In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series) (13 page)

A knocking at the door stirs me from my slumber. I feel
Connor move slightly in his sleep. I open my eyes to see that I am in Connor’s
arms wrapped tightly, and my head resting on his broad chest. He lifts his head
to look at me. “Sweetness, you ok?” he asks.

“Someone is at the door.” I murmur.

“You just stay here. I’ll go see who it is. It’s probably
Sly coming to check on you.” Connor gets up, pulling on his jeans without his
boxers.

It takes a second for my mind to clear. Oh my God! Sly! His
mom! The cemetery! I’m naked! “Connor, don’t let him in! I’m not dressed!” I
leap out of the bed searching for my clothes.

Connor turns around to watch me scramble as the knocking on
the door continues and Connor’s cell phone starts to ring. “Lynae, I’m not
letting Sly in until you have clothes on. Don’t think I’d let another man see you
like that.” He continues to the door, to look through the peephole. “It is Sly,
I’ll tell him to hang on a minute.” Connor cracks the door open.

I manage to get my panties, bra and cami back on when I hear
Sly’s voice as he barges in the living area of the suite.

“Damnit, Sly! I told you to wait a fucking minute!” Connor
walks to stand in front of me to hide my body from Sly.

I’m sitting on the side of the bed picking my shorts up off
the floor when I see Sly’s face. He has a bruise starting to form on his left
cheek, his eye is swollen, and his lip is busted. I immediately forget about my
shorts, jumping up running to him. “Sly, what the hell happened?” I reach my
hand up to his face. He winces a little when I touch his cheek, but doesn’t
pull back. His eyes are full of pain.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Hell!” Sly pulls me to him in the
tightest embrace I think he as ever given me. “I’m so sorry, baby girl. I
should have known something happened back then.” Sly starts crying and shaking
into my shoulders.

My heart breaks and the tears flow from my eyes again. “I’m
sorry too.” I can’t say anything else. I never told Sly or anyone because I was
ashamed of what had happened. I push away from him, grasping his shoulders in
my hands. “Sly, I couldn’t.” I look away. “I couldn’t deal with you hating me
for that.”

Sly lets out a groan. “Lynae, I could never hate you. I hate
that fucker for hurting you. And I let him know that too. You have nothing to
be sorry for.” He tips my chin up with his hand. “You know that right?”

Connor is standing to our side. He’s watching us cautiously.
The way he is looking at me makes me think he is afraid that I may break even
more.

Slipping into nurse mode is the only way I can deal with
things right now. “Sit down over there, I need to look at your lip.” I motion
for Sly to sit down on the sofa. I turn to look at Connor. “Can you get me some
ice and give me a few minutes to talk with Sly private?”

“Whatever you need, Sweetness. There’s ice in the minifridge
already.” Connor kisses me on the top of the head. “Just please put these on.”
He’s holding my shorts out for me. “I know you two have a lot to talk about.
I’ll be back in a little bit. You want something to eat?”

My stomach grumbles at the thought of food. We ate late last
night before leaving home, and only had a few snacks on the road. I didn’t eat
anything at Sly’s house before I took off running. “That would be great, baby.
Thank you.” I walk into his arms, squeezing tightly. I am trying to draw
strength from him to have the difficult conversation that I know I need to
have. Sly knows now, I need to let it out.

Connor reaches down to the floor to pick up his shirt, and
puts it on before he leaves Sly and I alone in the suite. I quickly pull my
shorts up and move to sit beside Sly on the sofa.

“Lynae, I-“

“I’m so-“

Sly and I try to talk at the same time.

“Lynae, seriously. I’m so sorry. I should have known
something was wrong. Why didn’t you tell me?” Sly looks directly into my eyes,
“And don’t give me that shit about me hating you. You didn’t do a damn thing
wrong. I swear I would have killed that motherfucker if I knew what happened.
When did this happen?”

I take a deep breath. Words and emotions that I have kept
bottled up for eight years bubble to the surface. “You remember that Matt and I
went on a few dates my freshman year? Towards the end of football season?” My
voice cracks.

Sly nods his head. I can see his jaw muscles clenching as he
grinds his teeth. “Yeah, I remember now. I’m the one who gave him your phone
number to call you. He had asked all season. Kept saying he wanted to take you
out.” His voice is gravelly and full of pain. “This is all my fault. I should
have known not to let him go out with you.”

