My Once and Future Love (40 page)

“And not paying attention.”

“Hey, my story, wench. Pushing my cart around
a corner—maybe a bit too fast—and it bumps into the cart of a
beautiful woman. Now, me being me, I was definitely going to chat
you up, smooth things over…and then you said my name. Only you and
Mum ever called me Jacob, but I couldn’t believe this was little
Bethie. No glasses, no frumpy clothes, five inches taller…I had to
know what made you into the vision I saw before me.”

“How long had it been?” This was definitely
different than what I remembered.

“I was twenty-five, so, seven years.”

Right after graduation. I never dated this
man. “You thought you could get in my pants.”

“
No
. Well, I thought about trying…but
I really was curious about what you’d been up to since I moved
away. So, we get our groceries and I convince you to stop at a
diner with me.”

“And then?”

“We talked, all night. And I knew I had to
see you again. Being the stubborn woman you are you only gave me
your e-mail—bloody insulting, by the way—and wouldn’t let me escort
you home.”

“First time a woman turned you down?”

“Wasn’t somethin’ I was used to. I didn’t get
to see you in the flesh again until you were hired to shoot the
band and me a couple months later. It wasn’t easy squeezing into
your schedule, you know. But, I did, and we had dinner, and more
dinners, and then I married you two years ago.”

“While I was pregnant,” I said, the timeline
clicking in my head.

“It’s not like you were showing in your
dress, love. You looked bloody gorgeous. Thought your dad was going
to kill me when Allison was born seven months later, though.”

I tilted my head back to smile at him. “Are
you still scared of my dad?”

“No…well, theoretically. God forbid I ever
screw up and hurt you.” He tucked my hair behind my ear, his
expression growing more serious. “You know I’ll never hurt you,
though, don’t you?”

I scanned his face, seeing only love and
devotion in his gaze. “Yeah, I do.”

I flicked my eyes to his mouth before tilting
my head up and softly kissing him. It was the first touch I’d
initiated since I arrived. He moaned in pleasure, causing a thrill
of satisfaction to course through me. We parted when we needed air,
smiling at each other.

“Tell me what I did to impress you.”

“Hmm, I think it was how you grabbed the
reins of your life and took what you wanted. You told me that night
in the diner how your mother impressed you with her strength during
her illness, fighting the cancer, and how she urged you to live
life to the fullest, go for your dreams. You shared what
photography meant to you and the places you’d been, people that
made an impact through your lens, and I thought,
this is a girl
that understands what it means to be an artist
. Then I
remembered how you never laughed at the poems I wrote for English,
or my songs, and realized you’d always supported me while bossing
me about with my studies…it just all came together. I just knew I’d
never meet another woman like you.”

“You’re good,” I said, grinning.

“I meant every word.”

I turned all the way around, so I lay on top
of him. “I know.” I stretched toward his ear and whispered, “Take
me to bed, Jacob.”

He kissed me in response. His arms tightened
around me, hands sliding under my shirt as I ground against him. I
had the brief thought of
what am I doing
, before
surrendering to his attentions and twining my tongue with his. I
wanted this even if it wasn’t real.

We made out like eager teenagers, until he
somehow managed to pick me up and start carrying me upstairs and
set me on the bed.

He pulled my shirt over my head. I was
wearing one of alt-Beth’s most conservative bras, which were far
from matronly. Alt-Beth reveled in her sexuality as a married
woman. Everything in her drawer was silky or lacy or see-through. I
thought the value of basic cotton was highly underrated.

Soon, I was naked, at the point of no return.
Did I want to know how well he could love me? His expression was
naked, completely open. He loved me, really loved me, even if I
wasn’t her and…I didn’t want to cry, so I smiled and took him in my
arms.

We fit perfectly together, every memory of
before bursting out of the gate I’d locked them behind. He made
love to me, all with that look of adoration. It was beautiful, he
was beautiful, and I thought I could die. It seemed like hours. I
didn’t care about the time. There wasn’t a bit of skin not kissed
or touched. I loved him back, even while part of me mourned that
reality didn’t have this.

