Lost To Me (9 page)

He glanced down at me then back out the door. “No. It doesn’t matter.”

I stroked his face and lips, kissed his neck and chest, and stayed as close as possible. “I miss you already,” I whispered, right before falling asleep.

“I miss you too.”

KOLTON

Mr. Tulane handed me the keys to the warehouse. “Load the equipment onto the trailer and head to this address.” He pulled a piece of paper out of a notepad with his fat fingers and tossed it across his desk to me. I couldn’t tell by his attitude if he knew I’d broken up with his daughter. He was usually all-business, and today wasn’t any different.  “Where’s your brother?”

“I don’t know. Haven’t seen him.” I turned to leave.

“I’m doing this as a favor to Tabby. I don’t need either of you on my crew, so don’t fuck up.”

My feet pounded against the pavement toward the warehouse. Lawn mowers and weed whackers hummed off in the distance somewhere, irritating my brain. I’d already worked this morning at the pier, now here I was, putting in another six hours to total fourteen today.

Kyle was probably over at Matt’s getting wasted. He knew he couldn’t drink. His doctor told him not to. Now he was being an asshole about taking his medication, too.

I jammed the key into the lock, opened the door, and stepped in the stuffy, thick air. Mr. Tulane called it a warehouse, but it was more of a storage barn. It stunk like gas and was always dark and hot. Tabby and I’d had sex once in the warehouse, on the seat of a John Deere tractor.

The memory made me think of Lauren wrapped around me in her bed last night, and how much I wanted to touch her.

When the time came, it would be more than just
doing
it
, or having sex. With Lauren it meant more than that. It was this huge moment we were heading toward, and I didn’t want to just sprint to get there. I wanted to take her hand and lead her gently. Make it special for her. Make it good.

I shook my head to clear thoughts of what I’d do to her. I had to get to work.

After forty-minutes of loading the riding mower, edger, weed whacker, and gas cans onto the trailer, I climbed up into the cab of the Tulane Property Maintenance pickup and pulled the address out of my pocket. I wouldn’t need GPS to find this house. It was Rob’s.

I drove over and parked out front glancing down two houses to Amber’s house, hoping she wasn’t home. Tabby’s car was in her driveway. Something told me as soon as she heard the mower start, she’d be over. Rob wasn’t around. His driveway was empty. He, Matt and Kyle were probably out screwing off somewhere.

I got out and lowered the gate on the trailer. As soon as I backed the mower down onto the street, Tabby and Amber made their way across the yards. I put the mower in neutral and waited to get this over with.

“Hey,” Tabby said, as they approached.

I could see the hope in her eyes. Did I have to continue crushing her every time she saw me? “Hey.”

“How’s your face?” Amber asked, smirking.

I ignored her and put the mower into gear. Obviously Kyle told them what happened. “I have work to do.”

Tabby put her hands on top of the mower. “You’re cheating on me, Kolton. Kyle told me about you and that girl out on the dock.”

I blinked a few times, not believing what she was saying. “Tabby, we’re not together. I’m not cheating on you.”

Amber’s eyes got wide and her jaw swiveled back and forth. “I told you he was playing you.”

“What about the other day? After Kyle had an episode? You let me hold you! You said you needed me!”

My mind ran frantic back to me and Tabby standing in the hall outside Kyle’s bedroom. I knew I shouldn’t have let her hold me. I knew it was the dumbest thing in the world even while I was letting it happen, but I couldn’t remember saying I needed her. “Tab, I was a mess after Kyle…  I couldn’t even think about anything but him. I don’t--”

“No!” She stormed over to me and squeezed my thigh with both hands. I shut off the mower. “You said you needed me, Kolton. Stop being stupid. We belong together. You know we do.”

“I’m sorry. I have a girlfriend, Tabby. I told you that.” I started the mower again so she’d know it was final.

Amber stepped forward. “Until your girlfriend leaves and you’re horny. Then I bet you’ll be all over Tab.” She glared at me.

“I’m done with this conversation.” I pulled the safety headphones over my ears and nudged the mower forward slightly so they knew to back the hell away.

I didn’t need Amber’s shit. I was already pissed because I couldn’t spend the day with Lauren. We only had so much time before she left. I told her I’d stop by after I got off at nine. She wanted to take some night photos on the beach. I focused my mind on her for the next couple hours, and every possible scenario that would get her naked in the ocean with me that night.

Rob’s car pulled in the driveway just as I finished up. “What’s going on?” He trotted over to the Tulane pickup. “I heard you were working for Tab’s dad.”

