Sway (10 page)

Chapter Nineteen

I was lying on my bed, The Eric Wentworth Band resonating through my earbuds, when Lacey burst into my room. She always burst into every room, as if she couldn’t contain her general enthusiasm for life.

“Do you think Eric loves me?” she asked, her voice a mixture of hope and fear.

I pressed pause and pulled the earbuds from my ears. Eric’s voice faded away slowly, my head unwilling to let it go.

“What?” I asked, hoping I’d misheard.

She lay beside me and stared at the ceiling. “I’m crazy for him. Literally, I feel like I’m going crazy. When I’m with him, when I’m not with him…no matter what, I can’t think of anything else but Eric.”

“What’s going on?” Mari slouched into the room and dumped herself into the leather chair in the corner.

“I think this is the first time I’ve ever been in love. Actual, real love.” She sat up onto her elbows and showed us a face full of despair. “But I don’t know if he loves me back. He won’t say it.”

“Did you say it?” Mari asked.

Lacey bit her lip. “Yes.”

Mari squeezed onto the bed with us and put her arm around her sister-in-law and best friend. “He didn’t say it back?”

“No,” she whispered. She turned to me. “Ava, please. You would know. Do you think he loves me?”

My eyes widened in alarm. “How should I know?”

“Can’t you remember what he was like when he loved you?” She flipped her bleach-blonde curls over her shoulder and stared at me as if I held the key to the mysteries of the universe. “Does he act the same now as he did then? Who said the L word first, you or him?”

I wanted to run away. Or hide. Anything to get away from Lacey’s questions about Eric’s love. As if I knew anything about it now.

“He did,” I said. Her shoulders drooped. “But he’s completely different now. Seriously. We were nineteen, just kids. Relationships are never the same with different people anyway. I can’t compare what he was like with me to how he is with you.”

She sighed and lay back on the bed. “I suppose.” I exchanged glances with Mari. “I just feel like…like I’m missing something. Or I need to do something more.” After a breath, she sat up again. “Hey, do you think if I learned to play the piano, he’d be more into me?”

“Ooh, that’s a good idea,” Mari said. “Guys like it when you share their interests. That’s probably why Charlie and I hardly get along. I hate those stupid video games.”

“You guys get along,” I protested. Mari huffed. “Besides, it’s better to be yourself.”

“Maybe I’m not interesting enough,” Lacey said. “He’s dated models and stuff.”

Lacey was more interesting than a model, and just as beautiful. It was too bad she couldn’t see that.

“Eric never liked the stuck-up snobs in high school. He didn’t care about that kind of stuff. Don’t worry about who he used to date. He’s with you now.” Those last words were surprisingly hard to say.

“What do you think I should do?”

“Sleep with him,” Mari said.

“Mari!” An ugly shiver crept up my stomach to my throat.

Lacey looked at me. “You don’t think I should?”

“
That
is none of my business.” I didn’t want to hear one tiny detail. “Just be patient. If he loves you, he’ll say it. Maybe he’s just not ready yet.” I refrained from pointing out that they’d only been together a month. That wouldn’t mean a thing to Lacey.

She flopped back onto the bed. “It’s just so hard. I can envision our whole life together, you know? I even found my wedding dress. It’s Monique Lhuillier.” Mari and I shared a look. “I know that’s fast but I love him. When you love someone, why wait?”

I looked away. Those had been Eric’s exact words to me. I could write up a list of ‘why wait’ a mile long, but I knew Lacey wouldn’t listen. Eric hadn’t.

“I’ll try and be patient,” Lacey said. She got up and adjusted her mini skirt. “I feel like we’re meant to be. I’ve just gotta wait until he feels it too.”

“I still think you should sleep with him,” Mari called out as Lacey left. She waved her hand behind her as if to dismiss the comment. At least, I hoped that’s what she meant.

Mari faced me on the bed. “Why do you think he hasn’t said it yet?”

I grimaced. “It’s only been a month. They barely know each other.”

“People fall in love that fast,” Mari said.

Lacey had. “Some people. Not everyone.” I didn’t know how long it took Eric to fall in love with me back in high school, but once he was sure, there was no going back. But then I’d broken his heart. That could have made him more cautious now, or less.

