“Yes, what about it? Are you upset that I haven’t taken this off? I can’t do it yet. I promised myself I will take it off once the boys are born.”
“Baby, one day this finger will have my ring and it will represent my feelings for you and how I will be with you the rest of my life. I don’t need time to tell me that I want to be with you forever.”
All I can say to him is …”Jacob, Jacob, Jacob … baby steps please.”
We finish lunch watching ships and boats come in and out of the canal. He pays the bill and we head home. I don’t know if it was the sun or what, but I am exhausted once we are in the truck I pass out. I wake up to feeling Jacob’s hand on my belly. He’s rubbing it, as his way of telling the boys and me he is here. I look over to him and with the back of my fingers rub it along his jaw line. “Sorry to fall asleep on you.”
“Honey, its fine, you need your rest. We are almost to your house.”
I sit up a little taller in the seat, and stare out the window and think of what we talked about over lunch. I need Ella and Kate. Jacob and I have been seeing each other so much lately I feel like I have pushed them to the back burner. Maybe dinner with my girls is just what I need after a day like this. I have no idea what I am doing. I’m tired of feeling scared. I was never a person to let fear consume me. Will I ever be free … free from this terrifying grip of death that is choking me?
We pull into the driveway, and Jacob helps me out of the truck. “Want to come in for a while?”
“Baby, I would love to. Let me grab my change of clothes.” He kisses my forehead, and opens the back door for his bag of clothes. We head to the kitchen, where he drops his bag on the bar stool.
I go to him and wrap my arms around him. “I’m going to take a quick shower, help yourself. I’ll be out soon.”
“Take your time, baby.”
In the middle of trying desperately to shave my legs is when I feel a sharp pain. It is running along the right side of my belly, and it is squeezing everything around it. I feel a shooting stabbing pain in my lower back then more stabbing pains into my butt. I freak out and lose it … “JACOB!!! JACOB!!! COME QUICK!!!” I scream for him, while opening the door. Ouch, it’s not going away.
Jacob runs in the bathroom, white as a ghost. “What? My God, What?”
Standing there with the door open, I try to inhale and exhale, but damn does it hurt. I sputter out.
“Pain, I have pain all around here and into my lower back and ass.” The shower door is open and he sees me shake from the cold. He jumps in the shower with me. He places his hands all over my stomach. “I think you are having Braxton Hick Contractions. Hold on a sec.” He jumps out and reached across the bathroom sink and grabs a glass, he fills it up with cold water and brings it in the shower, “Here baby, drink this. I think you might be a little dehydrated. Braxton Hicks can come on fast when you are dehydrated.”
I gulp down the water, with his hands on my hips. It hasn’t even occurred to me that I am stark naked and he is in clothes. Once I am finished he takes the glass out of my hand and places it on the floor behind him. I cross my arms over my chest, I am so embarrassed of how he is seeing me for the first time.
“That really scared me. I didn’t think they could be that strong. What the hell was stabbing in my ass?” I say while trying to catch my breath.
“The pain in your fine ass is probably your Sciatic nerve. That pain will come and go and just depends on how the babies are positioned on your lower back. Braxton Hicks will come and go, but shouldn’t last too long. If they last too long and come frequent then we have other issues.” He starts to rub his hands all over my body. He grabs my body wash from the shelf and squirts some onto his hands. “Turn around let me wash you since I’m in here.”
“It’s alright Jacob, I can handle washing myself. I’m just sorry that you had to jump in here with your clothes on.”
Pulling my arms away from my breast, he looks at with me with pure lust in his eyes. “You are absolutely stunning, Elizabeth! Turn around, please. I want to wash you … I need to touch you.” I turn around and he’s on his knees. Squirting more body wash into his palm he washes my feet, then up my legs. With his hands on my butt, I can feel him kiss each cheek. Then hands on my hips he whispers for me to turn around. He kisses my protruding belly, washes my hips and belly. He stands up and grabs the bath wash and squirts more on his hands. He continues to wash my belly, and then his hands go from my wrist up my arms, down my collar bone and down to my breast. He rubs his hands all over my breast, with his thumb and forefinger he grabs my nipples and tugs on them gently. My nipples are pebbled and send shooting bolts of electricity to my nether regions. Pulling his hands around the nape of my neck, he bends down and we kiss. Our kiss is slow, and full of need. He gently bites my bottom lip, and I softly moan into him. Then our tongues entwine with one another and move with each other as our mouths were meant to be for each other. He pulls away from our long sensual kiss. He kisses my jaw line, then right under my ear lobe where more jolts of electricity are pulsating through my body. He whispers in my ear, “Elizabeth, you’re fucking sexy as hell and you have no clue how bad I want to make love to you and worship this body.” His hands glide all over my body and rest on my breast.
