Jennifer's Surrender (28 page)

 
“Thank you.” I whispered and then the
flood gates opened. I couldn’t hold it back any longer and I started crying. I
mean really, really crying. Sobbing. Bill reached over and grabbed a Kleenex
box with one hand, setting it down so I could reach it, but he kept hold of my
other hand, stroking it as I cried.

He cooed “It’s
ok, it’s ok, that’s right, let it out, shhhh, it’s ok…” over and over like a
soft chant until, I finally was cried out. I wiped my eyes and pulled my hand
from his so that I could blow my nose.

 
“I’m sorry, Bill, I’m sorry for breaking
down like that.” I looked at him, knowing I must be a colossal mess.

He smiled and
said, “I’m glad you were comfortable enough to do that with me.”

I laughed and
said, “I don’t think I really had a choice. The tears were coming whether I
wanted them to or not.” He laughed too. Then I said, “I do appreciate your
offer, Bill. I truly do. And I want to talk with someone. But I’m not ready.
More than that, I feel like I would be betraying Master, uh, Ste-, oh you
know.”

He nodded.
Bill valued loyalty, so I knew he understood.

 
“He wants
you
to present tomorrow, you know that, right? He wants to see you
but he’s respecting that you haven’t reached out to him.”

 
“He’s being so respectful that he’s
disguising it as a work meeting?”

Bill laughed,
“I don’t think Stephen’s used to not calling the shots.”

 
“That’s the understatement of the year.”

 
“Seriously Jen, will you be able to
present tomorrow?”

 
“Yes, I think I got all my crying out
here. I’ll hold it together. I promise you. I won’t let you down.”

 
“You never do, Jennifer. You never do.” His
tone shifted again, and I felt a pull towards him that I shouldn’t have felt.

I tried to
break the spell and go back into work mode. “Thanks, Bill, for everything. If
it’s ok with you, I’m going to start getting the presentation together, ok?” I
stood and he didn’t step backwards. We were standing too close to each other. I
looked into his eyes and he brushed my cheek with the back of his hand. I stood
still, not wanting to enjoy what I was feeling, but I did. I let my eyes drop
and then when I looked back up at him, the corner of his mouth turned up and he
stepped back.

 
“Ok, Jennifer.” He said in what I could
only now describe as his Dom voice.

I walked out
of his office feeling his eyes on me the entire way. When I made it back to
mine my heart was still pounding. I know I didn’t imagine what had just
happened in there. But processing that would have to wait. I had to get this
presentation together because in a mere 24 hours, I would be seeing Master,
whether I liked it or not.

Looking back,
it’s becoming clearer and clearer that Master didn’t take my power away so much
as I gave it up. I think we were both surprised when I left, though perhaps him
more than me. I was used to being powerless. He, clearly, was not. But what
this short time apart did make clear for me was that, if I went back, I
couldn’t be surprised by anything. When he said, early on, that it was the tip
of the iceberg, he wasn’t kidding. There was a huge, unseen mass below the
surface just waiting for me to crash into. If I went back, I would go back
knowing that, for however long we were together, it might very well be
commonplace for him to “share” me with his friends. It might be routine for him
to make me go naked in public, to humiliate me in front of others. If I went
back, I couldn’t feign incredulity when these things would happen. And, if I
went back, I would have no one to blame but myself.

Even though I
barely slept, I still went for a long run Friday morning before work, hoping to
run out some of the anxiety. Once again, running was letting me down.

I tried not to
obsess about what I wore, but I wanted to look good. I wanted to look sexy, or
as sexy as was professionally possible. I had tried to tamp down all my sexual
feelings all week, but after the time spent in Bill’s office, and knowing that
I was going to be in a room with both of them, I felt a resurgence of my sexual
self. I couldn’t believe what I was feeling. After being horrified about the
thought of Master offering me to Bill, now I
wanted
to be with both of them. Perhaps that was the difference,
that I wanted it, not just that I was doing it for him. And would that work for
our relationship? Probably not.

