Sway (15 page)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Eric paced in front of the crinkled leather hospital seats, sandals slapping against the hard floor. He hadn’t changed out of his wet swim shorts. His t-shirt was still damp at the bottom.

Mari and Lexi were flipping through magazines, though I doubted either were actually reading them. Charlie waited with his head cradled in his hands. Sam slumped in a seat with his eyes closed. He could have been sleeping except for the deep crease between his eyes. When the doctor arrived, Eric was the first to reach him.

“Is she okay?” We gathered around, anxious for news.

“She’s in a coma.” The doctor spoke slowly, his eyes going from person to person.

Mari gasped, and if it weren’t for Charlie grabbing her arms, she would have sunk to the ground. Silence stretched around us for a moment before everyone spoke at once.

“Can we see her?”

“What does that mean?”

“When will she come out of it?”

The doctor held up a hand for silence. “She sustained a serious head injury. It could be hours, days, even weeks. We are hopeful that it won’t last long, but one can never be sure in these situations.”

Charlie stepped forward, shaking Mari off his arm. “Can we see her?”

The doctor nodded. “Yes, you can see her now.”

A nurse showed us the way and the six of us piled into her room. Eric went immediately to her side and grabbed her hand, Charlie moved to her other side and did the same.

Lacey’s head was bandaged, her face pale. Tubes snaked in her mouth, her nose, her veins. She looked pale and still, as if the life usually bursting from her had been sucked away.

Eric sat down at the edge of the bed and stroked her cheek with his finger. He looked at her so sadly, so fondly, it broke my heart. At the same time, I felt awful for wanting to take him away from her, for wanting him back when I’d already had my chance and blown it.

Mari and Charlie crowded around the bed. Her brother, her best friend, her boyfriend—they needed their time with Lacey. I grabbed Lexi’s hand and we slipped from the room.

“At least she’ll live.”

I turned around to see Sam following us out of the room. He knew he didn’t belong in there either.

“She could be like that forever,” I said.

Sam had his hands shoved in his pockets and his eyes on the ground. “I mean, it could have been much worse.”

“No, you’re right. It could have been worse.” But it was still really bad. A headache threatened at the back of my skull. I put a hand on my neck and rubbed.

We stood in the hallway in silence. A few minutes later, Charlie and Eric filed out of Lacey’s room, leaving Mari inside.

“You should call your parents,” Eric said.

Charlie pulled out his cell phone and went down the hall to make the call.

Eric ran a hand through his hair, pacing in front of us. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Mari’s with her for now,” I said. “We can take turns at her bedside until her parents arrive.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he muttered. He rubbed a hand over his face.

“Then what?”

He shook his head. “I just can’t believe we’re here right now.”

I put my hand on his arm. “You should sit down. Try and sleep for a bit or something.” He shook his head again. “Mari’s with Lacey, she’ll be okay.”

Charlie returned, ducking into the room and motioning Mari outside. “They’re freaking out. They’ll be on the first flight tomorrow morning.”

“What do we do until then?” Mari asked.

“Stay. Wait,” Charlie said. Mari looked horrified. Her eyes roamed the floor of the hospital, the walls, the nurses hurrying by.

“We can take turns with her,” Eric said. He looked at me. “The rest of us can wait out here.”

Eric, Sam and Lexi walked down the corridor toward the waiting room while Charlie went into Lacey’s room to keep up her bedside vigil. Mari detached herself from her husband and reattached to me.

“I can’t do this all night.”

“We can’t leave Lacey by herself,” I said, surprised that Mari would even want to.

“I know but…”

I put my arm around my sister’s shoulders. “Mar, you need to be here for Lacey. She’s your best friend. Imagine how disappointed she’d be if she woke up and you weren’t here.”

Mari slumped as if the weight of my arm was too much to bear. “But what if she doesn’t wake up?” she whispered.

I pulled her all the way into my embrace. “She will.”

* * * * *

It was one of the longest nights of my life. Lacey didn’t stir, didn’t move, didn’t wake. I felt the opposite—restless and twitchy. I couldn’t sleep. I alternated between sitting and pacing. Eric paced with me. He barely sat at all, just long enough to put his head in his hands. Seconds later, he would be up and pacing again.

