Lipstick and Lies (42 page)

‘It was
Charlotte
.
And come out of that fridge.
You’re as bad as the children constantly grazing between meals.
You’ll get a tummy if you’re not careful
.’

‘Well thank you for your concerns
about
my waistline Mrs Mackerel,’ Jamie reversed out of the fridge,
‘
but perhaps you should worry about your own tummy before you comment on mine,’ he prodded me gently in the abs.
Or where my abs would have been had I bo
thered to do stomach crunches.

‘What?’
I
looked down
my gently rounded
abdomen
.
‘A
re you telling me I look fat?’

‘No!
I was just saying–’

‘That I’m overweight.
Well thanks a bunch darling.
You certainly know how to make a girl with a post-baby figure feel good about herself.
I suppose you think I
should be skinny?’

‘All I said was–’

‘Perhaps you’d like me to be like Victoria Beckham?
Stick thin with a lollipop head.
And when pregnant
,
look like a pipe-cleaner
but
with one of David Beckham’s
g
olden
b
alls under my oh-so-cute poncho.’
I
could feel a rant brewing
.
How dare Jamie say I look fat!
I was well aware of the need to lose a few pounds.
But I didn’t need my tactless husband reminding me.
Typical – just when I had an evening dress to slither into.
And had to stand around hob-nobbing with the likes of another stick thin creature.
God life was so unfair.
‘You’re a typical man Jamie Mackerel.
You think women should swan around looking gorgeous, even when they’re up the duff
.
A
nd when they
’ve
finally pop
ped
a
sprog
,
they should shimmy
back
into their size zero jeans
before picking up a duster and flick it in time with their
hair extensions.
HOW DARE YOU!’

Jamie flattened himself against the fridge, hands up in a gesture of surrender.
‘I never said any such thing Cassie.
It’s you that’s just gone off on a wobbly.
Is it your time of the m
onth or
something?’

‘POSSIBLY,’ I roared, ‘But DON’T think you’re getting
away with telling me I’m FAT.’

I turned on my heel and stomped off to the lounge.
Bloody men.
Bloody waistline.
Bloody Hob Nobs.
I’d eaten way too many
of
late.
Bugger McVities for inventing the blasted things.
Didn’t companies like them realise they were playing
havoc with women’s silhouettes?
I picked up the remote control and pointed it at the television.
I’d take them to Court.
What a brilliant idea!
In this day and age of compensation-madness, I’d probably succeed too.
A mental picture of the Daily Mail floated through my brain.
WOMAN SUES BISCUIT MANUFACTURER
– OH
CRUMBS!
Or The Sun: FAT WOMAN
GOES CRACKERS OVER HOB NOBS.

Jamie peered around the lounge door.
‘Is it safe to come in?’
He stuck out one arm and began waving a white tea towel.
‘Sorry if I sounded tactless darling.
You’re not fat.
You’re perfect.’

I sighed and leant back against the sofa.
‘Sorry too.
I over-reacted.
Probably hormonal.
Period’s a bit late.’

Jamie sat down next to me
.
He
slung an arm around my shoulders.
‘I haven’t had a chance to talk to you properly all evening.
So, why was
Charlotte
calling?’

‘She was worried about Stevie
, and t
ho
ught he was a missing person.’

‘And is he?’

‘No
,
of course not.
Just buggering her about.
As usual.
Causing problems.
Wrecking relationships.
And not just his own.
I know you don’t believe me about him seeing Selina–’

‘Oh Cassie
,
please.
I don’t want to discuss Selina.
Every time her name is mentioned in this house
,
we go to war.’

‘I agree,’ I said quickly.
‘I don’t want to talk about her either.
But Stevie was meant to meet
Charlotte
today
,
and he stood her up.
He also sent me a text cancelling seeing the twins this weekend.
And he
’s absented himself from work with no explanation
.
Charlotte
was initially anxious about his whereabouts.
I told her he’d met someone el
se and was probably with her.’

‘Well wherever Stevie is
,
I can promise
you he’s not with Selina.’

‘Oh?’

‘She came into the office this afternoon.
Looked a bit pale.
But assured she was ninety per cent better and would be firing on all cylinders by tomorrow.
She later went home with Ethan who was all over her like a rash.
Selina was lapping up the attention.
I’m afraid where Stevie is concerned he’s just an old dog.
And it’s a shame he’s cancelled seeing Livvy and Toby, but leopards don’t change their spots.
The sooner
Charlotte
realises tha
t,
the better.
She’s a great kid and lovely looking.
No disrespect to your ex-husband darling, but she
can do miles better than him.’

‘Yes, I more or
less told her the same thing.’

