IMPULSE: Companion to The PULSE Series (15 page)

She pulls hard on my hair as she orgasms. Her desire flows out and onto my lips. I moan at the sweetness. I lap at her folds, trying to capture every last drop that her body has gifted me with.

I still and rest my cheek against her thigh. "You're so fucking hot, Jessica, "I say into her skin. "Jesus, you don't even know how good you taste."

"Let me suck you off." Her hands flail in the air trying desperately to reach my shoulders. "I want to feel that."

"No." I crawl over her body, slowly and methodically. I stop to kiss each of her nipples. I push her thighs apart, making room for my knees. "I’m going to fuck you, Jessica. I need to feel my cock inside of you."

"Oh, God."

I don't waste time removing my shirt. I can't. I need to be inside of her right now.  I undo my belt before I pull the zipper of my pants down. "You're so ready."

She nods in response, her hands pulling on my shoulders. "Now."

"Now," I repeat back as I drive my cock into her balls deep. I groan loudly at the instant pleasure that races through my entire body.

"Fuck, yes," she whispers. Her hips involuntarily rise from the couch, coaxing me to start my tender assault. Her hands leap to my ass. "Fuck me hard."

I still. "No, Jessica."

"No?" Her lips race over my cheek before they find my mouth. She kisses me deep and hard, savoring in her own taste that is still lingering on my breath.

I pull back from the kiss. "I'll blow my load if you move. I can't stand how good this feels."

She moans at the words. "You like fucking me?"

I laugh at how understated that is. "I fucking love it."

"I want to come again."

"I'll eat you again."

"No." She rests her hands on my shoulders. "Don't move."

"My cock fills you up." I love the sound of the words. I love knowing how aroused she is by my body. I doubt it can compare to how I feel about hers, but I need to hear it. I want to know that I'm all she ever wants.

"It's so big." She wiggles her eyebrows. "You have such a big cock."

I laugh at the proclamation. "It's all you want."

"Forever." She sighs as she clenches her taut, wet sex around me.

"Jesus, Jessica." My breathing stalls. "I'm going to come if you keep that up."

She shifts her hips slightly. "I want you to fuck me hard, Nathan. Show me how badly you want me."
I rally back on my heels at the request. I grab tightly to her hips as I push my cock as deeply into her as it will go.

She screams slightly at the mix of pain and pleasure. "Don’t stop, Nathan."

"I can't." I move faster, finding my rhythm, pounding myself into her over and over again. "I'm going to make you come so fucking hard."

She raises her hands above her head so her tits are on full display. I stare down at her face and her gorgeous body as I fuck her hard and fast. "I'll never stop this," I spit the words out between thrusts. "You're it for me, Jessica. I'll never get enough of you."

"Promise me," she grunts. "Promise."

"I'm yours." I push hard into her as I find my own sweet release within her body.

"I want us to talk about something." I sit down next to her on the bed.

She pushes the button on the remote to turn off the television before she places it on her lap. "Don't do it now."

"What?"

"Don’t propose right now." She taps her hand onto the sheet. "I look like shit and I don't want to remember it like this."

I can't hold in a smile. "You look gorgeous." She does. After I'd fucked her, I carried her into the bedroom and put her beneath the sheets. Then I grabbed a quick shower and a glass of bourbon while I rallied my mind around the words I need to say to her.

"Please not now." Her finger touches my knee. "Maybe you can ask tomorrow."

"It's not about that." I inch forward so I can cradle her hand in my own. "It's about something else."

"Did you make partner?" The giddiness in her tone is infectious. We haven't talked about my work in days. I know that they'll be making a decision about the partnership within the next two days. I have high hopes. I want it more than I'm willing to admit.

"Not yet," I kiss her palm. "I'll call you about that as soon as I know."

She squeezes my hands in hers. "Promise?"

"I always tell you everything right away, Jessica." I do. Well, almost everything. I haven't told her about the agreement yet. She hasn’t brought it up.

She relaxes her grip on my hand. "What's it about then?"

"I took that agreement you signed to an attorney friend of mine." I steel myself for her inevitable reaction.

"No, you didn't do that." Denial. It's not what I expected, but I'll take it over anger.

"I did." I see no reason to skirt around this. I did it for her. I did it with the hope that one day she'd get to stand in front of her daughter and see her precious face in person.

She pulls her hands together. I watch in silence as she traces her left thumb nail over the right. "There's no hope, is there?"

I have to tell her now. This is the moment in time when I confess to her. "Do you want to see her, Jessica?"

Her eyes fill instantly with tears. Her bottom lip quivers slightly. "I want to see her more than anything."

"It would only be once." I hold steadfast to her hand. "You can see her one time and you can't tell her who you are."

Her entire body rocks forward. The sobs overwhelm her. "I want that. Please, please let me have that."

***

"I don't understand how you made it happen." Her hand is holding so tightly to mine that I wonder if all honesty if she's going to break my fingers.

I don't want to explain all the pointed details to her. Blackmail isn't my thing. Legally it can't be my thing. I could lose my license to practice law for this stunt but I knew that the Governor would give me what I wanted. "I called Thomas after my friend reviewed the agreement. He agreed to this one meeting." I don't offer more. I can't.

"I can't thank you enough for this." She pulls in a heavy breath before her hand drops from mine. I watch in silence as she plays with the buttons on the simple white dress she chose to wear.