Around four a.m., it was my turn with Lacey. I stared at her, haunted by memories of how she used to be. Her excitement, her innocence, her air of constant happiness—these were all qualities I admired in Lacey.

I willed her to wake up, to be okay, to put us all out of this misery. It was a selfish thought, but I couldn’t help it. When that didn’t work, when I knew I had to find something to occupy my mind, I turned to music.

I turned on my phone’s playlist. The volume down low, I listened to Liszt, Chopin, Rachmaninoff, and I liked to think that Lacey could hear it too. My fingers ran through my orchestra pieces. An endless number of notes kept me awake, kept my mind from worrying about Lacey, kept it from treading to a darker part of me that I didn’t want to acknowledge. The whole room filled with the sound of beauty.

I heard a cough and looked up. Eric stood in the doorway, his hair disheveled, bags under his eyes. I pressed pause, cutting off Barber mid-adagio.

“Any change?” he asked.

I shook my head. “You should get some sleep. You’ve hardly sat down this entire night.”

“I can’t.” He walked into the room and stood by the bed. “I hope she pulls through. I couldn’t bear it if…” He broke off. He knelt by the bed and pressed Lacey’s hand to his forehead. Eric started to sob.

At first, I looked away, unable to bear his pain. Unable to bear his pain for her. Then I went to him, knelt by his side. I wrapped my arms around him. He turned and put his face in my neck, his tears dripping into the silk of my top. He clutched one hand on my back, the other never let go of Lacey.

I stroked his head while his body trembled against mine. I had never seen Eric like this before. Not even when I broke his heart. It hurt. But I pushed my own pain away. Eric needed me. If this was all he needed from me, then I would give it to him. And when Lacey was okay again, I would walk away.

Eventually, Eric’s body stilled. He let loose one deep sigh, his breath warm on my skin. Untangling himself from me, he took my hand. We both stood.

“Sorry.” He dropped my hand. “I can’t believe I just…”

I reached out and lightly touched his cheek with my fingers. “It’s okay.”

Storm clouds raged in his eyes. He leaned into my touch. A breath rested between us. I inhaled, hoping to close the gap, yearning for his comfort. I wanted him to gather me into his embrace.

He turned his face away from me and left the room.

* * * * *

At seven a.m., the hospital began to wake up. Of course, it had never fully gone to sleep during the night, but lights brightened the hallways, nurses filled the empty spaces, and it became acceptable to talk in a normal voice instead of a whisper.

Sam was with Lacey. Charlie was asleep, his legs stretched onto a chair he had moved in front of himself. Lexi and I were talking aimlessly, neither of us really paying attention to the conversation. Mari was the only other person to find sleep, but it didn’t help her foul mood that morning.

I offered to get her a coffee in the cafeteria, hoping it would perk her up. When I exited the elevator, juggling five coffees and a water, Eric’s voice drifted to my ears.

“If it wasn’t for Ava, and Sam…”

I froze in front of the elevator.

“That’s what Ava’s best at,” Lexi said. “Taking care of everyone but herself. You should know that.” The accusation in her tone was clear. I held my breath.

“We both did what anyone would have done,” Sam said, filling the awkward silence.

“Mom and Dad will be here soon,” Charlie broke in. “Ava and Lexi don’t need to stay once they get here. Mari, you should go home with them.”

“No way,” Mari said. “I’m not leaving! Lacey needs me. And what about you?”

“Mar, I’ll be fine. The nanny is expecting us home,” Charlie said. “Ava and Lexi need to get back for their performance, so you might as well go home together.”

I’d listened long enough. Keeping my face blank, I rounded the corner.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. Charlie grabbed two coffees from my hand and gave one to his wife, who was scowling.

“My husband wants us to leave.”

Charlie grimaced. “My parents will be here this morning. I don’t think all of us need to stay.”

I passed the other coffees out to Lexi, Eric and Sam. “You’re right. We need to get back for rehearsals anyway.” I looked at Mari. “Come back with us. The boys are probably missing you like crazy.”

“My mom has been calling me nonstop because Elle keeps begging her to,” Lexi said. “It’s hard to be away.”

Mari softened. “Okay, I’ll go. The boys need me.”

Eric booked us an earlier flight. We had a little time left to say our goodbyes before we needed to head back to the hotel and pack. Mari wouldn’t get a chance to see her in-laws, something she wasn’t too disappointed about.

