In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series) (17 page)

“I told you to go to bed.” Sly voice stirs me from my
uncomfortable slumber curled up on the oversized recliner.

I feel Sly picking me up and carrying me through the living
room then gently placing me on the bed. I scoot into the middle, turning over
on my side patting the space behind me. Sly takes the hint, as he crawls in
behind me to spoon me. “I was waiting on you.” I mumble through a yawn. “Hold
me.”

Sly complies after turning the lamp beside the bed off. He
wraps me tight in his arms kissing the back of my head. “I’m right here baby
girl. Go back to sleep. You can talk to me about all this in the morning.”

“Thank you.” I murmur.

“Anytime.”

~

Bright sunshine streams through the blinds in my bedroom.
Damn. I forgot to close them. I haven’t been spending my nights here during the
week, so I didn’t think about them being open. I groan and roll over onto my
back. Why am I laying on top of the comforter? I look next at Sly asleep next
to me. He’s out cold. When I called him yesterday evening, he was just coming
home after his two days on shift. Sly didn’t hesitate when I told him that I
needed him, although, I thought we would only talk on the phone. I didn’t
expect him to drop everything and drive hours to come be with me just because I
had a fight with Connor. He insisted that he come out and see me. Gina is doing
much better, and is already back at work. That is one of the many reasons I
love him so much, Sly has always and will always be there for whatever I need
from him, just like if he were to need me, I’d be there in a heartbeat.

I look over to the clock on my bedside table, it’s already
after nine! Wow, I slept longer than I thought I would. Sly must not have
gotten in until after midnight, but I still didn’t think I’d be out this long.
Yesterday and the day before must have been more emotionally draining than I
thought. Michelle will probably be over here soon for the spa day I promised
her that we would have. I need to get my ass in gear.

Crawling out of bed, I drag myself to the bathroom to
shower. I don’t bother drying my hair, I figure we will just make a day of it
and let the spa do our hair as well as massages, manicures, pedicures, and
facials. I’ve been a neglectful friend. I need to make it up to her. I need to
make it up to Sly too. I have been so wrapped up in Connor that I haven’t given
any thought to the rest of my friends.

When I walk back out of the bathroom, Sly is already up. I
hear him talking to Michelle in the kitchen. “I missed you too, baby.”

Michelle and Sly are holding each other in an affectionate
embrace when I come into the kitchen. It warms my heart to see them together.
Oh, how I wish that Sly would just move out here so that he could be near me
for one, but also so he could be with Michelle. I know that they have tiptoed
around their feelings and attraction for one another for so long. I’m beyond
happy that they finally got their act together. I remember Michelle being so
nervous to tell me that they had hooked up. I am more than happy to give them
my blessing.

Michelle peeks her head around Sly’s broad shoulders. “Come
here Nae-Nae.” She holds her arms open, and I walk straight into them, letting
her hug me close. Sly comes up behind me, wrapping his big arms around both of
us. I’m sandwiched between my two best friends in the world. I feel very loved.

“This is the best part of my day right here, holding you two
in my arms.” Sly squeezes us tight. “But, seeing as I still feel like a zombie,
I’m kicking y’all out to go do that girly shit Michelle was talking about, then
I’m going back to bed, but only after you tell me what Rocker Boy did to you.”

“Thank you for coming, Sly. You honestly didn’t need to
drive all the way out here just for this, but I’m glad you’re here.” I wiggle
out of my friendship sandwich to pour myself a cup of coffee. Thank heavens
that Sly already made some for me while I was in the shower. I need my caffeine
as soon as I wake up. It is the nectar of the gods! I take a few sips, but put
it back down. My stomach feels a little knotted up this morning. It’s probably
just nerves from all the angst that has been going on. I fill Sly in on what
happened, and continue on to let Michelle know what happened after she left
yesterday. Neither one of them say anything until I’m done.

“Well, that explains why Connor was being a dickhead to
everyone last night.” Michelle says with her mouth full of one of the donuts
she brought over. “Shameful Regret sucked last night. He wasn’t into his
performance.” She adds.

Sly looks pissed. “I told that fucker if he hurt you, there
would be hell to pay.” He’s leaning over the counter at glaring at me.

“You’re missing the point, Sly. He didn’t hurt me. Not really.”
I sigh. “The point is that he is shutting me out. Instead of talking to me, he
went and got plastered, then took his anger out on everyone.”