“Maybe something’s up with him.” Mari’s eyes darted side-to-side and then she whispered, “Maybe he’s married! He loves Lacey but can’t tell her because he already has a wife!”

“Mar—”

“No, wait, I know! He’s gay! He’s using Lacey as a cover girlfriend so people won’t find out.”

“He’s not gay,” I said. “Trust me.”

“Evil twin?”

“Mari, geez.”

“Hmm, well something fishy is going on. I want to know what.”

Mari wouldn’t let this go until she found some juicy piece of gossip that wouldn’t be true anyway. She’d probably start stalking him.

“Nothing fishy is going on. He’s probably not ready yet, that’s all.”

“Well, he should be,” she grumbled. “I’m trying to live vicariously through Lacey here and he’s ruining it for me.”

I took a moment and really studied my sister. Bags were prominent under her eyes and her whole face looked droopy. If Dad saw her, he’d toss serums at her and run away. “What’s wrong? Did something happen with Charlie?”

She turned away but not before I could see tears welling in her eyes. “No. It’s fine.”

I put my hand on her back. “You’re not fine.”

She covered her face with her hands and hunched over. “I’m just so sick of being ignored all the time,” she sobbed. “All Charlie cares about are his stupid games. He wants to hang out with Eric but never with me. And he never talks to me anymore.”

I rubbed her back. “Have you tried talking to him about this?”

She sniffled. “Sort of. He just says ‘it’s my job,’ like that makes it okay.”

It was probably hard for Charlie to separate home and work when he worked from home. And he really enjoyed his job. Add in the fact that Mari was often depressed or throwing her hypochondria around and he probably used his video games as an escape.

Mari turned around. “Will you say something to him?” she pleaded.

I didn’t really want to get in the middle of their problems, but when Mari needed me, I couldn’t say no. “Of course.”

She gave me a hug. “Thanks, Ava,” she said into my shoulder. “You’re the best.”

My heart ached for her, my little sister who had always been so fragile. She needed her mother here to give her advice. Mom would know exactly what to do or say—she’d handled my father all those years. But neither of us had her to turn to. It was left to me.

Chapter Twenty

Saturday morning, I shut myself in Mari’s music room, practicing the pieces I was to perform that night. It was my first public performance with the California Philharmonic, and Eric would be there. I played all morning, even though I had the songs memorized and barely made a mistake during dress rehearsal earlier that week. I really didn’t want to mess up with Eric watching.

I left after lunch, picking up Lexi at her apartment on my way to the Botanical Gardens in Arcadia.

“Hey,” she said, climbing into my car.

“Hi.” I stared at the road ahead, my hands gripping the steering wheel. Lexi talked without taking a breath but my nerves deafened me to her words.

“What is with you?” she asked as I pulled into the parking lot.

“Nothing.” I got out of the car, grabbing my bag and change of clothes. We headed to the stage for rehearsal and sound check.

“Something’s up. There’s no point trying to hide it.” She whacked me on the leg with her violin case. “Don’t make me beat it out of you.”

I set my binder on the piano and let out a loud sigh.

“
Fine
. I’m going to have an audience tonight.”

She grinned. “Finally, I get to meet the boyfriend.”

I shook my head.

Her eyes got impossibly wide. “Your
dad
is coming?” That was akin to spotting Bigfoot.

“No.”

“Then who?”

“Mari and Charlie, Lacey, our renters the Crofts, and…Eric.”

Her mouth opened in surprise and then fell into a rather evil smile. “Sweet.”

“What?”

“I’ve wanted to meet Eric Wentworth ever since you first told me about him.” Her grin widened. “It’s my turn to have lots of words.”

“What? No! You can’t!” My threat of having words with her ex, Leo, had been hollow and she knew it—I wasn’t great at confrontation. Lexi, on the other hand, was a pro.

“Oh, I can. And I will.” If she hadn’t been holding her violin case, Lexi probably would have been rubbing her hands together with malicious glee. She wanted to cackle, I could tell.

I stared at the piano, wishing I could duck behind it and disappear. “Lex, please. Don’t say anything to him. It’s all in the past.”

