Jennifer's Surrender (23 page)

 
“In the beginning, yes. They have all the
equipment, and the people who go to them, it’s a pretty sure thing that they’re
into what you’re into, so that eliminates a lot of the guess work.” He trailed
off as he picked up one of my feet and started massaging it. “But I understand
what you’re talking about. Even though I may have shared an interest in the
type of activities, I’m a rather private person. And just the thought of
leather pants makes me sweat.” I laughed out loud when he said that, and so did
he.

Lying there,
laughing with him, as he massaged my feet, I felt happier than I could ever
remember. I was having the most amazing sex ever, feeling things I had never
even imagined possible, and not just sexual, though that was a big part of it.
I felt so cared for. And I genuinely enjoyed his company. I was lulled into
thinking, this was
our
lifestyle, not
proscribed by a set of rules, but this was what we enjoyed doing with each
other, and I assumed that it would stay like this, because it was so good. He
had his little games he liked to play, like telling me not to wear a bra, or
whatever, but they seemed trivial given how much joy I was feeling.

 
“So, what are my rules for the week,
Master?”

 
“Someone’s getting awfully bold.” He
tugged my foot and pulled me to him, then turned me around so that my back was
resting on his chest. He started massaging my breasts. “If you start calling me
that, it carries a lot of implications, little bird. I’m not sure we’re there
yet.”

 
“Are you using reverse psychology on me,
Sir?” he chuckled and then pinched my nipple hard. “Ow!”

 
“Oh, Jennifer. I know you can take a lot
more than that.”

 
“Mmmmm, yes, I can, Sir.”

 
“So you think I’m your Master, little
bird? If I’m your Master, then you’re my slave.” I flinched, hearing that word.
He chuckled again, “I didn’t think you were ready for that. Though I do love
hearing you call me Master.”

 
“Am I your sex slave?” I asked cheekily.
I really had no idea the path I was walking down. I just thought I was being
cute.

 
“Do you do whatever I tell you to do, no
questions asked?” he asked, deadly serious.

 
“Sexually, yes.” Suddenly, my voice got
small, like a meek child.

 
“So you think you’re my sex slave then?”

 
“I, I don’t know. I obey you. You punish
me. I guess it’s like a Master / slave relationship.”

 
“Ok, my little sex slave.”

As soon as he
said that, I heard the edge in his voice and wished I hadn’t opened my big
mouth. I knew what I had read about M/s relationships and knew that ours wasn’t
like that. I made my own decisions outside of our relationship, we had
conversations like normal people. I had read that in M/s relationships, the s
doesn’t decide anything. Not the clothes she wears, not what she does with her
day… so that wasn’t us. I had read that they couldn’t speak unless their Master
told them to. Again, that wasn’t us. So, I guess I was just kidding, being
playful, using that term. But obviously, I had no idea what I was saying. I had
no idea the power that one word could wield. And I had no idea that he would
take it to heart.

Before I left,
Sir told me that he would be out of town all week, returning Saturday morning,
so we wouldn’t be seeing each other all week. My heart sank. Especially after
the weekend we just had. But he promised that we’d be together the following
weekend when he got back.

Hey stranger!
Read the text from Karen,
one of my closest friends. Actually, now, one of my only friends. Jim and I had
couple friends and after the breakup, I realized most were really his friends.
I had become so focused on Sir that I really didn’t want to be with anyone else.
I certainly didn’t miss them. After the evening out with my co-workers,
everything and everyone else just seemed so trivial and bland compared to what
I was doing with Sir.

Hi!
I groaned inwardly. I knew she was
going to push to see me and I didn’t want to have to lie to her, but I also
knew that Karen, of all people, wouldn’t understand what I was doing with Sir.
I still wasn’t sure I understood it.

I haven’t seen u in 4ever! Drinks this week?

I didn’t have
a good excuse not to, and given that Sir was gone all week, it was probably as
good a time as any.

Sure!

An hour into
drinks, Karen said, “Jen, you haven’t given me a straight answer all night.
You’ve dodged seeing me. What’s going on with you?!”

