Authors: Christine Fonseca
Lacrimosa (17 page)
And I hate myself for it.
“Kill her and Mikayel will think twice about sending any more Sentinals after you.” Azza watches me, waiting for my reaction.
“But, if we hurt her, Mikayel will come himself. Why would we want that? We’ve avoided a direct confrontation with him for centuries.” I try to stay calm and ignore the Beast smoldering inside.
“You sound scared. I expected more from you than fear. If you don’t think you can handle her, I’ll be happy to take care of this myself, while you watch, of course.” His threat unleashes my fury.
Visions of his plans for Nesy spread across my mind. Images of fire and ash, the Sword of Death slicing into her tender flesh, the smell of her burning skin. My stomach churns into convulsions. I can’t prevent my physical body from reacting to the movie playing in my head. I run to the bathroom and empty myself.
Nausea grips my body, sending wave after wave whirling through me as I release my fear, my pain, into the basin. After several moments, I return to Azza. Empty. Spent.
A sadistic smile spreads across his face. “So, shall I be the one to end her life?”
I have to protect her.
“No,” I whisper. “I’ll take care of her. You need not be involved.”
“I knew you’d see things my way.” Azza turns to leave. “Oh,” he says over his shoulder. “One more thing. You
will
tell me if you discover why she hasn’t hurt you, right?” The threat lurks between the spaces of the words.
I grit my teeth again. There’s no way I’ll be able to keep him from her. Not now. “I will tell you everything,” I lie. “As always.”
“Good,” he says as he slips from the room.
I sink onto the couch, my head in my hands and my mind racing. There has to be a way out, a way to keep her safe. I won’t allow my love to tear her apart again.
I drift into a restless sleep, the pain from my wound ever-present. Hellish pictures wrap around me.
Visions of my lips on Nesy turning her blood to poison
—
I won’t allow this
.
Intimate embraces that turn her body into flames
—
I’ll never hurt you.
The sound of her screams as I end her life
—
I’ll protect you. Somehow.
I toss and turn, trying to shove aside the nightmare. But it’s no use. There is only one way this can end.
In death. Hers or mine.
I wake, drenched in sweat, calling her name.
I can’t let this happen.
I breathe in my emotions, allowing them to focus my thoughts. Pacing, I think of everything I’ve become since Elle’s death. The hundreds of lives I’ve taken without a second thought. The misery I inflicted for fun. Thousands of human bodies emptied of their souls. Hundreds more used to satisfy my lust. Guilt and shame squeeze the air from my lungs.
I don’t deserve you, Nesy.
I picture every detail of her. The exact color of her wings. The glow of her skin. The endless blue of her eyes. I need her as much as my body requires air. As much as the Beast needs the souls it feasts upon.
I need her forgiveness for everything I’ve become.
The lives I’ve destroyed
—
I never meant to become this.
The choices that define me
—
I never wanted this.
The Beast I am
—
save me from myself.
The walls of my apartment close in on me. Along with my guilt. I walk into the city, determined to find the only one who can help appease my shame. The moonless night engulfs the city while the nearby cathedral bells sound the time. One, two...twelve tolls echo through the concrete valley. I walk past the club and its hordes of dark creatures eager to be fed, ignoring their howls.
Ignoring my own hunger.
Azza’s threat lingers in my thoughts.
If you can't handle her…take care of this myself…you will tell me what you know…
The words echo through my mind, consuming everything else. I have to find her. Protect her.
Love her.
“It’s time to feed.” Azza’s uninvited voice rips through me, awakening the Beast. “I can feel your hunger. I think it’s time I chose another meal for you.”
“I don’t need—”
“If you are to defeat the Sentinal, you need your strength. I want you to take Lori. Finish what I started.”
“What?” I ask, scrambling to find a solution. “What about Sariel? Aren’t his Guardians protecting her?”
The ground trembles beneath my feet as Azza materializes, towering over me. His demonic wings stretch to their full height as he reaches his taloned hand for my neck. “Are you refusing?”
I step out of my master’s grasp. “No. I just thought the Sentinal was my priority.”
Azza closes the distance, grabbing me by the throat and bringing me closer. “It is. And you require more strength for that. You will feast on Lori.” His putrid breath stabs my skin. “You will drink her soul to prepare you for the marks.”
I close my eyes as fear explodes across my human skin. There is no escape.
Azza tightens his grasp. His wings begin to flutter as he lifts me from the ground. “Are. You. Refusing. Me?”
I release the feral growl that races up my throat and send my host to the ground. My wings unfurl as I scream “No.”
I’m unable to refuse the direct order from my master, no matter how hard I try. My vows won’t allow it.
Azza opens his hands and I fall forward. Vengeance fills every cell. “I will go,” I say, desperate for a way out of everything I’ve become.
Everything still to come.
Chapter 23 – Betrayal
Aydan
The hospital ward is quiet, patients sleeping and nurses attending to paperwork or talking amongst themselves. A lone Guardian blocks Lori’s door.