I lay in the dark afterward, watching him
sleep with tears rolling down my cheeks. It was too perfect, too
beautiful, too close to what I’d lost. I needed to wake up before
it got too painful to.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I love you…but
this isn’t real, and dreams aren’t meant to last forever.”

I kissed his brow very softly, then lay down
and closed my eyes, knowing in my heart morning would bring me back
to real life.

Chapter Nine

Jacob awoke and sighed. Beth’s eyes were
closed, her body in the same position as the last two days. The sun
came in too brightly through the hospital window, so he stood and
fiddled with the blinds to cut off some of the light. He’d only
left the hospital once when the nurses made him go home yesterday
and take a shower. Came right back and resumed his vigil in the
chair beside her bed.

Looking at the clock, he groaned. It was only
seven.

“Jake… Look, it’s admirable you want to stay
by the girl’s side, but you do have an album to promote.”

Oh, wonderful…it was his manager. “It can
wait. Get the rest of the band to do it.”

“Jake, she’s just a PA. I’m sure someone will
call if--”

“She’s
more
than that,” he
snapped.

“Jake, you have responsibilities to your
career
, and they don’t even know when she might wake up! Are
you just going to sit here wasting your time indefinitely?”

“I’m not leavin’. Postpone everything or you
can find another client.”

“
Fine
. You want to flush your career
down the toilet over some employee…” His manager shook his head in
disgust and stormed out.

Jacob dropped his head to the bed once they
were alone again. He took Beth’s hand, stroking her fingers.

“Don’t listen to him, love. You do matter,
Bethie. I know you don’t think much of me sometimes, but all this
wouldn’t be the same without you. I’d probably be runnin’ around
wondering where I left my head. I promise--”

“Mr. Lindsey? If you could step out for a few
minutes…” the nurse requested.

He nodded, used to the routine by now. The
nurse would come in and shoo him out for ten or fifteen minutes. He
couldn’t smoke in the hospital, so he settled for getting a cup of
coffee from the cafeteria. Didn’t have much of an appetite. Mr.
Lawson was waiting outside Beth’s room when he returned.

“I appreciate your support of my daughter,
son, but you don’t have to stay here ‘round the clock. No offense,
but you look like hell.”

“Thanks. She’d be here, though, if the
situation was reversed.”

Mr. Lawson nodded. “Elizabeth was always the
caretaker type. As a little girl, she was always bringing home some
stray creature to nurse back to health. But I mean what I said
about taking care of yourself. She’ll be mad if you get sick
because of her.”

“I’m used to it,” he said, smiling.

The nurse came out and wished them a good
morning. They looked at the door with trepidation. It became more
of a disappointment every time they saw Beth lying there so
still.

Jacob let out a breath and reached for the
handle first.

“Hey,” Beth croaked. Her voice was hoarse
from lack of use.

“You’re awake!”

Her eyes flicked to the doorway. “Daddy?”

“It’s good to see you, Elizabeth.”

“I wanna go home,” she said, then looked at
Jacob. “Could you ask the doctor when I can leave, please?”

He nodded. “I’ll give you some time to catch
up.”

****

Dad edged nearer to my bed, stopping short of
being within reach. “You gave us quite a scare, sweetheart.” He’d
aged since the last time I saw him, which was normal, but
surprising to my mental image of him. Thinner, too.

“What happened?”

“You were broadsided by some idiot who blew
out a red light. They brought you here, set your arm, put a few
screws in your leg, and patched up your head. You’re gonna feel
generally banged up for a while.”

“I imagine so. Could I have some water?”

He handed me a cup. “Sip it slowly. What did
the nurse say?”

“She told me where I was and not to try
moving. Was I out long?”

“Two and a half days.”

I picked at the blanket with my good hand.
“Thanks for sticking around, Dad. I know this can’t have been easy
for you.”

He reached forward and took my hand. “No, but
it’s where I needed to be. Your brother will be happy to know
you’re awake, too. He’d be here, but Darcy is too far along in her
pregnancy to fly. I said I’d call if there was a change. Your
friend has been here the whole time, though. The nurses had to
force him to go home and change clothes.”

“You talk to Andrew now?” We’d been close
since Mom died, but he never brought up Dad, not in so many
words.

