“What is the other one’s name?” He says as he gently rubs my belly.
“Evan. They are all named after three very important men in my life.” I whisper as I feel my words start to choke up.
“Thank you. I am honored, as I know your father and Grant would be. I can’t wait to hold them all.” He leans over and gives me another hug.
He pulls out an envelope out of his suit jacket. “Anna came across this as she was going through the boxes you told me to take. She apologizes for starting to read it, since it wasn’t addressed to anyone. She never read the whole thing, but wanted to let you know that it is from Grant. It’s a letter to you.
“What kind of letter? I already got everything we discussed together if something happened to one of us.”
“It’s a letter telling you to be happy with your new life. Here!” Cole, hands me the letter as I walk to the couch. “Beth, I’m going to get going. I need to be in court soon. Are you going to be ok?”
I look up to him with tears in my eyes. Cole is acknowledging my new life as he sees what is going on in my house. Cole leans down to kiss my head. “Beth, it’s OK to move on. We all just want you to be happy. Anna and I understand all of this.” As he waves his hand at all the boxes and furniture all over the place. “We just want a small part in our grandsons’ lives.”
I kiss him on the cheek and say, “You have a huge part in your grandsons’ lives, nothing small about it. Tell Anna I love her and thank you. I love you, too.”
He stands up, and winks at me. “Let us know if you need anything.”
I hold the envelope to my chest as I take in deep breaths. I slowly reopen the letter and see it’s a hand written letter on his legal pad paper. I feel my throat close up and I try not to sob. It’s dated January 2011
. I don’t understand why he never told me about this?
To my sweetheart, my love, and my heart Elizabeth,
Elizabeth, it’s another year and I pray that this is the year we are finally parents. It breaks my heart a little more every time I see your dream come crashing down. I wish I could give you a baby so badly. I hate seeing you hurt for a child. Know that I think you will be an amazing mother when you finally become one. You have so much love to give, you are extremely patient kind, tenderhearted, smart, and care free. All these attributes are why I fell in love with you. I love you so much. Sometimes I wonder if you know that I am alive and breathing because of those three words you say to me every day. Do you even know how much I love you? Well, that is what I hope I get across in this letter. I know I say it to you and I show you when we make love, but I want it on paper so you know just how much I love you and how much you mean to me.
You know that I am dealing with a case where these parents lost their daughter due to texting and driving. Seeing these parents make me realize that life is just too damn short, that once we become parents we will have such huge responsibilities and love for a baby that is unconditional. Frankly it scares the shit out of me, but I want you and our future children to know how much you mean to me. God, if something ever happens to me Elizabeth, I want you to live. Live the life that you are blessed with. Live everyday as if it is your last. Live with all the love that you have and give that love to someone else who deserves your love. It kills me writing this and even picturing you with another man, but I can’t tell you the amount of love your heart holds for people. I want you to go on and love another man and for that man to fill my role for our children. Our children will be so damn lucky to have your love. (Yes, I say children because I know we will have at least three beautiful babies.) Please, be happy if something happens to me. Please, smile that beautiful smile that makes my heart melt when you use it. I know if I die, I will die a very happy and blessed man because I lived a life where I woke up to you every day by my side. I had a life of your love, it might not have been a long life, but it was just enough to make me happy. I will never forget our wedding day. It was a day you made my dreams come true. Because you vowed to love me and having your love is all I ever wanted. I love you Elizabeth! Know that I will love you till the end of time, that even in heaven I will love you and will protect you and our children. Know that every day the sun rises and every night when the stars appear I am watching you and our children. I hope to God you will never read this letter, but if you are reading this now. I want you to smile, because I’m smiling back at you. Be happy sweetheart and love again!
I love you Elizabeth and I love my children.
Love Always,
Grant and Daddy
Oh God! I cry holding his letter to my stomach. He is finally giving me my sign. My sign to love Jacob and to go on with the life we are trying to make, or shall I say a life Jacob is trying to make. I’m the one digging my heels into the ground. I am jolted out of the seat as the doorbell rings. I wipe the tears and open the door to people who are taking away my past.
