Howl (19 page)

“So why not just move to the cities? In a
place like New York City you could blend in, disappear like
everyone else.” Jaime asked.

I looked at him then. “That goes against our
nature. We belong in the woods, the countryside. I’ve been to a few
cities. Thomas went to veterinary school in Philadelphia. When I
would go to visit him, I would feel so out of place, like a puzzle
piece that was severely misshapen.” I turned toward the window
again, remembering what it was like visiting Thomas. He took me to
the movies a few times and showed me the Liberty Bell. I loved
looking at the buildings. So many that I saw were beautiful,
intricately designed, but also imposing. I felt like those
buildings might swallow me whole. And there were so few trees and
grass. I couldn’t get used to walking on concrete; it just seemed
so unnatural. Also the smell of exhaust burned my nose. I was so
relieved each time I came back home.

“How did Thomas cope with living in a city?”
Jaime asked me curiously, interrupting my reverie.

“He took a lot of camping trips and came home
every summer.” I smiled as I remembered Thomas coming home at the
end of every spring semester and spending the majority of his time
outside. Sometimes we wouldn’t see him in human form for days on
end. “He used to say that if it weren’t for his dream of becoming a
veterinarian helping him stay focused, he probably would have gone
crazy.” Jaime burst out laughing. It made me jump. I stared at
Jaime, incredulous that he could have found anything even remotely
funny in what I had said.

Just then Jaime calmed him self long enough
to say “Thomas is a veterinarian!” I still didn’t get what was so
funny. Jaime must have realized I was mad. “I’m sorry.” He said
between guffaws, obviously trying to stifle them. “A veterinarian
in a family of werewolves. I get it now!”

I never really gave Thomas’s profession a
second thought, though in that moment it hit me how ironic and yet
sensible it was.

Before I knew it I was doubled over laughing,
happier tears brimming at my eyes. Only Jaime could ease the
burning in my heart. He was like wrapping myself in an old quilt,
comforting and warm.

“Then I guess you don’t have any special
healing abilities, if you need an animal doctor?” Jaime asked as my
chuckles died down.

I shook my head. “No, sorry. That would be a
nice attribute to have.”

“Hmmm….” Jaime thought for a minute. “Silver?
What about that? I don’t see you wearing much jewelry. Is that a
weakness?” He shyly grinned at me.

“You know… I think that’s just something the
humans created to help make themselves feel like they had some
control. I’m not allergic to silver or any other metal or alloy.” I
laughed out loud again. “Actually, I do have seasonal allergies.
I’m allergic to ragweed pollen and dust. Oh and cats. I hate cats.
They make my eyes all puffy.” Jaime nearly doubled over with
laughter again.

“You must be the weakest mythical creature
I’ve ever met!” Jaime wiped away a tear and mumbled to himself,
“seasonal allergies!”

“Well I’m glad I amuse you so!” I rolled my
eyes though I had to laugh to myself at his enjoyment. It relieved
more of the tension within me.

“So you’re telling me that your only
super-human abilities are strength and speed?”

“Actually, I do have others. Even in human
form I have better hearing than any other human on this planet. And
no hawk can beat my eyesight.”

“Pretty cool. So my woman can hear and see
everything for miles, outrun a cheetah, and break ten wrestlers
with her pinky.” He chuckled again. “Actually, I have a serious
question and you might not know the answer.”

“Yeah?”

“Where do you come from? I mean, you are
supposed to be a myth. But I’m sitting here talking to you and you
are very much real.” He paused for a moment. I was about to answer
when he blurted out really fast “And what about vampires? Fairies,
gnomes, elves? The abominable snowman? Do they exist, too?” Jaime
looked like a kid in a very frightening and yet huge candy store.
Like he thought all of the world’s secrets would be laid out before
him. I had to give myself a moment to take in his curiosity. To me,
we had always just been. I was me, plain and simple, me. I had
never thought he would be so intrigued once he conquered the
initial shock. I had a sneaking suspicion that there might be
something wrong with him. Some mental defect that would decrease
his ability to make sound judgments.