She scowled. “You don’t let me have any fun.”

“What would you say to him anyway? I’m the one who screwed him over, not the other way around.”

Her scowl deepened. “I’ve got plenty to say, trust me. Like how he shouldn’t have broken your heart the way he did. How if he really loved you he would have compromised. How—”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” I felt a rush of gratitude toward my best friend, backing me even when I’d been in the wrong. “But don’t, okay? It won’t help anything.”

“It’ll make me feel better.”

The Maestro walked onto the stage then, ending all conversation. Lexi hurried to her seat, knocking people in the head with her violin case, as usual.

After rehearsal and sound check were over, Lexi and I had a quick dinner and changed our clothes before people started arriving for the performance.

All black was the orchestra’s wardrobe and usually I wore a long maxi skirt and fitted shirt. This time, even though I was hardly visible sitting at the back behind my piano, I chose a Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress and black stilettos. Not the smartest shoes for piano playing, but I wouldn’t wear them during the performance anyway.

I emerged from the bathroom, adjusting the tie on my dress. Lexi raised her eyebrows when she saw me.

“Someone to impress?”

I ignored her.

Audience members filled the seats and covered the surrounding lawn with blankets picnic-style. It was time for us to take our places. I purposefully kept my head forward and didn’t scan the crowd for Eric. Once at the piano however, I couldn’t stop myself from searching until I found him. Them. Eric and Lacey, Sophia and Richard and Charlie and Mari had a table right in front. Of course. Eric probably used his star-power to wrangle them all good seats.

Lacey leaned over Eric’s chair and whispered into his ear. Even from a distance, Lacey’s makeup was noticeable, her low-cut fuchsia top revealing. Eric looked up to the stage. I couldn’t tell if he was looking at me or not, but the tingles on my neck made me think that he was.

It was hard to focus, knowing Eric was listening. At first I took it note-by-note, then song-by-song, and gradually I got lost in the music and forgot he was there.

The performance was a tribute to Broadway. A group of choral singers performed with us, their voices joining with our instruments. We played songs from
The Phantom of the Opera
,
Les Miserables
,
Chicago
,
The Lion King
, and
Mamma Mia
. They were all songs I loved, songs I could sing along to in my head, songs that made me forget.

When a beautiful alto sang the words to “On My Own,” I felt my hands begin to tremble. Loneliness took a stab at my heart. I couldn’t understand why. I wasn’t lonely, I had Gage. I chalked it up to her amazing voice and moved on.

The last song we played was “All I Ask of You” from
The Phantom of the Opera.
The music filled me up, expanding my body and soul like a balloon. The pages became fuzzy in front of me. My fingers kept playing, knowing the notes off by heart, while my mind drifted.

An image of Eric and I singing this song to each other appeared in my head. I tried to turn Eric into Gage, but I couldn’t make him stick. Gage’s tan face and white teeth flashed before me and were gone in an instant, replaced by Eric asking me to love him.

I let myself get lost in the daydream, imagining what it would be like to get a second chance. Not that I would ever ask him for one. Not that I even wanted one. But in that moment, with the song filling my ears and heart, I could pretend like I could ask him, and he would say yes.

When the performance was over, I hurried to the audience, hoping to avoid Lexi. It didn’t work. She grabbed my arm, almost knocking me off my stiletto heels.

“I know you aren’t trying to avoid me,” she said.

I pressed my lips together. “You promised you wouldn’t say anything.”

She held up her hands. “I won’t.” Under her breath, I heard her mumble, “Probably.”

Everyone at the table stood when they saw me arrive.

“Thanks for coming,” I said with a smile. “This is Lexi, a friend of mine from Juilliard. She plays the violin.”

Mari and Lacey hugged Lexi. When Eric and the Crofts introduced themselves, she mercifully kept her mouth shut, although the way she eyed Eric still made me nervous.

Mari pulled me into a hug. “I suppose you were good but it’s not like we could really hear you.”

“Mari!” Charlie hissed. “Good job, both of you. Not really my thing but it was…nice.”

“Just glad you could stand it,” I said to Charlie with a grin and he laughed.