I ended up
with skinny jeans that were truly my skinniest pair. They were a size smaller
than normal, but since I hadn’t eaten much in the last week I had lost a few
pounds. Still, they hugged my ass nicely. I tucked them into high heel knee
high black boots, and topped it off with a slightly sheer sleeveless v-neck shell.
I wore a blazer over it so as not to attract attention at the office. I knew I
looked good. And for the first time all week, I actually felt good. Well, I was
nervous and anxious and worried… so I felt as good as one could feel while
still feeling all that too.

It was also
the first time that I felt like I had a say in things. Of course, that was easy
to feel without actually being in his presence. I knew all too well how my
resolve crumbled around him. But if I were to believe what Bill said, that Master
wanted to see me, then I reasoned, that was a point in my favor. Of course, if
Bill were wrong, I think I just might crumble.

And there it
was. For the first time all week, it was clear to me. I desperately wanted to
be with him. Scratch that. My body wanted to be with him. I wasn’t sure my mind
could take all the games, but he made me feel things I had never felt before.
He brought me pleasure that I had never before thought possible. Yes, there was
also the comfort and the tenderness, but whereas all of the physical was
positive, even the pain, I couldn’t say the same about the emotional. And I
wasn’t sure I could handle it. More than that, I wasn’t sure which I needed
more. Was the physical pleasure so good it outweighed the emotional toll it was
taking?
 
Of course, it wasn’t just
the physical. I had never wanted to be with someone so badly, I had never
wanted to please someone, or just be in another person’s presence like I did
Sir’s.

I also had to
admit that everything that had happened allowed me to explore my feelings for
Bill, and perhaps vice versa. I’d had a crush on Bill from the beginning, but I
never acted on it because of the obvious: he’s my boss. And he never did
anything untoward because of the same reason. But when I think about all that
he’s done for me, the care that he’s shown me, the nurturing, the belief and
genuine interest he’s shown in me from the get-go, and the fact that he’s so
damned handsome, it’s not hard to figure out why I feel the way I do about him.

I knew enough
to know that if I was going to be in the same room with the two of them, that
something was going to happen. I was going into this with my eyes open. So, I
wasn’t going to be a pawn in their game. I couldn’t anymore. I may not be their
equal, but I had to have a say.

When I got to
work, I still had more to do on the presentation, but by early afternoon, it
was all set, and there was still time before we left, so I took the opportunity
to be the new Jen. Or at least try to be. I IM’d Bill asking if he had a few
minutes to talk. When he said ok, I thought,
here goes nothing
.

I walked in
and closed his door. His eyebrows raised slowly as he leaned back in chair,
crossing his arms over his chest. “Jennifer?” he asked in his Dom voice.

 
“Bill, you said yesterday that I could
talk with you as a friend. That you’d take your boss hat off. Does that offer
still stand?” I could hear my voice was shaking, but I had to go through with
this.

 
“Of course it does.” And then he motioned
like he was removing a hat and setting it aside. “Ok, boss hat is off. Whatever
you want to say will have nothing to do with your employment here.” I trusted
Bill. Perhaps I shouldn’t have, but I did. And I had no choice. I had to know
what I was in for. I stayed standing near the door.

 
“Stephen has shared his submissives with
you before?” I asked and actually saw shock on Bill’s face.

 
“That’s an awfully personal question,
Jennifer.” He said, warning me.

 
“Bill, I’m about to be in a room alone
with the two of you. I know him well enough now to know his plans. And I know
you’re part of them. I deserve to be going into this with as much information
as possible so I can make an informed decision, don’t you think? I know you see
me as more than just his submissive. You know me.”

He took a deep
breath and relented, “Yes, Jennifer, Stephen likes to share.”

I nodded,
feeling my knees weaken and walked towards him so I could take a seat.

 
“Have you both discussed this? Is that
the plan for today’s meeting?”

He shook his
head, “No, we haven’t discussed it. This is his call. You’re his charge. When and
if he wants this to happen is up to him.”

