Lipstick and Lies (14 page)

‘I guess our little babe is the culprit.
Don’t let him play with the telephones darling.
The flex could be dangerous.’

I knew exactly what I’d like to do with the flex
,
and to whom.

‘If you get a moment today, buy some decent digital handsets.’

‘Okay.’

‘Now before I reluctantly leave this bed, I want to hold my wife.
Like this,’ Jamie pulled me roughly into his arms, ‘and tell her how much I love her.’

I stared at my husband.
If I hadn’t been lying down, I would have swooned.
Blue eyed.
Honey-blond.
Great body.
If you liked that sort of thing – and I most certainly did – you’d consider him extremely good looking.

‘I love you too,’ I whispered.
My lip wobbled slightly.

‘Is something the matter Cassie?’

Ask him!
Ask him now!

‘How did last night go?’

‘Extremely well.’

What – the meeting with the client or
the meeting at Selina’s place?

‘Where did you go?’

‘Le Gavroche.’

‘Anywhere
else?’

Jamie chuckled.
‘If you’re referring to a place like Stringfellows, then no.
The guys aren’t the sort of clients who expect you to pick up the tabs for lap dancers.
We said goodnight
and then w
ent our separate ways.
Then I gave Selina a lift home, changed an awkward light
bulb for her that Ethan wasn’t around to do
, before finally
coming home and
hitting
the
pillow
.’

I hadn’t realised I’d been holding my breath until it whooshed out of me.
Oh thank you God!
Th
ank you, thank you, thank you.

‘And much as I love being in bed with you, I’m
now
going to haul myself out and take a quick shower.
’ Jamie planted a perfunctory kiss on my cheek
before bounding
off to the en-suite.

‘Will you be home early tonight?’ I called.

‘Hope so,’ Jamie’s voice was drowned out by the blast of the shower.

I sighed.
I’d speak to Morag
about Selina being back on the scene
.
Pick her brains
on how to handle an ex-girlfriend
.
I glanced at the broken handset.
First, we needed
new
telephones.

An hour later, after dropping the children to school, I drove through the usual traffic of commuters and mothers finishing the school run.
Arriving at Currys, I wheeled Eddie’s buggy
around the aisles searching for cordless phones
.
After a mere ten seconds of cogitation, I selected what appeared to be a good deal.
Nothing like
shopping with a
baby
to speed up decision making
.
As I headed towards the checkout, my mobile rang.
It was Morag.

‘You’ll never believe what Henry’s just done!’ she shrieked.

Like most first-time mothers, Morag was convinced her baby son was a genius.

‘Do tell,’ I shoved the receipt and small change into my purse.

‘He just said Mama!’

‘No!
Fancy that.’ Henry was four months old.

‘Come over for coffee.
You can hear him
speak
for yourself.’

‘Will do.
I was on my way to see you anyway.’

‘Oh?’

‘I need your advice.’

‘I’m putting the coffee on now.
Don’t be long.’

Twenty minutes later I walked into Morag’s bright sunny kitchen.
Disentangling Eddie’s fists from my hair, I popped him into Henry’s playpen.

‘Hello sweetie-pie,’ I cooed at my godson
.
Henry
was lying on his back under a plastic mobile.

‘Mwah-mwah,’ he gurgled happily.

‘You see!’ Morag said ecstatically.
‘Mama!’

‘Amazing!
Henry is clearly destined for great things.’

Morag smirked.
‘You don’t need to tell me Cass – I already know that.’

It was a good thing I loved Morag.
She wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea with her overpowering personality.
I sat down at the table.
She sashayed over with steaming mugs.

‘Any bickies?’ I asked.

‘Certainly not,’ replied Morag primly.
‘If you want something to nibble, I can cut you up some carrot sticks.’

‘
Thanks, but
I’ll pass.’
I’d had enough raw food to last me a life time.

‘So.
What’s up?’

‘Ah,’ I stared morosely into my mug.

‘Ah what?’

And suddenly all my fears tumbled out.

‘So what do you think?
’

‘Cass, this is
Jamie
we’re talking about.
He is one of the most honourable men I have ever met.
In fact,’ she furrowed her brow, ‘I’d go so far as to say he’s the
only
honourable man I’ve ever met.
Apart from Matt of course,’ she added as an afterthought.

‘So why was
Selina asking
my husband
to change light bulbs for her at midnight?
’

‘
Because she’s a helpless female?
’

‘
Huh!’ I took a sip of coffee.
‘
And why did he answer her phone?’ I raked a hand through my hair.
‘Don’t you think that’s odd?
If your phone rang right now, you wouldn’t expect me to answer it would you!
And don’t forget I heard Selina call him
darling
.
What do you make of that?’

‘Just being friendly?’

I gave Morag a withering look.

‘This is ridiculous.
Selina just needed a bit of male help.
That’s all.’