“Um, well, I’m sorry to disappoint you but I
don’t know if vampires exist. Maybe? I’ve never run into any.” His
face looked a disappointed. And yet very much relieved. “There is a
race of immortals called the Lao'nru. I’ve met two in my lifetime.
They are humans who just don’t grow old and die.” I glanced at
Jaime’s face to see how he was handling this information. He seemed
perfectly content. “Fairies exist but only in the forests and large
gardens. Those I run into constantly. And elves? As far as I know
they existed once but mostly interbred with humans or died out.
That’s as far as my mythical creature knowledge goes. But I can
tell you exactly where werewolves come from.”

“Really?” Jaime pulled himself a little
closer.

“Do you know what dire wolves are? Not
everyone has heard of them.”

“Yes I do in fact. They were supposedly
massive wolves of the ancient world that died out or something
thousands of years ago.”

I couldn’t help but beam at him. Jaime was
really something else. “Well, we are those dire wolves. Or the
descendents, if you will. They didn’t actually die off; they
learned how to change their forms by manipulating their own life
force. Some claim that they envied humans and your ability to
experience love. Others say that they respected them as hunters
because humans frequently attacked and killed prey many times their
size. Either way, the dire wolves learned to live as humans and
only shifted when they wished.”

“It’s so strange to me to think that this
whole time you and Thomas have been werewolves and I never knew. I
mean, I knew your family was different from some of the things
Thomas has mentioned but I never realized just how different. I
never would have guessed that this was the reason. Or that I’ve
been working side-by-side with a real werewolf for the past
year.”

I absentmindedly twirled a lock of hair.

“Okay, so what do you eat?”

“What?” My voice sharpened.

“I’ve only ever seen you eat vegetarian
meals. You don’t eat meat, at least not in front of me. But wolves
are carnivores.”

I inhaled sharply without meaning to. “Umm…”
I paled. “Yeah, I mean, I eat… meat.” Why did he have to ask me
this question? My mind sprinted through different ways to respond
delicately to what was a very difficult question. I wasn’t prepared
for this one at all. “I, uh… I just don’t eat cooked meat. It’s
gross. It smells…wrong.’ I stared at the pillow under my arm,
determined not to look him in the face.

“So you only eat raw meat.” It was a
statement, not a question. My skin turned icy and little beads of
cold sweat pooled on my brow. I had no words. I just kept shifting
my stupendously embarrassed eyes from his face to the pillow and
back to his face, waiting for me to confirm his observation.

Finally, I blurted out way too fast, “Yeah,
okay? Wolves eat raw meat. Animals like deer and rabbits and maybe
squirrels if that’s all there is! I love meat; I just can’t stand
to smell or taste it cooked. No one in my family can.”

Several excruciatingly silent minutes later,
Jaime burst out laughing again. “I’ll still make out with you. Even
though you feast on Bambi.”

*

Jaime stood up before me and offered me his
hand. It was three-thirty and I had to leave. As we walked out the
apartment Jaime asked, “Do you want me to drop you off at your car
or take you home? I can help you get your car tomorrow if don’t
want to get it now.” I thought for a minute as I stepped into his
Jeep.

“To my car please.”

“As the lady commands.” Jaime gave me an
understanding smile and started the engine.

“Thank you. I really needed this.” My head
still pounded slightly but my soul was lighter. I felt strong
enough to face the inevitable reality that would come with Gavin’s
pyre.

When I walked in my house everyone was
already gathered in the dining room. My mom and Will were sitting
at the far end of the table. Granddad sat next to mom. Ethan and
Thomas were sitting on Granddad’s side facing toward the front
door. Lorelei and John were on the other side of Will, their backs
to me. Tristan walked past me, a massive plate of pancakes in one
hand, a spatula in the other. I sat down in the empty seat next to
Lorelei and waited until everyone else grabbed some pancakes. There
came a bang from the kitchen behind me; Daniel laughed as Kylin
cursed. As I took a few pancakes and put them on my plate I noticed
that no one was really speaking.

I looked around the table at my family, the
most important group of people in my life. If I were an outsider
looking in on this large gathering of persons I would have wondered
how it would be possible to love so many so immensely. I would have
thought that a person’s heart could only hold so much love before
it would have to explode or stop loving altogether. But I knew
better. I understood that for each person you are given to love,
your heart expands proportionately. The heart never grew too large
to carve a space for someone new.