Richard and Sophia both hugged me. Eric stood behind them, Lacey draped on his arm. Her low-cut top was actually a dress that stopped at mid-thigh. It was a little inappropriate for an outdoor orchestra concert, but she pulled it off. Eric had on a white t-shirt and dark pants. A gray vest hung open over his shirt, drawing my eyes to the contours of his chest. I looked away.

“The orchestra was phenomenal,” Sophia said and I turned my attention to her. “I think ‘All I Ask of You’ was my favorite.”

I smiled. “Mine too.”

“The way the instruments swelled together near the end to create that perfect crescendo—it was magical,” Richard said. “Then those last few whispered notes…” He closed his eyes as if he was hearing it all over again. Sophia leaned into him.

Lacey pushed past them and gave me a tight squeeze. “You were so good! You too, Lexi. I wish I could play an instrument.” She glanced at Eric who had followed her. “I was thinking of taking some piano lessons. I used to play, you know.”

“Did you?” Eric asked. It sounded half-hearted. No doubt he’d heard things like that from fans all the time.

Lacey nodded. “When I was little. You and Ava have inspired me to get back into it.” She gave him a flirty look. “Maybe you could teach me.”

“Sure, maybe. If I have time.”

Lexi eyed him dangerously. I nudged her in the ribs.

We chatted for a few more minutes while the crowd around us gradually dispersed. Charlie twirled his car keys around on one finger. Mari took the hint and grabbed her purse. As they started to file away, I waved my goodbyes, thanking them again for coming to hear me play.

Lexi and I turned to leave.

“He didn’t even—” she began.

A voice cut her off. “Ava.”

I turned. Eric stood alone, his hands in his pockets. Behind him, Lacey was walking away arm-in-arm with Mari.

I stopped. Lexi stopped. Eric closed the distance between us. He glanced at Lexi and then back at me. He leaned close.

“I heard you.”

A wave of heat rushed through my body. Sweat broke out on my palms and I clenched my hands.

He looked down at my fists. He turned away and quickly caught up to Lacey.

“What did
that
mean?” Lexi burst out.

I had no clue whether he meant he could hear me through the other instruments, or if there was a more suggestive meaning in his words.

“I have no idea.”

* * * * *

Lexi was quiet on the drive home. At least for the first five minutes.

“What’s up with you and Eric?”

“Nothing’s up. He’s with Lacey.” I glanced at her and she was giving me a strange look. “What?”

“You’re still not over him.”

My head spun so fast I got a crick. “What?”

“Come on. It’s obvious.”

“How is it obvious? What did I do?” Panicking, I wondered if Eric and everyone else saw the same signs as Lexi.

“I know you, Ava. There’s still something there, I can see it.”

But we were only together for maybe five minutes. There wasn’t anything she could have seen in that short amount of time. There wouldn’t have been anything even if we’d spent the day together. She was reading things into it.

“I didn’t… I’m not…” My hands tightened on the steering wheel, then loosened. “It might be a little weird between us, but can you blame me? We were engaged for crying out loud!” I took a breath. “It’s hard to be around him. To remember stuff but act like it’s no big deal. I mean, it
was
a big deal. It’s not anymore but it was and… I have no clue what I’m saying.”

Silence stretched through the car. I stared at the twinkling lights of the city blurring by.

“Besides, Eric hates me. And I’m dating Gage.”

“Who didn’t come to your performance,” she pointed out.

“He was busy.” Gage had been upset that he couldn’t come. He sent me three dozen white roses that morning and a promise to see one of my later performances. It’s not like I expected him to come to each one.

I drummed my finger on the wheel. Lexi stared out the window. I felt like her silence was trying to tell me something but I didn’t know what.

“Ava, I just… I don’t think he hates you. I think there’s still something there. And one of these days it’s going to come bursting out and you’re not going to know what to do with it. I just don’t want you to be surprised when it happens.”

Sure, there was a lot between Eric and me. Love and pain, laughter and tears, great memories and a rotten break-up. We were each other’s first love, and no one forgets that.

But Lexi had no clue what she was talking about. Eric and I were nothing but the past.