“No, Sly. It’s not your fault.” I take his hand in mine,
holding it in my lap, I need to continue before I lose my nerve. “Matt and I,
we went to the movies one night. We didn’t really watch the movie. We were
sitting in the back row making out pretty hot and heavy. I probably led him on.
It was my fault he thought he could do that.” I hold my other hand up stop Sly
from trying to respond. “When we were walking back to the car, he cornered me,
shoved me in the backseat and that’s when it happened.” I shudder remembering
the fear from that night. I felt that same fear in Sly’s kitchen this morning.
“It was stupid of me to be out on my own with him. I was only fourteen.”

I can feel the tension radiating from Sly’s body beside me.
“Damnit, Lynae, there wasn’t anything you did to make it ok for him to-“ Sly
stops speaking for a moment. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Sly tugs on the
hand holding his, pulling me onto his lap. “You are my best friend. I should
have seen that you were hurting. I should have seen that your light went away.
If I hadn’t given him your number, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Listen to me.” I say gripping his face between my hands. “I
didn’t tell anyone. Not Daddy, not Momma, nobody. I got good at hiding my
feelings and I shut myself out. You were always there for me, I love you more
than you could ever know.” I try to convey my sincerity through my eyes.

“I love you too. I just wish I would have known. You
wouldn’t have had to go through it alone. We could have done something.”

“It’s in the past. We can’t do anything now but move on. I
have you and Connor in my life, I’ll be fine. I’ve lived my life so far on my
own without any problems.” I stroke his bruised cheek. “Now, please tell me
what the hell happened to your face.”

Sly shifts me so I’m sitting beside him again, and no longer
on his lap. “After Connor got you in the car, I headed to the hospital to check
on Mom. I had a voicemail from the nurse that Mom was awake, moved to a regular
room and asking for me.” Sly clenches and unclenches his fists at his sides. “I
sat with her for a few minutes, talking to her, trying to calm myself down,
then that motherfucker walked in her room and I lost it.”

Shit! That is the last thing Gina needed to deal with.
Watching her son get into a fight when she is recovering from major surgery.
Judging by the look of Sly’s face, Matt got several hits in. Sly is a big guy,
but Matt was and still is bigger than him. I feel awful that my past is causing
trouble for those that I love. “Oh, Sly.” I sigh.

“Security pulled us apart. I went for a drive, then went
home. Matt’s cleared all of his shit out. I told him to stay the fuck away from
you, and to never step foot in my house again.” Sly reaches out to tuck a loose
strand of hair behind my ear. “I swear that if I had known, I would have done
something back then.”

I shudder hearing his name again. “I know you would have
tried, but there’s nothing you could have done. It was all my fault, and-“

“Damnit! Lynae, it’s not your fucking fault. I want to kill
him.” Sly looks deep into my eyes. “Baby, you weren’t living. You were just
existing, and I was foolish not to see it.”

Sly’s right. I guess I haven’t really been living. I was
just going from day to day. I went to school, studied hard, worked and spent
time with him and the few people I’ve let get close to me. The only time I
actually feel alive is when I’m with my patients, but that’s different. When
I’m at work I’m so focused on taking care of others, that I can shut out my
demons. It has only been since Connor has come into my life that I have felt my
heart beat again. Sure, Gabbi and Michelle are always trying to get me to open
up, and being with them is so easy, they are like my sisters, but it’s not the
same as Connor. Connor makes me want to see and feel the world around me.
Giving myself to him today was the most freeing moment of my life. Connor made
my body and soul feel alive. It made me feel like I had the choice in what I
was doing. I lean my head into Sly’s chest as he wraps his arm around me. “The
pain is starting to go away.”

“It’s Rocker Boy, isn’t it? I see that light back in your
eyes when he’s around.” Sly asks.

I smile up at my best friend in the entire world. “Yes, it’s
Rocker Boy. I can’t explain it, but Connor makes me feel safe again. He is
rebuilding me.”