"I wanted you to have this, Jessica." I had. After learning that there was nothing in the agreement that would give Jessica access to her daughter, I took matters into my own hands. I called the Governor, and taped our conversation. He confessed to everything with Jessica. He couldn’t shut his fucking mouth about how good she was in bed and how he'd trade his wife in for her. All I had to do was play that back to him an hour later.

"Does she know her mother isn't her mother?" Her brow rises with the question. "I mean…you know what I mean."

I wrap my arm around her shoulder. "She has no idea."

She nods slowly. I can see the information sinking in. "I can't say anything to her about who I am?" It's the same question she's asked me seven times since we left our apartment to come to the Museum of Modern Art.

"Thomas will introduce us both as old friends," I say as I adjust the collar of her dress. "If you don't feel strong enough, you squeeze my hand and we'll leave."

"No." She shakes her head. "I won't do that. I'm strong."

She's remarkably strong. It's taking every small bit of strength that she carries within her to do this. She understands completely that this may be the only time she'll speak to her daughter in her lifetime. She gets that. Yet, she's found the courage to do this. I've told her over and over again how much I admire her. I do. She's stronger than I can ever hope to be.

"They'll be here soon." I motion to a large clock on the wall. "I told him to meet us here at one."

She glances past me to the wall. "It's almost one."

I nod. "You're sure this is what you want?" It's a futile question. It's all she's wanted since I told her it was her one chance to see Jenna.

"Nothing could stop me from doing this." Her eyes dash to the corner of the room.

I turn towards her gaze and see the Governor walk through the door with a small girl holding tightly to his hand. "This is it." I pull Jessica's limp hand into mine.

"There she is," she whispers softly into the air. "Look at her, Nathan. Look."

I pull my gaze from Jenna to Jessica. The grin that is covering her face is unmistakable. "You can do this," I reassure her. "You're so strong."

She nods as she looks up at me. "I can."

"Jessie and Nate," Thomas calls our names as he approaches from the right. "What a coincidence."

I stare at Jessica, willing her to keep her composure. "Governor," I toss the greeting out. "What are you doing here?"

"Jessie, this is my daughter, Jenna."

Jessica moves forward and releases my hand. I feel instantly lost. I need her to help me through this as much as she needs me. "I'm Nathan," I interject even though the small girl's eyes are glued to Jessica.

"Your dress is really pretty, Jessie." She skims her small hand over the skirt. "I wish I had a dress like that."

Jessica bends over, stroking her hand over the small girl's hair. "Your dress is pretty too."

"My mommy made it for me." Her wide smile opens and the unmistakable gap of a missing tooth greets us both.

"You lost a tooth," Jessica 's voice cracks and I step forward a touch to place my hand on her back. "When did you lose a tooth?"

"Last week," she says proudly. "It means I'm a big girl."

"You are a big girl." Her voice is steady and strong.

"I lost other teeth before." She points to her open mouth. "The tooth fairy came to my room three times already."

"Three times, "Jessica repeats back.

"Yes." Jenna nods slowly. "Are you my daddy's friend?"

Thomas clears his throat and I intervene as much to save Jessica from coming up with an answer, as to ward him off. "I'm your daddy's friend."

"That's cool." She reaches to grab her father's hand. "Do you like the museum?"

The question is directed at me. Her small blue eyes are glued to my face. I don't answer. I want to give Jessica every precious moment with her daughter that I can.

"We like it a lot," she answers, just as I hoped she would. "Do you like it?"

"Not so much." Jenna wrinkles her nose. "I like horses the most."

"Horses are nice." I can hear the defeat in Jessica's voice. This is too much. How could it not be? She's forced to face the child she gave up years ago.

"My mommy and daddy got me a horse." She looks up lovingly at Thomas. "I got it for my birthday."

"You're a really lucky girl." Jessica steps back and into me. I wrap my hand around her waist. "I'm glad you're so lucky."

"Me too." She bounces in place. "Can we go home now, daddy? I miss mommy."

Jessica's hand slides over mine. I feel the tremble that is racing through her.

"Let's go." Thomas pulls softly on her hand. "Say goodbye to my friends."

"Goodbye friends." She pulls her small hand to her mouth as she giggles.

My heart aches when I see it. It's what my beautiful Jessica does. We both watch in silence as Jenna walks away, holding tightly to her father's hand.

***

"I didn't make partner."

"That's fucked." She drops her purse on the small table by the door. "Who made that decision?"

"The other partners," I say before I down the rest of the bourbon I poured for myself when I got home an hour ago.

"They're fucking morons." She drops to her ass next to me.

I laugh at her words. They're actually my words. They're the very same words I've used countless times when talking about the people I work with. It's obvious that Jessica pays way more attention to what I'm complaining about than I give her credit for.

"What are you going to do now?" She asks, her hand trailing a path over my knee.

"I don't fucking know." I answer in all honesty. I wanted to act like a fucking child and pitch a fit when I got the news. If I'm being honest part of me is grateful that I wasn't chosen. It would have meant more time at the office. I would have seen even less of Jessica.

"You could wait tables at Axel," she offers. "I heard today that a few people quit so there are some openings."

"Really?" I could use the distraction of some work place gossip right now. "Why did they quit?"

"No one tells me anything." She shrugs her shoulders as she unbuttons her chef jacket. "I just heard that they are short staffed. The owner is flying in to deal with it."

"Hunter?" I question. Hunter Reynolds is the friend of a friend. I've never met the guy but I've heard a lot about him. Apparently, he's a whiz kid in the restaurant business.  I may have to go down there and introduce myself once he's in town. "I should probably meet him at some point."