“Tell your mom and dad I’m sorry I couldn’t see them,” I said to Charlie. I had already whispered a goodbye to Lacey that she didn’t hear, and hugged Sam who was still by her side.

Charlie offered a brief hug. I turned to Eric.

His eyes wandered over my face while I searched for the right words. When they wouldn’t come, I stepped closer. He leaned toward me and I wrapped my arms around his waist. He rested his hands lightly on my hips. Hesitant. But then his embrace tightened, he pulled me closer.

“Everything’s going to be okay,” I said. I wanted to cling to him but I backed away instead. “She’ll be awake and back to her old self in no time. You’ll see.”

I was hoping that would make Eric smile. Instead, he hung his head, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.

“Make sure you guys keep me up to date,” I said to both Eric and Charlie. “You know how bad Mari is with remembering to text.”

Eric looked up with a frown.

“What do you mean?” Charlie asked.

“I’m going to Malibu until I can find my own place,” I said. Lexi covered her surprise with a cough.

“What? Why?” Mari asked.

“I’ve bugged you guys long enough,” I said. “Besides, when Lacey gets back, I don’t want to be in the way of her recovery.” It was a lame excuse, but I couldn’t admit the real reason for leaving the comfort of Mari’s house.

“But you hate Malibu,” Eric said.

I shouldn’t have been surprised that he remembered.

“There are things she hates worse,” Lexi said.

Lexi was right, as usual. I hated Malibu. But loving Eric and seeing him with Lacey would be unbearable. Memories from the past were easier to deal with than that.

“We need to hurry or we’ll miss our flight,” I said.

Mari tearfully let go of Charlie.

We said our last goodbyes at the elevator. Before the door slid closed, Eric’s eyes found mine and his mouth whispered a goodbye.

Chapter Thirty

The wind blew a salty breeze through the open kitchen doors. Even though I hated our beach house in Malibu, the one thing I loved was the smell. Salt and the coconut scent of tanning lotion lingered in every room, on every surface. I took a deep breath, inhaling the aroma, exhaling the bad memories.

Beth strutted into the kitchen, unloading canvas bags from her arms onto the wood table. Shelby followed behind with even more purchases. So much for being on a budget.

“We went to the farmers market,” Beth said. “There wasn’t much there but I bought some organic vegetables. You can cook them up for dinner tonight.”

Lucky me. “Where’s Dad?”

“He’s bringing in his bags.” Beth ripped open a bag of Pirate’s Booty and started to munch.

“You should see the painting he bought,” Shelby said. She reached for some of Beth’s snack, but Beth yanked the bag out of her reach. “It was done by a local, some nobody, but I bet it’ll be worth something someday. He got it for a great deal.”

I rifled through the bags. “How’s he doing?” I asked Beth.

“He’s great!” Shelby gushed. “He said the funniest thing yesterday…” She trailed off at the look I was giving her.

I still didn’t know what Beth saw in Shelby. But then, Beth switched out best friends as often as she switched purses. Hopefully a change would be coming soon.

Beth ignored the mess she was making on the counter. “You’ve missed some great parties. I’m sure Laguna had nothing compared to Malibu.”

“It was okay,” I said absently. Beth had spent tons on food she wouldn’t eat, handmade jewelry she would probably never wear, and countless other knick-knacks and knock-offs. Her shopping addiction was rearing its ugly head.

Beth went to the table, leaving crumbs in her wake. “How’s Mari and her loser of a husband?”

“Charlie’s not a loser.”

Beth coughed—it sounded suspiciously like
loser
.

“At least he’s got a job.” My eyes flicked pointedly between Shelby and Beth.

“Video game tester is not a job. It’s just a lame excuse to play all day.”

“And what’s your excuse?” I regretted the words as soon as I said them.

Beth huffed. Then her face turned sly. “How’s your boyfriend?”

“Gage?” I started putting the vegetables away in the fridge. “Fine, I guess. I haven’t seen him in a few days.”

Beth glanced at Shelby and then back at me. Her grin widened. “
We
have.”

“That’s nice.” I hung the bananas on the banana hammock and then put the apples in the swinging basket underneath.

“He’s been by almost every day to visit,” Shelby said.

Beth shot her a look. “We’ve gone out a few times. Dinner and stuff.” She watched me closely, waiting for a reaction. Truth was, I didn’t know how I felt about that. Gage hanging around my family without me was a little weird, but deep down I knew I really didn’t care.