“Yeah. Good times.” I wiped my sweaty face with a towel I’d brought along.

“Tomorrow night. Party. Be here. Bring your woman so I can meet her.” He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one. I hated the smell of smoke. It reminded me of home.

“I don’t think so. There’s nobody I want to see.” I scuffed my foot through the cinders on the side of the road. “Other than you, I mean.”

He took a drag and exhaled. “Kyle told me what happened.”

I ran my hand through my hair and tugged at the back. “That shouldn’t have happened. He started talking shit about Lauren and Tabby, and I should’ve just let it go.”

We stood there watching cars drive past while he finished his smoke. “Alright, loser. Come over tomorrow night. It’s going to be huge. You probably won’t even have to talk to any of them.”

I shrugged. “I’ll think about it.”

At nine fifteen that night, I knocked on Lauren’s door. She swung it open, grabbed me, and pressed her lips against mine. The feel of her in my arms, and knowing she’d been waiting by the door made everything but us disappear. “I couldn’t wait to see you.” She picked her camera up off the table and rushed out the door. “How was work?”

“Fine.” I sighed. She didn’t know I’d started my second job already. I didn’t want to be working it, and somehow not telling her about it made it less real in my mind.

“You look tired.” She ran her fingers over my eyelids.

“I am.” I yawned thinking about how tired I was.

“You want to go home? It’s okay. We can do something tomorrow…if you can.”

I wrapped my arms around her waist. “No way. I’ve waited all day to be with you.”

We made our way down the beach in the dark. The air was wet with humidity.

“Stop!” She raised her camera to eye level and aimed it at the sky. The moon was only a sliver surrounded by a million stars.

As she took pictures, the bottom of her t-shirt snuck up, exposing a narrow strip of her stomach. There was nobody else around, so I dropped to my knees and took her by the hips. My lips met the bare skin above her shorts and she inhaled a sharp breath.

I unbuttoned her shorts and waited for her to stop me. When she didn’t, I lowered them just a little, and kissed along the low waistband of her underwear.

“Kolton,” she whispered.

“I won’t.” I was dying to.

I stood up. Her head was thrown back, and her eyes were closed. I pulled my t-shirt over my head and ran a hand down her neck. “Come swimming with me.”

She opened her eyes and took in my bare chest. “Swimming? Now?”

“Yeah. Come on.”

“Let me put my camera inside and throw my suit on.” She took a step back toward the house.

I held her arm. “You don’t need a suit with me. I promise I won’t do anything.”

She shook her head. “I can’t.”

“Why?” I let the word hang between us like a challenge.

“I’m afraid.” She turned her head away from me.

“Of me?” I took her by the shoulders and made her face me.

“No.” She shook her head again. “I don’t know why, okay? I’m just afraid.”

I pulled her to me. “Okay. It’s no big deal. I’m sorry if I upset you.”

“I’m not upset.” She buried her face in my neck.

“You sound kind of upset.” I kissed her temple.

“I’m mad at myself. Because I want to. I really, really want to.”

I had to smile. Her words meant just as much as if she’d stripped down and ran into the water with me. “I’ll be here when you’re ready.” I let her go and raised her camera off her chest. “Don’t you have pictures to take?”

She smacked my chest. “Yes, but someone keeps trying to get me naked.”

I laughed and plopped down in the sand. “I’ll stay here and watch. You do your thing.”

The next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes to what I thought was lightning, but what turned out to be the flash on Lauren’s camera. “You’re cute when you sleep,” she said. “I noticed that the other night, but didn’t want to get up to get my camera.”

I held my hands out for her to come to me. She sat beside me and let me pull her down on top of me. “Did you get anything good?”

She shrugged. “A few sand crabs. Nothing great.”

I threaded my fingers through her silky hair. “My friend, Rob, is having a party tomorrow night. He invited us.”

“Us?” She looked up at me, surprised.

“Yeah. Us. I don’t keep you a secret.” I tugged her ladybug charm.

She ran a finger down my chest. “I need to figure out a way to mark you, so no girls try to steal you from me after I leave.”

“What other girls? I’ll be spending my time counting the minutes until I see you again.”

She laughed and leaned her forehead against mine. “Shut up.”

“I’m serious.” I kissed her and ran my hands up and down her back. “I don’t want to think about it.”

“Let’s not. It makes me sad.”

“Me too.”

Bright flood lights popped on behind her house, barely reaching us on the beach. “Lauren, time to come inside,” her dad called from the patio. Lauren scrambled off of me. “Tell Kolton goodbye.”