 
“Nothing, Karen, honest. I’m just busy at
work is all. And, you know, the breakup with Jim.” I felt like a jerk lying,
but I thought the breakup was an easy excuse to whatever changes she was
noticing. “Look, maybe we should just call it a night.”

I felt bad. It
wasn’t Karen’s fault. She was trying to be a friend. But I just had no patience
for the small talk and questions. All I wanted was to be with Sir. Everything
else felt so insignificant.

My phone rang
and I saw it was Sir. My heart started pounding just seeing his name. It was
like this every time he called. But having gone without seeing him all week, it
was even more intense. But I was at work with my door open, and Bill frowned on
closed doors unless absolutely necessary. In fact, I was one of the few people
in the agency who had an office. Most people were in cubes, so I very rarely
closed my door. He thought it rude and a sign of ego or perceived superiority,
but understood that there were some business dealings that needed to be
private. When he told me that he was promoting me to Creative Director and
giving me my own office, he made it very clear that how he felt. I assured him
that I would not disappoint him. “I know you won’t, Jennifer.” Was all he had
to say.

 
“Hello?” I answered almost as a question.

 
“I’ve bought you a present, Jennifer.”

Such a simple
statement, and my heart soared.

 
“We have dinner Saturday night, and I
want you to wear what’s in the box you’ll receive. Only what’s in the box.
Please don’t open it until Saturday at 5pm. It will be delivered later this
afternoon, but I want it to be a surprise for you. So you’re going to have to
be patient, do you understand, little bird?”

 
“Yes.” I said meekly. There was silence
on the other end of the phone, waiting for me to correct myself, “Yes, Sir. I’m
sorry, Sir.”

 
“I’ll see you Saturday, Jennifer. I’ll
pick you up at 7.” He said flatly, and hung up. I felt sick to my stomach. I
knew I had disappointed him and I chided myself for being so careless with my words.
I knew how to address him. I wondered if he would punish me for this small
transgression. Just the thought of that made my heart start beating even faster
than it already was, but it also made me wet and flushed. I was so distracted
that I didn’t even notice I wasn’t alone.

 
“Ahem.” Bill said as he stood in my
doorway. I looked up, still flushed and embarrassed. “Jennifer, is everything
ok?” Bill asked, his voice seemed lower to me than usual. I wasn’t sure if it
was because of my new role with Master, but it seemed like the only prism
through which I could see people now was whether or not they were a D or an s.
I started seeing everyone as part of the lifestyle. Bill had always intimidated
me a bit, but ever since Master, Bill seemed more and more dominant, like he
could recognize my submission becoming more and more pronounced. I didn’t know
if it was all in my head, or if I was becoming different with everyone.

I tried to act
as normally as possible, “Oh, hi, Bill. Sorry, you just caught me deep in
thought.”

He regarded me
with skepticism and I felt like he could see right through me. “Ok, if that’s
all it is.” He said and then moved into my office and closed the door. He never
did this. I wondered if I was getting fired. I knew that I hadn’t been totally
focused on work ever since my relationship with Master started, but I tried
hard to keep my mind on work when I was here.
 

Bill walked up
to the edge of my desk so that his thighs were pressed up against it,
essentially making his crotch eye level for me. I tried not to look at him
there, but it seemed like he was purposely standing there like that. I looked
up into his eyes and he had a slight smile on his face as he looked down at me.

 
“You know, Jennifer, Stephen has told me
how pleased he is with your performance.” His voice was almost a growl. It was
hard for me to hear him over the pounding of my heart. I knew I was bright red,
so embarrassed, I couldn’t believe Master would tell my boss about what we’ve
done. What he’s done to me. What I’ve done for him. All I could do was look up
at Bill, I couldn’t even speak.

 
“Jennifer, you’re acting like having a
happy client is a bad thing.” He said, crossing his arms. I tried to regain
some semblance of composure.

 
“W- what has Mast- um Stephen said?” my
voice was so meek and trembling.

