Secrets of My Hollywood Life #4: Paparazzi Princess (6 page)

Study 4 Nadine's SAT prep exam. Have Nadine look in2 driving lessons. Again.

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SIGHTINGS

January 11

LEAVING TREMONT PLASTIC SURGERY CLINIC:

Don't think that Hermès scarf and Chanel shades can hide your face from us,
Alexis Holden.
We saw you leaving Tremont Plastic Surgery Clinic yesterday with a big, white bandage over your nose. Has your honker been downsized? Your new publicist says "she was there researching a role," but we think otherwise. The nose knows, as they say, Alexis, and once you come out from behind that Hermès scarf, we'll know for sure too.

CAUSING A SCENE AT YOGA CENTRAL:

Loopy
Pretty Young Assassins
director
Hutch Adams
threw a hissy fit at his nightly yoga class when a substitute instructor asked him to move his mat so there was room for another student to join the class. After repeated attempts to calm Mr. Adams didn't work, he was removed. Don't think you'll be doing the downward dog there again anytime soon, Hutchy. Boo hoo.

DOUBLE DATING:

Drew Thomas,
you dog, you! Your sweet little dates may not have realized they had competition for your affections, but we caught you red-handed. At five PM on Saturday you took a mystery blonde for dinner at Koi (Too early, dude! What were you doing? Hoping for an early bird special?) and then at nine thirty you had a brunette on your arm as you entered Shelter. Tsk, tsk. Let's hope neither of them read this column!

NEW BFFS SPOTTED AT THE CINCH FOR A CAUSE LUNCHEON:

Family Affair
star
Kaitlin Burke
was shopping and laughing with new best buds
Ava Hayden
and
Lauren Cobb
at the annual Cinch for a Cause luncheon benefiting breast cancer research (see our pictures under the STARS OUT section). Sources tell us the three are inseparable, having vacationed together over the holidays, and Kaitlin may be in talks to do a reality show with the girls, which would follow their adventures in a Malibu rental next summer after Kaitlin's stint on
Family Affair
ends. Unlike Lauren and Ava, the party lifestyle is new for Kaitlin, but she seems to be settling in just fine. She was seen sipping and toasting with an unknown beverage at the luncheon. "I'm not saying it was definitely alcohol," says one witness on hand. "But with those two girls at Kaitlin's side, I wouldn't be surprised."

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Four: Kaitlin Burke Kidnapped!

Bright light! Bright light! I feel like a vampire when I step out of the protected
FA
location trailer after a day of shooting on Santa Monica Pier and face the waiting paparazzi. I cover my eyes to avoid the blinding camera flashes as Rodney pulls Nadine and me through the crowd.

"Excuse us, coming through," Rodney says gruffly. Ever since it was announced that
FA
was ending, the paparazzi have been worse than flies. They hang around outside our studio, loiter near our location shoots and basically get in everyone's faces.

"Kaitlin, doll, smile for the camera!" My own personal pest, Larry the Liar, points his Nikon camera in my face.

If I wasn't afraid the conversation would be printed in tomorrow's
Hollywood Nation
, I'd tell Larry exactly where he can put his request. Dealing with guys like Larry is part of being a celebrity, but this past weekend, he crossed the line. He's the one that took a picture of me toasting with Lauren and Ava at the Cinch for a Cause event and sold the photo to some Web sites. All the sites questioned whether I was drinking. Hello! It was seltzer! There was so much controversy about my thirst quencher, Laney had to make a statement: "Kaitlin Burke is too young to drink. She was sipping seltzer with cranberry juice at the Cinch luncheon."

Can you believe this is the stuff that makes the five o'clock news? Not human injustices or starving children. Me and my beverage choice. It's unreal.

"Beat it, Larry," Rodney growls, revealing his chipped tooth. He's getting a cap tomorrow, but he's not in any rush. The crack is a badge of stuntman honor in Rodney's book. He cracked it rehearsing a chase scene for a Trident gum commercial he's doing.

Larry keeps shooting. "You can't stop me. I have every right to be here."