The door opens and Connor comes back in holding a few bags
of what smells like Chinese takeout. His intense eyes take in the sight of me
nuzzled in Sly’s arms, but for the first time, he doesn’t have the jealous or
possessive gleam in them. He looks at us and sets the food down on the table.
“Is our girl ok?” Connor sits on the other side of me on the sofa, pulling me
into him, placing a gentle kiss on the top of my head. “Sweetness, I’m not
going to let anything happen to you. I’ve got you now, and I’m not letting go.”
He squeezes me tightly.

“You had better take care of our girl. I love this girl with
all of my heart. She is one of the most important people in my world. You do
anything, and I mean anything at all to hurt her, I will make you wish you
never met her. She’s been through too much. You understand me?” Sly glares at
Connor.

Connor shifts his body on the sofa so that he is facing Sly
head on. “I understand you perfectly. Lynae isn’t just some girl to me. I can
promise you that I will do everything in my power to make sure that she never
hurts again. I don’t know how to explain it, but I know that she is my whole
heart. I love her too, and I will damned sure take care of her.” He looks down
at me, gently cupping my cheek, his thumb tracing my trembling bottom lip.
“Lynae, I love you. I know we haven’t known each other very long, but I already
know that I love you. I wish I could take away all of your pain, but I will do
whatever I can to help it go away.”

Tears drip from my eyes again. Only this time, they are not
tears of sadness or fear or pain. They are tears of happiness. I never thought
that someone would be able to love me after knowing about my past. If for any
moment I had thought that I wasn’t already in love with the man sitting next to
me, that moment is completely forgotten. The walls around my heart have come
crashing down completely. My heart, body and soul belong to Connor Reeves. “I
love you too.” I whisper as he leans down to lightly brush his lips against
mine.

Sly clears his throat behind me, reminding me that he is
still there with us. My world always becomes consumed by Connor when he is near
me. “Lynae, I’m going to head back to the house. I need to change clothes, then
head back over to the hospital to check back on Mom. She was pretty shaken up
by the fight.”

“Sly, I’m so sorry. I hate that I’ve caused all this
trouble.” I spin around in Connor’s arms to face Sly again.

Sly stands up shaking his head. “If you don’t quit saying
you’re sorry, I’m gonna lose it, Lynae. Nothing. I repeat, nothing was your
fault. All of this shit was caused by that asshole. You and Rocker Boy eat, get
cleaned up, and come by the hospital later. He’s gone. You can come back to the
house if you want.”

“I’m not letting her back in that house. We’ll stay here for
a few days before heading back. Lynae told Carmen that she’d be back Monday.
We’ll stay through the weekend, then head home Sunday.” Connor says decisively.

I can’t argue with him, I don’t want to go back to that
house ever again. I hate that I feel that way, but it is now tarnished with the
memories of Matt. I am so glad that Connor is here. I honestly don’t know how I
would have survived this. I was terrified at first when I felt his presence at
Momma’s grave, but now the only thoughts in my head are how relieved I feel to
know that it’s out, he doesn’t hate me, he doesn’t judge me, and he loves me.
“He’s right, Sly. I can’t go back there. I’ll only see
him
there if I do. I just can’t.”

“I get it.” Sly
leans down to hug me. “I really do. I’ll see y’all in a little while. Love
you.” Sly leaves, pulling the door closed behind him.

Connor stands up
from the sofa, pulling one of the chairs out near the table motioning for me to
join him. “Come on, Sweetness, you need to eat. It’s been a long two days for
you.”

Connor has been treating me like glass for the last few
days. It’s Saturday morning, and we are supposed to be heading home first
thing. He’s been holding me tightly at night, but hasn’t made an attempt to
become physical with me again since that first afternoon. I know he probably thinks
I’m scared our experience was only brought on because of my high emotions, but
I desperately want to show him that I want to be with him again. Connor has
told me that he loves me over and over, whispering it in my ear when he pulls
me into his body, and I can see it in his eyes the way he looks at me, but I
need to feel it. I need him to show me.

I wake up to the sounds of the shower running in the hotel’s
bathroom. We are going to the hospital again today with Sly to go over Gina’s
discharge instructions. Connor and I have visited with Gina every afternoon
that we have been here. Her doctors said that she should be able to go home on
Monday, and Sly wanted me to go with him to see her one more time before we
headed home and for me to make sure that he was going to have everything that
she was going to need at her house. Sly agreed to stay with her for a few days
until his aunt could make into town. I look at the clock, it’s still early. We
aren’t meeting Sly for a few more hours.