‘You think so?’

‘Yes!’ Morag cried.
‘Don’t you think you should
tackle the obvious Cass?’

‘
The obvious what
?’

‘Well clearly your own love life is not
ticketty
-boo
,
otherwise you wouldn’t doubt Jamie’s intentions with Selina.
Firstly, you need to
get bedroom time
back on track.’

‘But I’m knackered,’ I groaned.
‘And anyway, I tried last night and
he
was knackered.’

‘
Well he had been working late!
Look, most of the time you’
re
the one that’s
exhausted.
You have been for months.
So you’re not thinking straight.
First things first, start with a sleep plan for Eddie.’
The palm of her hand shot up like a traffic cop.
My protests stopped in their tracks.
‘Enough of this nonsense about feeding on demand.
Eddie isn’t a newborn
anymore
!
Cut out the night feed.
And start a controlled crying sleep plan.
I promise you, within one week Eddie will
have stopped
disturbing you.’

I shook my head.
This was feisty Eddie we were talking about.
Not placid Henry.
Morag placed a pho
tocopied article on the table.

‘Do it.
Within days you’ll be having seven to eight hours of regular sleep.
Every night.
Then you’ll have some energy for horseplay.
Secondly,’ Morag arched an eyebrow, ‘sometimes nature needs a helping hand.
Like herbal supplements.’

‘Oh no–’

‘Oh yes.’ She rattled a little bottle at me.
‘One hundred per cent guaranteed to put fizz in your fanny.’

‘The last time I popped some of your pills I ended up a panting nymphomaniac.’

Morag held up a hand again while the other scribbled out
the name and number of her Chinese herbalist
.
She slapped the piece of paper on top of the photocopied sleep plan.

‘And finally,’ she gave me a frank look, ‘sort out your appearance.
It’s no good looking at me like that Cass.
I’m your friend.
What are friends for if they can’t be a little honest?’

‘A
little
honest.
Crikey, if I had balls right now I’d be clutching them in agony.’

‘You’re an attractive woman Cass.
But
look
at you!
Anybody would think you deliberately set out to try and look as awful as possible.
Did you actually bother to brush your hair this morning?
Or do you simpl
y favour the bedraggled look?’

‘Bleeding hell Morag–’

‘And look at your sweater!
Covered in Farex or similar muck.
Change is due.
And you can start right now,’ she picked up her mobile, ‘by seeing my hairdresser
.
’
S
he touched the
mobile’s
screen
and selected a number
.

‘Morag I can’t just up and go to a hair salon.
Eddie will go
bananas
sitting on my knee for three hours.’

‘You can leave Eddie with me while you– ah, hello?
Is that Dominique?
Damn.
When will she be back?
Oh I see.
Well I have a friend who’s having a major hair crisis.
It needs urgent attention.
No,
I don’t know Chloe and Miguel.
Are they any good?
Okay.
I’ll send my friend along now.’
She ended the call.

‘Morag
,
no!’ I protested.

‘Why not?’

‘Because the children will need picking up from school–’

‘In five hours.’

‘And I haven’t got Eddie’s lunch with me–’

‘Stop making excuses.
I’m quite sure Henry won’t mind Eddie pinching a jar of Heinz.
Now get a move on.
Here’s the address.’

I stood up.
‘But–’

‘Good-bye,’ Morag gave me a little push
towards the door
.

‘Oh for goodness sake,’ I snatched the piece of paper from her hand.

‘Don’t forget all your other bits,’ Morag popped the sleep plan and herbalist’s number in my handbag.
‘You can read the article and make the herbalist’s appointment while you’re covered in tin foil.’

Half an hour later I found myself seated in a high-end salon.
The
entire
staff were drop
-
dead gorgeous.

‘Hi, I’m Chloe,’ said a tall waif.
‘I’m your colouring technician,’ she ran her fingers through my lank tresses.
‘Your friend has instructed me to give you – and I quote –
a bucket of golden highlights
.
Is that okay with you?’

‘I guess so.’

Forty-five minutes later I looked like a pale Ras
tafarian with foil dreadlocks.

‘Okay
,’ said Chloe.
‘
I’ll leave that to take.
Can I get you a coffee?’

‘Please.’

Chloe strode off.
With legs that long she should be on
Britain’s Next Top
Model
.
I stared after her.
What I would give to have a figure like hers.
And wear
a tiny cropped top.
Show off not just a flat tummy, but abs.
Which reminded me, I’d completely forgotten my New Year’s resolution to reinvent myself.
Well thanks to Morag’s bullying, I was now in a swish hair salon.
Not the one I’d originally planned on visiting.
But same result.
The only matter outstanding was a date with Nell’s dog.
Rocket.
A canine gym machine.
I ferreted around in my handbag ignoring Morag’s sleep plan and the herbalist’s telephone number.