Authors: Christine Fonseca
Lacrimosa (16 page)
No Sentinal falls in love.
Focus, Nesy. Do your duty
. Zane’s voice, a constant reminder, replays over and over in my thoughts.
I look at Lori, alive because of the machines pushing oxygen through her body. Each pulse of the machine rips a piece of Aydan-Adam away. No matter what he was once, he’s nothing more than a monster now. The UnHoly.
My target.
I wipe away the tears filling my eyes and say goodbye to the life I once lived.
Time to end this.
For good.
“You should rest. You’ve barely slept.” Cass hovers near me, her skin bathing the room in an indigo glow.
“I feel fine, Cassiel. Focused. Ready.” I glance at my friend.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” I swallow the doubt rising through me. “Zane’s right. Aydan is a monster. He’ll never be anything more, he can’t.”
“We’ll make sure Lori stays safe. Do what you must.” Cass embraces me. “Be careful,” she whispers.
“I will.” I walk from the room to the elevator at the end of the hall, oblivious to everything but the job in front of me. I’ve let this go on too long, let myself remember things best forgotten, let myself feel.
No more.
The elevator slowly descends and I again picture Aydan’s death.
The weapon, my dagger…
a close kill, personal.
The words, whispered…
into his ear
.
The time, during an embrace…
so he never forgets
.
This ends tonight.
The elevator bell sounds as the door opens on the ground floor. I walk forward, bumping into the person in front of me.
“Sorry,” I mumble, scarcely aware of where I am or who I’ve just run in to.
“Nesy?” Aydan’s voice sharpens my mind into focus. “Is Lori okay?”
I stare into his eyes, the only things that remind me of Adam. My body goes stiff. “What are you doing here?” I spit through gritted teeth.
“I wanted to check on Lori.”
“Why? Did Azza ask you to come and finish her off? Feed your little friends?” Venom fills every word.
He steps closer.
“Don’t touch me,” I snap as he reaches out for me.
The nurses look up from their work station. Like I care. Maybe a scene is just what I need.
“It’s okay. She’s just upset.” The nurses calm immediately, no doubt influenced by Aydan’s hypnotic voice.
That’s not going to work on me.
“Come on,” he whispers, again grabbing for my hand. “We need to talk.”
I pull away. “Fine. Outside.”
He raises his eyebrows and inhales deeply. “Sure.”
“And don’t try to contact your master. This is between you and me.”
“Agreed.”
The wind bites into my skin as we walk outside. I pull my leather jacket close around me and lead Aydan to the courtyard situated between the two hospital buildings. The tall structures cast long shadows throughout the empty garden. I focus my thoughts and finger the small dagger hidden in my jacket.
Aydan follows me to the far end of the courtyard, facing a small prayer garden. In the center of the garden sits a small sword-wielding angel. Another reminder.
Inhale…1…2…3…Exhale
. I feel my control falter as I prepare for the inevitable. Aydan stands behind me, his breath thick on my neck. Inside, my emotions begin to unravel as my body reacts to his closeness. “Why did you come?” I ask, my voice scarcely more than a whisper.
Aydan places his hands on my hips, causing me to drag a ragged breath. I step out of his touch and face him. “Answer me.”
“I came to check on Lori. And you.”
My fragile hold on my feelings begins to crack. “Why?”
“I didn’t cause her injury and I didn't want it to happen. I needed you to know that.”
Do your job
, I remind myself. I picture the plan, preparing myself. But my focus is fractured. My mind wrestles, torn between fulfilling my oath and asking the questions that were burned into my soul centuries ago.
Do your job…
Why did you leave me?
Cast him out…
Why didn’t you tell me?
I refuse to give into my emotions. Refuse to play this game with myself anymore. I’m better than this. I know I am.
Am I?
“Why would I care what you need, UnHoly?”
Aydan says nothing as he steps closer.
I don’t move. My wings flutter through my disguise and Aydan smiles. “You know who I am?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“Then I assume you know why I’m here?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” I reach into my jacket, slipping my fingers around the small dagger. “But, before you meet your end, I want you to tell me who you are.”
Aydan collapses the space between us. “You already know who I am.”
I raise my weapon and point it at his chest. “I want you to say it.”
“Why? If you plan on carrying this out, why does it matter who I am?”
“Say it,” I order. Tears sting my eyes and spill over my cheeks.
Aydan leans into the dagger, allowing it to dig into his human flesh. “I am Adam,” he whispers.
Electric currents flow between us, engulfing me. For a moment, I’m lost in him.
Focus, Sentinal
, I scream, desperate to ignore my emotions. I push against the familiar scent of soap and pine that fills my senses and ignore the urgings of my physical body.
Keeping the dagger level against his heart, I look into his eyes—Adam’s eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me
what
you were?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
I grind my teeth. Silent.