 
“But you think it will? And you’re ok
with it?”

 
“Jennifer, by now, you know my feelings
for you. You know the answer to that.” He said and it was true. “I guess the
question now is, are
you
ok with it?”
And with that question, all the cards were on the table. The feeling I got in
the my core that spread down to my pussy gave me my answer.

I nodded and
smiled. “Yes.” Was all I said. Then I got up and left his office.

I was
surprisingly calm knowing that I was probably about to have a threesome with my
boss and my Master, though, right now, I wasn’t so sure he was my Master
anymore. I wasn’t calling the shots by any means, but walking into this meeting
knowing what I knew gave me clarity and more information than I’d had about any
of his other ‘plans’. I wanted both men. I wanted what I thought Sir had in
store for me, at least this.

Bill and I
drove separately to Sir’s offices. The meeting was set for 4pm on a Friday, so
the assumption was that we wouldn’t be going back to the office afterwards. We
arrived at the same time and discussed the presentation and the work as we
waited in the lobby. I was grateful that he was able to toggle back to just
being my boss. I could pretend that we didn’t have that talk if he could.

When the
receptionist told us we could go in, we both got up and Bill did something he’s
never done before. He put his hand on the small of my back as we walked in. It
was a small gesture that wouldn’t seem forward to an outsider, but it sent
shivers up my spine, and we both knew the meaning it held. But I was glad that
Bill was there with me. I was nervous about seeing Sir, and I was grateful that
this first time back was both under the guise of work as well as not just the
two of us. It was essentially dipping my toe in rather than diving head first.

But all the
conjecture in my own mind went out the window when we walked into his office. I
actually stopped so suddenly in my tracks, Bill almost walked into me. I
couldn’t believe how much his presence could do to me. My heart was pounding
and I knew I turned beet red when seeing him standing there in all his powerful,
masculine glory.

 
“Jennifer” was all he said, with a slight
tight smile.

 
“Sir.” I replied, still standing there,
until Bill put his hand on my low back again, guiding me in. His firm touch
snapped me out of my momentary shock and enabled me to move my feet forward.

I had such a
physical urge to strip my clothes off and kneel before him, that standing there
as I was just felt wrong. Bill spoke softly into my ear, “Jennifer, what we
talked about doesn’t have to happen today. But what does have to happen is our
presentation. Focus on that. Not on the other.” I turned to him and smiled a
small smile and nodded. I took a deep breath and swallowed, thankful for his
guidance.

 
“Sir, I’ll need to plug my laptop in so
that we can play this on your flatscreen. Can you show me where the connection
is?” there was such an odd dynamic going on here. I still called him Sir, and
in front of Bill, but there was no use in pretending given everything. I was
talking business and about to present to him. And he was watching me like a
hawk, watching my every move, taking it all in. I couldn’t tell what Bill was
doing, there was already too much to deal with.

 
“Right over here,” and he gestured
towards him. I walked over to him, and being that close to him brought up
feelings that I couldn’t suppress. I set my laptop down. Took my jacket off and
then slowly stepped back and knelt. I couldn’t believe that I did that. All my
plans, all my will were gone. Instinct, learned behavior took over. I didn’t
care that Bill was there. I just so desperately wanted to submit to this man,
it was the only thing that felt right.

I looked up at
him and he smiled down at me as he gently stroked my hair, “I’ve missed you,
little bird.”

 
“I’ve missed you too, Master.” I said and
smiled and knelt there for a moment, taking in his presence and tender strokes.
Then, when I felt strong enough I said, “I’m going to get up now and plug
everything in.” He nodded and watched me stand. As soon as I was upright he
grabbed my arms and pulled me to him, kissing me so intensely I was glad he was
holding onto me, because the kiss made me weak in my knees. Finally, we parted
and he stroked my cheek and I heard Bill clear his throat.

 
“We can postpone this presentation and do
it next week.” Bill said and we both turned. I had forgotten, briefly, that he
was even there. I had a fleeting feeling of guilt.