smiled and brushed he hair out of my face. “I’d almost forgotten how lovely you are,” he murmured.

“You’re too nice,” I said, and I made no move to leave the car like I knew I should have.

“I must be,” he said as he scooted closer. “Otherwise I’d ask you to go up to your room with you.”

“Graham…”

He put his fingers on my lips. “I know. It’s too soon.”

I lost myself in his dark eyes before I nodded sadly. There was no hiding it from him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Don’t be,” he assured with a half-grin. “I’m a patient man.”

He reached over to kiss my cheek. On impulse I turned into it and allowed his lips to fall briefly on my own.

It was a long, slow peck that allowed me to acclimate myself to another man’s lips. I luxuriated momentarily in the notion that he wanted me for me. I didn’t feel second-best, or runner up. I felt like a woman who was wanted, openly and honestly, by a man.

Before he could deepen the kiss I scooted away and out of the car. I promised I’d see him the next day before I ran to the lobby and up to my room.

Maybe I could love again, I thought to myself as I tried to memorize how soft Graham’s lips felt under my own. Maybe I could graduate to his holding me in his arms, and touching me where only Vanni before could reach.

With a frustrated sigh I let myself into my room. When would I ever stop comparing everyone to Vanni?

When would the longing dissipate for the feeling of his body against mine? His mouth crushed on mine? Those things belonged to someone else now. All I could do was watch from the sidelines and hope maybe someday I’d learn to love someone else, someone who could give me all the things I needed and wanted so badly.

By the wedding the next day I felt even more lost than ever. From the time we all got up out of bed the theme was love and romance. The girls ate together and spent the day in deluxe spa accommodations. We got facials and massages, got our hair done and a mani/pedi. As stressed as any other bride might have been Alana was as peaceful as I’d ever seen her.

This was her day and she wasn’t going to ruin it with anxiety.

Instead she dressed in her long, flowing dress with sheer sleeves from sparkling straps. Her empire waistline suggested a special baby bump growing underneath, but she still looked slender and petite as we wove flowers in her long, blond hair.

We all walked along the beach road until we hit the sand, and then we stepped onto a pathway that led us down to the edge of a cliff overlooking the water. Yael played an acoustic guitar for our procession, and all the other band mates were standing up next to Iain.

This included Vanni, who looked amazing in his light colored suit and the setting sun casting golden highlights in his hair.

I tried not to look at him but it was impossible. Likewise his eyes were on me as I strode barefoot on the sand in my sea foam green dress in a similar style to the bride’s. His eyes were unreadable as I took my spot to the left of the altar, and we turned our attention toward Alana as she approached on the arm of her father toward her waiting groom.

The sun set as they recited their handwritten vows to each other, pledging a lifetime of love and respect, and honor for their family first. It was beautiful and touching, and within a few sacred minutes they were bonded for a lifetime in front of their family and friends.

As I watched my friends march back up the aisle and fell into step behind them along with the rest of the wedding party, I wondered briefly if I would ever be able to know what this felt like. I glanced up at Vanni, who had come to walk beside me, and wondered who – if anyo
ne – could ever take his place.

He gave me a small smile, and I had to will my heart to be strong against its false promises. It was a friendly gesture. That was all. It meant nothing. Not anymore. Maybe not ever. I was a fool to even fall
prey to it for one more second.

Since Iain and Alana had planned a more casual affair without all the pomp and circumstance of a traditional wedding or reception, I didn’t have to worry about speeches and the bridal bouquet. Instead Yael played his acoustic music and allowed everyone to mingle or dance as they felt led to. No one could break into the world that existed between the new husband and wife, who w
ere lost in one another’s arms.

This left me at a loss for things to occupy me, thus leaving me vulnerable when Vanni sauntered next to where I stood by the bar like a lonely wallflower. “Beautiful ceremony,” he mentioned off-hand as he glanced to where Iain and Alana sway
ed together on the dance floor.

“Lovely,” I agreed. I glanced around. “Where’s your date?”

He pointed out on the dance floor. “Dancing with yours.”

I glanced over to where Graham and Kat danced politely on the edge of the floor near the sand. They laughed and chatted but there was no heat. Not like what happened between Graham and I in the car the night before with just a simple kiss. It soothed my ego somewhat that at least one man could choose me over someone else.

Regardless, I still felt the need to set the record straight. “Graham isn’t my date.”

“No?” Vanni raised an eyebrow.

I looked away. What right did he have to any answers? “It’s not like I’m living with him,” I mentioned, probably more cattily than I should have.

“Touché,” he commented with that damnable smirk. “Is there anyone special in your life, Andy?”

I looked him straight in the eye. “Yeah. Me.”

With that I walked away to the buffet, where Felix stood raiding the goodies. I virtually glued myself to his side in order to avoid getting ambushed by Vanni again. When he got the message loud and clear that I wanted nothing to do with him, Vanni returned to his date. Their subsequent cuddling was m
ore than I could bear.

Since I was already barefoot I stepped off into the sand and strolled down to the inky black ocean. I was calmed by the rhythmic sound of the tide, and the foamy white caps that rolled gently toward the shore. I didn’t stop until the sound of the wedding was a low hum in the distance, and then I planted myself down in the sand.

As the minutes ticked by I wondered if Vanni would try to find me, and a tiny part of me hoped that he would. Sure I wanted to stay away from him because of the pull he still had on me, but there was a deeper hidden part of me that wanted him to try and reclaim me as his own.

Or at lea
st claim me in the first place.

But when a male voice invaded my daydreams, it was not Vanni at all. I looked up to see Graham, holding his shoes in one hand. “Mind if I join you?”

I shrugged and motioned to the spot on the sand beside me. He eased down and sat close enough I could feel his body heat, but not too intrusive that it invaded my personal space.