“Not every day…but enough. He, uh, made the
first move. More, since they found out your sister-in-law is
pregnant. You two didn’t talk about…”

“I, uh, didn’t really want to. I’m sorry for
being stubborn. It was stupid. I should have accepted you were
grieving in your own way. Mom wasn’t mad, so…” I stopped,
embarrassed. “I don’t want to be mad anymore.”

“I know…I’m sorry, too. I’ve had a lot of
time to think about what I’d do different.” He sat on the edge of
my bed next to my good leg. “So, I have some vacation time stored
up. I can help with your recovery? The house is open enough for
crutches or a wheelchair.”

I looked up and smiled. “I’d like that.”

There was a knock on the door before it
opened, shifting our attention. “Hello, I’m Dr. Bodner. I hear
you’re ready to get out of here.”

“Yes! If I’m allowed.”

“Well, we’ll run a few tests to make sure,
but if everything pans out, we can have you discharged in a few
hours. I’ll send you home with some instructions and we can arrange
for an in-home nurse if someone can’t stay with you. You’re going
to have to take better care of yourself, Miss Lawson.”

“She’s coming home with me,” Dad said.

“Alright, then. Miss Lawson, let’s get you
wheeled down to X-ray.”

A nurse followed the doctor in with a
wheelchair. They lifted me into the chair, keeping my damaged leg
propped up. The IV stand came with us.

Jacob stood outside the door as they wheeled
me out. “It’s so good to see you awake, love.”

“Thank you. I’m going to recuperate at Dad’s,
okay?”

“Of course, yeah. However you’re most
comfortable, Beth. Anything you need to get well, a nurse, physical
therapy, it’s yours.”

“Thanks. I’ll catch up on work soon.”

“They’re waiting for us, Miss Lawson,” the
nurse said.

My eyes were on my lap as the nurse guided me
down the hall to the elevators. Looking in his eyes was the last
thing I wanted to do right now.

This Jacob didn’t love me.

The doctor made me stay in the hospital
overnight for observation. I had some low-grade signs of infection,
so they gave me a course of antibiotics. My body wasn’t in perfect
health when I came in, the doc telling me I was underweight and
undernourished.

Jacob was in my room when they wheeled me
back in. He waited to speak until I’d been put back in bed.

“Hey.” He snapped his guitar case closed on
the chair.

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry about your mother. I didn’t
know.”

Not what I expected him to bring up. “Your
mom never told you?”

“We didn’t talk about you anymore after you
cut me out of your life.”

“Oh. I get that. I didn’t talk about you,
either.” I didn’t talk about much of anything besides class work.
“Yeah, the tumor came back. She thought she could get away with
just having it removed—she was wrong.”

“I’m sorry. I know you were close.”

I swallowed against the lump in my throat I
always felt when thinking of her. “Yeah. On the plus side, I got to
know Andrew better. So, you’ve been here all day?”

“Since they called me about the car accident.
Threw me for a loop when they explained I was your emergency
contact. The flowers over there are from the guys.”

It was a cheery mixed bouquet in multiple
colors. Several vases were in the room, making me wonder when I got
so popular. “Ah. Thank them for me. Sorry you were put on the spot.
I never expected that to come into use.”

“Didn’t know you trusted me that much.”

“I see you every day and live in your guest
house. Andrew is in Virginia.”

The light in his eyes dimmed. “Oh. A
proximity thing, eh?”

“Yeah.” God, this was awkward. I didn’t know
what to say to him anymore, especially when I felt vulnerable like
this.

“Are you hungry? I could order in.”

“They probably don’t allow that.”

“They don’t allow visitors to stay all night.
That didn’t stop me, either. You want healthy stuff, or do I go for
Fudge Brownie ice cream?”

I smiled. “Let’s not make my doctor throw you
out. I already got scolded for my diet.”

He squeezed my good hand and walked to the
door. “Back in a few.”

When he came back with to-go boxes, I
pretended to be asleep. As sweet as he was being today, I just
couldn’t deal with being in the same room. The dream had un-scabbed
old wounds and I hurt. I heard him set the food within my reach and
pick up his guitar case. His lips brushed my forehead then he left,
shutting the door.