“I’ll take care of him,” Azza says. “You take care of Lori. But be quick. I doubt he’s the only Guardian here.”
Azza flicks his wrist as a loud crash emanates from the walls, catching the Guardian by surprise. He looks at Azza and nods before spinning toward the sound. He follows the sound as I slip into Lori’s room. My body tenses and the Beast wars with my mind.
I don’t want to do this. I can’t. But there is no choice now, not since Bedburg. Not since I bargained with the devil.
“Hurry,” Azza again says as the door between us closes.
Lori’s eyes dart back and forth underneath her closed eyelids. Dreaming.
Does she dream of Nesy as I do?
I part my lips and kiss my prey. Shame coats my throat as hunger fills my senses.
Just do it
, I tell myself. Unable to hold back the Beast any longer, I press against her and sip her soul.
Lori’s eyes fly open and startle me. She shoves against my chest. I pull back for a moment and she screams.
My hand slams against her mouth, an act of instinct more than intent. “Shh,” I warn. “Don’t make this any worse than it already is.”
Terror glints in her eyes. Her scream stops, her mouth closes.
“I don’t want to do this, Lori,” I say as I move my hand away from her mouth. The Beast urges me to finish.
Lori again pushes me. “Then don’t,” she blurts out. Another scream escapes her lips.
Not good. Not good at all.
“If you do that again, I’ll have no choice but to kill you.”
Lori resigns and falls back, silent.
“Good, you understand me now.”
She nods. “The angels will be back.
She’ll
come back. You can’t win this.”
Every word wraps around me. She’s right. I lost this fight centuries ago.
I stare at Lori, see the little girl now grown. Same flaming hair. Same haunting eyes. Same fierce expression.
How did I not see this before?
Lori’s blood pulses fast through her neck. Her fear seeps into me.
“Please don’t kill me. I know you don’t want to.”
Every moment I wait brings agony as the Beast urges me forward. I need to take her, rip her soul and let it nourish me. Fulfill Azza’s dark purpose.
A week ago, I would have without hesitation.
But now…
Now I remember who I was once
—
an angel who broke his vows.
Now Nesy has returned
—
to kill me.
Now I just can’t.
I push away from Lori, fighting against everything I am. I feel my true self bleed through my human form. “I don’t want—”
The room floods with a golden light
. Her
light.
Nesy materializes in front of me, nothing more than an apparition. She hovers between Lori and me—here but not here. Her stare reaches into the horrors of everything I’ve become. For a moment, I forget how to breathe.
“She knows what you’ve come to do,” Lori says in answer to my unspoken questions. “She knows who you are.”
My legs wobble as the room begins to spin, the image of Nesy slowly fading away.
“What else do you know?” I ask.
“She still loves you. And you…you love her too.”
The words carve into my skin as I repeat them over and over in my thoughts.
She loves you. You love her.
Is it even possible after all this time? After everything we’ve become?
Does it even matter anymore?
Lori’s words continue to play through my mind, reminding me of all that I’ve lost. Forcing me to face what I still have to lose.
Nesy.
My soul, what’s left of it.
Everything gone, as soon as I fulfill my vows to Azza.
“Ah. So this is why the Sentinal has not killed you.” My master’s voice booms through the small room as he walks towards me.
Lori slides under the covers, her hospital monitors beeping frantically.
“And why you refuse me,” Azza whispers into my ear. His foul stench turns my skin into gooseflesh. “I do not tolerate disloyalty.”
Something in me snaps. “And I will not let you hurt Nesy,” I say. “Or Lori.”
I release my human host and reach a clawed hand for Azza’s throat.
Time to end this.
The hospital doors fly open and three Guardians pour through the doorway. The ruby radiance of their skin bathes the room in an eerie crimson glow. Behind the Guardians, two small angels follow. The same angels from the alley.
Nesy’s friends.
“You are not welcome here,” the lead angel says.
“And neither are you,” Azza replies as he pushes past me, his sword drawn.
The room erupts in a flash of chaos as swords clash. The sound of metal on metal mixes with screeches and howls.
Guardian versus Azza.
Guardian versus me.
I don’t want this. Any of it. But the Beast in me will not abate. I draw my sword and fight the angels, determined to exact my death.
I hear the leader fall before I see it, his scream echoing in the room.
“One down,” Azza yells as my stomach turns.
I need a way out of this.
Nesy’s friends stay clear of the skirmish, running to Lori’s side. They whisper to each other and a cage of light explodes from the emerald angel, the Mediator.
“Thanks, Zane,” the other angel calls, one of the Anointed judging by her indigo robes.
Azza laughs, walking away from the battle still waging between me and the two Guardians. “Your silly cage will do nothing to save the human,” Azza taunts.
His words distract me. And the Guardians I fight.
They leave me, forcing Azza into the hall.