“I think I have a clue. I’m the one with raging hormones, remember.”
“Baby, I know and I would whisk you out of this shower so fast, but I … don’t know, I feel I should just wait. In due time I will have you and I will make love to you all night long.”
I’m starting to prune, but I want to give Jacob the same shower treatment. “Here since you are in here, why don’t you shower with me?” I say as I peel his white shirt off of his mighty fine broad shoulders. Once he pulls the rest of his shirt off and throws it on the shower floor, I trail my fingers down the ridges of his abs. Starting to untie his swim shorts, he grabs my wrist. “Baby, I’m dying here and I want to be inside of you, so damn bad. I don’t think this is a good idea. I don’t want it to lead to something that will jeopardize us.
“Jacob I know what I’m doing. I’m just going to wash you. I’ll stop you if you get out of hand.” He smashes his mouth on to mine and I feel the need in our kiss. He grabs my face, pulling me deeper in our kiss. His tongue is hot and soft as it dances with my tongue. I slowly suck on his tongue trying to show him what I would like to do to his cock. I pull away as I bite his lower lip.
“Let me get you clean,” I say as I squirt body wash into my palm. Facing him I start with his broad shoulders, washing one arm at a time, and then I pull him into a hug while rubbing his back. I glide down to his tight ass and massage the soap into firm ass cheeks. I bring my hands around to hip lean hips and rub up and down along his abs. Coming back down, I’m inches away from his cock. He grabs my hands. “Don’t go there, at least not yet. I don’t want to come for you like this.” I just nod. I bring my hands back up his chest and around his neck. I pull him towards me and look into those sexy blue eyes of his. “I’m pruning and cold, let’s get out and maybe continue this in the bedroom.” I wink as I reach for the shower knob.
He jumps out of the shower first to grab us towels. After he wraps the towel around his waist and holds mine open for me to walk into. He swaddles me in the towel. Pulling another one out, he wraps my hair in the other one. “Let’s get you dressed.” He says as he guides me into my bedroom.
I put on a jersey shirt style dress. I tell him that I want to lie down for a while. He pulls on a pair of gym shorts and lies down in the bed next to me. “Is this ok?” He says looking at me knowing he is lying on the side that used to be Grant’s.
“It’s fine …” I say as I yawn. “Can we talk for a while? I have questions that need to be answered?” We are laying on our sides facing each other. His hand is on my belly rubbing it in a soothing way. My hand is rubbing the bicep that is caressing my belly. He pulls me closer to him; my face is in the crook of his neck. This is better, because I don’t know if I can see his face for what I’m about to say.
“The song choices were really good. I’ve never been a country fan, but I like the songs you gave me. I really like the Josh Groban song. What made you put that on there since it’s not really country or rock?”
“My sister Olivia gave me his CD about five years ago when I was going through a hard time. She made me listen to that song over and over when she was around.”
“What happened five years ago?”
“Life passing by,” he says in a depressing tone. “I was going to weddings out the ass, everyone was getting married or having babies and I was just alone. I mean I’ve dated women, but never felt anything close to what I had with Rebecca, not until I met you. You are so much more than I felt with Rebecca.”
I’m so glad we are not looking at each other. “So I take it then that you have had multiple women?”
“Elizabeth?” He tries to look at my face and I just bury it deeper in his neck. “I guess you can say I’ve had my share of women. I’m thirty-seven. I haven’t been celibate, but I don’t think I have been a man-whore either. I’ve only had sex with condoms, obviously Rebecca was the only one I didn’t, and I was checked after I found out she cheated on me. Why?”
I’m such a twat! “Jacob, I’ve only had two lovers in my life. My high school boyfriend that I was with my senior year and then Grant.”