“I couldn’t say anything. I thought you were human. I wasn’t supposed to love you at all.” Aydan’s breath caresses my skin as he speaks.
“And when I died? Why did you join Azzaziel?” I push the dagger into his skin.
“To avenge you,” he says.
My hands tremble. “Don’t blame me for your choices. My Adam never would have joined my murderer.” My voice shakes on every word as I fight against everything I want.
My former life.
Love.
Adam. Aydan.
He raises his hands. “You’re right. Everything was my own doing.” He leans his body into mine, allowing the blade to puncture his skin. “Do it, Nesy. Say the words. Pierce my heart. Send me to the Abyss and end my suffering. Please. I won’t stop you.”
I inhale a sharp breath and shove the blade deeper.
His eyes widen and his body goes rigid. “I never meant to hurt you,” he forces through gritted teeth.
“You didn’t,” I lie. Tears burn my eyes. “You hold no power over me. Not anymore.” I pull the blade slowly out of his wound. I want him to feel every moment.
“Yes I do,” he says as he slips his hands around my waist and pulls me to him.
Our combined electricity explodes across my skin. The dagger falls from my hands. His breath caresses my neck. “You still smell like vanilla,” he whispers.
I open my mouth, desperate to say the words that will cast him aside and end this. But every word dies on my tongue.
He covers my mouth with his in a kiss that melts my bones. Steels my breath.
My eyes widened with rage. Fear. I pound against his chest, pushing against his skin.
He tightens his hold on me.
I frantically hammer against his chest. Scream into his mouth.
He deepens the kiss. My mind goes blank, my eyes roll back.
And I’m his.
I arch into him, threading my fingers through his black hair. A slight moan escapes my lips as he breaks through my walls and fills every part of me.
All I see is Adam.
All I feel is our love.
Nothing else matters.
He pulls away as the kiss ends, my world in ruins. “I’ve never forgotten you,” he says. He places his hands on my face and brushes his mouth along my jaw. Every touch burns into my skin, my soul. “I love you, Elle. Still.”
I try to speak. Tell him I’ve never forgotten him. Tell him we can be together.
Tell him I love him.
But my mouth won’t work. And I know how this must end.
“I…can’t,” I choke as I push him away.
He reaches for me.
I step away, into the darkness. Tears still falling down my cheeks.
Aydan falls to the pavement, a mixture of human and demon blood pooling around his pierced heart.
Chapter 22 - Fallen
Aydan
I wasn’t supposed to fall in love
.
Angels never do. But something about Elle changed everything. I don’t know if it was her gentle manner or the fiery spirit that lived just beneath the surface. Either way, she was intoxicating. She understood me from the moment we met, almost as though she could touch my soul.
I met her a few months after I arrived in Bedburg. I wanted to marry her, give up my angelic life and live out my days with her. Something the Council would never allow.
Her father betrothed her to another and I went mad. There was no way I could share my Elle.
I thought of running away with her. But can you ever really run away from yourself?
My eyes flutter open as the image of Elle and our life together fades away. I look around, wondering how I made it back to my apartment.
Was everything just a dream?
The pain radiating in my chest gives me an answer.
Azza stares out of the window, stiff. Angry, no doubt. I haven’t been acting like the UnHoly he trained me to be. Not by a long shot.
“How did I get here?” I ask.
“I found you outside the hospital, bleeding and unconscious.”
I sit up on one elbow and clutch my chest, groaning.
“The wound to your human flesh will hurt for a while. But, overall you’re intact. Looks like the Sentinal returned to finish her work.”
I thought about Nesy. The taste of her lips on mine. The vanilla scent of her skin. She kissed me back. She wanted me as much as I wanted her.
I try to hide the smile I feel on my face, hide the love I still feel for her.
Azza glares at me. “Strange.”
Does he know?
“What’s strange?” I ask, pretending to feel nothing.
“Sentinals never miss. Let alone twice.”
I hide my feelings away and try to act like the Beast I am. “Maybe I’m just stronger than she is.”
“Mikayel would not have sent her if she couldn’t complete the task. My guess is that something else got in the way.” His gaze intensifies. “Something you may know about.” He tilts his head and waits for me to answer.
“I have no idea why she missed,” I lie.
Azza pounds into my thoughts, rifling through my mind. Good thing I know how to block intrusions—just the way he taught me.
I stow my memories, my feelings, deep inside; somewhere Azza can’t invade. A moment passes. And another. Every moment of my life with Azza streams in front of me before I feel him leave my thoughts.
“We must figure out why the Sentinal is so hesitant to vanquish you. It could help us learn how to defeat her.”
I stare at my master. “What—?”
“I will not let these attacks go unpunished. You will bring her to me. And then you will kill her.”
No. Not her. I will not let him hurt her.
The Beast stirs, ready to carry out my master’s bidding. I want to rebel, find a way to defy his orders. But I can’t. I’m tethered to him.