“You know,” Beth continued, “he never mentions you. Are you sure you two are still together?”

“My relationship with Gage is none of your business.” Maybe Gage was bonding with my family because he was planning to propose like Aunt Rose thought. Yikes. I needed to tell Gage I wanted to cool things off soon, and definitely before I said anything to Beth, or anyone else.

Beth smirked. No matter what I told her, she would read what she wanted into it. Sighing, I left the kitchen in search of Dad.

He was on the couch in the media room. When I walked in, the first thing he said was, “Look! I’m on TV!”

He was watching his old soap again. His way of reliving the glory days.

I joined him on the couch. “Mari says hi.”

Dad’s eyes didn’t leave the set, although he did press mute. “How is Marilyn?”

“She’s good. So are Charlie and the boys.” I watched a younger version of my dad smolder on the TV screen. The woman with him had her hands clasped together as she pleaded with him.

Save me!
I imagined her saying.
Save my life! Save my cat! I won’t survive without my cat!

Soap-opera Dad spoke. I couldn’t hear the words, but his entire being radiated drama.
I love you but I hate your cat. I had to let it die. Forgive me. Please, forgive me.

“Does she look any better?” Dad asked, breaking me from my improvised lip-reading. I looked at my real dad, much the same as he looked twenty years ago. “Has she been using that Italian cream I gave her? She had the most horrible speckled complexion before. I hope she’s been using it.”

“Don’t know, sorry.”

I’d finally gotten his attention. He gave me an incredulous look. Then his face relaxed and he studied me.

“You look good. What products have you been using?”

“None.”

“Of course you have. You don’t need to lie about it. I never lie about any of the cosmetic procedures I’ve had done. Except to the general public, of course.”

I snorted. That was my dad for you. Get your lips filled, tell your daughters so they can look as good as you, but tell no one else because good looks should be natural. Which his weren’t.

“I haven’t been using anything but Olay.” It was a lie but I couldn’t help myself.

Dad started to mutter curses about Olay.

“Charlie’s sister had a really bad accident right before I left Vegas,” I said. “She’s in a coma.”

Dad paused the show. “Who is this now?”

“Charlie’s sister, Lacey. Mari’s friend? She fell into a pool in a Vegas hotel and hit her head.”

“Oh dear, how unfortunate. She was a pretty girl from what I remember. I hope the accident didn’t ruin her looks.”

Why did I even bother?

My fingers tapped on the leather couch. “So, Beth said Gage has been by?”

“He’s come calling a few times. I think he was lonely while you were gone. We all enjoy his company. I want him to feel like he’s welcome here anytime.”

“Oh.” This could get awkward. It wasn’t fair to keep dating him when I loved someone else, but his growing attachment to my family definitely complicated things.

“He’s coming by tonight,” Dad said.

“He is? He didn’t tell me.”

“I think he wanted it to be a surprise.” Dad grinned at my arched brow. “I thought you should know so you can pretty yourself up. Change into something a little nicer. Just pretend you’re surprised.”

“Thanks for the tip.”

Missing my wry tone, Dad patted my hand. “Of course, sweetheart. Of course.”

* * * * *

Framed pictures covered the walls of my bedroom in the beach house. I hadn’t been back here since Eric and I broke up. Dad had left the room the way it was when I left. I peered at photos of Eric and me, both of us skinny and grinning and radiating an innocence we would lose not much later. Another picture showed me and Mari as kids, going down a slide together. I sat behind her with my arms wrapped tightly around her waist.

My favorite picture of all was the largest—an 11x15 black and white print of my mother. She was walking away but she had turned back to look at the photographer. Her chin almost rested on her shoulder, her face lit up with a wide, laughing smile. Her hair framed her arched cheekbones and her eyes seemed to say,
catch me if you can
.

A lump formed in my throat. Part of me wanted to turn away and never look at that picture again. The other part of me wanted to prostrate myself in front of it, beg and plead that woman to come back. Every time I looked at it, I had the same feelings.

Images of the last time I saw my mom before the funeral flooded my mind. Tears stung my eyes. This is why I hated it here. I could never escape the way my mom had looked in that last moment—the moment she was gone forever.