“I think you are a fortunate one, baby. So, why the question about the song? We kind of got off track.”
“No, it was that Grant’s memorial video my brother made was set to a Josh Groban song. Since hearing it at his funeral, I have started to listen to more of his music.” I say to him.
“Elizabeth, it’s just another sign that we are meant to be. Both of our siblings gave us songs that have meaning to the situation we were in,” he says as I nod into his neck.
Ok onto the major question that has been racking my brain.
“Jacob, I’ve picked out the boys’ names. But, before I tell you, you need to know that these names are dear to me, they have meaning to me and my past. I need to know that if there is a future with me, if you will be ok with the boys being named after my past. Since, technically, they will always be half of my past as well.”
He takes in a deep breath. Shit this is it, he can’t handle this, I knew it. “Beth, you can name them whatever you want. Hell, name them after the turtles as Kate suggested. I will like whatever name you pick, because like you said they hold meaning to you, just as any other parent picks out baby names. They hold some type of meaning. I will be ok with it.”
I hesitantly respond, “So you will be ok if I name the first one born Grant?”
“Baby you can name all three Grant like George Foreman did with his sons. They’re your sons, you name them.” He says with his lips close to my forehead.
“Well, I’ve decided to name them after the three important men in my life; these are the men who got me to where I am now. I want the first to be named Grant, then the second one Evan, after my father. Finally, the third Cole, after my father in law. If it wasn’t for him, I would have never become a lawyer.”
“I think those are some mighty fine, strong boy names. They will grow up to become amazing men.” He says to me as he pulls away to look into my eyes. “I love the names, Elizabeth.”
Silence surrounds us. I think that both of us are thinking of what to say next. I am so comfortable lying here next to this man, but my head is spinning with so many questions and concerns. I’m so scared.
“Elizabeth … I … um … I want you to know that I have some very strong feelings for you, stronger beyond like. I … I think I’m falling in love with you.”
He just stares, looking into my eyes for a reaction and I have no idea what to say or do. I keep searching his eyes for a clue. “Jacob, I don’t know what to say?”
“Say nothing; say nothing until you are ready. I wanted you to know that I fell head over heels the first time I saw you. Call it love at first sight or cupid’s arrow, hell I don’t know, all I know is I couldn’t breathe around you. My heart was skipping beats, my pulse was racing. Between your inner beauty and your amazing body I was yours on that day. I have dreamt of you every night since that day. I dream of you as you are now, I dream of you in our future. You are my shining light in the dark that I have been in for a long time. You bring me hope for me and us. You and I together can finally have what we have always wanted.”
I am in complete shock, what do I say to this man confessing all of his love and dreams for me? Sure, I care for him and I like him, but I can barely plan tomorrow, let alone the future.
“What do you want, Jacob?” I whisper. I don’t mean to, but I’m scared to think I have just been an easy package.
“I want a wife, I want children, a home, a life to come home to every night after work. I want to make memories with the ones I love.”
WHOA!! I knew it! I scoot back so I can look at him further. “Did you pick me just because I showed up on your exam table as a pregnant widow? Can you love another man’s children? Is this what I am hearing?”
He looks pained, like I just stabbed him in the heart. “Baby, I met you before you knew you were pregnant, remember. I was there the night Grant passed. Kate called me to come. Once I got there, Ella was the one that said you needed to relax before you lost the baby. That you couldn’t lose the baby. So I went and got the sedative that would make you relax. My heart broke for you, for what you were going through. I knew what you were feeling, I was in that exact spot at one time in my life. But, I felt something the moment I held you in my arms, and it wasn’t damn pity for you. I felt strong feelings for you, and hell I didn’t even know you.
“Yes Elizabeth. I could love Grant’s children, because they are a part of you. I’ve been on this journey with you and whether you want me to or not I have developed feelings for these boys, but I’m not asking to replace their father.”
This is just moving way too fast for me, I can’t comprehend everything he is saying now let alone what we have talked about all day. “Jacob, I don’t mean to be a real bitch here, but you have to leave. I need to think about all of this. This is just going so fast, that I feel like I am in a choke hold. I like you so much, but today you have declared your love to me, asked me to move in with you, and be my children’s surrogate father. I don’t know what to say or do. Please just give me time.”