Steeling myself before I lose my resolve, I quickly strip
out of my pajamas and step into the steam filled bathroom. I hear Connor
singing quietly in the shower. To my surprise, he’s singing
Love Me Tender
by Elvis. I pull the
curtain back and step in behind Connor. His back is to me, his hands braced
against the wall with his head hanging below the cascading water. Before he can
turn around, I walk up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist, pressing
my chest to his back.

“Sweetness? Is something wrong?” Connor looks over his
shoulder at me. He tries to turn around, but I tighten my hold on him. “Babe?”

“I need you, Connor.” I start feathering kisses between his
shoulder blades as I run my hands up his chest, tracing the planes of his
pectoral muscles. This time when he tries to spin, I allow him. I look up into
his deep green eyes. “I need you to love me.” I watch as his eyes turn dark
with need, but I can see more than just lust shining through. I reach my hand
up to cup his jaw, he leans his face into my hand. Connor hasn’t shaved yet, so
the stubble scrapes against my palm.

Connor’s hands tangle in my hair, tipping my face up meet
his. “Sweetness.” He breathes out before his lips come down to claim my own,
his tongue probing my mouth with abandon, swirling, licking, tasting. He turns
us so that I am now under the hot water. I reach my arms around his neck,
trying to pull him impossibly closer to my body, I arch into him. “You need me,
Sweetness? I’m right here.”

When Connor pulls his mouth away, he is breathing just as heavy
as I am. He stares down at me, like he can stare directly into my soul. I look
at his chest. His tattoo is at eye level to me. I drag my fingertips down to
trace the tribal lines lightly. I can feel his muscles tense beneath my touch.
I graze my fingers lower down over his abdominal muscles. I run them along each
defined ridge, then further still to his cock, now standing fully erect. “I
want to show you how much I need you. I want to show you how much I love you.”
I whisper to him as I take his cock into my trembling hand, stroking him. I
slowly sink down to my knees in front of him.

“Lynae, what are you-” Connor’s words fade into a moan as I
lick the tip of his impressive cock. I swirl my tongue around the head and
around the balls from his piercing. “Oh, God!” he cries out.

I watch Connor throw his head back as I take more of him
into my mouth. I continue to stroke the base of his shaft as I push my lips as
far down him as I can manage. I feel him nudging the back of my throat, but I
try to suppress my gag reflex. The moans coming from Connor are fueling my need
to pleasure him as he pleasured me. Connor anchors his hands in my hair,
slowing my movements, trying to control the speed and pace. I release him from
my mouth, then trace his thick shaft with my tongue. I can’t even begin to
describe how magnificent he tastes. I flick my tongue over his piercing before
sinking down over him fully again. His grip tightens in my hair, almost to the
point of being painful, but not quite.

Connor is thrusting his hips towards my mouth, grunting in
desire. “Baby, you need to stop.” He breathes out raggedly. “Damn, you feel so
good. Don’t stop.” He is panting now.

I can feel that he is close. His cock grows thicker in my
hand and mouth. I hollow my cheeks and suck harder. I want to give him this. I
want to make him fall over the edge just as he made me. I tighten my hand and
increase the pace of my strokes in sync with the up and down pull of my mouth.

“Lynae, I’m going to come!” Connor shouts in warning, but I
don’t stop. I take my other hand and grasp his hard thigh, bracing myself. A
few seconds later I feel Connor’s hot release spurt down my throat. I swallow
every bit, then lick his tip clean before I stand up to look at his face. His
head is still angled back, his breathing heavy.

I stand there staring at the man I have fallen in love with.
Watching him compose himself is the sexiest sight I have ever seen. When he
opens his eyes, they are blazing. He steps towards me until my back is flush
against the cool tile of the shower. Connor plants his hands on either side of
my head and he brings his mouth down to mine in a bruising force. His kiss is
not gentle, it is rough and hot. I whimper into his mouth, his tongue forcing
it’s way into my own. I bring my hands up to his shoulders to hold myself up
because I am sure that I could slide right down this wall with as weak as he is
making my knees feel.