“Okay, Dad.”

We stood up and brushed the sand off. I pulled my t-shirt back on. Her dad was still watching us. “I think you’re in trouble,” I whispered.

“I think you’re right.”

We walked around her house to my car. Just as I squeezed her hand and leaned in to kiss her, the front door opened and her dad stepped out. I kissed her cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

She rolled her eyes and nodded. “Sorry.”

“It’s my fault. Text me and let me know if you’re in trouble.”

She glanced up at her dad, then grabbed my face and kissed me. “I don’t care.”

I got in my car as she ran up the stairs to the front door. Her dad glared at me until I backed out of the driveway and his daughter was inside.

LAUREN

“I don’t appreciate that boy molesting my daughter right outside my back door.” Dad slammed the door and locked it. “And I don’t appreciate you throwing it in my face like you just did.”

He couldn’t be serious. “Kissing my boyfriend goodbye is throwing something in your face?”

He pointed to the patio. “After what I just saw down there? Yes, Lauren, it’s throwing your…hormones in my face.”

Mom walked in and sat on a stool at the breakfast bar. “What’s going on?”

“Your daughter needs a talk about discretion and self-respect with boys.”

“Self-respect?? You think I don’t have self-respect?”

He ignored me. “She was down on the beach rolling around in the sand with her boyfriend. His hands were all over her.”

“What?” I took a step forward. “His hands were
not
all over me, Dad. Trust me.”

“They could’ve been.” He slumped down into one of the kitchen chairs and banged his fist on the table.

“Of course they could’ve been. They weren’t.” I turned to my mom. “Would you say something please? He’s being crazy.”

She took a deep breath and smoothed the placemat on the counter trying not to laugh. “Lauren, try to be discrete in public. We don’t need the neighbors watching you make out with your boyfriend.” She lifted her eyes to mine. “You know I went next door to visit The Parker’s today.”

“Yeah. So?” The Parker’s lived here year round. Mr. Parker was a doctor. He worked at the hospital.

“Dr. Parker was telling me that he works with Kolton’s mom. She’s a nurse.”

“Really?” I turned away from her and started rummaging in the cupboard for cookies or chocolate. This conversation was making me nervous. My mom using the words “making out” in reference to me called for something fattening. I pulled out a pack of Little Debbie Zebra Cakes.

“From what he says,” she continued, “they have quite a few issues in their family. What do you know about that?”

I spun around and leaned against the counter. “Everyone has issues in their family.”

She glanced at Dad. Something unspoken passed between them before Mom focused on the placemat in front of her, rolling its edges. “Yes, but some issues are bigger than others. Did you know his father’s an alcoholic and used to hit Kolton’s mom?”

“Yes. I knew that. He’s not around anymore though. Problem solved.” I popped open the Little Debbie wrapper so hard it sounded like gunshot in the kitchen.

“What about his brother?” Dad asked. His eyebrows rose, urging Mom to bring out the big guns.

“Lauren, did you know Kolton’s brother is mentally ill?” Mom slipped off her stool and came around the counter to stand across from me.

“Yeah, I guess.” I knew something was going on with him. “So, you have a problem with mentally ill people? They should all be locked up, is that it?”

She actually laughed. “Of course not. But your father and I don’t think it’s a good idea to be around someone unstable.”

“Kyle’s not unstable.” I willed my mind away from the knot Kolton had on his jaw. “Isn’t Dr. Parker breaking doctor-patient confidentiality?”

“Kyle isn’t Dr. Parker’s patient. I asked him if he knew Kolton.”

“So does he?” I took a bite of Zebra Cake.

“Yes. He said he’s met Kolton a few times. He told me that Kolton’s mom depends on him a lot.”

I nodded and chewed, wishing this conversation was over. “And?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Dad snapped.

Mom finally gave up easing into the meat of our talk and folded her arms. “Kolton is a nice boy, Lauren. Your dad and I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting into with him. He has a lot going on in his life.”

“I know. He’s told me all about his family.”

Dad took a few steps across the kitchen to snag the last bite of my zebra cake. “Be careful around his brother. We trust your judgment.” He poked my side. “And no more rolling around in the sand. You’re going to give your old man a heart attack.”

“Don’t talk with food in your mouth,” I said, and stood on tip-toe to kiss his cheek.

Up in my room after the parental talk, I pulled out my phone and sent Kolton a text.

Everything’s fine. Talk to you tomorrow.

I wished Kolton had a family as great as mine.