"Ignore him, Rod," I tell him. I'm not going to let Larry ruin my mood. Today was a pretty good day. Sky, Trevor, and I got to ride all the rides on the Santa Monica Pier in the unseasonably warm (near eighty degrees!) weather. The best part is that no one mentioned
FA
going off the air even once. For a moment, it felt like any other day of shooting. That is, until I remembered we have less than two months left.

"Let's get to the car." Nadine gives Larry a look. "He can't get you there."

We start walking -- cars aren't allowed on the Pier -- and my phone rings. I reach in my new leopard print Cinch bag (I've gotten tons of compliments on it already) and pray the call is from Liz. We've been playing phone tag for two days, which is so unlike us. I look at the caller ID and don't recognize the number. "Hello?"

"Hey, chickie! It's Ava," she drawls in a deep voice. "Want to hang with me and Lau?"

I smile to myself. I had so much fun with them at the luncheon. I thought Lauren and Ava were going to be pretty self-involved, but they weren't. They wanted to know a lot about me and my relationship with Austin. We must have talked about boyfriends for an hour. (Lauren's single. Ava is on and off with this popular band's lead singer who is known more for being a serial dater than for his group's singles.)

"We're going to Chateau Marmont and then dancing," Ava says. "You can come with as long as you don't drink too much, you lush."

I'm laughing so hard I don't notice the black Escalade pull up next to the street corner we've just reached. Larry jumps out of the way as the car screeches to a halt. The tinted passenger window opens and Rodney grabs my arm. We're prepared to flee when I hear a familiar voice say: "Kaitlin Burke, get in this car right now."

"Mom?" I peek my head in and see Mom and Dad in the backseat. Mom's face is grave, the way it is after a bad Nielsen number, but she looks great, as usual. She's wearing her favorite Dolce & Gabbana cream-colored pant suit and her long hair is curly. Dad looks like he's ready for a day at the office -- even if he doesn't work at one -- in his light blue Izod button-down shirt and navy trousers. "Is everything okay?" I ask nervously.

"Everything's fine. Rodney will take Nadine home," Mom presses. "Get in."

"Ava, I have to call you back," I tell her quickly and hang up as Larry continues to shoot the bizarre scene. I open the backseat door and barely have time to say goodbye to Nadine and Rodney before we pull away.

"Hi, Kaitlin. How was your day?" Laney is in the front passenger seat. What is she doing here? Laney looks fabulous. Her long blond hair is ironed to flat perfection and she still has a tan from her vacation. She's wearing a black tailored shirt with sleeves she's rolled up to reveal toned arms, her diamond-encrusted Movado, and a tennis bracelet she bought herself. (Laney says the only relationship she has time for is the one with her clients.)

"It was fine up until now," I tell her and peer curiously at the unknown driver veering us to points unknown. "You guys are freaking me out. Why did you just kidnap me? Did you see Larry the Liar standing there? He must have shot a zillion pictures and they're all going to be online later."

Dad frowns. "Hmm . . . we didn't think about the paparazzi."

"I'll handle that," Laney insists. "This is more important. Your parents and I decided the only way to get a real answer out of you is to talk to you in person."

"For the zillionth time -- I was drinking seltzer!"

"We know that." Mom sounds agitated.

"I do want to address these new acquaintances you've made at a later time," Laney says ominously.

"This get-together is about your meeting with Seth," Mom explains. "We want to know why it hasn't happened yet. Is there something you're not telling us?"

"I've been busy." I squirm uncomfortably. They don't look convinced and I'm not sure I would be either. I could have met with Seth by now. I make time for everything else. I guess I haven't wanted to face the future yet. I have enough of a reality check every time I step on the
FA
soundstage. "I've had all these interviews and we've been filming long hours and doing promos," I remind them. "I haven't had the time."

"You need to make time!" Mom tells me, sounding annoyed. "Meeting with Seth is more important than anything else, Kaitlin. Finding your next project is crucial if you want to remain at the top of the Hollywood most-wanted list."

I feel my stomach begin to churn, like I'm on the verge of a major ache, and I feel slightly nauseous. Is getting another job that pressing? Does Mom think if I don't get something right away the public will forget about me before the next TV season starts?