‘
Charlotte
will find somebody else.
This time next ye
ar she might even be married.’

‘Mmm.
Talking of marriage, your mum told me and the girls that Arthur had p
roposed.’

Jamie shifted in his seat.
A regrouping gesture.
This was a
topic
he wasn’t comfortable with.

‘Oh yes.
And did she say whether she’s going to accept
his proposal
?’

‘No.
But she did say she was going to g
ive it careful consideration.’

Jamie nodded.
‘Good.
Well at least she’s not rushing into anything.
However,
there’s a distinct absence of my mother this evening.
Is she at Arthur’s again?’
At that moment the front door clicked.
‘Talk of the devil
,
’ Jamie
muttered
.
He hauled himself
up from the sofa.
‘Is that you Mum?’

Edna walked into the lounge.
She unbuttoned her coat.
Her eyes looked very bright.
I
wondered if she’d been crying.

‘Everyt
hing all right Edna?’ I asked.

‘Yes thank you
,
Cassandra dear.
I want you both to know
I
’ve
turned down Arthur’s proposal of marriage.’
Jamie looked visibly relieved.
‘However, I have agreed to stay periodically at Arthur’s house and we will, of course, be
sailing
the boat
together
just
soon as she’s ready.
’

‘Why did you turn him d
own Mum?’ Jamie asked quietly.

‘Because we’ve only known each other five minutes.
But that’s not to say I’ll turn him down
again
,
if he asks me in six months
time
.’
Jamie arched an eyebrow.
‘Anyway, I won’t intrude on your evening.
I’m going to have a bath and get myself
off
to bed.
Goodnight dears.’

Jamie stood up and
kissed his mother goodnight.

‘Goodnight Edna,’ I called after my mother-in-law.
I stood up too.
It was gone ten and I did feel tired.
Time to hit the pillow.

‘G
oing up darling?’ asked Jamie.

‘Yes.
Sh
all I leave my bath water in?’

‘Please.’

I wandered back out to the kitchen and picked up my mobile.
I’d give Stevie a call while the bath was running.
But upon calling his number, the phone rang unanswered
.
E
ventually
it
went to voicemail.
I hung up.
Perhaps he was in the bath too.
Half an hour later I tried him again.
I listened with growing impatience to the ringtone
.
Stevie’s voicemail once
more
kicked in
, inviting
me to leave a message.

‘Where the devil are you?’ I barked irritably.
‘I’ve had
Charlotte
on the phone wanting to know if I’d seen you.
I’m annoyed that you’ve cancelled
seeing the twins
this weekend
,
and
I think you’re playing with fire skiving off work.
Also I want to discuss Billy.
I’ve had an idea.
What about the kids see Billy with me?
Can you give me a call tomorrow?
If it’s not
too
much trouble,’ I added sarcastically.
I
pressed the disconnect button
.
Wretched man.

Hours later I surfaced from sleep aware that something had awoken me.
My ears strained to catch any untoward noises.
Eddie’s baby monitor was faintly buzzing but otherwise silent.
Jamie slumbered beside me, his breathing slow and steady.
I turned over and was immediately aware of my mobile phone glowing on the bedside table.
I picked it up, squinting slightly at its bright light.
A text message.
From Stevie.
At
three o’clock in the morning?

Don’t leave me snotty voicemails again you stuck up bitch.
And don’t contact me
either
.

I blinked.
Was I dreaming?
I turned the bedside light on.
No, I was definitely awake.
I read Stevie’s text again.
Well clearly he was up.
And yes I would most definitely contact him again.
Who the hell did he think he was!
I tossed back the duvet
,
and padded silently across the carpet to the en-suite bathroom.
Shutting myself in, I rang Stevie’s number.
Once again it went to voicemail.

‘Stevie
,
you’ve just this second texted me
.
S
o why aren’t you picking up?
Have you been drinking?
I can think of no other explanation for the tone of your text message.
There’s no need to be rude and unpleasant.
Regarding
Billy – tell you what, to hell with him.
Why should I care about you wasting money?
And as for not contacting you again –
hellooo
?
You’re the father of my children
, so o
f course I’ll be contacting you again
!
’

God’s sake.
Blasted man.
I
hung up and went back
to bed
.
Annoyed,
I grabbed my pillows and gave them a
vigorous plump
ing before flopping back against the mattress
.
But I felt angry.
And rattled.
I thought Stevie and I had a good relationship.
Having a pop at me and referring to me as a stuck up bitch was bang out of order.
I’d give him another call tomorrow.
And if he didn’t answer his phone next time around
, then I’d
be blasting his voicemail with both barrels.