“Sabine, Will,” Daniel's voice was barely a
whisper. “I'm going to stay behind and give your family time to say
goodbye in private.”

“No Daniel you should come. Gavin considered
you a part of this pack and so do I.” Mom took his hand in hers as
she spoke.

Daniel's eyes darted to me as he stood and
slid on his overcoat. Despite the calm on his face, something
alarming lingered in his eyes. A raging pain that I didn’t quite
understand. The memory of Tristan’s conversation with him back in
October chilled me. I swallowed hard and set my plate aside.

One by one we followed the old path that led
from the main house up through the woods to our clearing by the
creek. Lorelei and John each carried a baby in tow though you
wouldn’t have known that there were babies snuggled in the
multitude of layers and blanket Lorelei dressed them in. After
walking for about fifteen minutes with not a word spoken among us,
we arrived at the clearing.

The pyre mound was black cherry and maple,
cut down and shaved into velvety smooth strips only a few inches
wide. Each strip of black cherry glowed the color of an unripe
plum. The maple shone an iridescent pearl in the moonlight. The
strips were intricately woven into a beautiful Celtic knot design
that waved in and out, dark on light playing with the eyes. All
together this formed a rectangular basket around what I assumed was
a large pile of dry wood. Gavin’s limp body lay atop the mound,
hands at his side.

Tristan grabbed my hand just then and
squeezed. He nodded to the pyre mound. “Gavin would have loved
this.” He said softly.

“Yeah” I sighed. “He would have.”

Together my family gathered around the mound
in a circle. Thomas walked up to the mound. Slowly, he began to
speak. “Great spirits of the forest come forth. We are they who
walk in two worlds. Our brother Gavin has left us and begins his
travels to the Otherworld. Please take his hand and guide him to
the other side so that we may all be reunited there in time.”
Thomas reached into his left pocket grabbed a chunk of flint. He
knelt by a corner of the mound. He brought the catalyst down onto
the flint which sparked, setting flame to a portion of dried leaves
at the base of the mound. He set flame to several pieces of
kindling then passed one out to each of us. In turn, we set fire to
the dried leaves and wood around the mound.

Within moments the mound was smoking and
burning high, flames dancing around Gavin. Thomas began chanting,
“From the earth we come, to her we return.” The voices of my mom,
Will, and Granddad followed, soon to be joined the rest of us.

I couldn’t take my eyes off the pyre. It
finalized this whole day. Goodbye Gavin. We love you so very much.
I thought as the last salty tears drifted down my cheeks.

~Spinning wheel~

By the time we got back to the house the sun
had been up for a while. We all decided that we would freshen up
and nap for about an hour and then we would meet in the kitchen for
a family meeting. Thomas never went home. He told Kate about Gavin
(what he could tell her, that is) and he brought extra clothes with
him so he could stay with us for a few days. Since Daniel had
occupied Thomas’ old room, Thomas just crashed on the couch.

It was surreal walking back to the house
after Gavin’s pyre had burned itself down to coals. It wasn’t just
done, it was done. I got back to the house and immediately went up
to my room. I looked at my bed for a minute wondering if I should
take a nap. I had slept several hours the evening before yet my
body still heaved from exhaustion. Wondering if a nap would only
serve to make me feel more tired upon waking, I decided on a shower
instead.

The hollows behind my eyes ached dully and my
eye lids squinted with puffiness. I dressed in my favorite
soft-as-velvet jeans, tank top, and extra-large dark green
University of Pennsylvania sweatshirt Thomas had given me for
Christmas a few years back. I blow dried my hair and put it in a
braid down my back. These simple actions made me feel better, more
alive and calm.

I headed to the kitchen a little early. Will
was washing a few remaining dishes from last night and Kylin was
setting the table with fresh ones. “Hey, do you guys want any
help?” I asked.

“Yes, can you make some coffee? And then can
you set out the ingredients for biscuits? I’m making eggs and
biscuits with gravy.” Will replied.