Dad takes my hand. "I know you'll miss
FA
. I remember the day I gave up my 1977 Mustang," he says. "I thought I could never love another car as much as that one. Then I saw the 1982 Pontiac Firebird. It had leather seats and fifteen-inch aluminum wheels and I just knew it was the car for me. Sometimes you can open your heart to more than one automobile."

I squeeze his hand. I understand what Dad's saying.

"This is your moment to shine," Laney tells me, sounding like she's a king readying me for battle. "You need to show the world that you can play a part that's different from Samantha. Seth can help you do that."

"I know," I admit.

"If you're going to do a pilot, we need one now," Laney says. "Otherwise all that will be left is bland teenager parts on a bad sitcom with some C-level comedian."

"Or
Dancing with the Stars
," Mom threatens.

I gasp.
Dancing with the Stars
is one of my biggest fears. I don't want my star to fall so far that I have to resort to learning the quick step and the mambo. I have to meet with Seth! I'll tell him what I'm looking for and if he doesn't have something I like, I won't take something for the sake of taking it. Who knows? Maybe Dad's right and I'll find something I like even more than I like playing Sam. "I'll set up a meeting right away," I promise, feeling suddenly confident. "Is that all you wanted? Because I was going to meet some friends for dinner. Maybe you could drop me off at Chateau Marmont."

Mom smiles serenely. "I'm afraid you'll have to cancel. We're on our way to Seth's office now."

"What?" I feel my self-esteem come crashing back to earth. Now? They want me to meet with Seth now? I'm not ready! My merlot-colored Abercrombie tunic feels like it is suffocating me and my Divine Rights of Denim jeans are glued to the leather seats. Does the driver have the air on? The nausea is coming back, and my stomach aches. I want to argue, but it's pointless. Nothing is getting me out of this meeting. Except maybe jumping from the car. That would hurt. Sigh. "How could you guys do this without asking me?"

Mom shrugs. "We knew you'd understand. This had to be taken care of, Kaitlin."

"Fine. Drop me off then," I say defiantly. "I can meet with Seth myself."

Mom and Dad chuckle. "Sweetie, we need to be there," Mom says. "We can't have you making the wrong decision, can we? We want to make sure your next project is a blockbuster, and good for your image, and we don't think you can do that on your own. You need our guidance, Kate-Kate."

"Thanks," I mumble. Mom can be so embarrassing sometimes. I know she's looking out for my career, but I hate when she treats me like a child. I sink into the seat feeling defeated and Ava's words echo in my head. When do I get to do what
I
want to do without having to ask for permission? My family doesn't know what kind of role I want.
I do
. Well, I might if everyone stopped hounding me long enough to let me figure it out. Suddenly I feel like I'm six again and I'm asking permission to ride my bike alone around the studio backlot. I wasn't allowed, of course. Mom was afraid I'd talk to a passing studio exec and say something silly.

"Don't be mad," Mom says in a gentler voice. "We're trying to help." She looks at Laney. "Speaking of which, there's also another matter I wanted to discuss with you."

"What is it?" I ask wearily.

"
Fashionistas
wants to profile me in their next issue." Mom sounds excited now. "I'd have a photo shoot and they'd follow me around for a few days and do an in-depth interview. I wouldn't talk too much about you, of course, just my management duties, but Laney thought I should clear it with you before accepting." She stares at me hopefully.

Finally something Mom needs
my
permission for. I'm so aggravated I want to say no on the spot, but I look at Mom's elated face.
Fashionistas
is a big, thick fashion bible. It's incredibly hip and read by most of Hollywood. Mom is obsessed with it. "You should do it," I tell her. "It sounds like fun."

"Really?" Mom looks like she's about to burst. She starts punching numbers on her cell using her long fingernails. "Thank you, honey! I've got to call my trainer and add more workouts, get my hair redone, and set up an airbrush tanning appointment. The photo shoot is next week."

At least one of us is ready for our close-up.

Some celebrities like to be the star of every moment in their lives. They want their charity work chronicled in
OK!
They want their child's first baby pictures to spur a bidding war. When they have a movie, TV show, CD, or documentary to promote, they book themselves on every talk show couch that will let them warm the seat.

As you might have noticed by now, I'm not one of those people.

I like a rave review or an exuberant fan encounter as much as the next person, but the thought of talking about all things Kaitlin Burke at length is embarrassing.