Without warning, Connor breaks our kiss, grips both of my
thighs and lifts my body off the ground, slamming his still hard cock into me
with such force that it takes my breath away. “I love you, Lynae!” he growls
into my ear before biting and sucking the sensitive skin along my neck.

“Oh!” I cry as my sex clenches around him. “Connor!” I toss
my head back against the shower wall, wrapping my legs around his waist as he
pistons his hips up and into me.

“This is what you need?” Connor groans. “You need to feel
me, Sweetness?”

“Yes!” I moan at the sensations. I got myself so worked up
while I was pleasuring Connor, that just the slightest movement of him within
me has me near orgasm already. His piercing is hitting me in just the right
way. “Yes, Connor, I need you.” I pant. “I need-“

“I love you, Lynae, come for me baby. Tell me you love me.”
Connor’s words send me flying over the edge of passion into oblivion.

“I love you!” I cry out as I come hard around him, he
follows quickly behind me, pumping hard and fast.

Connor gently sets my feet back down on the floor, smoothing
my dripping hair away from my face feathering kisses all along my forehead,
nose and cheeks. “I love you so fucking much, Lynae.” He kisses my lips. “I
will do whatever I can to make sure you always know that and feel that.”

I bury my head into Connor’s chest. I press my body as close
as I can to his. I feel his hard planes melding with my soft curves. This is my
favorite place to be. When I’m wrapped in Connor’s arms, I can’t feel the rest
of the world around me. All I can see, smell, hear and feel is him. The steady
pounding of his heartbeat against my ear is so soothing to me. “I love you,
Connor. More than I thought possible. Thank you for being here and for loving
me.”

Connor kisses the tip of my nose before he reaches around me
to adjust the water that has started to turn cold. “You don’t have to thank me
for being here, Sweetness. I’ll always be here for you. Where you go, I go. I’m
afraid you’re quite stuck with me now.” He wraps his arms around my lower back,
tracing small circles into my heated skin. “Lynae, I’m sorry I was rough with
you. I couldn’t control myself. I hope I didn’t hurt you. You’ve been through
too much.”

“Connor, I love you. You didn’t hurt me.” I reach up,
grabbing his face between my hands to look directly into his eyes. “I wanted
you. I wanted to be with you. You gave me what I needed.” I kiss him firmly on
the lips. “I am not going to think about the past anymore. I’m done with it. I
want to look towards my future and not look back.”

“I love you too, Sweetness.”

We continue our shower, although it takes a lot longer than
it probably should. I help Connor wash his back, and he washes my hair and
insists on washing the rest of my body. His touch is slow and gentle. I feel so
at ease in Connor’s presence. The soft intimate touches and glances warm my
heart. I not only see the love reflected in his eyes, but I feel it in his
touch. When we step out of the shower, Connor towel dries my hair and wipes
every last drop of water from my body. I feel cared for, protected, and
cherished.

Connor dresses in yet another pair of ripped jeans. I think
that every pair of jeans this man owns has rips in just the right places, and
hang on his hips in the most delicious way. He pairs them with a dark gray
t-shirt that stretches across his muscles making my mouth go dry. Running his
hand through his thick hair, he has that messy look that makes him look like he
just crawled out of bed. My fingers itch to run through it as well.

I feel Connor’s heated gaze as I shimmy into my denim capris
and dig through my suitcase looking for a shirt to wear. I am standing in just
my bra and pants when he walks over to me. Tingles run up my spine before he
even makes contact with my skin. Just when I think he is about touch me, he
pulls one of my sleeveless tops out and holds it up for me. It’s a bright
yellow and white floral print top with a low scoop neckline.

“You really need to put that on if we are planning on
checking out on time, Lynae.” He smiles as he saunters past me to sit on the
sofa to pull on his shoes.

That man can turn me into a puddle with just a look and a few
words. I shake my head, put my top on then go back into the bathroom to finish
getting ready. I blow dry my hair, pull it up in a ponytail, and put on my
normal makeup, mascara and chapstick.

When I come back out, Connor has already packed up both of
our bags and is standing by the door. He’s leaning against the wall with his
hands in his front pockets, much like he was the first moment I saw him that
night at Metro. If you had told me that just a few weeks after seeing that
incredibly sexy man staring at me across the club, that I would be in a hotel
with him after all the drama of the last few days, I’d have told you that you
were crazy.