I stared out my bedroom window at the water rippling onto the sand but I couldn’t push the image away. I needed Eric. Only he knew and understood. He had made my time here bearable, he made my mom’s loss just a little less. Another memory rippled its way into my mind, a welcome change to the thought of my mother’s lifeless form.

* * * * *

It had started with a knock.

I’d flown to the front door, flung it open and wrapped my arms around Eric.

“You’re here,” I said into his chest.

“I’m here.” He pressed his cheek onto my head. “My arms won’t free you.”

I looked up. “What?”

“Nothing. It’s from a song.”

“Oh.”

I let go of Eric but he kept my hand, his fingers curling around mine. He followed me up the stairs, down the hall, and into my hated Malibu bedroom.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” I said, sitting on the edge of my bed.

Eric studied my room, peering at the books on the shelf, the posters and pictures on my wall. He paused for a moment in front of the framed 11x15 of my mom. “She looks a lot like Beth.”

“Yeah.”

His fingers explored the different items on my dresser. A hairbrush. A silver bracelet. Makeup. It was the first time he’d been to our beach house. We had just finished our sophomore year. He would later tell me that he was already in love with me at this moment. But I was oblivious then. I had begged him to come, needing my best friend. He didn’t need to be persuaded.

He picked up a picture of me, him and Charlie, and then set it down with a grin. Next to it was a framed photo of the two of us. That one he held for a while, staring down at it without saying anything.

“Why do you hate it here so much?” I opened my mouth but didn’t know if I was ready to explain.

He sat beside me on the bed, the photo still in one hand.

We’d known each other almost a year and I still hadn’t told him why. We often spoke of our losses—me about my mom and him about his parents. But I’d never told him the way she died.

He leaned so that our arms were touching. “What happened?”

I stood. I wasn’t ready. “Let’s go swimming.”

Later that afternoon, I was lying on my back on a towel, my body stretched out like a corpse without the casket. The sun beat down on my face while I listened to the waves swishing onto the sand and didn’t think of anything else. Next to me, Eric’s breath whistled softly through the slight gap in his lips.

I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at him. He was asleep on his stomach, his head resting on his arms. His face had gotten tanned in the one week since school ended, his eyebrows were now a bleached blond. To me, he looked perfect. I stared at him—the boy who had become my best friend, the melody to my music notes.

Either he hadn’t really been sleeping, or somehow he sensed my stare. His eyes opened. Our gazes locked and for a moment, we didn’t say anything.

“My mom died here.”

The words sounded strange coming out of my lips. They didn’t fit right, probably because I’d never said them out loud before.

Eric propped himself on his elbows and waited.

“It was a stroke. Brought on by her diabetes. Type 1. That’s what the doctor said.” I turned my face to the sun and closed my eyes. The words poured from my mouth, not so strange anymore.

“The maid found her and started screaming. We were here, on this beach, Mari, Beth and me. Dad was at work. We went running when we heard the screams, to my mom’s room.”

Eric put his hand on my arm. I took a deep breath. The image of my mom lying on the floor flashed through my brain, her thin body twisted to an unnatural angle. The light from her face gone forever. The three of us knelt around her. Mari screamed her name. I sobbed, my tears dripping on her frozen face. Only Beth was completely still and quiet, her face scrunched in restraint, forbidding any emotion to escape.

I opened my eyes, hoping the sun would sear the picture from my mind. Blinking, I rolled on to my side facing Eric. He took my hand.

“That was when everything changed. Right here. Mari was sent away. Beth changed, became…hard. Dad couldn’t get over it. He left us here and went back to Kellynch. For a long time, he wouldn’t even see us. It was Beth who finally got through to him. I think because she looks like her.” Beth and Dad had formed this bond that nobody could crack. Or compete with.

“It’s been wrong ever since.”

A tear rolled down my cheek. Eric let go of my hand and reached out. He caught the tear with his finger, squishing it flat, a warning to any future tears. It didn’t work.

Eric wrapped his arms around me, clutching my body to his. I cried, soaking his chest, ocean-salt layered with the salt from my eyes. He pressed his hands into my back almost painfully, as if he was trying to squeeze the wrongness right out of me.

“Hold on to me,” he whispered in my ear. “Hold on.”

And I did. I held on—my tears, my limbs, my heart—all gluing to him in a way that would prove irreversible.