“Doesn’t sound like he took his anger out on anyone but you.
Then when he should have been groveling at your feet, he was trying to force
you to forgive him by pushing himself on you.” Sly growls. “Just like Matt.”

What the hell? I know that Sly is in “protective big
brother” mode but I don’t understand where that remark came from. Connor is
nothing like Matt. “Sly, just stop it.” I say with a little more edge to my
voice than I intend.

“Connor is just a dumbass man. He doesn’t know how to
express his feelings without going all caveman like you are now.” Michelle
presses her forefinger into Sly’s chest. “I don’t think he was trying to force
Nae-Nae to do anything. Connor is absolutely nothing like that shithead. These
two are so combustible together, and I think that’s Connor’s way of letting
things out.” She glances over to me. “From the first moment he saw you, I could
see the heat in his eyes. He probably just doesn’t know any other way, besides
getting physical.”

Michelle hit the nail on the head with that one. I
completely agree with her that Connor doesn’t have much in the “let’s talk
about our feelings” department. He is very tactile. He tends to make his
feelings known through touching or kissing, but that still doesn’t excuse him
for blocking me out. I am about to tell her just that, but she interrupts me
again.

“Nae-Nae, you need to just go talk to him. He looked
miserable last night, and got pretty drunk. Marcus took him home as soon as
they left the stage. I talked to Wade after the set last night. Wade said
something about Connor getting this way every year at this time because of his
sister. He wouldn’t elaborate, but it just sounds like Connor has family
issues, and like I said, he’s a man, men don’t talk about stuff as much as we
do.” Michelle gives tilts her head to the side looking at me, before she turns
her sights on Sly again. “And you, you listen to me. You aren’t used to our
little girl having another man in her life. You are used to being it for her. I
love that you came rushing in to protect her, but you need to back off and let
her figure this out on her own.”

This is why I love Michelle. She tells you like it is. I may
not have appreciated her tying to drag me out all those years, and pushing me
to be more open and outgoing, but she only has my best interest at heart. If I
hadn’t finally agreed to go out that night with her and Gabbi, I wouldn’t have
met Connor. Now, she is there to tell me exactly what I need to hear. I may
have overreacted to Connor not opening up to me. He has been through a hell of
a lot with me in just the short amount of time that we have been together. I
feel very silly for having called Sly last night now. He drove all the way from
Alabama in the middle of the night just because I had a fight with Connor.

“You’re right. I will go see him this afternoon. I’m not
backing out of our spa date. I’ll let him have the day to cool off. He looked
pretty pissed when he left yesterday, and if he was drunk, he’s probably
nursing a hangover.” I get up, dump the rest of my coffee out in the sink
because my stomach can’t handle it this morning, then walk up behind Sly. I hug
him from behind, resting my head on his back. “Sly, I love you, and I’m glad
you’re here. Connor is nothing like Matt, and you know it. I’m sorry I dragged
you into this stupid little fight.”

Sly spins around in my arms. “Honey, you need me, I’m here.
That’s the way this works.” He kisses the top of my head. “You and Michelle get
your asses out of here, so I can sleep. If you and Rocker Boy are gonna hang
out this afternoon, maybe Michelle and I can have a real date tonight.” He
flashes a sexy grin at my other best friend. “Go get all prettied up for me,
not that you need any help with that.”

Michelle turns into a simpering fool with his comment, and I
have to practically drag her out of the apartment. Some relaxing girl time is
certainly in order. I overreacted, made a bigger mess of things than they
needed to be, and now I need to show Connor that I won’t push him anymore to
open up about things he obviously isn’t ready to talk about. He never pushed me
about my past, even when I did flip out on him a few times before he found out
about what really happened. So, spa-day, here we come!

I drop Michelle off at her apartment before I drive over to
Connor’s place. She is so excited about actually going on a date with Sly, I
couldn’t be happier for them. I’m sort of surprised and not surprised that I
haven’t heard from Connor all day. I thought he would have at least texted me.
I did feel a little disappointed when we got back to my car, where I left my
purse while we were at the spa all day, that all I had was a few random texts
from Sly saying that we had better hurry up because he wanted to spend the
evening with Michelle, and that tomorrow was going to be a “Sly and Lynae” date
day.