Jacob comes home that night to see the house in an even bigger disaster as strangers made pathways to take the furniture away. Jacob brings flowers for me. I have no intention of telling him about Grant’s letter. I folded it up and placed it in my box of memories of Grant for the boys. He smiles at me and kisses me breathless, he has exciting news. “I got a call from our realtor and she has a house for us to see. It’s on a lake.” He says to me in a sing song voice. “So go get ready, I’m taking you to look at the house and then feed you four.” He smiles at me and pats my butt as I walk to change.
He takes me to a small gated neighborhood. There are only about twenty houses in this neighborhood. The odd thing to see is that all these houses are lined up around this huge lake. The lots sizes are big, close to two acres and the houses are even bigger. The house is beyond beautiful. It has a Tuscan feel to it. The stucco is an off white color, with red tile roofing and a huge, glass and wooden arched door. The upstairs balconies have the iron rod railings. The house looks like something out of Hollywood with huge palm trees out front and next to the three car garage. Jacob is excited to show me the backyard. We walk around back through the iron rod gates to the cobblestone pathway. My draw drops when I see the backyard. The backyard has its own private boat dock. It has an enormous cobble stone patio, built in grill, fire pit, Jacuzzi and pool. A pergola is off to the side with a hanging swing. Jacob and I stand out here looking, knowing it is perfect for the boys and us. “We can’t surf on that lake, but we can Jet Ski. Look at all this.” He says as he waves his arm along the span of the backyard. “Look at that side of the yard. We could put a swing set and playhouse over there. Not only will the boys have room to run and play, but just think how happy the dogs will be. We could have some mind-blowing parties out here.”
“I hope the inside is just as nice as out here.” I say as I head into the house. Our realtor walks through the house with us. It is six bedroom and four baths with a huge loft that we can make into the boys’ playroom. The kitchen is massive and opens into a huge eating area and a large family room. Jacob and I are quiet, but once we see the rooms we just smile to one another. My favorite is the laundry room, it’s the size of a small room with two washing machines, two dryers, cabinets and an island in the middle to fold laundry. This room alone sold me. “So what do you think?” Our realtor ask to us.
“I think it is perfect, it’s close to the hospital, the boys will go to good schools, and it’s big enough for us five.” I whisper into Jacob’s side.
“Where do we sign?” Jacob laughs to the realtor.
“Jacob we didn’t discuss price, or a budget?” I try to reason with him, but he doesn’t care, he loves it and he knows I love it so that is all that matters.
“When can we move in?” I say as I showcase off my round belly. “As you can see, I’m due soon and would love to be moved in before the babies come.”
“I am sure we can work something out” our realtor tells us. We sign all the papers needed to set a closing date. I walk to Jacob’s truck with the biggest grin on my face. I can’t believe we bought a house. I am so happy. I’m so in love.
After dinner we head home. I’m miserable, the babies have been moving up a storm. My ribs and back hurt. “Jacob, these boys are in such a mood, feel them.” I say as I grab his hand and move his hand all over the place. Maybe it was dinner that is making them dance around.
“I have another surprise for you but it’s not until tomorrow,” he whispers to me while rubbing the babies to calm down. His hand finally lulls them to sleep. We finally are home, nothing like a hot shower and crisp sheets to pass out in. I awake in the early morning, with shooting pains to my lower back. I wake Jacob up as I toss and turn. “What’s wrong baby?” He asks as he sits up in the bed. “I just have a pain in my lower back. I think I slept in a wrong position to long. He rubs my lower back, “If it happens again let me know, these can be contractions.”
“Isn’t it too early?” I ask him scared.
“Not too early for triplets. I’m not too concerned. Let me know if it happens again.”
“Alright, well I am getting up and going to let the dogs outside. I need to walk around some.”
By eight o’clock I am feeling better and haven’t experience any pains again. Jacob tells me to get ready and be dressed by nine thirty that he is taking me somewhere and I need to be somewhat dressed cute. Not sure, how I can dress cute, but I put on a light blue empire waist dress with a white ribbon that ties in the back. I wear my white ballet flats, and silver hoop earrings. I think I look cute. “Baby, you look beautiful.” Jacob says as he twirls his finger in one of the loose curls that is framing my face. “Come lets go, I can’t make you late.” He pulls me towards his truck.
