Lipstick and Lies (19 page)

‘I really do think we should get
her to hospital,’ said Morag.

‘You’re right.
Come on.
Drink up.’

We took the stairs two at a time and
made our way to the bathroom.

‘Can we come i
n?’ I called through the door.

‘Ooooh,’ Nell said by way of re
sponse
.
I levered down the door handle.
Nell was on all fours rocking around the bathroom.
‘Somebody rub my back,’ she
bleated
.
Morag crouched down and began massaging.
‘Harder!
Faster!’

‘Is Ben on his way?’ I asked.

‘Yes,’ Nell gasped, ‘and I’ve sorted out Dylan with b
oth my mother and the school.’

‘We need to get you to hospital Nell.
Come on, get up.’

‘No.
I can’t move.’

‘You can.
And must.
I’m going to get a towel and then we’ll get you into Morag’s car.
And you’d better text Ben to meet you at t
he hospital rather than here.’

‘I can’t stand up,’ wai
led Nell, ‘it hurts too much.’

‘
Then
stay like that.’
There followed a very iffy ten minutes of getting Nell down the stairs and out to Morag’s car
whilst
on all fours.
‘You go on ahead,’ I said to Morag
.
‘I’ll just let Rocket back in and lock up.’

‘I haven’t got
my overnight bag!’ cried Nell.

‘Where is it?’

‘Down by the side of my bed.’

‘I’ll grab it and bring it
along
in my car.’
I helped Nell onto the back seat of Morag’s car.
Slamming the door
shut
I banged the roof.
‘Go!’

The
Ford Galaxy
catapulted off the driveway with Nell swaying on the back seat and very red in the face.
At that moment I could see an uncanny resemblance
between her and Rocket
.

Forty-five minutes later
,
Nell was gowned and in a delivery room.
A monitor was
strapped to
her bump
.
A
midwife assured
us that
ev
erything was going swimmingly.

‘A few more hours and baby will be here,’ she beamed.
‘Where’s your
birthing partner Mrs Lambert?’

‘Stuck in a ten mile tailback thanks to a closure on the M25,’ Nell snarled.
‘When he finally gets here
,
I’m going to kill him.’

‘Ben is doing his best,’ I soothed.
‘Meanwhile
you have Morag and me to
hold your hand.’

‘Sorry girls
,
but I’m going to have to go,’ said Morag. ‘There’s only so long I can take advantage of Joanie
,
and I’ve been away for hours.’

‘F
ine, fine,’ Nell waved a hand.

‘Morag, can you do me a favour and divert past my house.
L
et Edna know what’s happened.’

‘Sure,’ she gave me a good-bye hug.
‘Let me know the news as soon as it’s all over.
Good luck Nell,’ Morag kissed Nell on the forehead
,
nearly knocking her out with her chest.
‘Go cervix go!’

Nell smiled weakly.

Four hours later there was still no sign of Ben.
But Nell was beyond caring.
She was now in the
grip of full blown labour.

‘I can feel the baby’s head crowning,’ she gasped.
She looked like she was stretchi
ng her body to breaking point.

The mid-wife peered between Nell’s legs.
‘You’re doing really well dear.
I can see hair!’

‘
Ooooh
, I want to see my baby’s hair.
Cass, get me a mirror.’

I cast around the delivery room looking for a convenient compact mirror.

‘Here you are,’ said the mid-wife producing the sort of mirror one
usually finds in a hair salon.

‘Short back and sides?’ I joked.
My laughter turned to an agonised yelp as Nell
grabbed one of my hands and
crushed
it
with
in
hers.
‘Bloody hell,’ I gasped, ‘I think
you’ve broken all my fingers.’

‘Aaaaaaah,’ Nell wailed.

‘A really good push
dear and this baby will be born,
’
said the midwife.

Nell screwed up her face and turned the colour of beetroot.
Making a noise like Tarzan, she pushed as if her life depended upon it.
The baby shot out into the midwife’s hands.
A few tugs on the cord a
nd the placenta was delivered.

‘It’s a girl!’ I whooped with joy.
And promptly burst into tears.

The mid-wife lifted the baby onto Nell’s breast just as Ben
burst into the delivery room.

‘Oh my God,’ he swooped down on his wife and new daughter.
‘Oh my darling!
Oh my baby!’
And then he caught sight of the placenta.
Suddenly he turned the colour of putty, his eyes rolled backwards and he crashed down
to
the floor.

Half an hour later I was behind the wheel of my car and beetling home.
Nell and baby Rosie were doing fine.
And so was Ben
.
He and his concussion were
in the next ward.
All I wanted to do now was get home, see my own beautiful brood of children and have a nice hot bath.
Wouldn’t everybody be amazed to hear
my
story of being Nell’s birthing partner.
What a fantastic feeling.
I was high as a kite!