Michelle and I had the works done at while were at the spa.
I booked us for the deluxe package. Swedish deep tissue massages, facials,
manicures and pedicures, and full service hair treatments. Michelle only had
her hair trimmed. She’s still trying to grow it out. I, on the other hand, I
had about four inches cut off, had a few layers added in and got my bangs cut
to frame my face a little more. I am planning on moving forward with my life as
a newer, stronger Lynae. I’m not going to hide in the shadows, or keep myself
from opening up to people. Connor has helped rebuild my shattered world, and I
intend to stay that way. I’m hoping that Connor and I can have some quiet time
together to really sit down and talk about things. Not necessarily what is
bothering him, but I just want to let him know that whenever he is ready to open
up, I’ll be there for him, just as he has been with me.

Pulling into my usual parking spot behind the garage, I see
Marcus and Seth milling around the area where Shameful Regret practice.
Connor’s car is in the lot, but he’s not down here with the guys, neither is
Wade. I get out, and make my way into where Marcus and Seth have stopped what
they are doing. Marcus is glaring at me, and Seth is looking anywhere but at
me. This is strange. Seth usually has me in a vice grip embrace as soon as I
step anywhere near him. Marcus, while generally quiet around me, has never
looked at me like he hates me. He had become sort of like Sly, protective of
me. He looks anything but protective right now.

“Uh, hi guys.” I say tentatively.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Marcus barks in my
direction.

Ok, so that is definitely not normal. I look up towards
Connor’s apartment, the door at the top of the stairs is open, so I’m pretty
sure he’s home. “I came to talk to Connor. I need to see him, explain some
things.”

I hear Seth let out an uncomfortable laugh. “Yeah, I’m sure
you do.”

“Have I done something to offend you two?” I ask, a little
nervous about what has caused the sudden change in how they treat me. Just a
few nights ago, it was like I was family to these guys. Now, I feel like the
enemy. Seth was defending me against Connor, now it feels like he doesn’t even
want to be near me.

Marcus doesn’t respond to me, he grabs Seth’s arm and pulls
him towards the storage closet where they keep their instruments. I don’t feel
like following them to find out what their deal is. It’s obvious they are mad
at me for God only knows what, but I don’t have time to figure it out. My
stomach is a bundle of nerves now.
 
Not
hearing from Connor all day, and now having Marcus and Seth pissed at me for
whatever reason, is making me fear that what awaits me upstairs is not going to
be pleasant.

Anxiously, I walk up the steep flight of stairs leading into
the loft apartment above the garage. I hear Wade strumming his bass in the
living room, and Connor is sprawled across the floor in front of him with his
eyes closed. It’s a rough, painful sounding beat. Connor is humming along. Even
in just the humming of Connor’s voice, I can tell that whatever this song is
going to be, it isn’t a happy one. Wade stops mid-strum when he sees me enter.
Connor’s eyes snap open.

Connor sits ups, glaring at me. The look in Connor’s eyes
almost makes my steps falter. When he opens his mouth, they do. “What the fuck
do you want?”

My mouth drops open in absolute astonishment. Connor’s tone
is dripping with venom. My heart feels like it is being squeezed in a vice. “I,
I needed to talk to you.” I stutter. I can’t find more words to say. My mouth
is dry as the desert sand; I can feel my skin buzzing with nerves. The fire in
Connor’s eyes is a fire of hate, not a fire of desire that I have become so
used to seeing.

“We have nothing to talk about.” Connor says icily as he
stalks into his bedroom, leaving the door open.

I look to Wade to try to find some answers. He looks at me
with pity and a touch of anger. Wade knows what’s going on, but I don’t think
he’s going to fill me in. Wade sets his bass down beside him on the couch
before he gets up to walk over to me. He is towering over me when he finally
stops just a foot away. “I am not going to choose sides here. I don’t know what
happened last night, but I know that you cut him deep. He told me what he saw,
and then came back here a more fucked up mess than he was before he met you.”

I feel tears stinging my eyes, wanting to fall. I need to
find out what’s going on. I am at a total loss. I know that Connor was pissed
at me yesterday when I was trying to push him to talk to me, but I can’t
understand that he would be reacting this strongly to that. Something else has
to have happened. “Wade, I don’t understand.” I plead.

Connor comes barreling out of his room before Wade has a
chance to respond to me. “What’s there to understand? I’m not gone for more
than a few hours, and you have some other fuckin’ ass up in your apartment! I come
back to apologize and finally talk to you, and you’re up there fucking someone
else!” Connor bellows.

My head snaps back as if I’ve been slapped. “I wasn’t with
anyone last night! I was-“ I choke on a sob that is trying to make its way out
of my chest.