Once I see the direction we are going, I know where he is taking me. “Why are we going to Ella’s?”
“Dammit, I knew I should have blind folded you!” He muttered with his deep laugh.
“Ella is having us over for brunch, she wanted to surprise you.” He mutters while looking out the front window.
“You … Dr. Alexander are lying! I can tell because you can’t look at me.” I laugh as I watch him bite his lower lip.
“Just enjoy brunch.” He mutters while still biting his lip. We pull up to her house and by now I see six cars that belong to people I know, including Anna’s silver Mercedes. “It’s a baby shower isn’t it?” I smile at him.
“No, it’s brunch!” He replies. “Baby, apparently I do this just –get- her- to-the-house-for-brunch- thing pretty shitty. So please go in there totally shocked. I hate to have the wrath of Ella if I ruined it.” He groans.
“That is why I love you. You are so honest and truthful even if it is just a baby shower.” I say sweetly to him. He gives me this shocked look, like I vomited all over him. “What?” I ask.
“Nothing, just taking in what you had said. You never said certain words before.”
We are parked in Ella’s driveway and he is about to get out, so he can help me out of the truck. I grab his wrist to pull him into me. He leans over and gives me a kiss. “Jacob, I love you.” I whisper to him as he gives me his sweet and gentle kisses.
“I know.” He says as he is still kissing me. “I love you, too. Thank you for saying it, I really do need to hear those words. But, you have shown me for months that you love me and I’m so very grateful for you and your love.”
He jumps out of the truck and jogs around to open my door. “How did you know?” I ask.
“It’s the way you talk to me, the way you touch me, the way you do things for me, and moving into our house. You wouldn’t be doing all this if you didn’t love me.”
He pulls me into him for a hug. “Elizabeth, I know that those three words mean a great deal to you. I wasn’t going to rush you to say them, I knew by your actions. I love you, madly!”
I grab my purse and pat his chest. “Thank you, babe!” I say as I start my walk up to Ella’s house.
“Enjoy, brunch!” Jacob shouts to me. I turn around and wink at him. I ring the doorbell, knowing that the elephant is finally off my chest.
Ella swings open the door and I hear a room of women scream … “SURPRISE!!” I can’t control my laughter. I am embraced by hugs, belly rubs and kisses until I’m seated in my designated seat.
I’m totally shocked when I see my mom walk into the room from the kitchen. She walks over to me with tears streaming down her eyes. I mimic her as tears stream down my face. I can’t believe she came. She leans over me and hugs me. We embrace each other for what seems like hours, but only seconds go by. “You are so beautiful, look at you. My baby is going to have three babies. I’m so proud of you!” She blubbers to me while I try to make sure my mascara is not running down my face.
Ella’s family room looks like a baby store threw up. She has each corner stacked from floor to ceiling with presents. Each corner has the baby’s name. The three walls are drenched in baby boy clothes on a clothes line. There are bunches and bunches of blue balloons. There is a three tier squared light blue cake with the words “Oh Boy!” written in white on each tier. We eat, mingle, and play the ridiculous baby shower games. I refused to have my belly measured, so instead we measured Ella and Kate together. I remember the games that I planned for them. Let me say karma is a bitch. I know around how big bellies get and mine is off the Richter scale.
Kate gives me the best gift. It is a blown up panoramic picture of me pregnant leaning against my Camaro. She had me pose before I turned over the keys to the dealership. It’s all in black and white except for my red Camaro. I love it so much that I start to cry. Her card was cute, “Proof that you were once a hot mama. Save this for when the boys turn sixteen.” She has me laughing so hard that I feel one of those pains in my lower back. I wince in pain, as Ella rushes to me with phone in hand. “Beth, you ok… tell me what’s wrong? Should I call Jacob?”
“No, I’m good.” As I take in a big breath and blow it out. “Every once in a while I get this pain in my lower back. I think I have sat too long, help me up so I can walk around.”