Bill smiled
and crossed his arms across his chest, “Well, just that all the work you’ve
done so far has been exceptional. He’s very pleased with the way the campaign
is coming together. He called me just a few minutes ago to let me know.”

I sighed
audibly and realized I was sweating. I reached for a Kleenex and dabbed the
sides of my nose as I tried to relax my breathing. It was just about work. Of
course he wouldn’t tell Bill about us! “Oh! Well, that’s great! I’m uh so glad
he’s happy.”

Then Bill got
serious again, “I don’t know if I’d say he was happy. As long as I’ve known
him, that’s not a word I’d use to describe Stephen.” I tried to control my
reactions so I just smiled and nodded. He continued, “But like I said, he is
pleased. His exact words were that you have, so far, exceeded his expectations.”

 
“I let him know that I had no doubt you’d
rise to the occasion and that I was happy to be able to share such talent with
him.” And then Bill did something he has never done. He winked at me. Did he
know? “Keep up the good work, Jennifer. You’ve made me so proud.”

And then I did
something I’ve never done with Bill, or anyone other than Master. It was
without thought. It had become instinctive. I had become trained. As soon as
Bill said those last words, I couldn’t help what I said next, “Thank you, Sir.”
And I looked down.

Before I could
look back up, Bill reached out and tilted my chin up with his hand. “I meant
what I said, Jennifer.”

All I could do
was smile and swallow. He removed his hand and then walked out of my office. I
sat there stunned. Reeling. I had no idea if he knew or not. Some of the words
and phrases he used,
he’s very pleased
with your performance, happy to share you with him, you’ve exceeded his expectations
,
was I just reading too much into everything? And who could I ask? I couldn’t
come out and ask Bill. Jesus, what if it were all in my mind, he’d think I was
a nut job. Could I ask Master? Would he punish me? He shouldn’t. I wouldn’t be
accusing him, it could just be a question. We were both adults.

I hated that
this week apart had made my mind just turn to mush. I felt like we had made
such great strides last weekend, but this week apart left me as insecure as
ever.

The
anticipation leading up to Saturday night’s dinner was becoming almost
unbearable. I followed my orders and left the box unopened until 5pm. I
actually sat in my room staring at it for hours before, watching the clock
slowly count down to 5:00 on the dot. I didn’t trust my bedside clock to be
accurate so I kept checking my cell phone knowing it had the exact right time.
I knew that Master wouldn’t know if I opened it at 4:59 or 5:01, but I would,
and I knew that if he asked me what time I opened it, I wanted to be able to
say honestly, with a clear conscience, at 5pm.

Finally, it
was time. I slowly unwrapped the large black bow. The box itself looked so
ominous. It was huge, but for a box its size, it wasn’t terribly heavy. I
carefully lifted the black lid off, almost as though I was afraid of what I
would find. There was a note card on top with a J on the envelope,

Enjoy your outfit, Jennifer. Remember, only
wear what’s inside. Nothing more.

-S

My hand was
shaking as I put the note down on the bed and slowly peeled back the black
tissue paper. Everything was black. The box, the bow, the tissue paper, and now
I could see, all the contents in the box.

On top was a
short black trench coat. Beneath it was a sheer black slip dress. As I held it
up, it looked like it came to my mid thigh. There was a black corset. Black
thigh high stockings. And a new pair of black Loubutins. I had emptied all the
contents onto the bed and thought there must be some mistake. The dress was so
sheer, that it needed a slip. Hell, the dress might have been a slip. I lifted
all the tissue paper out to make sure I hadn’t missed anything. My heart
started pounding. He wanted me to go out in public with him essentially naked.
I tried to breath, to relax. I reassured myself that I had the trench coat to
cover myself. Yes, I would be fine. I took a deep breath and exhaled, then went
into the bathroom to shower and get ready.

I shaved
everything, knowing Master liked me smooth. I liked it too. I made up my eyes
darker than usual, it was Saturday night after all. And I left my hair long,
the ends falling just below my shoulders. Then I got dressed.