“The hell you weren’t! You know, you really had me going
there for a while. I really bought the innocent act. I thought you really were
sweet and shy.” Connor growls pointing at me.

My defenses are coming up, and I find my voice. Is he
accusing me of cheating on him? Where in the world would he get that idea?
Innocent act? What is that supposed to mean? “Excuse me? What the hell are you
talking about?”

Wade is still standing between us. “Listen guys, you need to
calm down and talk, not scream at each other.”

Connor shoves him aside, he leans down so that his face is
just inches from mine. “Yeah, I thought you were an innocent little thing.
Timid and meek. Innocent my ass!” Connor’s voice sounds foreign to me.

I take a step away from Connor. Familiar icy tingles creep
up my spine, but I try to steel myself. “Connor, please tell me what you’re
talking about!” I cry.

Connor stands up and laughs. He freaking laughs. “Oh, yeah,
Lynae, keep up the act. You know damn good and well what the fuck I’m talking
about. So, who was he? Some quick fuck that lives in your building?”

I look at Wade for some sort of answer. “Wade, will you
please tell me what he’s talking about? I have no clue. I wasn’t with anyone
last night! I stayed home!” I fling my arm out in Connor’s direction. I don’t
smell any alcohol on Connor’s breath, but the only other time I’ve seen him
react with this much rage was the other night.

“I fucking saw you, Lynae! I saw him carrying you in your
fucking room!” Connor yells. “I was in the damn parking lot about to come up to
talk, and I see a man carrying you in your fucking bedroom!”

It dawns on me. Sly carried me into the room when he came
in. The lamp on my nightstand was on. When I woke up this morning, the curtains
were wide open. Connor must have seen right into my room with the open curtains
and the bright lamp. He saw Sly laying me in bed. He thinks I had another man
in my room. He thinks I slept with someone else when he was coming to see me to
try to talk things over. I thought he would have trusted me more. I don’t
understand why he is jumping to conclusions. I have never given him any inkling
that I would be with someone else. He knows damn good and well how hard it is
for me to open up to anyone, especially a man.

“That was Sly, you ass!” I yell. “I called him after you
left because I was upset, and needed to talk to someone!”

“Ha! Friend my ass! What friend would drive all fucking
night just to talk to you because you had a fight?” Connor huffs. “You have
probably been fucking him all along too!”

“That was Sly at your place?” Wade interjects. Understanding
seems to take over his face. Wade is seeing that Connor is mistaken. “Marcus
told me he saw someone in your apartment, but he didn’t say it was Sly. Fuck!”

I look at Wade, then back to Connor. “Yes, it was Sly. He is
my best friend. When I need something, he comes. He talks to me and I talk to
him! And, no! I’ve never fucked him! I never fucked anyone! You know that!” I
scream back at Connor. I turn around to leave, but Connor grabs my wrist, holding
me in place.

“Sure you have. You fucked Matt! You probably asked for it.
You probably begged for it!” He seethes. “Sweet and innocent! Hah! And you
fucked me!”

“Jesus! Connor!” Wade yells.

I don’t hear anything other than the pounding in my ears. I
thought my heart was broken before, eight years ago. I thought my world
couldn’t crumble anymore. It feels like my heart has been literally ripped from
my chest. The tears that have been threatening to spill over come pouring out
of my eyes. An eerie calm overtakes me. I look straight into Connor’s eyes. “I
never fucked you, but you certainly fucked me. I thought you loved me, but man
was I wrong. I gave you everything. Everything that I am! I gave you my heart,
and you destroyed it. I hate you.” I grind out through gritted teeth.

As I try to wrench my arm out of Connor’s grip, I see a look
of understanding and pain come across Connor’s face. It’s like he’s realized
what he just said to me and has come out of whatever altered state he has been
in. The Connor that has been standing here yelling at me is not the Connor that
I have known. His entire countenance changes in an instant. “Oh my God!
Sweetness, I didn’t mean that! Please!” Connor pleads. His eyes are searching
mine.

“It’s too late! Let go of me!” I yank my arm out of Connor’s
grasp. I pull back with such force that I’m suddenly falling backwards. My foot
catches on the raised ledge of the threshold at the top of the stairwell. I
reach out, but my hands grasp at only air.

I feel weightless.

“Lynae!”

An intense sharp pain shoots through the back of my head.

Everything goes black.