I shot through our electric gates, parked the car and, with a spring in my step, bounded up to the front door.
Just as m
y key was poised
,
the door opened.
And suddenly my bubble of elation burst like a pricked balloon.
For there, standing on my Welcome mat, was Selina.

I stared at the vision
haloed
in the doorway.
My
doorway.
Selina looked more like Angelina Jolie than ever
– elegant and poised
.
I presumed she’d come straight from work.
Her slim frame was dressed in a smart trouser suit.
On her feet
she wore
expensive leather boots.
The long dark hair was loose and shiny
, a
nd the pumped up lips glossed to perfection.
In contrast, I
looked a wreck.
My h
air
was still
stuck to my head from th
e earlier
workout with Rocket.
My j
oggers
were
splashed with amniotic fluid.
And as for my trainers.
I kicked them off irritably.
Our
nostrils twitched as whiffy insoles made their presence known.

‘Cass!’ Selina’s face lit up.
‘How lovely to see you.’
Either she was a damned good actress or genuinely ecstatic that our paths had crossed again so soon.
Personally I suspected the former.
‘Do come in.’ For one surreal moment I felt as though I were being invited into
her
home.
‘You’ve missed mains but we’re enjoying the most delicious pudding cooked by your charming mother-in-law.
She’s an absolute poppet.’

‘Well don’t let me interrupt your meal.’
Dear God, now I sounded like a visitor.
‘I mean, carry on.’
Where was Jamie?
Why wasn’t he greeting me?

‘Jamie’s just changing Eddie’s nappy,’ Selina said, as if reading my mind.
‘We’re in the kitchen.
Come on through.’

There!
She was doing it again
– inviting
me into my own home
!
Somehow I
ended up following her
through the hallway
,
for all the world like a guest.
In the kitchen an
unfamiliar sight greeted my eyes.
Four children sat around the table, elbows in,
backs ramrod straight,
eating apple crumble with impeccable manners.
Not a scraping spoon, nor a slurped drink, and def
initely no rowdy conversation.

‘Good evening kids,’ I smiled at them all.
They beamed back.

‘Good evening Mummy,’ said Livvy politely before turning to her step-sister.
‘More custard on your crumble
Petra
?’

‘Thank you Livvy.’

‘I’ll have the custard jug after you please,’ said Toby to
Petra
.
‘Thank you.
Jo
nas, would you like some too?’

‘I’ve had sufficient thank you Toby.’
Sufficient?
Since when did anybody in this house say
sufficient
?
‘I wouldn’t mind finishing off the cream though.’
Jonas
paused, and instantly looked
contrite.
‘So long as nobody else wants
any,’ he added.

‘No, no, that’s fine, go ahead,’ the other three graciously urged Jonas to pig out with
a
carton of double.

My eyes flicked from face to face.
I had an overwhelming urge to whip out a thermometer and take temperature
s
.

‘Charming children,
’ Selina murmured at my elbow.

‘Yes.
They’ve been brought up
to be
,’ I couldn’t resist pointing out.
Frankly I hadn’t a clue who these children were.
They might look like Livvy, Toby,
Petra
and Jonas, but they weren’t.
The real Livvy, Toby, Petra and Jonas should be noisily chatting about school, arguing about who had the biggest measure of custard, eating with their mouths open, knocking drinks over and spilli
ng crumble down their clothes.

‘Ah
,
Cassandra dear,’ Edna came into the kitchen with Eddie on her hip.
‘Jamie’s just this second taken an international call from Ethan.
He’s shut himself in the study.
I’m afraid he could be
a
while
.’

‘Oh well.
Business is bu
siness,’ I cranked up a smile.

‘Sit down.
I’ve kept your dinner warm.’

‘Thanks.
I’m absolutely famished.’
Famished?
Was that the right sort of word to use in the company of a woman like Selina?
I couldn’t imagine her sitting down and saying, “Feed me, I’m famished” before tucking into a plate of raw cauliflower.
I held out my arms to Eddie.
‘Hello beautiful boy
.
C
ome to Mummy.’

‘
Y
ou eat your dinner Cass,’ Selina
immediately
swooped on Eddie
.
‘I
’ll l
ook after this little fellow.’

And suddenly my baby was in her arms.
My heart jumped into my throat.
I had an overwhelming urge to snatch Eddie away – as if to protect him.
Every nerve
in my body
screamed
hands
off
.
But I could do nothing about it.
Edna had plonked a hot plate in front of me.
The food was steaming.
I could hardly eat with Eddie on my lap – his little fingers had a habit of going everywhere and I didn’t want him getting burnt.
Edna caught my eye.

‘You must tell us al
l about Nell’s new baby dear.’

‘Gosh
,
yes
!’ Selina smiled.
‘H
ow
exciting
!
I gather y
ou ended up playing mid-wife.’